“No, you didn’t,” Cass reassured her friend, placing her hand on Lo’s. “But he saw it that way. You and Dan were so…together. I guess he didn’t realize that wasn’t where we were, and he wasn’t willing to take it slow.”
And Cass needed slow. If she was going to get what she wanted, she needed to know him first. Sure, she could have screwed him. She might have even gotten something out of it, but it wouldn’t be enough. She wasn’t in a place where she wanted to struggle with her doubts and her fears afterward. She knew the wave of guilt and pain was inevitable. After all, those emotions had been part of every first experience with a man, and it would be no different with Toph. She wasn’t willing to put herself through that wringer again until she knew it would be worth it.
Toph didn’t strike her as worth much of anything.
“Honey, you need to relax and let yourself have fun.” Lo leaned back in her chair, motioning for the waitress to bring her another mimosa.
Didn’t she know it.
4
Maddox
His head raged at him. It was too early. He was too hung over. Damn. He didn’t know when shots started getting passed around, and he damn well wasn’t sure what made him think it was a good idea drink them.
He did know. The redhead—Polly, Pammy…Tammy, yes, Tammy—had definitely been all over him. Since he’d gotten back from San Francisco, he hadn’t gotten out for some play—not that San Francisco had been all that good to him, either. Shit. It had been months, and his dick had been so eager for some fun. So when Tammy leaned in, he leaned back…until he spotted her.
Cass.
Dammit. How did she do it? For all her words of encouragement, Cassidy Moore managed to be the biggest cock block he’d ever met. He would have let her leave on her own, but he hadn’t missed the way she’d looked over at the bar, panicked, before she left. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen her there, but he thought she seemed content and comfortable on the dance floor with that lanky guy, and he didn’t want to interrupt. However, had he known the dick was going to dump her for some skanky blonde ass…
Who was he kidding? Obviously lanky asshole was only thinking with his dick, which was exactly what Maddox had been doing with the redhead. And there was Cass, his adorable Cass, going home alone. Again.
When was she going to just give it up?
He ran his hand through his hair as he sat up, bemoaning the sharp knife skewering his left temple.
His thoughts turned back to Cass. What the fuck was wrong with her? Hell, what was wrong with the asshole who let her walk away?
She had put on such a happy face when she saw him, kindly introducing herself to his potential fuck buddy for the night. She seamlessly navigated around the fact that he didn’t care if they met, because there was no way it was going beyond a potential fuck against the wall. But then she encouraged him. She always did that. She told him it was about her living vicariously through her friends, but still…
It was time for her to stop living vicariously. Why the fuck couldn’t she just live? That ass was wiling to go home with her. He was skinny and probably not going to be the best lay, but still. The woman needed some good old fashioned ass.
So did he.
Tammy wasn’t that happy that he’d left her at the bar to walk Cass out. That was an understatement. She’d been pissed. It didn’t matter to her that it was the gentlemanly thing to do, and he wasn’t about to put up with possessive bullshit from a woman that wasn’t going to hold his interest for more time than it took to get off. He’d let the redhead go and rejoined a couple of his guy friends from college where he proceeded to down some tequila.
Fucking tequila. Fucking friends from college. He was too old for this shit, and he should have known better.
Thank goodness he knew when enough was enough, and he was at least able to retain memories of stumbling into cab and crawling into his bed…alone.
Always alone.
He grabbed a yogurt from the fridge and pressed the button on the coffeemaker.
Waiting for the caffeine to brew, he turned on the news. The bad, sad of reality the world assaulted him. He opened up his paper to the business section, and memories flooded over him of sitting in quiet while Marissa stared at her computer, studying her patients’ test results—their toes playing under this very table. Except now, his toes were only warmed by the socks on his feet.
His memory of that happy times was shattered by a million other memories that ran cold through his veins. Memories of her calling him an ass. Her distance as she accused him of putting his career first. Her lack of understanding when he asked her to wait just a few more years before starting a family. And last, but definitely not least, the edge he went over when she told him about the affair. She wouldn’t let him touch her for months, and even from the start, she’d barely been open to sex. He’d taken what he could get back then, thinking it was how marriage was just supposed to be. Marissa had been so gorgeous, so successful, and he thought marrying her was the thing to do since they had all the makings of a power couple. They were supposed to be perfect for one another, and instead marriage was just a stone wall between them.
He had been so stupid. Young and stupid.
He crumpled up the paper and decided it was time for a run.
He threw on a t-shirt and running shoes and cranked up the Van Halen he could only hear in one ear.
Maybe Cass wasn’t the only one who couldn’t let go of her own insecurities.
* * *
“She’s got an attitude,” Phil grumbled, resisting Maddox’s suggestion he turn the next web redesign over to Cass’ team.
Maddox chuckled. His firecracker certainly did.
“What? Like I want to deal with her bullshit every day.”
Maddox stopped laughing.
“Every day?”
“Well, you know, to check in. And then she’ll fight me on everything.”
“Dude, just let her do her thing,” Maddox scowled and grabbed a pen to play with. Damn, he hated sitting still, and Phil was trying his patience with that incredulous look. “She’s good. Let her be good.”
“I know she’s good, but you let her run too loose. You created the monster, and now I’ve got to rein her back in.”
A furrow formed in Maddox’s brow. “Rein her in for what?”
“She doesn’t respect me.”
“What does that mean?”
“She does her own thing. She never checks in. I don’t know what she’s doing half the time,” he rambled, and Maddox began to realize that maybe Cass had been right. Phil was a controlling prick.
“Leave her be, Phil. Just give her the project, set up a time to check in in a month, and leave her to it.”
“You may be her…whatever you are, but stop showing favorites. If she was anyone else…” Phil spat, his eyes growing wide as he took in how dark Maddox’s face was getting.
“What are you accusing me of, Phil?” He growled.
“You favor her.”
“She’s good at what she does,” Maddox countered, and that was the truth. Sure, there was that strange connection between them, and of course he crossed lines with Cass, but that would never have happened if she wasn’t one of the best managers he had. It was probably why she was one of his best. He told her straight out when she was being a bitch monster, and he had no problems setting her on the right track when she was heading in a wrong direction.
“Is she?” Phil questioned, and Maddox knew it was just out of spite. Phil didn’t like looking weak, and he was lashing out.
“You can stop. Now. Don’t say something you’ll regret, Phil,” Maddox balled his hands into fists, no longer fidgeting. “I’d suggest leaving my office, handing over the project to Cass, and thinking hard about what you’re accusing me of and why it might just be the worst career move you’ll ever make.”
Phil paled. He was good, really good, and Maddox knew it. He was young and wanted to prove himself, so he pushed himself and his people hard.
But Cass was right. This wasn’t the Phil he knew before San Francisco. This new Phil was brimming with power combined with anxiety, and that was a dangerous combination.
Knowing he’d pushed Maddox over the edge, Phil nodded and walked out of the office, closing the door behind him.
Maddox rubbed the back of his neck. Why had Phil gotten under his skin? He’d been accused of taking his relationship with Cass to inappropriate levels before. In fact, it was an ongoing joke between the two of them. It helped Cass keep herself in check and reminded him that there was a boundary he couldn’t cross. But it was the way Phil said it. As if he and Cass together was something tawdry and dirty. As if the two of them together was something to be ashamed about…
He shook his head. Dammit. There was nothing going on, and nothing would. Cass was just a friend. A coworker and friend. He had no interest in her. She was just comfortable. She was Cass. That’s all.
His thoughts were interrupted by a harsh knock on the door.
“What?” he growled.
“Don’t give me that, asshole,” Cass’ eyes were shooting fire as she shut the door behind her and stood in front of his desk with her hands on her hips.
“What did I do now?”
“You. What the fuck did you say to Phil? That conversation was between us, and now he basically threw this project at me, and…shit. Maddox, I have to work with him. Closely. He’s my boss!”
“He’s being an ass, I take it?” Maddox said lightly, standing up and walking off his frustration.
“Damn straight, and that’s on you!”
“He’ll calm down. He’s just pissed, because I called him out on his bullshit.”
“Mad, I need to be able to tell you things, to vent. I don’t need you running off making things worse for me,” she plopped down on his couch, laying on her side, looking up at him with those brown doe-eyes.
Fucking doe eyes.
He sat down next to her, pulling her over so her head rested on his thigh. As soon as he touched her, tension eased off of him, and his body relaxed. “I didn’t tell him you said anything,” he said, running his fingers along her arms.
“You didn’t?” she asked.
“No. I told him to give you the web redesign, and he pulled his fucking control freak bullshit.”
Cass laughed. “Finally seeing it?”
“Yeah, thanks for that.”
She weaved her fingers through his, settling their joined hands on her stomach.
“Thanks for the project,” she smiled.
“You’ll be great,” he smiled back.
“Of course I will.”
“Such modesty.”
“I learned from the best,” she laughed, mischief sparkling in her eyes.
He couldn’t hold back his own chuckle. “Yes, I’m a bad influence.”
“And I wouldn’t have you any other way.”
* * *
“Netflix sucks,” he mumbled to himself that night, as it seemed nothing was going to hold his interest. He tried everything to get his mind off of work, of Cass, of his ridiculous bout of celibacy. He’d gone for a run, showered, jerked off, showered again, and settled in for a movie when he couldn’t find a thing to watch.
He grabbed his phone.
Whatcha doing? He texted.
C: Reading Book 2 about the fuzzy praying mantis. You?
M: Fucking bored.
C: Watch a movie.
M: There isn’t shit to watch.
C: Go for a run.
M: Been there. Done that.
C: Everything else I’ve got is highly inappropriate.
M: Been there. Done that.
C: Ew. Didn’t need to know that. What you do when you’re alone should be between you and your hand. Leave me out of it.
M: Who said it was my hand?
C: Shit, Mad. Stop that. Are you not alone? Why the hell are you texting me?
M: I’m alone. Okay, it was my hand.
C: Left or right.
M: Why?
C: I need to know which one never to touch again.
M: Not fair. It would get lonely.
There was a long pause. Had he pushed her too far?
C: Is your dick not enough? I mean, maybe this explains why you’re so bad at getting some.
Oh, no she didn’t.
M: Maybe my dick is just too much to handle.
C: As all men think. Have yet to meet one I can’t handle.
M: I’m not most men.
C: Again…most men…
M: My heart. Stabbing pain. How can you say such hurtful things.
C: Oh, poor dear. I crushed your fragile ego. I must make amends…
M: On your knees?
Long pause. Dammit. Shit. That was too far. He hadn’t meant…
C: You wish.
He let loose the breath he’d been holding.
M: Oh, I do think you owe me. My ego is feeling thoroughly stomped on. I think this one means popcorn and Rodrigo Santoro.
He could practically hear her groan. They loved a lot of the same movies, but Rodrigo’s movies were bloody and violent with almost no storyline. Just a lot of blood and gore, which annoyed Cass. She didn’t mind the violence, but preferred a story. He thought a man with guns for hands and razor blade teeth functioned perfectly well as a storyline.
C: Sigh. Okay.
M: Really? Really?
C: Well, I did insult your penis. That’s a pretty egregious offense.
M: True. Friday night. You’re mine.
C: Fine.
M: Now go to bed.
C: Mad, it’s 10pm.
M: Now.
C: Fine.
M: Sleep well.
C: XO
5
Cass
“Toph wants another chance,” Lo grinned over the top of Cass’ monitor and kicked the door shut.
“No.”
“C’mon, Cass. He’s not the dick you think he is,” Lo whined.
“Lo, he asked me to fuck him after knowing me for what, an hour? Then, when I said no, he made a beeline for a blonde bimbo at the bar. Not my idea of a guy I need in my life.” Cass went back to typing, trying desperately to ignore the pout she was getting from Lo.
“Caaassssss.”
“Why is this so important to you?” Cass finally looked up at Lo, annoyed. She loved her friend, but Lo had to let this one go. Toph was an ass, and she had no desire to give him any sort of second chance.
“I just want you to be happy. Like me,” she pleaded.
“Dan asked you.”
“Fine,” she sighed, “Dan asked me. He said this wasn’t like Toph, and I know Toph. He’s normally so much better than this. I’ve been on other double dates with him, and nothing…”
“Like what he thought he could do with me?”
“Cass…”
“No, Lo. I love you, and I wish I could, but my ego is fragile enough as it is. Toph is decent enough looking, maybe he can call the blonde bimbo.”
“I mean, just come with us Friday night. Just movies. You don’t even need to really talk to him, and no alcohol,” she attempted one more time.
Cass smiled. “Oh, too bad. I already have plans Friday night.”
Lo’s eyes narrowed. “This is not one of your, ‘I have a date with Han Solo’ excuses, right?”
Cass laughed. She had used variations of that a few times.
“No. These are real plans.”
“With who?”
Cass got serious. She would tell Lo, but she couldn’t let her freak out and read more into the plans than what they were. “I’m seeing a movie,” she dodged.
“With who?”
“I mean, we’re just hanging out.”
“Cass!”
“I’m hanging out with Maddox on Friday.”
“Was that so hard?” Lo pursed her lips.
“I’m sorry, Lo. I know what you think of my relationship with Mad. You’re wrong, but I just…” Cass trailed off. She just couldn’t deal wi
th Lo judging her, too.
“I wouldn’t care so much if I really thought you really were just friends.”
“We are just friends.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Lo, we are not getting into a fight here,” Cass warned through clenched teeth.
“Then where, Cass? You avoid talking about him no matter where we are. Stop it. Stop denying that you’re attracted to him.”
“I’ve never denied that he’s attractive. Never. But he’s my friend.”
“You use him.”
Cass stared at her, aghast. “What? Lo, we’ve never…”
Lo laughed. “Oh, I know that. How do I explain this? He’s your crutch.”
Cass’ brow furrowed. “What?”
“I have never, ever seen you interact with a man like you do Maddox. You touch him without thinking. You snuggle up against him like he’s your personal teddy bear. Your comfort level with him is through the roof. That’s where all the rumors came from—the Frigid Bitch Queen only thaws with him. But what those people don’t realize is that it’s your release. You don’t even realize it.”
Tears welled in her eyes as truth stung. “Lo, I-“
“It’s okay, Cass,” her friend hugged her.
“I don’t use him. I’d never take advantage…”
“Oh, honey. I know. And I want you to be happy. I do. And if this makes you happy, then so be it. Just promise me something.”
Cassidy pushed back a sob. “What,” she croaked, wiping away the tears pooling in the corner of her eyes.
“Just don’t shut yourself off to others. Don’t rely on him to always be there to comfort you, because one day he’s going to find himself a wife, and she might not be too happy with your cuddle sessions.”
Cass laughed. “Yeah, imagine that. Me, Maddox, and his wife curled up on his brown couch. What a trio we’d be.”
Lo giggled. “Kinky…”
“Shut up! You always have to go there!” she laughed, swatting at her friend.
“You okay?” Lo got serious again.
“Yeah. I’m okay. Really,” she checked out her mascara in the mirror she kept in her drawer.
“So?”
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