by Lilian Darcy
So what? She’d delivered her message, and if his anger was any indicator, she’d never have to worry about him again.
She put her mug on the end table, straightened up and squared herself. All of a sudden she felt amazingly light. She’d finished her mission. It was over, done. She really didn’t care what he thought. Having to tell him was a far cry from wanting anything from him.
And she wanted not one thing from him. Not one blasted thing. She was perfectly capable of raising a child by herself. She had done far harder things.
She walked to the front door, opened it and stepped out.
Marge and Nate Tate were right there. Apparently they hadn’t gone for a very long walk at all.
“Good meeting you,” Edie said brightly. “You’re very nice people. Maybe I’ll send you a photo when the baby is born.”
“Wait,” said Marge.
Edie shook her head. “I’m done here. I just came to let Seth know. He knows.”
“How did he take it?” Marge asked.
“He’s furious.”
“He’s shocked,” Nate countered. “Just shocked.”
“He’s furious,” Edie repeated. “I expected it, so I’ll just go home and leave you to deal with him. Sorry I made a mess.”
Nate reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m telling you, the boy is just shocked.”
“SEALs don’t shock easily,” she said, her voice growing harder. “Please let me pass.”
Nate dropped his hand and stepped to the side. Only Marge hindered her now, and the woman’s gaze was pleading. “I can’t stop you, but I wish you’d stay. If you won’t, promise you’ll at least keep in touch with us.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Then she eased past Marge and started toward her car again. It was amazing, she thought, how good she felt to have this off her back now. Done. Finished. Now she could move on.
She had just reached her car when she heard, “Edie, wait.”
She wanted to open that door, get in and peel out of here. Squealing tires would feel good right about now. But as quickly as the light feeling had filled her, it began to seep away. Maybe she wasn’t done here.
“Edie, please.”
She turned slowly and faced Seth. “You don’t have to say anything,” she said quietly. “Not one damn thing. I can manage. I just had this conviction that I needed to let you know. I don’t want anything from you, so I’m going.”
“Wait,” he said again, and approached slowly. “I wasn’t mad at you,” he said. His tone wasn’t conciliatory, but firm. Not pleading. What she would have expected of a SEAL. In command, even now. “I was mad at myself. Please listen.”
“There’s nothing to say.”
“There’s plenty to say. I was mad at myself, not you. I screwed up. I didn’t take good care of you.”
She shrugged. “Condoms have a certain percentage of failure. Not your fault. Nobody’s fault.”
“But...” He hesitated. “Don’t go. Not yet. I swear I won’t keep you too long, but we need to talk.”
“About what, Seth? That we made a mistake? That’s a given. I’m actually kind of happy that it happened, now that I’m used to the idea. So I’ll be fine. We’re done here.”
“We’re not done. Not at all. I have a child on the way, too. Don’t you at least owe me the consideration to discuss it?”
She realized she was starting to feel ornery and pressured, neither of which would do any good. She could either get in the car and leave, or she could stay a little longer to discuss it.
It wasn’t helping that she still felt the same attraction to him that had gotten her into this mess in the first place. She tore her gaze from him and looked away, past houses to the looming purple mountains in the distance. Vaguely, she thought it was pretty here.
She supposed she owed it to him. The thought seemed to come from far away, but soon it was at the forefront of her mind. Owed it to him to discuss it. Owed it to the baby growing inside her to at least give his father a chance to be part of his life. But what did she owe herself?
That seemed to be taking a backseat. Maybe, with a child in the picture, it always would.
“Mom and Dad will leave us alone,” he said. “If Mom gets too managing, we can go over to my place. But at least stay long enough to talk.”
“Okay,” she said reluctantly. “Just a talk.”
“Just a talk,” he agreed. “I need to absorb this, then we can discuss what I can do. Maybe how much of a dad I can be. I don’t want you to just walk away with everything up in the air.”
Everything up in the air? Just as she was feeling the situation had been settled, he was saying that? Well, she supposed it was, for him.
She shoved her keys back into her pocket and walked back toward the house beside him. Maybe the hard part was done. Maybe the conversation would be easy and civilized. And maybe they did need to talk. She had come all the way out here to give him the news for the sake of her child. Maybe this was something more she owed to the kid.
And that was a whole lot of maybes. She stifled a sigh. Apparently she had been wrong to think that simply delivering the news would settle everything.
Well, it might still. Nothing at all might come out of this conversation.
Marge and Nate were just inside the door. Marge beamed and announced that she would start dinner for all of them, then get a guest room ready. She buzzed away. Edie, who hadn’t agreed to stay that long, felt her stomach sink.
“Don’t mind her,” Nate said with a faint smile. “Cooking makes her feel good. You two do what you want.”
“We want a place to talk, or I can take her over to my place.”
All of a sudden Marge poked her head into the room. “Seth! You can’t take her to your place. It’s a mess!”
Seth sighed and shook his head. “Mom, I’ve seen where Edie’s been and I’ve seen what she can handle. It’s far worse than my renovation mess. Before you try to start mothering, remember this—this woman flies into heavy fire to pull out people like me. She’s perfectly capable of managing her own life.”
Marge blinked. “Oh.” Then she managed a smile. “You’re right, of course. Once a mother, always a mother. I can’t seem to stop.”
She vanished into her kitchen again. Nate eyed his son. “Be gentle with your mother, Seth. There’s a lot she can’t imagine, and I’d like her to stay that way.”
“I get it, Dad. But Edie extracted my team under some withering fire. I won’t have her disrespected.”
“It’s not disrespect,” Nate said. Then he turned to Edie. “Stay or go as you please. You’re welcome here.” Then he vanished into the kitchen after his wife.
“Wow,” Edie said quietly, feeling a little warmer toward Seth after the way he had spoken for her.
“My dad was a Green Beret in Vietnam,” Seth said. “I think there’s a lot he’s never told her.”
“Wise,” said Edie. She was of the school, so much like what Seth had said, that believed there was no good reason to strip away innocence. You talked to others who had been there, or not at all.
“We can talk here in the living room, in the family room or one of the bedrooms,” Seth said.
“Where’s most private?”
“Anywhere, right now. Dad just went to ensure it.”
She opted for the living room. She didn’t want to get in any deeper, and she knew where the exit was.
She sat on the couch again, and Seth took a chair facing her. He still looked good enough to eat, she thought irrelevantly, then caught herself. This was not the time, although it helped her remember how she had gotten herself into this fix. A short period of weakness and desire had changed her whole life. And now his, evidently.
“Are you married?” she asked.
“I wa
s.” His mouth drooped a little. “Twice. Darlene bailed because she couldn’t handle my lifestyle and absences. She’s married to a rancher out here now. I married again a few years later. God, I loved that woman.”
“What happened?”
“A drunk driver hit her when she was on her way back from parent meetings at school. I lost her.”
Even as she felt a sickening pang for him, she also felt relieved. Contradictory emotions. “So I’m not wrecking a marriage.”
“God, no. There’s just me, and no kids. Until now.” He sat back in the chair, crossing his legs loosely, and regarded her steadily. “I was a big loser on the relationship thing in my first marriage, but so far I haven’t screwed up being a father. Whatever we decide, whatever you decide, I’m glad you told me.”
“So you’re not questioning you’re the father?” She was surprised to realize that the worry had been plaguing her. As if it mattered, given the decisions she had already made.
He appeared surprised. “Why would I? I may have only met you for a few hours, but I think I got a measure of you anyway. I picked up that honor, duty and loyalty aren’t empty words for you. I like that.”
“They’re not,” she agreed. In fact, they were the centerpiece of her life. Everything revolved around them. “Look, I don’t see how we can discuss much. You just found out. I needed a lot of time to work through things myself. So maybe I should just go, give you time to think about it, then we can talk.”
She was feeling an increasing need to hit the road again, mainly because her attraction to this man was growing. Being alone with him once had been a major mistake. One she didn’t want to repeat.
“There’ll be time,” he agreed. “But first I’d like to lay some groundwork. Areas we can discuss, what areas you’ve put off-limits. And of course I need to know how to find you. I’d hate to rattle the bars at Headquarters Air Force, especially since they’d want to know why.”
She looked away from him, trying to clear her thoughts, to organize things. “I’m keeping the baby, obviously.”
“You thought about it, I assume.”
“I did. I’m off flying status and tied to a desk. I hate it. And I’m looking at the end of my career dreams because I’m not just going to dump the kid on somebody else so I can racket around the world.”
He remained still. Then he said, “I appreciate that.”
“What?”
“That you’re not dumping the kid. That you won’t. I was adopted.”
“Your mom told me. How do you feel about that?”
“I had good adoptive parents. I never felt a lack, until they died. Then it became paramount to track down my real parents. I can’t quite explain why, but I understand it’s not unusual for adopted kids to feel a real need to find their birth parents.”
“I never considered it. I got a lot of pressure from friends to have an abortion. It’s just not in me.” Why she felt she needed to say that, she wasn’t certain. Maybe because she suspected he might be wondering why she hadn’t just dumped this “little problem.” So many of her friends had wondered.
“I’m glad you decided against it.”
“You’d never have known. And it’s too soon for you to be glad about anything.”
“Perhaps.” He studied her as if she were a puzzle. She probably was to him. “How soon do you have to go back?”
She was tempted to lie, but she never lied. So she told him the truth, even though it might be a mistake. “I just started a month’s leave.”
“Then, if I can persuade you to hang around, we have time to talk and work out some things.”
“What things? Just what, Seth? I can take care of this baby.”
“I believe you. But have you considered the baby could have a father around, at least once in a while? If you judge me fit, anyway. I’ve never tried my hand at it, and as you know, my background isn’t exactly preparation for fatherhood.”
An odd thing happened then. It was as if a new picture overlaid an old one. Somehow Seth went from being a SEAL—rough, rugged, tough and hard to the bone—to a man who felt some uncertainty and vulnerability.
“Oh, crap,” she said. She didn’t want to see him that way. The other version had been safer for her.
“What?” he asked.
She couldn’t answer him. She might be mistaken anyway. That was something only time would prove or disprove. “Nothing,” she said. “Look, I don’t want any pressure. Not for me, not for you. If you can promise me that if I stay I won’t get any arm-twisting, I guess I can stay for a few days.” She owed that to the baby. At least that’s what she told herself.
“I can promise I won’t,” he said. “As for my mother, I’ll do my best.”
In spite of herself, Edie smiled faintly. “She was ready to adopt me.”
“That’s her, all right. I’ll tell Dad to keep her at bay, and I’ll do my best. She has a huge heart, though. It’s not always easy for her to put it on a leash.”
“I could see that.” She liked Marge, but she didn’t want the woman trying to decide her life. “I’ve already had enough arm-twisting. From friends, from superiors who warned me I was killing my career.”
“Superior officers said that?” He looked disturbed.
“They pussyfooted around it, but the message was there. Take care of this little problem and stay on track.”
“That was out of line. But I guess they wanted to see you succeed.”
“Evidently. But as I’ve been coming to realize, there are other kinds of success. When my maternity leave is over, I’ll probably move to a training position.”
“Well, you have those all-important theater ribbons,” he said. “Probably a stack of medals, too. They might keep you going. I’ve seen a few guys go far on a lot less, because of their connections.”
“Yeah. I’m short on the connection department. And I’m not a man.”
That still made a difference. She was bucking a system weighted against her and she knew it. Making full colonel was probably her limit.
She looked down and realized her hand cradled her stomach. “I’ve lost my waist,” she remarked. “I still don’t show a whole lot, though.”
“You don’t show at all in those cammies. Boy or girl?”
“Boy.”
He smiled. “Well, I should at least know how to talk to a boy.”
“You can say that with six sisters?”
He laughed. “I’m still learning.”
She felt her lips twitch, and laughed, too. This hadn’t turned heavy or ugly as she had feared. He was trying so hard to put her at ease, and he was succeeding. She felt herself uncoiling, relaxing, no longer poised to defend herself. Amazing.
She felt a need to change the conversation, too. The baby had been obsessing her in so many ways for so long that she needed a break. The worst was over, at least for the moment. Time for a breather. “So you’re renovating a house?”
“Remodeling, really. The couple who lived there before owned it for forty years, and at some point they stopped keeping up. It’s outdated, but sound.”
“I take it then that you retired?”
“You bet. No desk for me.”
“How’s that working out?”
He laughed. “I can’t seem to stay busy enough. I’m used to go-go-go. Work hard, play hard and work some more. It’s a change. I could work as a deputy, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that. Or even that it’s what I want. I’m kind of up in the air a bit.”
She could get that. She still had her job, yet often felt that way. Somebody had picked up the jacks of her life and tossed them in the air.
Well, to be fair, she had done the tossing and she couldn’t even blame a couple of drinks too many. She had been neither drunk nor hungover when she’d had sex with Seth. She’d
rolled the dice and lost, with nobody to blame but herself.
Getting used to the idea that this loss might turn into a win had taken months. She certainly couldn’t expect him to decide that any more quickly. But he was trying. An honorable man, if she could say little else about him yet. Honorable and respectful and sexy as hell. She wished she could remove that latter from the equation, but awareness kept insisting on tingling along her nerve endings. Damn, she could repeat her mistake.
She sighed.
“What?” he asked her.
“Just thinking.”
“You look tired.”
“I seem to tire more easily these days.”
“Want me to see if Mom got that room ready? You could take a nap before dinner.”
It was tempting, but she didn’t feel ready to get that relaxed or comfortable here. “Maybe later. I do need to get my feet up, though. I spent too long in the car and I can feel my boots getting tight.”
He was up and out of his chair like a shot, and pulled a hassock over for her. She raised her feet and rested them on it. “Thanks.”
“Want me to unlace your boots? To improve circulation?”
Damn, thoughtful, too. “If you do that my ankles might explode to grapefruits. Then what?”
He grinned. “You go around in your socks. No big deal.” His smile faded. “I can’t imagine the adjustments. I’d like to hear about them, when you feel like it.”
“Sure.” Dang, she was getting sleepy. It was as if the release of tension had released all her energy, as well.
“Can I get you something to drink?”
“Milk, please.”
He headed for the kitchen, giving her a few blessed minutes by herself. She needed them, needed to adjust to all that had happened, most of it unexpected. Space. Just a little space.
* * *
When Seth returned, he found her asleep. He stood in the door of the living room, tall glass of milk in hand, and studied her.
She was indeed as beautiful as he remembered. The creamy skin of her face had covered her entire body, and even now his hands remembered its silken feel. She had surprisingly delicate features, too, something you didn’t notice about her when she was acting, but only now, in repose. With her had returned all the memories of the night he had spent with her. She was fun, and she was hot. Very hot. One-night stands weren’t his style, either, although he’d probably indulged more than he should have over the years.