diviners fate

by Nicolette Andrews

  My eyes flew open. He was staring at me intently, searching my face for an answer.

  Once upon a time, I had blamed Johai for everything that had befallen me. When I had lost my memories, it was because he wanted to protect me from him. Maybe at the back of his mind he had always known that the specter only meant me harm, or maybe he thought I would be better off without him. He had saved me in more ways than I could count. I am willing to die for you, I wanted to say. Nothing I could do would ever repay my debts to him, but I was willing to try.

  “Don’t be a fool. It was my plan to go to Keisan. I have brought you nothing but trouble from the start.”

  A wry smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “It was worth every moment of pain.”

  I laughed and sobbed at the same time. He pulled me into his arms, and all thoughts of protest fled from my mind. Johai wiped my tears away and kissed my cheeks and my lips. I tilted my head back and let him kiss me. His hand slipped down my back and pulled my waist closer to him. It was a commanding gesture, one of possession. It scared me. I tightened up. He eased back and let me set the pace. The specter would not do that. This is him; it is true. I do not know how, but I know this is a gift from the Goddess.

  Johai lifted my shift over my head. I was burning from the blush that seemed to spread across my entire body. When the fabric was clear, he stopped to meet my gaze. I inclined my head to let him continue. In a different world, this would have been our wedding night, but prophecy did not give such luxuries. Even so, if I were given the choice, Johai would have been the man I would have wed. I would have borne your children and taught our daughters to read the waters. He laid me down on the bed. I turned to hide my naked form. He pulled off his breeches, and I turned away, shy to see any more. He climbed on the bed beside me and for a moment held onto me.

  I turned to face him. “I’m ready.” My voice was hoarse.

  When I die, I hope I think of this moment. I am going to die, but I will hold onto this night.

  “Are you sure?” he asked.

  I nodded; my words were too tangled up in my mouth to say anything else.

  He planted kisses along my exposed skin, and his hands were soft as he explored my body. He straddled me once more. I lay naked, staring up at the man I loved, and committed myself to what we were about to do.

  “I love you,” I whispered as he captured my mouth in another kiss.

  When he entered me, I cried out from the pain. He waited a moment before moving slowly as he broke my maidenhead. I clutched onto his back, fighting back the tears. We moved through the pain together; he took his time, as halting and unsure as I. The pain transformed into pleasure, and we moved together, two bodies, one soul. I closed my eyes, and it was as if time stretched out before me—every possible future displayed like books upon a shelf. Thousands of images flashed through my mind as if I were looking onto the surface of the water. Few were clear but for the image of three children, one blond, one with dark hair, and one with hair dark as onyx with large violet eyes.

  I held onto Johai as we reached our bliss as one. He lay down beside me and brought me into his arms. We clung to each other for a long time. I brushed my hands over the planes of his stomach and his chest, wondering at the marvel that was him. I did not want to fall asleep; I feared the moment I closed my eyes I would awake and find that it had all been a dream. Johai planted a kiss against my temple, and despite my best effort to fight it, I found myself slipping into the sweet embrace of sleep.

  When I woke, I was alone in my bed in the chamber I shared with Elenna. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and blinked at the stone ceiling above. When did I return to my chamber? The night before came back in flashes, and my face heated from a blush, realizing what I had done. Where is Johai? I sat up, disoriented. I did not remember going back to my chamber. Had it all been a dream after all?

  Elenna sat on the edge of her bed, watching me. “You’re awake.” She smiled, and something in the knowing way she smiled made me self-conscious.

  My body ached. It wasn’t a dream. Beneath the blankets, I was naked. I clutched the blanket to my chest as I tried to climb out of the bed and hunt for my clothes. Elenna looked away to give me a moment’s privacy.

  “You came in late in the night,” she said.

  Naked! Was I roaming the halls of Blackthorn like this? I was too embarrassed to answer her teasing. I snatched my shift off the ground at the foot of my bed and hastily wriggled into it.

  “Is there someone I should know about? Is it Beau?” Elenna probed.

  I glared at her over my shoulder. “I do not know what you’re talking about. I felt hot, so I slept without my nightgown.” It was a terrible lie. The night had been freezing. I would be fortunate if I did not catch cold.

  She smiled but did not reply to my outright lie. Why did Johai bring me back here? I would have liked to wake in his arms.

  “Did the duke agree to your plan?” Elenna asked, thankfully changing the subject.

  I dressed as we talked. My legs were weak beneath me, and I thought it might be nice to curl up in bed for a while and sleep, but the duke and the others would be expecting to see me at the breakfast table. I need to confirm that Johai has changed. “I told him what Johai and Aland are after, and he has promised to help me. He wants to return with me to Keisan,” I explained.

  “And Johai?”

  I froze with a hairbrush in my hand, preparing to run it through my hair. “What about him?” Does she know? Was she awake when Johai carried me in? I felt my blush burning the back of my neck. I tried to pretend not to be affected, by brushing my hair, but when the bristles caught on a snag, I accidently flung it across the room. I jumped up to chase after it.

  “Does he suspect anything?”

  I fiddled with the brush and looked to the window onto the forest outside. If he has returned to himself, then we will only need to bide our time until the day of the solstice. I’ll free him from the specter at last. I dared not tell Elenna my thoughts for fear she would realize where I had been in truth.

  “We will find out soon enough,” I replied with a smile.

  We went downstairs to break our fast. The men were already awaiting us. The servants had prepared sausage, boiled eggs and fresh-baked bread. The sight of it made my mouth water. Johai was absent, which gave me pause. Aland sat at the right hand of Duke Wodell, and the two of them were conferring in low tones. When Elenna and I entered the dining room, they both stood up.

  Duke Wodell smiled at me as he greeted me good morning. But otherwise he made no acknowledgement of our secret meeting from the night previous. I took a seat near him, and I was given a platter of food. I was eating still when Johai emerged from a door at the back of the hall. He was handsome in a doublet of silver and black. His white hair was brushed and braided. He swept into the room without a glance in my direction. It stung. He’s just playing the game, to keep Aland from suspecting he’s changed.

  I stood up to greet him, but as he approached, I saw the hard press of his lips. No. He took a seat across from me, beside Aland. He gave the servant a clipped command before turning to face me. His eyes were black chips of onyx set into his pale face. My Johai is gone, trapped once more behind the specter. I had been a fool to hope for anything more.

  “Good morning, Maea, I hope you slept well.”

  My stomach twisted, and the food lost its appeal. I pushed my plate away. He knows what Johai and I did last night, or was that all a deception meant to bring me to his bed? Will I fall even deeper into his spell?

  Under the table, Elenna squeezed my hand, reminding me to respond to Johai’s greeting.

  “I slept well enough, thank you,” I replied, my tone flat.

  “I’m glad to hear it.” His lips curled in a smirk.

  I let my gaze fall to the table once more. Elenna took her time eating. She chatted with Aland in the Biski tongue. Both of them switched to Danhadine at times, and I caught one word in perhaps ten. I let everything wash over me. What a
fool I am. I fell right into his trap. When the breakfast things were cleared away, Duke Wodell asked us to join him in his library.

  We seated ourselves around the room. I kept my distance from Johai, ashamed by my mistake from the night before. He for the most part ignored me, instead focusing on the duke and Aland. He has had all he wants from me. Maybe now he will trust me enough; it will make the task easier, in the end. Maybe the real Johai is lost. I studied the books upon Duke Wodell’s shelves. He had an impressive array. They were well cared for, and the shelves themselves were clear of dust and clutter.

  Beau had joined us for the meeting, at the duke’s behest. Aland also had a few of his men with him. The wild Biski seemed out of place among the polished furniture and embroidered rugs upon the floor. They shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. I knew Elenna had mentioned a discomfort being locked within stone walls. I could only assume her people shared her sentiment.

  “I understand you have some terms you would have me hear?” Duke Wodell addressed Johai.

  “Yes, as you know, we are in need of men to join with our numbers. King Adair has provisioned you with an impressive force. Since the threat from the south shall no longer be a concern, we hope you will be generous with your allowances to us.” Johai smiled; he had already assumed Duke Wodell would agree.

  The duke stroked his beard and looked at Johai. I watched him, knowing the outcome before it was settled. He knows the truth, but he cannot show it. He will have to agree or risk exposing the lies, but it also means sending his men to their deaths.

  “I would keep some force here. Though we will sign a treaty with the Stone Clan, that does not mean other clans might not take up arms against this keep.”

  Johai inclined his head. “Very well, I am glad you are willing to assist, in any way you can.”

  The duke nodded. His gaze flicked in my direction for a brief moment. My heart stopped. Johai looked over at me. I acted indifferent, looking out the window and at the books on the shelves. He seemed fooled by my deception, and he turned back to the duke.

  “There is one more thing I would ask of you,” Johai said.

  The duke sat forward a little straighter in his chair. “Yes?”

  “I want you to take Maea to Keisan. War is dangerous, and I would not have her caught in the middle. She is very... precious to me.”

  He looked over to me, and his gaze lingered on me for longer than I was comfortable with. He was gloating in his triumph, I assumed. He thinks he owns me in body and soul, but I will have the last laugh. You will give Johai his body back, mark my words.

  “If you want to keep her safe, you would do better to send her anywhere other than Keisan,” the duke said, and I had no doubt that his anger was not feigned. He still did not agree with sending me to Keisan. “She was convicted a traitor, and should she return there, the king may demand her head.”

  Johai pressed his fingertips together and regarded the duke over them. “Do not worry about that, Mikell. The king will not kill Maea, you have my word.”

  The duke regarded Johai for a moment. I could see him wanting to protest, he even opened his mouth to do so, but in the end he nodded and said, “As you wish, I will bring her to Keisan. But let it fall on your head if any ill comes to her.”

  Johai looked to me. “I have no doubt Maea will be safest at Keisan.”

  What is he not telling me? It was my plan to go to Keisan and become the spy, but I had not figured out how to get past Adair. It seemed Johai had some plan in mind that I was not yet privy to. It seems he is always three steps ahead of me. The meeting was adjourned after plans were made for travel and the numbers were hashed out that would be joining Aland’s force.

  When we were exiting the library, Johai grabbed me by the shoulder and held me back as the others filed out. I watched them go, even Beau, who tried to linger only to be shooed away by Johai with an impatient wave of his hand. The door closed with a thud, and I felt my heart leap into my throat. Johai let go of my shoulder and paced away from me.

  “Everything is prepared, but are you, little diviner?” he said.

  “Yes. I’ll tell Adair whatever you wish, but how do I know he will trust me?”

  He smiled. “Don’t worry on that count. I have prepared the way for you.” He grabbed my chin and tilted my head back with his finger so I was forced to look into his black eyes. “When I take Keisan, I hope you will come to my bed, as is my right. I can be patient, but a man can only wait so long for what he desires.”

  He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine. I felt a wave of revulsion. It was a sick and pale shadow of the kisses I had shared with Johai. Then it struck me. Last night, it was the real Johai, and the specter knows nothing. I wanted to cry for joy but kept my emotion in check. This would be my secret; the specter could not know. I promise, Johai. I will free you, soon.

  Chapter Fourteen

  WE LEFT BLACKTHORN a fortnight later. The duke, my father, kept me at a distance so as to not reveal our relationship. None but Elenna, Beau and me knew the truth. It was a small mercy. The night I shared with Johai would be a secret I kept to myself, as well. Though I think Elenna knew. She did not say anything in so many words, but her secret smile spoke volumes. As the day to leave Blackthorn drew closer, I felt my destiny weighing heavy upon my shoulders. Elenna was also withdrawn. Most days she slipped out into the forest and would be gone from dawn until dusk. When I asked her what she was doing, she would smile and avoid the question. The day we left, the sky was gray and threatened rain. I was wrapped in a fur cloak and shivering despite it. I had awoken with a vague nauseous feeling that I blamed on my nerves. I am heading to my death, I thought as I dressed that morning. I took comfort in knowing that my life would save many and Johai would be free at last.

  Aland and Johai were mounted by the time I reached the courtyard. Duke Wodell was saying his good-byes. He was wearing his travelling cloak. It was sable, trimmed in fur, and pinned together with a bronze clasp shaped like a tangle of thorns. Aland, Johai, and the remainder of the Stone Clan would be heading northwest, under the pretense of going to meet Neaux in battle. In truth, they were to join the two halves of the Stone Clan together along with the Neaux army. Duke Wodell had assigned several hundred men-at-arms to join the Stone Clan. Each one was handpicked and loyal to the duke. I am sending those men to their deaths, I thought as I looked upon their faces. I had wanted to stop the war, but it was moving faster than I could hope to keep up. The best I could do was to keep the casualties to a minimum. The sooner the specter is destroyed, the sooner this war ends. Winter was moving apace and soon would come spring and, with it, the day of promise when the moon swallowed the sun.

  The wind was whipping through the trees and howling against the stone walls of Blackthorn as we waited in the courtyard, making our good-byes. Johai came over to me. I looked up at him in the saddle. He smiled down at me as he reached out to brush a hair from my cheek. I shivered; even now I felt the pull to him.

  “We will be parted for a time, but I will see you again soon.”

  I bowed my head. I will see you next when I bring you to the underworld. I looked up at him and smiled. “I will await our next meeting with great anticipation.”

  He smirked, then wheeled his mount around. “We must ride. We have a long journey ahead of us.”

  Aland shouted to his clansmen, and the group thundered out of the courtyard. The hoofbeats of horses seemed to echo for a few moments even after they had left. My stomach twisted, and I thought the little breakfast I had eaten would come back up. I can do this. I will not look back. I will look only forward. My own party departed with less fanfare shortly after. We were two dozen all told. The duke brought a few servants and a handful of men-at-arms. The forest was dark and seemed to press down upon us as we made our way through it. The duke’s men knew their way, and they led us down a myriad of animal trails and along brooks.

  The sun was setting by the time we were clear of the thickest parts of the forest. We
made it to a roadside inn, where the duke paid for a room for me and Elenna to share and one for himself. Beau and the other men-at-arms set up tents outside. I had grown accustomed to hard riding and long travelling during my time with the Biski, but that night I found I was very weary. My stomach still troubled me, and I only pushed chunks of vegetables about in the stew the innkeeper served us. I excused myself to sleep, and as soon as my head hit the pillow, unconsciousness took me. The following days fell in the same succession, though I found I was more tired than before, and my nausea did not subside. In fact, by the second week upon the road, I woke with vomiting. The duke ordered a rest for me to recover. I lay in bed most of the day, only getting up to vomit in the chamber pot. Elenna stayed with me, giving me herbal brews to ease my suffering. We were three days at the roadside inn when I began to become concerned. Other than the nausea and vomiting, I had no other symptoms.

  “I fear there is something wrong,” I told Elenna on the third evening as I returned from emptying my stomach.

  “Or perhaps there is something you are afraid to admit to yourself,” Elenna replied.

  I gave her a quizzical look. “What do you mean?”

  She patted the bed, encouraging me to sit down beside her. I did as she bid, and when I sat down, she gathered my hands in hers. “Tell me, the first night in Blackthorn, did you go to Johai?”

  I flushed to think of that one perfect night. “I did.”

  “And did you lay with him?”

  I pulled my hands from her grip and jumped to my feet. This proved to be a mistake. I had a wave of dizziness, which triggered the nausea. I ran for the chamber pot and retched once again. Elenna had not moved as I sat back down, my haunches trembling. She was waiting for an answer, one that I was afraid to reveal. I have been sick for longer than these past three days. My grandmother taught me how to treat these same symptoms, but it cannot be true. My death is the only way to save Johai.

  “I do not know why that would be any of your concern.” My hands were trembling, and I balled my fingers in the fabric of my gown.