by Lilian Darcy
Sutter was more intrigued than annoyed by the statement. “How do you figure?”
“Because you keep telling everyone your life is in Seattle, and Paige is no more likely to leave Rust Creek Falls now than she was five years ago.”
“A lot can change in five years,” he told his brother.
Dallas was silent for a long minute before he finally said, “A lot can change in one year—and not always for the better.”
“Paige isn’t Laurel,” Sutter pointed out.
“You’re right—Laurel actually said yes when I asked her to marry me, and look how well that turned out.”
Sutter frowned, not just at the bitterness in his brother’s tone but at the blunt reminder that he’d proposed to Paige before he’d left town—and she’d turned him down. And yeah, that rejection had torn him apart at the time, but with some space and distance, he understood why she’d said no—and why it had probably been the right answer at that time.
Now, five years later, he hoped they would get to the point where he could ask the question again—and get a different answer this time. Because the more time he spent with Paige, the more time he wanted to spend with her. He wanted a life with her, a future, a family.
Watching her with his nephews today, he’d been more convinced than ever that she would be a fabulous mother. She hadn’t been fazed by Robbie’s exuberance, she hadn’t flinched when Jake dropped a carton of eggs on the floor and she’d actually managed to tease a couple of smiles out of Ryder.
She’d been patient and attentive, and when she looked at him over a tray of unbaked and slightly mangled sugar cookies and smiled, he realized that he’d never fallen in love with another woman because he was still in love with Paige. And he didn’t think it was too much of a stretch that she might still be in love with him, too.
Of course, she’d claimed to be in love with him five years ago, and—as Dallas had so kindly reminded him—she’d still turned down his proposal. She’d loved him then, but not enough to go to Seattle with him. And if she did still love him now, did she love him enough to give him a second chance? Did she love him enough to want a life with him, even if that life was outside of Rust Creek Falls?
“It’s nothing against Paige personally,” Dallas said now. “I just don’t want you going through what I went through, and I can see you’re heading in that direction.”
“How do you figure?” Sutter challenged.
“You were high school sweethearts—just like me and Laurel. Everyone assumed you would get married someday—just like me and Laurel. And when you proposed, you found out that you wanted to get married and she didn’t.”
“She never said she didn’t want to marry me, she just didn’t want to get married at that time and under those circumstances.”
“The result was the same.”
Sutter tried not to let his brother’s comment rankle. He knew that Dallas was still smarting over his recent divorce and struggling to balance his responsibilities at the ranch with the demands of three young sons.
“Well, she didn’t marry anyone else while I was gone,” Sutter noted.
“Are you thinking she’s changed her mind and will want to marry you now?” Dallas asked skeptically.
“I’m trying not to think too much and just enjoy the time we’re spending together.”
His brother shrugged and pushed himself to his feet. “Your time to waste,” he decided, and dropped his empty beer bottle on the end table. “Since I can’t find enough hours in a day, I better go. Thanks for taking the kids. And for the cookies.”
“You should thank Paige for the cookies,” Sutter pointed out.
“Yeah,” his brother agreed, but they both knew he probably wouldn’t go out of his way to do so.
The door closed behind Dallas, leaving Sutter alone with his thoughts again. He wondered about his brother’s warnings, but he wasn’t going to let Dallas’s sour attitude dissuade him. Instead, he found himself thinking about Reese’s unexpected phone call from earlier that day.
Sutter was in regular contact with his stable manager. In fact, he would guess that they probably exchanged no less than half a dozen text messages or emails on a daily basis. Which was why he’d been surprised to hear Reese’s voice on the phone. The personal communication suggested to Sutter that there was more on his stable manager’s mind than Doug Barclay’s horse or Collin’s saddles.
He felt a little guilty that he wasn’t in Seattle to help with whatever Reese needed—but not guilty enough to be willing to leave Rust Creek Falls right now when he was finally making some progress with Paige. Not as much progress as he’d like, of course, considering his extremely high level of sexual frustration, but he was confident about the direction in which things were moving. And the kisses they’d shared reassured him that what he was feeling wasn’t entirely one-sided.
But as much as he wanted Paige in his bed, he wanted more than just sex. He wanted a life with her. A future. A family. Unfortunately, there were still a lot of barriers to getting what he wanted. Even if Paige still loved him as much as he loved her, would that love be enough? It certainly didn’t solve the problem of geography, and the more than five hundred miles that separated Rust Creek Falls from Seattle would definitely put the “long distance” in the relationship.
What he wanted—what he’d always wanted—was for Paige to choose to go to Seattle with him. But was it fair to expect her to leave her family, her friends and a job she obviously loved in order to start all over again in another city just to be with him? Maybe not, but he figured if she really loved him, she would be willing to do it.
With his brother’s words echoing in the back of his mind, he accepted that even if she’d loved him five years ago, she hadn’t loved him enough to make that choice. Was it foolish to hope that this time she might decide differently? That she might love him enough to give up her home and her job to build a new life with him?
And if he loved her enough, wouldn’t he be willing to do the same?
He scowled at the idea of walking away from everything he’d built in Seattle. But the prospect of walking away from Paige was even more unthinkable.
Which meant that he had to figure out another option.
He picked up the phone and called Reese.
Chapter Eleven
Paige did some more baking after Sutter and the boys left, and when she finally fell into bed later that night, she was exhausted. And still she couldn’t sleep. Despite the weariness of her body, her mind refused to stop churning. Because at some point between the crisp-rice squares and the caramel bars, she’d realized that she was still in love with Sutter.
She’d promised herself that she wouldn’t fall in love with him again, that she wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. And she hadn’t. Because the truth was, she’d never stopped loving him.
Unfortunately, she knew that loving Sutter didn’t miraculously make everything okay. There were still a lot of obstacles to overcome if they had any hope of maintaining a relationship and building a future together. The geographical distance was only one of those obstacles and, Paige feared, not even the most significant one.
A fact that was confirmed when she went to her parents’ house after school on Monday to take her mother grocery shopping.
She didn’t mind making the trip to Kalispell, but she was a little frustrated that her mother had been relying exclusively on her daughters for help since the accident that broke her collarbone. The traditional division of labor in her parents’ home had never bothered her before, probably because her mother had willingly—and happily—performed all of the domestic chores.
But now that Mary’s arm was in a sling, those duties had fallen to Lani, Lindsay and herself while Anderson, Travis and Caleb expected to show up for meals that would be ready and on the table with no effort on their parts. An
d God forbid any of them should actually pick up a dusting cloth or push the vacuum cleaner around, although Lani’s schedule suggested that she hadn’t given up hope.
Caleb had seemed willing to tackle the chore assigned to him, but he’d screwed up so badly with the washing machine he’d been permanently banned from the laundry room. He didn’t seem overly disappointed about the banishment, making Paige suspect that his screwup had been deliberate.
“Heads up,” Lindsay warned under her breath when she opened the door. “Mom heard that you broke up with Alex.”
“Because of Sutter,” Lani interjected.
Her tone made Paige suspect that her mother had probably heard the news from her sister, but she knew that didn’t really matter. If she hadn’t heard from Lani, she would have heard it somewhere else eventually, because nothing stayed a secret for very long in Rust Creek Falls. And she’d rather her mother know the truth than think that she was running around with Sutter behind Alex’s back.
“It wasn’t because of Sutter, and it was hardly a national secret,” she informed both of her sisters.
But she was uneasy. Her mother didn’t have strong opinions about a lot of things, but she’d clearly expressed her disapproval when Sutter spoke out against his brother’s return to Iraq. And when Paige had started dating Alex Monroe, Mary had been pleased by this “proof” that her eldest daughter was finally over her “silly infatuation” with “that Traub boy” and building a relationship with “a good man.” Which meant that, regardless of the reason for the breakup of that relationship, Mary Dalton wasn’t likely to be happy about it.
Throughout the drive to Kalispell, Paige kept waiting for her mother to say something about Alex or Sutter, but she seemed content to talk about other matters.
At the meat counter, they saw Carrie Reynolds—a friend of Paige’s from high school who now lived and worked in Kalispell. Carrie fluttered her fingers in front of Paige to show off the diamond solitaire on her finger. After Paige had admired the ring and offered congratulations, Carrie said, “We’re planning a June wedding. I really hope you can come. And Sutter, too, of course.”
“I can only speak for myself,” Paige said. “And I will be there.”
“But you and Sutter are back together, aren’t you?”
She shook her head.
Her friend frowned. “Really? Because I heard from Megan who heard from Rena that you’re the reason he’s back in Rust Creek Falls.”
“Then somebody misheard something.” Paige kept her voice neutral and deliberately did not look at her mother. “He came back because of the flood.”
“But you’ve been spending a lot of time with him, haven’t you?”
“I teach full-time and I’ve been helping with the reconstruction of the elementary school—I don’t have a lot of time to spend anywhere else. In fact, I have tests I have to mark when I get home, so we should be going.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“But it was really good to see you,” Paige told her. “And congratulations again.”
“Thanks. And you should think about bringing Sutter to the wedding anyway. It’s always more fun with a plus one.”
Mary waited until they were back home and almost finished putting away the groceries before she said to Paige, “I didn’t realize that Sutter was still in town.”
“He is,” she confirmed.
“Have you been out to the Triple T to see him?”
“Yes, I’ve been to the ranch, and he’s been to my house.”
Her mother didn’t respond, but the thinning of her mouth was a sure sign of her disapproval, which Paige honestly didn’t understand.
“You used to like Sutter,” she reminded her.
“I did,” Mary admitted begrudgingly. “Until he showed his true colors, and they weren’t red, white and blue.”
Paige sighed. “He didn’t want his brother to go into a war zone and risk getting blown up. That doesn’t make him unpatriotic, it just makes him human.”
Her mother pursed her lips again. “The rest of the Traub family supported Forrest’s decision, everyone except Sutter. And then he ran out on his family—and on you.”
Paige could hardly claim that he hadn’t run out on her when she’d accused Sutter of exactly the same thing. But she also realized that the situation hadn’t been quite as black-and-white as she’d wanted to believe, and that she hadn’t been an innocent victim. She’d made her choices as freely as he’d made his, and they were both responsible for the consequences.
“It was his choice to leave,” she acknowledged now. “But only after he felt that everyone had turned their backs on him.”
“He turned his back on his brother first, when all Forrest wanted to do was fight for his country.”
“He was scared for his brother. Why can’t you understand that?”
“If his brother wasn’t afraid to go to war, then he should have been brave enough to support him.”
“Because going back to Iraq turned out so well for Forrest,” Paige said drily.
“He’s a hero,” Mary said firmly.
“I don’t disagree,” she said. “But his time overseas changed Forrest, and Sutter knew that if he went back, it would make things worse, not better.”
“You think he somehow knew his brother’s Humvee was going to get blown up?”
“I think he knew that Forrest would come home with scars.”
“Last time I saw Forrest, he was getting along just fine. You can barely even notice the limp anymore.”
“I’m not talking about the injury to his leg,” Paige said. “I’m talking about the scars none of us can see—the ones that mark his heart and his soul.”
“He seems happy enough with his new bride.”
Clearly there was no way she was going to win this argument with her mother, though that didn’t stop her from trying. “But it took him a long time to get there.”
“And from what I’ve heard, with no help from his brother,” Mary said. “What has Sutter done to mend their relationship?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “But I know he’s changed. He’s not the same man he was five years ago.”
“And hopefully you’re not the same woman,” Mary said bluntly. “Because when he left, you cried for weeks.”
“Yes, I cried,” she admitted. “Because he wasn’t just my boyfriend, he was my best friend, and I didn’t want him to go.”
“I couldn’t stand it if he hurt you like that again.”
She sighed. “I know you only want what’s best for me, but I’m twenty-seven years old—don’t you think I know what’s best for me?”
“Not if you think it’s Sutter Traub,” Mary said implacably.
Paige knew her mother meant well—honestly, she did—but that knowledge did nothing to stifle the urge to scream at her for being so completely unreasonable. Instead of screaming, she carefully folded the empty grocery bags and tucked them into the drawer reserved for that purpose.
“I really have to get home. I’ve still got those tests to mark for tomorrow.”
“You’re not going to stay for dinner?”
She shook her head. “I’ve got leftover meat loaf at home,” she reminded her mother, then kissed her cheek.
“Call when you get home,” Mary said, as she always did when her daughter headed out the door.
“I will,” Paige confirmed, because it was easier to acquiesce than to remind her mother—for the thousandth time—that she lived less than a five-minute drive away.
Tonight that five-minute drive wasn’t nearly long enough to diffuse her frustration, although Paige didn’t know if she was more frustrated with her family or herself.
She was twenty-seven years old—she didn’t need their approval. But they were her family, and she didn’t li
ke to be at odds with them over anything. The Dalton and Traub families had known one another forever and had always gotten along well. That hadn’t changed when Sutter had left Rust Creek Falls. The only thing that had changed was that he had suddenly become an outcast, not just to her family but to the whole town, including his own.
Paige had never really understood how that had happened. She might not have agreed with Sutter’s position regarding his brother’s reenlistment, but she understood. If one of her brothers had decided to pick up and join the army during a war, she would be incredibly proud of him—and absolutely terrified for him. She would have felt all the same things that Sutter had felt, and she didn’t like that he’d been made a scapegoat for daring to speak aloud what many others had been thinking and feeling.
She’d had words with Ellie Traub not long after Sutter had left town, when she’d crossed paths with Sutter’s mother at the library. Those words played back in her mind now.
“Have you talked to Sutter?” Ellie’s tone was hopeful, almost desperate.
Paige shook her head.
Disappointment had the other woman’s eyes filling with tears. “I wish you’d gone with him. I hate knowing that he’s so far away—and all alone.”
It wasn’t in Paige’s nature to be disrespectful, and she loved Ellie like a second mother, but the unfairness of the statement demanded a response. “Well, I wish he hadn’t left Rust Creek Falls at all,” she said coolly. “But what choice did he have when his own mother told him he wasn’t welcome in her home?”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Ellie protested, and started to cry. “I never wanted him to go. I only wanted him to support his brother.”
Of course, her tears had only made Paige feel worse. They’d ended up crying together—bound by their love for Sutter and their grief that he was gone—and they’d made their peace with one another. Unfortunately, Paige didn’t know how to get her parents to make peace with Sutter’s choices.
Part of it was her own fault. She knew her family was protective of her because Sutter had broken her heart. What should she have done—act as if it didn’t matter that he’d left Rust Creek Falls? She’d never been very good at hiding her feelings, and there had been no way she could have pretended that he hadn’t broken her heart wide-open.