“Damn.”
“Be careful with her, Cass. These women, they are awesome, fun, and not stupid. They’re confident, and-“
“I’m not.” Cass took a deep breath and sat on the floor of the living room, her back against the couch. She didn’t want to be manipulated, but she knew it wasn’t that easy. Cass was strong, and she wanted Maddox more than anything. She loved him more than she’d ever loved anyone. But this woman was a pro at getting into people’s heads, and Cass’ strong self-talk might not be enough to overcome her own doubt monster if a professional manipulator like Marissa started to feed it.
“Honey, you are gorgeous. You are strong, and smart, and all the things those women aren’t. You love Maddox, and I’m not sure they did.”
“She said I was different than the others,” Cass sighed. “It’s already started.”
“Sweets, you are different than the others.” Lo pulled Cass up and started pushing her into the kitchen where she poured them another round of margaritas. “I mean, those girls wouldn’t help me unpack and drink these very sugary, high calorie margaritas with me, now would they? Nope. They’d sip their skinny shit wine and eat a piece of lettuce that they’d vomit back up later.”
Cass smirked and took a big gulp of the sugary goodness mixed with tequila.
“Just keep your guard up, and don’t let the bitch mess around in your head.”
“So easy to say…”
“Aw, fuck. Just be careful with the psych-out bitch. You have Maddox, and he adores you. I’d say he loves you, but you’ll argue with me and then freaking over analyze every single word he says. So, right now, he adores you. And he wants you. He’s not taking this lightly, and you guys are kinda hot! So don’t let her in your head. Period.”
She hugged Lo. “You’re the only person I’ll let psych me out. I promise. And what kind of hot?” Cass asked just as the boys came up with another set of boxes.
“We’re back with the last load!” Dan yelled as he carted two boxes up the stairs, Maddox on his heels with a few more.
Damn, Maddox looked practically edible when he lifted heavy things. He was wearing a black t-shirt with dark jeans and a baseball hat. The muscles in his arms pulled taut as he carried the boxes into the bedroom. Cass couldn’t help but admire the little part of his six pack peeking out from where his tee had risen up from his waistband. A small glimpse of his happy trail made her blush.
“That kind of hot,” Lo whispered in Cass’ ear. “The kind where you’re ready to eat him up right here in the living room, and the kind where he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you as soon as he hit the top of the stairs. Stop smoldering. You’re making me uncomfortable.”
Cass laughed. “Yes, well, I’ll try to keep from having hot sweaty eye sex with my boyfriend.”
“Loverrrrr,” Lo purred.
“That, too.”
“Damn. I knew you two were too involved. Lovers? I’m jealous. And a little hurt,” Dan teased, nibbling on Lo’s ear before kissing her swiftly. “Mmmm, margaritas.”
“Jealous that we’re having tequila-fueled, hot and sweaty sex, or that you weren’t invited?” Lo joked right back.
Dan poured himself a large cup of the frozen concoction, a wicked grin forming as he took a sip. “Hmmm, not sure.”
“Well, if you’d gotten here a few minutes ago, maybe…” Cass joined in.
“Maybe nothing. She’s mine, and Lo, I’ll take you out no matter how tempting you may be,” Maddox grabbed Cass from behind, nuzzling her neck. He smelled of man sweat and musky cologne. They really needed to change the subject, or she would be doing more than eye fucking her man, not caring who was in the room.
“Get a room,” Lo smacked his arm as she followed Dan into the living room.
“I missed you,” he whispered in her ear.
“You were gone a whole 30 minutes,” she nuzzled back.
“30 minutes too long,” he whined, not letting her go even as she poured him a drink.
She turned into his embrace, letting her lips find his. Before the sweet kiss turned to something more insistent she pulled away and thrust a margarita into his hand.
“Unpacking now. Nookie later.”
“Promise?” He leaned in, brushing his hand against her nipple.
Her intake of breath was sharp, and she let out a stifled moan. “You are a bad boy,” she chastised. “But you know how much I like bad boys,” she smirked, cupping him, and then walking out of the kitchen, leaving him with a semi and a freezing cup of alcohol.
Truthfully, Cass was just glad Maddox and Dan got along well, though she wondered about anyone that didn’t get along with Maddox. Sure, he was intense, but he also had a wicked sense of humor. Dan was easygoing, so it shouldn’t have surprised her that they’d find some sort of common ground. When Maddox finally got himself together and joined them in the living room, the conversation flowed easily.
Of course, maybe they should’ve slowed on the margaritas. Especially when they’d all hit pitcher number four. Cass was sure her tongue was a size larger than it had been an hour before.
“Time to go, sleepyhead,” Maddox pulled her up, and it took Cass a second to steady on her feet.
“Mmmm, big man. So impatient for the nookie,” she nuzzled his neck, ignoring Lo’s snicker behind her.
“You know it,” Maddox laughed, the deep baritone rumbling against her, sending an electric current of need straight down to her sex.
“Well, you heard the man. Woman, get thee home and bedded!” Dan laughed.
“Thanks, guys, for all the help,” Lo hugged Cass. “Don’t let the bitch get you down.”
Cass laughed. “Or else I release my Inner Ninja Lo.”
“I taught you well, grasshopper.”
Cass snuggled against Maddox in the back of the cab, her fingers playing with the waistband of his jeans. She still wasn’t an exhibitionist, so she really wished the driver would go just a little faster.
“What did Lo mean? Don’t let the bitch get you down?”
“Just a reminder to not let other people psych me out.”
“Like who?”
“Mmmm, Mad, can we not have this conversation now?” Cass mumbled. “Playing.”
Maddox stopped her hand. “Who, Cass?”
All the good post-margarita buzz left her, and suddenly everything grew heavy. She hadn’t told Maddox about the conversation with Marissa. She had avoided telling him she’d had the meeting at all. She knew he’d try to make it all okay, but his efforts would have just made it worse. He really wasn’t good at this kind of thing.
She sat up straight and pursed her lips, bracing for the response she was sure to get. “Fine. She was talking about my meeting with Marissa. Where we discussed her ideas for the website.”
“You met with Marissa?”
“Yes.”
“And didn’t tell me?”
“Yes.”
“Cass…”
She closed her eyes and sighed. So much for the margarita buzz. “Look, Mad. I know you. I know you would’ve been nervous, but encouraging. You would have wanted to strategize keeping her from getting in my head. I just…it just would have made it worse for me. I would have walked in all self-conscious and worried. My head would have been so focused on you that I would’ve felt weak. I couldn’t walk in already handicapped.” Cass looked out the window. It hurt her to say it, but it was true. She loved Maddox, but his fears about what his ex would do to them would have overwhelmed her. The relationship was still so new, and she already had her normal anxieties. She didn’t need his, too.
Maddox went silent.
Silent wasn’t good.
23
Maddox
She went to see Marissa on her own.
On her fucking own!
What the fuck was she thinking?
And then she said that he’d make it worse! Make what worse? That his ex-wife would manipulate Cass and push her away? That she’d destroy Cass just to prove Maddox wasn’t
worth loving? That he couldn’t love?
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
He wanted to scream. He wanted to tear out the fucking door and get out of the tin can that was moving far too slow toward his house.
“Mad-“
“No.”
The silence was cutting. He knew it was killing her, but he didn’t want all the horrible things in his head to come out. It would be exactly what Marissa would want. Playing right into her hands.
Besides Cass had been completely right. He would have sat her down and worked out a strategy. He would have had her rehearse what she’d say and how she’d respond to various questions. He would have drilled her so hard.
Maddox fisted the side of his jeans, the sugar from the margaritas mixing with his anger to make his skin crawl. He couldn’t lose Cass. He just couldn’t.
He glanced over at her, and her eyes were glistening as the lights from the passing street lamps highlighted her tears. Damn.
His tension wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, so he was a little rough when he pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.
“I didn’t-“
“I know.”
“I was going to tell you.”
“Well talk about it later,” he whispered, not wanting to talk about it. They were both a little drunk still, and he needed time to absorb what this could mean. Cass let out a contented sigh before wrapping her arms around him and squeezing. The smallness of it all wrapping her even more around his heart.
* * *
“Coffee,” Cass grumbled as she shuffled into the kitchen, her hair pulled up into a knotted bun.
“Long night?” he laughed, passing her a steaming mug and watching her load it with sugar and half and half.
“I blame you,” she mumbled as she lifted the cup to her lips.
“In no way did I force you to drink almost a pitcher of margarita.”
“Please tell me you haven’t already been running,” she whined, grabbing a piece of bacon and toast from his plate.
He’d needed the run. The revelation that Cass had met with Marissa behind his back still nagged at him. He wanted to be angry at Cass. He really did, but he wasn’t so sure he would have done anything different. The fact that he couldn’t stay pissed at her bothered him almost as much as the fear that Marissa would do something to destroy what he had with Cass.
What he wanted to do was march into Marissa’s office and tell her to back the fuck off, give the account to someone else, and leave him the fuck alone. But he knew that would just play right into his ex-wife’s hands. She’d twist everything in his head, and he didn’t want that shit.
It didn’t help how perfectly vulnerable Cass had looked as she slept next to him. They’d fallen asleep in silence, him spooning her and Cass running her hands over his until her breathing evened out and she lost the battle to stay awake. When he’d woken, she looked like an angel. His angel that he wanted to protect at any cost, and yet the same one that was driving him crazy. How did one woman send him to such extremes?
“I really hate you sometimes,” she teased as she plopped in a chair and savored the coffee’s aroma.
“I had some things to think about.”
“I’m sorry, Mad.” She ran her fingers in circles over the rim of her coffee cup, not looking him in the eye. “I know it hurt you. I do. I just- I just needed to feel strong. If she sees me as weak, I’m not sure I can handle that.”
Why did she always seem to think she was so much less than other people? Cass was the strongest woman he knew, and yet she put herself down all the time.
“You aren’t weak,” he reached over and placed his hand on hers. “You’re amazing.”
She let out a wry laugh. “I’m nowhere near as successful as she is, and we’re the same age. She’s practically winning Nobel prizes, and I’ve accomplished what? An office—with a door? C’mon. She’s gorgeous, skinny, and could grace the cover of Vogue. I’m chubby and barely get a like on a photo on Facebook. She’s intimidating. And then you add that she’s whip smart and manipulative like a fox? I can’t win in that game, Maddox. She knows that, and so I had to go in without looking like I’m leaning on my boyfriend.”
“You wouldn’t have leaned on me.”
“You would have rehearsed me so much that she would’ve seen how nervous I was. It’s okay, Mad,” she pulled out her hand from under his and placed it on top. “I know you would’ve meant well, but I had to go in on my terms. In my own way, and I couldn’t be nervous. Besides, I didn’t even want to talk about you,” she shook her head.
“But you did?”
“Not really,” she said, taking another sip of coffee.
“What did you say?” Panic settled over him, turning the food in his stomach.
She grinned. “That is between your ex and me,” she teased. He pulled his hand away. This was not happening. He couldn’t just-
Realizing that he wasn’t in the mood for teasing, Cass turned serious. “Nothing. I said nothing, even when she accused me of sleeping with you.”
“What?” Was she kidding? “How did that even come up?”
“She just kind of threw it out there.”
Fucking Marissa. What the hell?
“We need to give the account to someone else.”
“What? No! Mad, you can’t. I need to do this!” Cass cried, coffee splashing out of her cup as she set it down hard.
“Absolutely not. She’s already trying to get into your head. She-“
“No. Stop now. I know who she is and what she is trying to do. But I have to do this. I can’t let Phil win this. You know it. He already makes my life miserable. He already makes me out to be bad at my job, incapable of handling my team. And now, you’d just be giving him fuel. I mean, how would you explain this to the partners? You can’t tell them about us. So what excuse would you make up that would make me look okay? That would’t make me look weak? No. I need this, Mad. As much as I hate it. As scared as I know you are, I can’t back down.”
“I can’t let her hurt you,” he whispered, running his fingers along the side of his hot coffee cup, letting the heat burn into him.
Cass met his gaze, and he saw everything there. Hurt, worry, anger, and her ever present determined fire that scared him. She had no idea what she was getting into.
“So you’re choosing your job?”
“What?”
“You’re choosing your job over us? Over this?” He knew he sounded petulant, and he was probably being ridiculous, but that’s what it felt like. He wanted to scream that the job wasn’t worth losing what they had. Did she not feel the same way? Maybe it wasn’t the same for her. Now that she had him, maybe the chase was all she wanted. Maybe it wasn’t enough.
Cass shook her head and stood. He thought she was walking away, but instead her warmth pressed into his back. “You’re all I want,” she whispered into his hair as she wrapped her arms around him. “But I love what I do, Maddox. I do. It’s part of who I am. And if I give this up, and Phil wins, what do I do then? I can’t stay there. He’ll be unbearable. This website design is huge. It just is. It gives me leverage. You’re asking me to give up my livelihood, my passion, for…” she pulled away, grabbing her cup and bringing it to the sink.
Maddox turned, and his heart broke as he saw her head drop while water overflowed the rim of the cup.
“Cass-“ he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her back and shutting off the water.
“You’re asking me to give up my life for you,” she whispered. Maddox felt the hitch in her breath against his chest, and he knew she was fighting off a sob. He tightened his grip, and his throat constricted.
He was asking that of her. He knew she was right. Phil would destroy her reputation not only in the company, but in her field, if she backed out of this project. It wouldn’t matter what Maddox said, what he did. And she was right. Marissa’s practice was a coup for them. It was a huge account, and knowing Cass, the redesign would propel them to the next level. It
would put her in demand, and assure her a solid place in the company. He was asking her to give all that up, for what? Sex? A good time? No, this was so much more, and it was time to admit it.
He really loved her. He was so in love with her.
“I’m scared, Cass,” he whispered back.
She turned to face him, placing her hand on his cheek. “Me, too.”
He closed his eyes at her soft words. Marissa and Phil had put him in an impossible spot. If he asked Cass to do this, he’d lose her. She would quit the project and destroy her career, and she’d blame him forever. The resentment would take root, and it would destroy them from the inside out. But if he let Cass keep on this project, he risked Marissa destroying what he’d finally found with Cass.
His heart was tearing in two.
Cass relaxed her head against his chest.
“I love you,” he whispered, fear gripping him at first, but as the words came out, he knew they were right.
She stiffened and pushed him away.
“Don’t you dare,” she spat, and walked past him.
He stood there, stunned.
“Wait, Cass-“ he turned, following her into the bedroom.
“What do you think I am?” she asked, her question laced with venom. She was violently gathering her things, tearing a shirt over her head and shoving on a sock. “Think you can just manipulate me into doing things your way. Sweet words and deception? Son of a-“ she grunted, getting down on her hands and knees to look under the bed for something. “Where the fuck is my-“
“Cass, I love you,” he knelt down beside her, grabbing her hands—holding them tight as she tried to pull away. “I just do. I’m not saying it to be a dick or manipulate you or anything else. I’m apologizing. I’m saying it because I really, truly, and most certainly am in love with you, and the idea of losing you scares the shit out of me.”
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