“Nice to see you again, Sasha,” she said softly. Jaelynn then turned to Teagan for a hug.
As soon as they had all taken their seats, the waiter served them. After everyone had placed an order, Sasha listened in as both Faye and Jaelynn grilled Teagan about her time in New York.
“So, when do you go back?”
Teagan frowned slightly. “Unfortunately, tomorrow morning. I have to get back to work on a project design but I’ll try to visit more often.”
Faye pouted. “I miss you, though. Why’d it have to be you?” She turned to Sasha. “Weren’t you the one that was supposed to be leaving? I mean, everyone heard about what happened.”
‘And so it begins…’ Sasha thought to herself. She decided to play it cool. They were in a public place after all. “I’m sorry, what do you mean?” Though she asked innocently enough, her eyes held a warning that she hoped Faye would be smart enough to pick up on.
Despite both Jaelynn and Teagan’s censored glances her way, Faye continued as if there was nothing wrong with her inquiry. “Oh, you know. When Dmitri Durand broke up with you.” She sighed for dramatic effect and raised her hand to her forehead as if checking for a fever. “I have to say, you’ve got guts staying in the same city as him. I mean, if I had been you- even though there is no comparing the two of us- I would have taken the hint and moved. I mean, I did warn you that a man like him would move on quickly. Especially with the women he dated before you.”
“Faye!” Teagan called her out. “What the hell? Stop!”
Sasha raised her hand to Teagan to quiet her. “No, it’s okay. This was bound to come out sooner or later. Do you think if you had been with him, things would have ended up different? Is that it, Faye?”
Faye flipped her blond locks off her shoulder, knowing the light would emphasize the highlights she had put into her hair. “I mean, is that even a question?” She laughed and looked at both Teagan and Jaelynn for encouragement. Teagan openly glared back while Jaelynn avoided eye contact.
“You’re right. It’s not. Because I know for certain he didn’t want your ass. Hmm…neither did that old CEO, huh? What was it again?” Sasha mocked Faye’s tone from before. “Oh yeah, wasn’t he married and chose his wife over you? Wait- that’s not even a question.”
Faye’s eyes narrowed and this time, there was no hiding her dislike. “Listen you-”
“Oh no, did the truth hurt?” Sasha gave her an exaggerated look of concern. “You know, it must have really hurt your ego when Dmitri chose to date me when you walk around like you’re the greatest thing to grace this Earth. But that doesn’t change the facts. For having not seen me in years, you seem awfully obsessed with my life. Is the dye job and fake tan not doing it for you anymore? Age catching up?”
Teagan let out a burst of laughter at that, Jaelynn soon following. But Sasha didn’t hear it, her eyes were solely focused on the woman that had played a hand in taking advantage of the woman she used to be. Before, all she had known was to walk away from conflict. She had wanted love and friendship so badly, she had accepted the abuse. But this time was going to be different. Because, as she had told Dmitri, she had learned her lesson and the old Sasha who pined for what she would never have was long gone.
“If your life and pussy are that dried up maybe its time for some more surgery. Maybe it’ll keep you occupied enough that your flat ass stays out of my business.”
Faye gasped in shock; her cheeks reddened in embarrassment. Their table was beginning to receive curious glances from the other patrons in the restaurant. Faye, not prepared for Sasha’s remarks, was at a loss for words. Instead, she looked away and took a sip of the water in front of her.
Sasha’s gaze stayed on Faye for a moment. When she saw defeat, the fire that had leapt into her eyes soon dissipated. And as quickly as it had sprung, the tension at the table was gone. Jaelynn cleared her throat and moved the conversation into a safe direction and everyone seemed eager to follow.
However, for Teagan, the dinner was not a celebration. While she was happy to see Sasha stand up for herself and guiltily enjoyed seeing Faye receive her comeuppance, she was now worried. Teagan saw something in her friend that hadn’t been there before: rage. She recalled warmly how Sasha had usually been incapable of that level of anger. It was something they had always laughed about. For Sasha, she stated simply that there was no room in her heart for such negative energy. Rage was what she had faced so much as a young girl, and she had told Teagan that she never wanted to become that person.
After their brunch with Faye and Jaelynn, Teagan looked at Sasha with new eyes. The other woman walked with her head held high, seemingly unperturbed by the encounter that had characterized their outing. They returned to Sasha’s apartment mostly in silence. But once there, Teagan found that she could no longer hold her tongue.
“Sasha? What’s going on? Why are you so angry?”
Sasha looked at her friend with a raised brow. The question seemed to have come from out of the blue. “What are you talking about?”
Teagan shook her head with a slight frown. “Faye deserved everything you said to her. I’m not saying that you are wrong there. But I know that you’re anger was not really directed at her. So, tell me… what’s really going on?”
Her eyes narrowed and Teagan almost took a step back at the glare she received from her friend. “Why do I now have to justify my emotions to you? Am I not allowed to be angry now?”
Though now she was the target of Sasha’s anger, Teagan didn’t let that fluster her. “No, I’m not asking you to justify your emotions to me, Sasha. I’m asking you what happened. The Sasha I know has a generally positive disposition. But the Sasha in that bistro was overcome by something much stronger than simple irritation at someone’s mean-spirited teasing. I know it was more than that, and as your friend, I want to help. Let me be there for you.”
When there was no response, Teagan continued, “Sasha…” she approached with a warm smile, “do you remember that day when we were arguing with the insurance company over…what was it?”
“You totaling the car,” Sasha supplied with a deadpan expression.
Teagan shook her head and gave a sheepish grin, “oh, yeah…well, you know how angry I was that they refused to cover us?” At her nod, Teagan continued, “But you refused to be upset. I was raving and yelling at the man across the desk, telling him to go to hell in nine different ways, but you were like an emotional rock.”
Sasha placed her hands on her hips and sucked her teeth, “Excuse me?”
Teagan merely laughed, “I don’t mean it like that. I mean, you were angry but you didn’t let it rule you. You didn’t let it make you insult a man just doing his job. It was something I always admired about you. After that day, I asked about it and you told me that any time you were angry you would remember your first foster home. You would remember how that couple would yell at each other nonstop, insulting one another as if no love existed between them. You said that you never wanted to become that.”
“What’s your point, Teagan?”
She shrugged her shoulders, “It means that today, I saw something in you that the old Sasha wouldn’t want to see. Stand up for yourself, yes…but bringing other people down, throwing cheap shots, isn’t the way to do it. Don’t let your anger become rage, Sasha. You’re so much better than Faye, but in a split second, you sounded so much like her.”
Before Sasha could respond, Teagan took her into her arms. “I’m proud of you. I’m proud that you’re able to show how strong you are. And when you’re ready to tell me what’s wrong, I’m here.”
Instead of replying, Sasha returned Teagan’s embrace with a shudder.
Chapter Five
Dmitri was sitting quietly on his couch staring out the floor-to-ceiling windows as had become his custom over the past few years. There was no television in his living room; he had no time nor interest in watching. Instead, the room was sparsely decorated with shelves of books from his studies more than a de
cade earlier. The few photos that hung from the walls were not of him nor his family members but abstract artwork that held no meaning beyond simple adornment.
He didn’t know what had come over him. Maybe it was the upcoming anniversary of his mother’s death within the next few days or Nadia’s departure, but he had become awfully self-reflective. And it annoyed him. Now all he could consider was how empty his life seemed. Sasha’s rejection the previous night did not help matters.
He couldn’t be surprised at her reaction. But now he was more determined than ever to get her to see the depths of his regret and continued affections. Her parting remarks had definitely spurred the fire within him. One of the greatest hesitations he had when he first got involved with her two years ago was her obvious need for love and affection and his own hesitation for anything serious. He could see from the depths of her eyes her desperation and after learning of her past, he began to understand the root cause.
Thinking of his intentions and his purposeful disregard of her obvious desires with dating him and giving away her virginity, Dmitri could only feel a sickening sense of his own fate. He deserved her lack of forgiveness and continued hatred. In more ways than one, he had brutally betrayed her trust. But despite whatever changes she claimed, he knew that the same desperation for love and family existed within Sasha’s heart. It was something she had struggled with her whole life; there was no way it had simply vanished within a few years. She was simply denying it to herself because of his callous treatment.
And there lay his biggest regret; his actions had created the wall she now held between herself and others. He had caused his own biggest deterrent. How could he expect her to destroy her walls of protection and run back into the arms of the perpetrator?
Dmitri’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a knock at the door. Having not expected any visitors, he was surprised to find Dominic on the other end of the door. Hesitantly, he let his brother cross the threshold into his penthouse with a casual nod. Admittedly, he had his own reasons for accepting the company. While he may have actively ignored Carter’s presence with Sasha the other night and the meaning therein, Dominic could act as a source of more information in that regard.
“Would you like something to drink?” he asked politely. At the grunt that followed his question, he sought the refrigerator for bottles of water. After throwing one to Dominic who sat splayed out comfortably on the couch, he took a seat himself. For a few moments, they both sat together with no words exchanged between them.
“Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m here?” Dominic finally inquired.
“I assumed you would get to it at some point,” Dmitri responded in explanation.
Dominic sighed. “Fair enough. I’m actually a bit surprised myself that I came.” Dmitri only waited for him to continue when he paused. “If anything, I was one of the few people rooting for you until I saw what you were capable of.”
Growing impatient, Dmitri interrupted to ask, “What the hell are you talking about, Dominic? If you came here to scold me for something just spit it out. I don’t have time for your shit.”
Dominic glared at his brother and rolled his eyes. “It’s when you open your fucking mouth that I really wonder why I even bother dealing with you. You drive people away Dmitri. You realize that, don’t you?”
“I don’t need your psycho-babble bullshit right now, Dom.”
“No, actually you do. Because you don’t seem to realize that you’re going to wake up to no one by your side one day. I’ve been trying for years for you to see that I’m not an enemy. I never have been but you continue to treat me that way. You did the same with Sasha and to be honest, I’m really interested in seeing how she responds to your advances after what happened.”
Returning the hostile glances from his brother, Dmitri responded through gritted teeth, “That’s it, isn’t it? You want to see me fall on my ass so you can get a chance at her.” He leaned closer to his brother. “Stay away from her,” he warned. “She’s mine.”
There was a fire that leapt into Dominic’s eyes and Dmitri was slightly taken aback at the resemblance he saw between them. Expecting punches to be thrown, Dmitri was shocked when Dominic laughed humorlessly. “And there it is again. You are pushing me away because you feel vulnerable. How do you expect to get back with her if you haven’t faced your own problems? The same problems that caused you two to break up in the first place?”
Dmitri paused, not having an answer to the legitimate question. Instead, he asked again, “What do you want Dom?”
“You’re my brother, Dmitri. I want to see you happy. I want to help you. But instead of seeing that, you automatically assume I’m out to stab you in the back. And, to be honest, I am sick and tired of having to always be at war with you. I could have told you to go fuck yourself a long time ago but I never could let myself do it. You know why?” Dominic was visibly shaken as he spoke. These were words he had held back for so long, it floored him how difficult they were to say aloud. “Because no matter how much you seem to hate me, you’re my brother. And I love you.”
Dmitri, seeing the tension in Dominic’s jaw and fisted hands, didn’t know what to say. Those three words had never been spoken between them. He had always kept his distance. The mere sight of Dominic had always made him remember the promise he had made to his mother posthumously.
“Just tell me, man.” When Dmitri only raised a brow, he continued, “Just tell me why you hate me. What did I do?”
All Dmitri could think of in that moment was Sasha’s words, her envy of his family. He had merely shrugged at her admiration of him having siblings because he had only ever considered Nadia to be his family. But now, though Dominic was surely trying to hide it, there was an emotional pain that made his voice hoarse and his face redden with anger. In all Dmitri’s actions to distance himself, he had never considered he had been hurting anyone. But it seemed that in the same way he had hurt Sasha, he had been inadvertently wounding his brother as well.
Instead of turning away, Dmitri decided maybe it was best to finally speak the truth. “I blamed you.”
“For what?”
“For destroying my family. Because of your birth, my mother and Nikolai divorced. And she died a broken woman who felt betrayed and abandoned. If you hadn’t been born, Nikolai’s transgressions with Natalia may have been forgiven. And so, I promised myself that I could never find happiness living with you, Natalia, and Nikolai. You may not have directly caused the cancer that eventually took my mother away, but you damn well didn’t help her happiness at the end of her days.”
Dmitri looked away. “Nadia was the only person with no blood on her hands. And so I clung to her. Loving her didn’t betray my mother’s memory.”
There was a tense silence between them after Dmitri’s confession. Until Dominic finally spoke,
“Well, that explains it, huh?” He shook his head and rubbed at the five o’clock shadow framing his sharp jawline. “And here I was expecting that everything was a misunderstanding, that you didn’t really hate me. But, it turns out you do. What a plot twist.” Dominic began to rise from the couch to exit the penthouse.
“Dom.” When his brother returned his stare, Dmitri sighed. “I don’t hate you. Disliking Natalia and Nikolai came easy when they got in the way of Nadia’s health. But I know how fucked up my reasoning is. You were never at fault for what happened to my mother. And, to be perfectly honest, I’ve felt guilty for many years about the way I treated you growing up. You really were better off without me in your life.”
“No, actually I wasn’t. As much as Nadia missed you when you left, so did I. You aren’t the only one that can’t stand our parents. I looked up to you, Dmitri. And, I hate to sound like a complete pussy but it really did hurt when you left without so much as a goodbye and never contacted me.”
A silence decorated the room after both of their confessions. Dominic took a large sip of his bottled water and then leaned back into the couch with a deep groan
that broke the silence. “Well that has got to be the most emotionally tense conversation I’ve ever had in my entire life.” He needed humor to distance himself from being so vulnerable. This had been decades in the making, the pain he suffered at the hands of his brother’s constant rejection. And getting it out felt like a weight off his shoulders, but neither was he prepared to deal with the consequences of such emotional reveals.
“Believe me, when you eventually find someone serious, it will not be your last. After my break-up with Sasha, it took me awhile but everything she told me made me reconsider my life. I was always so amazed by her naiveté and innocence anytime she spoke of the importance of family. I didn’t realize that my perspective was so…one-sided. While admittedly, there are no perfect relationships, I have been very clouded by my past pain. I refused to see that not everyone was at fault. And I apologize for that.
“If I am to win her back and prove to her that I have changed, I’m going to need to let go of my pride a bit it seems. I disregarded her opinion many times because I saw it as the innocent whims of her childhood. But there was something in everything that she ever told me. It may not have all been applicable but I never should have cut her down so many times. Or pushed her away.”
“I’m guessing things didn’t go well with your reunion last night.”
Dmitri laughed. “That’s definitely an understatement. She not only gave me a cut to the ribs but also made it perfectly clear she doesn’t want to have me in her life ever again. And I can’t blame her.”
Dominic punched him on the shoulder. “Dude, you are so fucking whipped! It’s refreshing to see you like this though. I’m sure you’ve always had the upper hand with any relationship. For once, you’re the one that has to fight for what you want. She may not want you anymore but now is your chance to change her mind.”
Seeing his opening, Dmitri finally asked the question that had been hovering within his mind since the night before. “Wouldn’t your friend be a bit upset? Aren’t they dating?”
Sasha: The Awakening (The Wallflower Series Book 2) Page 5