by K. S. Thomas
“I understand what you’re saying,” he says, his fingers tracing over my temple and brushing back a few rogue strands of my hair, “I guess the thing that’s hard for me to grasp is how you can belong with Gun, when in my heart, I’ve known from the moment I saw you, that you belong with me. That I want to be your family. Your safe place. Your forever.”
“Oh.” My heart jumps up to meet my tonsils, they do a little dance and I about keel over from lack of oxygen before things settle down a bit and I remember to take another breath. “You don’t have to say that,” I stammer, not sure if I want him to take it back or assure me he meant every word. It’s so huge and so close to happy ever after, it’s downright terrifying. Life isn’t supposed to be this easy. At least not mine. But Reed? I suppose this makes perfect sense in his world.
He chuckles. If I’ve said something funny, I’m not aware of it. But this happens sometimes when we’re together. I think I’m being awkward, he thinks I’m being cute. It’s not the worst thing in the world to disagree on.
“Cooper, I’m not saying anything that isn’t true. At least for me.” He tilts his head, curiously eyeing at an angle. “Don’t you think about our future? Together?”
“Of course,” I admit, words practically rushing from my lips, “but you have so much of your own future to focus on for the next few years, I wasn’t trying to put any added pressure on you with expectations of my own.” That’s the last thing I want. With the way his dad’s been breathing down his neck about college and career choices, all I’ve wanted to do was offer a sort of safe haven, somewhere Reed could just be...Reed.
“Believe me, any expectations you have of me and of us, only give me more to look forward to and be happy about.” His blue eyes light up as he says it, it’s like his heart is shining through them, on me, into me. His love for me is everywhere. So real, I almost think I could touch it if I reached out and tried.
“In that case, consider yourself expected of. I want it all mister. I want romance and passion and never ending walks on the beach. I want a home. I want dinner together, every night and breakfast every morning. I want weekend getaways and world travels. But mostly, I just. Want. You.” I kiss him.
“Done.”
And again. Until one kiss blends into the next and I can no longer tell where he ends and I begin.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“What in the hell is this?” Reed’s dad slams a huge manila envelope down on the table. He and I were just about to share a pizza. Now I kind of wish I’d passed on the invite to dinner and a movie all together.
“It’s my acceptance letter to UCF.” Reed sounds nonchalant about it, but I can tell by the way he’s refusing to look at his dad, this is no casual matter.
“Why would they be accepting you at a school you never applied to?” his father grills him. Never in my life have I wished I could fit inside a pizza box more.
“I did apply.” He tosses his half-eaten slice back onto the plate and finally raises his stare to meet his father’s. “It’s closer to home and they have a great legal studies program. I can still go to Yale for Law School when it’s time.”
His dad looks like he might start shooting steam out of his ears. “This isn’t what we discussed, Reed. The plan was already set. All you had to do was follow it.”
He shrugs. “Plans change.”
“Not these kinds of plans. This is your life we’re talking about, for Christ’s sake.” Then, in a twist of horrible fate, his glare shifts and lands on me. “Is this because of her? Are you throwing your whole damn future out the window over some girl?” Six months we’ve been dating and they still can’t be bothered to treat me like a person, let alone his girlfriend. Something that became abundantly clear after the massive surprise party they threw him two days ago for his eighteenth birthday which they didn’t invite me to.
“Don’t talk about her like that,” Reed hisses, his molars clearly grinding down on one another. “She’s not some girl, and more importantly, I’m not going to keep having this conversation as if she isn’t sitting right here with us.”
His dad’s eyes narrow into tiny, angry slits. I’m tempted to crawl under the table just to get away from their laser like glare.
“My office,” he snarls. “Now.”
Reed doesn’t put up a fight. He just motions a silent apology and follows his father out of the dining room and down the hall. The den is only a couple feet away, so even after the door shuts, I can hear every word they’re saying. And none of them are pretty. Or particularly flattering to me.
“When exactly were you planning on telling me about this? Huh? When they sent back my tuition check?” his father roars.
“I’ve been trying to tell you for weeks, but you make it impossible to tell you anything. Unless it’s what you want to hear, you never listen!” Reed shouts back.
I reach for the closest napkin and crumple it up, trying to make some sort of noise, anything that will help me not eavesdrop on their conversation, but it’s futile. Nothing on this table is going to make enough ruckus to drown out their yelling.
“So, what? You’re going to blow off getting the best education you can get for some high school crush that won’t survive the summer? You can’t be serious. Grow up, Reed.”
A loud slam, like hands on the desk. Then it’s Reed’s turn.
“That’s exactly what I’m doing, Dad. Growing up. Making decisions for my life on my own. And that includes who I want to spend it with. And the answer to that is Cooper. I don’t care how stupid or immature you think it is. I love her. And that’s not going to change by the end of the summer, I promise you. So, I’m going to do whatever it takes to be with her. Right now, that means staying here where she is.”
Silence. I can’t even begin to contemplate if this is a good sign or a bad one, I’m still reeling from the last bit I heard. When Reed first told me he was switching schools, he had a very different reason for doing so, one which had nothing to do with me.
“Why? What’s here that she can’t leave? We know she has no family. No money. She can’t possibly be headed anywhere more exciting than community college and I’ll be damned if you really think that trumps the sort of education you’re going to get at Yale. I mean it, Reed. I’m not going to stand by and watch you piss your life away over some girl.”
“Then don’t look. Turn your head. Close your eyes, I don’t care what you have to do to get through this, but do it. Because I’m not changing my mind and you can’t make me.”
There’s a shuffle of furniture being moved over carpet. Footsteps toward the door. It opens and Reed is marching straight for me.
“Come on. Let’s get the hell out of here.” His hand lands in mine before I can put up a fight. Not that I was planning to. I’ve wanted to leave ever since the moment Reed’s dad walked in the room.
“Where are we going?” I mumble as he drags me outside and to his car.
“The hell out of here,” he answers without turning back. Ever the gentleman, even in his current state of rage he still chooses to get the passenger side door for me.
Within minutes, we’re out of the driveway and heading down the street toward the highway. As far as I know, we’re still drifting aimlessly, but given the speed we’re doing it at, I have a feeling Reed is busy formulating some sort of plan I’m just not privy to yet.
“You told me you were switching to UCF because it was a better place to play football,” I say, breaking the ever-growing silence between us. I knew it sounded like a weird reason at the time, but I know squat about sports so I had no real reason to question it. Nor did I want to. But I should have.
“It is a better place for football if I want my friends and family to be able to come to games and watch me play,” he grunts, keeping his eyes locked on the road ahead.
“Oh, my God,” I moan, pain churning the pit of my stomach like a knife doing zig zags through it, “you did switch schools for me!”
“Fine. Yes. I switched because of you,
” he admits. “But not just because I want to be with you, but because I want to be who I am when I’m with you. Before you came into my life, I didn’t question the path I was on, didn’t for a second think there was any other option for me. You changed that. You helped me see that life can be unpredictable and that making the most of opportunities as they come along can be even more amazing than following some laid out trail meant to lead you to your perfectly planned out future. If I go to Yale, if I continue doing everything my father wants, I’ll wind up with his life. It’s a good life, but it’s not what I want for myself. Hell, I don’t even know what I want yet, but I know with you around, I can figure that out.”
I shake my head. His thoughts are lovely, but they’re all wrong. “You think it’s an easy way of living, never knowing from one day to the next where you’ll be or what you’ll be doing? Taking advantage of opportunities as they come along is great, but scraping by in a desperate search for any opportunity at all that could help you get through another day, is not.”
His hand moves over the center console until it reaches my knee and squeezes. “I’m never going to let that happen to you again, Coop. You’re never going to wonder about tomorrow as long as you’re with me, I promise. I’m not giving up college, or asking you to run away with me. I’m switching schools. I’m rethinking career options. I can still study law, I can still be a lawyer. But maybe I don’t want to defend guilty people with big bank accounts. Maybe I’d rather do something good with my opportunity. Like helping kids that are growing up like you did. Looking out for their rights. I don’t know, I haven’t gotten into the details yet. But, I finally see that I don’t have to have it all figured out. Doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about it, not making conscious decisions about my future.”
“Oh yeah? What conscious decision is prompting this race down ninety-five today?” I’m mocking him, trying to prove my point, though I know I’ve already lost. I’m just scared. Scared of what it might feel like to believe him. To trust that he’ll be there with me, tomorrow and every day after. That life could really come with a normal future. A normal...anything. He’s always talking about forever, but forever feels abstract and distant. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I can always see. And I’m usually worried about it. Less now, but still. The uncertainty is hard to shake.
“We’re racing down ninety-five because my father will get wind of a marriage license if we apply in this county,” he says, a sly grin sweeping over his lips and a spark gleaming in his eyes.
“What?” I heard wrong. I must have heard wrong.
“We’re getting a marriage license. You and me. We’re doing this. Making it official and to hell with what everyone else says after that.”
I still can’t fully comprehend what he’s saying. “You want to get married? Now?”
“Yesterday. The day before. A month ago. I’ve pretty much wanted to marry you from the moment I saw you.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so excited about anything. Me. I’m making him this happy.
“You’re crazy.”
“All thanks to you.” He winks, and it all sinks in. I’m getting married.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The sun is setting over the horizon and all I can think as I watch the beauty of colors colliding in the sky, is how I’ve fallen in love with the best possible guy in the world, and how this in turn is making me the luckiest girl in the world. Me. Lucky. Before today I never would have considered those two words to be compatible. Until Reed.
“Are you sure you’re okay with not telling Mags?” he asks again, merging into traffic. This is it. Tonight is the night we’re getting married.
“I’m sure.” I wasn’t. The last three days I’ve gone over it again and again, wanting to include her, not wanting her to try and stop me and not knowing which way she’d react. Mags is never big on telling me what to do, or even handing out particularly straightforward advice, but she has a way of getting into my head and making me think about things that maybe aren’t at the forefront of my mind until she digs around and yanks them up. I didn’t want anything casting a shadow over the yummy, mushy unbelievably overwhelming happiness I’ve felt since we walked out of that courthouse with our marriage license in hand. Telling Mags was a risk I couldn’t take.
“Good.” He nods, his focus on me even when his eyes are locked on the road ahead. “I kind of like that it’s just us, our little magic bubble. And after tonight, no one will ever be able to come along and pop it. No matter what they try.”
I curl my fingers tighter around his, both our hands resting in my lap. As grateful as I am for Reed coming into my life, I’ve had a nagging feeling for months that Gun is fading out of it. I’ve tried to convince myself that I’m being paranoid. That life is simply moving us in different directions right now, but that it’s temporary, that we’ll be back in the same place soon. Only the farther we go, the less likely it seems we’ll ever wind up at the same destination ever again. He’s in Georgia. I’m getting married. It’s my wedding day and my best friend isn’t here. Doesn’t even know.
I couldn’t tell him either. It seemed too big to share over the phone, or in a letter. Especially when we haven’t spoken in weeks.
I force my eyes back on the horizon. The sun is nearly gone now, but the beauty she’s leaving behind as she goes is enough to remind me of all the good in my world, all the love I have sitting right here beside me.
“Kind of symbolic, huh? This drive tonight, cruising off into the sunset together and starting the greatest adventure of our lives. So literal and so magical all at the same time.” I point at the violet and fuchsia streaks decorating the evening sky. I want to remember every part of this sunset. The ending of an era. I’m an adult. I’m out of the system. I survived. And, by some miracle, I found my happy ever after.
Bright lights force my eyes to turn away. Blinded, I panic as Reed’s hand leaves mine to grip the wheel. The truck starts to veer sideways. Tires squeal. Reed shouts and all I see are swirls of purple and pink dancing in flashes or piercing white. Then, everything is black. All the magic ceases to exist.
AFTER
forget
me
not
Chapter One
Reed
She’s real. For seven years, I’ve believed them. Took them by their word that she was nothing more than a dream. A figment of my imagination. That the amnesia was playing tricks on me, my damaged brain confused about what was real and what was fantasy. It was easy to believe them. She felt like a fantasy.
But she’s not. I know she’s not. And I have to find her. Only I haven’t a clue how the hell I’m supposed to do that. All I have is the memory of her face. Her beautiful face. And a name. Cooper. I don’t know if it’s her first name or her last name, I just know that’s what I call her. Cooper. It’s everything to me. It’s nothing to go on.
I can’t ask anyone for help. No one can be trusted now. I feel like an idiot ever believing any of them. I wonder if Sam knows. Would she have kept this from me? Would she have been willing to marry me, knowing this secret, this part of me, part of my past that would haunt us forever? I don’t want to believe it. But, I can’t rule it out.
There’s a knock at my window. Startled, I turn to find a cop leaning down to see into my car and I hurry to roll down the window.
“Sorry, officer. Am I in a bad spot here?”
“Well, I can’t tell you not to park here, but it’s not a place I’d recommend lingering too long.” He straightens up. “I just wanted to be sure you weren’t having any sort of car trouble.”
“No, sir.”
He eyes me one more time, up and down. I’m still wearing the same suit from yesterday evening. Tie’s undone and everything is wrinkled from sitting in the car all night. Probably doesn’t look so good when you add to that the way my car is parked in the brush in the curve of the highway.
“You have a rough night?”
“You could say that.” Might as well be honest. Just becau
se no one else ever is, doesn’t mean I can’t keep telling people the truth. “I was supposed to get married today.”
The officer nods, uncomfortable understanding moving over his weathered face.
“Just don’t stay here when traffic picks up. This place sees a lot of accidents.”
I know.
I muster a grateful smile and he taps the roof of my car with his hand, signaling his departure.
He’s nearly back to his vehicle again when I yell out, “There was one here back in 2010. Bad wreck. Small pick-up versus a semi. Semi’s driver fell asleep, ran the truck off the road where it wound up wrapped around a tree.”
The officer turns back slowly. “End of July. The kid driving the truck barely looked old enough to be driving it.”
“I was eighteen. My birthday was a week earlier.” I had a big party. Or so, I’ve been told. I don’t remember it. Even if I’ve seen the pictures a million times. I was there. She wasn’t.
“Son of bitch.” He shakes his head in disbelief, staring at me like he’s seen a ghost. “You pulled through. They didn’t think you were gonna make it.”
“Almost didn’t.” This part I do know. Everything after the accident is crystal clear. At least the parts I was conscious for.
He comes back toward the car and stops a few feet short. “What about the girl?”
“The girl?” No one ever told me about a girl. Was she in the truck? Was she here?
He looks confused. “Maybe I’m thinking of the wrong accident.”
“I don’t think so.” I open the door and climb out. “Please, you have to tell me what you know about the girl. The accident...it caused damage. Permanent damage. Memory loss. I only know what people have told me.” I must sound like an idiot. Or a mental patient. Any minute now, he’ll be calling this in. I never should have said anything.
His brow furrows and he studies me. I’ve had people staring at me just like this a million times over the last seven years. I hate it. But I’m used to it. Sooner or later, they get used to the idea that I have no knowledge of what happened during the first eighteen years of my life.