by Anna B. Doe
My teeth nibble at the skin of her shoulder in warning. “I don’t think we have time for fuck and coffee.”
She shoots straight up in the bed, pulling the blanket with her to hide her naked skin from my eyes.
No matter how many times I’ve seen her naked or how many times we have sex, Anabel still tries to hide from me. She wraps a blanket around herself or puts one of my shirts on. Seeing her wear my clothes is a turn on, but seeing her naked body is what naughty dreams are made of.
“There is coffee?” Anabel gets off the bed, blanket tightly wrapped around her and all, sniffing the air. “Why don’t I smell coffee?”
I pop on my elbow to look at her. “Probably because it got cold waiting for you to wake up.”
“It’s not that late.”
She waves me off, grabs the cup of coffee off the desk where I put it, and takes a long sip humming contently.
“It’s only …” I take the phone off the nightstand and look at the time. “Seven forty-five.”
“It’s what?” She chokes on her coffee, and I can’t help myself but laugh.
“There’s nothing remotely funny about that! Why didn’t you wake me earlier?”
With coffee securely in hand, she starts going through her closet to find something to wear. Talk about priorities.
Anabel mutters to herself all the way about immature men and how you can count only on yourself before she dashes into the bathroom, the shower starting almost instantly.
Laughing at her antics, I get up and grab my coffee and breakfast. I go through news on my phone and listen to Anabel move around the bathroom.
Her shower is extra quick. Once she’s done, she brushes her teeth and face, puts on some makeup, and tries to tame her hair. I’d know because we did it numerous times together. It may seem strange to some people, but I loved having her around. Sharing the closet, finding all the girly products I won’t be able to name ever around my bathroom, and her silly Post-It notes to herself left all around my apartment along with her books and pens. That girl has a shit ton of pens.
In less than twenty minutes, she’s out dressed in black skinny jeans and a blue dress shirt that matches the color of her eyes. She starts grabbing the stuff she might need all over the room and throws them into her bag.
“That was fast,” I say, taking the final bite of chocolate goodness. “You know, if you let me buy you a car you wouldn’t need to hurry so much or get up early.”
Anabel shoots me a glare, not at all amused with my comment.
I lift my hands in surrender. “Just sayin’.”
She comes to the bed, plants a kiss on my lips, and takes her part of the breakfast along with her phone.
“I have to go now, but we’ll talk later in the afternoon.” She grabs her jacket and opens the door. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
I watch her close the door and listen to the sound of her steps as she goes away. Once she’s too far for me to hear anything, I finish my coffee and answer to all the e-mails and messages I’ve been ignoring all week.
When you’re as far away from the real life as I am at the moment it’s hard to remember time doesn’t stop and wait for you to decide to get back to it.
I take a shower and make the bed, changing the sheets before I go to the gym for my daily workout. As I’m about to lock the door, my phone rings with a familiar ringtone.
“Hey, Dom! Miss me already, old man?”
I love giving shit to my agent. He’s so easy to mess with.
“Only in your dreams, boy,” he answers almost immediately.
I laugh at the sound of his raspy voice. A result of years of smoking. “I don’t know about that. It’s mighty early for you to be calling.”
“Didn’t you learn anything yet? You don’t sleep if you want to accomplish something.”
I laugh harder. The man is a workaholic.
“As for the reason of my call,” he drags. He never drags, so I’m not sure I want to hear his next words. “You’re not going to like the news.”
Well damn! So much for ignoring real life.
*
ANABEL
“I’m so sorry, Val!” I all but run into the coffee shop where my friend is already waiting for me and stumble into the chair opposite of hers.
We’ve barely seen each other since the engagement party. William and I finally got some so much needed alone time, and Val … Well, she’s been busy with her own life. I didn’t know much, because we don’t text as we used to.
Being grown up sucks. There is so much to do and so little time. You don’t get to turn around full circle and the day is over and you didn’t do half the things you were supposed to. Balancing her full-time job and working on her thesis—she finished with all her classes last year, a year before me, because while I was playing nanny in the States she was at school, but her mentor was being difficult and didn’t want to approve her final thesis—with her family, friends and boyfriend couldn’t been easy.
“Don’t worry.” She waves me off. “I just got here myself.”
Just in that moment, the waiter decides to come and places her coffee in front of her. I place my order and we wait for the waiter to leave before we get to talking.
“So, how are you and mister star football player?”
“It’s mister famous football player,” I correct her. “And we’re amazing. I can’t even describe how much I missed him, Val! When he’s not around it feels like something is missing. The days go by and I do everything as I would do with him here, but it’s just not the same.”
“You’re in love. It’s okay to miss him.” Val gives me a soft smile.
“I sometimes feel so silly. We’re adults, for Christ’s sake! It shouldn’t be that hard to spend some time apart.”
“Why should you feel silly? It’s normal to miss the person you love. It’s normal to feel hollow and sad and even angry. You shouldn’t have to go through that. Two people that love each other as much as you two do shouldn’t be separated at all.”
She’s right. I know she is. Being separated form Will feels wrong on so many levels I don’t even want to start counting them all.
But he’s here now, and I have him all to myself for a while.
That’s the only thing that matters.
“What about you? How is everything working with Dominik now that you moved in together?”
Val made a few hints about them moving in together in the last few months. They’ve been dating for almost six years now, so I guess it seems like a logical next step.
“It’s …” She looks at her mug, her finger tracing the edge. “It’s good. We’re still trying to get used to it.”
I frown.
She should be happy she finally got to move in with her long-time boyfriend. Ecstatic even. Why isn’t she?
“Is everything all right?”
This time I look at her better. Actually look at her. Her face seems paler than usual, and her round blue eyes stand out. There are dark circles under her eyes, and it looks as if she lost a few pounds.
Smile is plastered on her face, but if you look closely, you can clearly see it’s as fake as all those Botoxed actresses in Hollywood.
Val is trying to avoid looking me directly in the eyes, but I can see though her facade.
Maybe you would have seen it sooner if you weren’t too busy with your own life and happiness to notice something’s wrong with your friend.
I tell the nasty voice inside my brain where to shove it and lean closer, my hand clasping over hers.
“What’s really going on, Val?”
She breathes in slowly, trying to get her emotions under control. Tears shimmer in her eyes, but she bats them away.
Val is an expressive type of person. You can see every emotion going through her clearly written all over her face. When she’s happy her blond curls are bouncing on her shoulders and her blue eyes shimmer with laughter. When she’s angry you can feel her wrath. Like a summer st
orm, her anger comes on quickly and in full force, destroying everything that’s on her path. And when she’s sad it’s profound and quiet. You can feel her sadness and anguish in your bones.
“I-I … I don’t know,” she stutters.
One silent tear falls down her cheek, no matter how hard she tried to hold it in. I lean in closer, wiping away the lone tear and taking both her hands in mine.
“Everything is wrong for months now. He’s distant and we fight all the time. All-the-damn-time. We hoped that moving in together would help us reconnect, but the distance has only grown since then. It doesn’t feel like my home at all, Bel. It’s like I’m a stranger there.”
“Oh, honey.”
Switching to the chair next to hers, I wrap her in my arms.
“What is wrong with us? I look at you and Will and I wonder did it ever feel that way between Dominik and me. Seeing the love the two of you share opened my eyes in way nothing else could.” She gets out of my embrace, wiping away the tears on her cheeks. “Maybe it’s better this way. Maybe I figured shit on time and maybe this really isn’t working anymore. Because, Bel, I don’t want to settle. I don’t want to be with a guy just because that’s the right thing to do. Finish school, find the job, get married, have kids. I don’t want my life orchestrated by standards this society pushed on me. I want to be happy. I want to laugh and have somebody look at me the way William Price looks at you. Like there is nothing more important than you in his life. Like he’d do anything, give anything just to make you happy. Just to see you smile.”
I swallow audibly. My heart squeezes painfully in my chest listening to my best friend baring her heart to me. If I only knew she was feeling this way, I’d … I’m not sure what I would exactly do, but at least I would be there for her.
“You’re right, Val. You shouldn’t settle. Never settle for less than what you deserve. And you deserve it all. A great guy who’ll love you and respect you. Make you laugh and take you places and simply be there when you need him. The guy who’ll hug you tight and kiss your forehead before you fall asleep after he makes crazy, stupid love to you.”
“It just feels so wrong, you know?” When I give her a blank stare, she continues. “Leaving him just like that. We’ve been together for six years. Six years, Bel! That’s a lot of time to just walk out on somebody.”
“You’re the only one who can make the right choice, Valentina. I can tell you what I think, but in the end, it’s up to you to make a decision.”
Val nods her head in agreement. “I know. And I will. Soon. For now, I think I owe it to him, to us to try and make things right.”
“If you think that’s the right decision …”
Which I don’t, but I can’t say that to her. She’s all over the place as it is.
If I learned something, it’s that you can’t force love. You can’t make somebody to fall for you as much as you can’t fall out of love with somebody just because you think that’s what you should do.
But Val wasn’t ready to hear that. Not just yet.
“I think so. Anyway, I better go. I have to meet with my mentor about the thesis. Again.” Her lips press in a tight, unhappy line. Who could blame her? The girl made so many changes on her thesis by now it’s a brand-new paper.
“Talk to you later?”
“I’ll call you and let you know how it went.”
“If he approves it we’ll have to go out and celebrate.
“Are you, Anabel Majer, suggesting we go out and party?” Val wiggles her brows playfully.
“I had in mind a celebratory drink, but sure, why not? If your thesis getting approved isn’t a reason to go all out, I don’t know what is.”
“Amen, girl.”
She starts getting her wallet, but I wave her off. “My treat. Talk to you later!”
“See ya!”
She sashays away in a little bit better spirits than when I first saw her. If nothing else, this conversation helped lift the weight off her shoulders. At least for now.
CHAPTER 12
ANABEL
“Babe, I’m back!” I call as I close the door.
There is no actual need to shout, because this apartment is like the size of the kitchen at Will’s place in New York, but I like the homey feel of the greeting.
I turn around and place my bag on the chair before my eyes look for him. Only I don’t see him. No, I see the suitcase standing at the end of my bed.
Our bed.
My eyes look for him just in time to see him get out of the bathroom. I switch my gaze between Will and the suitcase a few times, before they settle on him.
“What is going on?”
“Bel, I …”
There is a lump in my throat so big I can’t swallow it down. It’s asphyxiating.
He doesn’t utter a word of explanation, but I already know it, and I don’t want to hear it. It’s not time. Not yet. He can’t go. It’s too early. We still have time. One month. We were supposed to have one more month together, dammit!
I bite my lower lip to stop it from trembling, or maybe it’s to stop this word vomit that wants to get out of my mouth. My head shakes from one side to the other, and I can feel the burn of tears gathering in my eyes.
“No …”
Will opens his arms and takes one careful step toward me and the only thing I can do is protest harder. “No … Just, no …”
“I’m so sorry, Tink …”
Painful sobs break though my carefully built walls, and the only way I can try to stop it is to cover my mouth with my trembling hand. So, I do it. Anything to stop this pain. Anything to turn back the time and return it to the days we were happy. Days we were together and the future, the inevitability of his departure, was weeks, months away.
His hands wrap around me tightly. I can feel his pain like it’s my own.
It is my own.
Because we’re one.
We’ve always been one.
We rock from side to side, not saying a word. His grip on me never loosens, not for a nanosecond. He rocks me in his arms to the painful, heart wrecking sound of my sobs.
Why is life so unfair? Just when the things were staring to get better. Just when we finally got into a routine and I didn’t wake up every morning in wonder that he’s still here. Just when I finally, finally got to have him for myself.
Am I too selfish? Is that the reason why life throws all this obstacles in the way of our love? Why can’t at least one thing be easy? We deserve this. We deserve to be happy for once, dammit!
“I’m so sorry, Bel. If I could …”
“It’s not fair!” I protest loudly, getting out of his embrace just enough so I can see his face through my tear-stained gaze. “It’s not fair! It’s not fair!” With every word, I pound at his chest harder.
William doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t stop me from hitting his chest. He doesn’t tell me not to yell or to stop crying. He doesn’t do anything.
I’m not even sure why I’m doing it. I know it’s not William’s fault. I know some things have to come before what we want for ourselves. That’s what being adult is about. Making sacrifices. Doing things you don’t want to because it’s the right thing to do. Does it make it easier? No. Does it make it true? Yes.
“I know, baby. I know.” His words are calming and so, so sad. “Please babe, anything … Don’t cry … Please …”
Tears start running faster, and I move closer to him, burying my face in the crook of his neck to hide my pain.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Will.” My words are muffled by his skin.
“Nothing is wrong. Life is just unfair sometimes, and you don’t have to be happy about it, but please, Bel, don’t cry. You’re killing me.”
Closing my eyes, I will myself to calm down. It’s hard. So fucking hard. I want to cry. I want to be selfish and damn the life and everything that’s holy, but I’m not hurting anybody but Will and myself.
Will picks me up in his arms and takes us to bed.
I straddle his lap and move as close as possible to him. If I could I would get under his skin. Anything just to be together.
His hands rub my back, trying to calm me down. I can feel the pressure of his lips against my temple.
I don’t know how long we sit in silence. Me straddling his lap, his hands wrapped tightly around me and the blanket covering us from the ice cold of the reality.
“When do you have to go?” I barely whisper. My voice is low and rough from all the crying.
“Early morning.”
Another sob tries to break out of my lungs, but I stop it.
“That’s in a few hours.”
“I’m—”
I don’t let him finish the sentence. I cover his lips with the tip of my finger. His hot breath touches my cold skin.
I swallow hard before speaking. “I don’t think I can do it once again, Will.”
“What are you …”
Shaking my head, I press my lips against his in a tender kiss. All those emotions pure and dark transferred into one simple kiss.
I’m not going away.
I’m yours and you’re mine.
Forever.
Kiss after kiss, I erase all his doubts. I might be weak, but I’m not a coward.
“Love me tonight, William.”
*
WILLIAM
After we made love, Bel finally drifted to sleep. I guess all these emotions finally got the best of her. Thank god for that, because I don’t think I would be able to take anymore of her tears. I knew telling her I have to leave early won’t be easy, but I didn’t expect this kind of a meltdown.
Anabel is always so strong. So guarded. But this going back and forth gets the best of her every single time. I can’t blame her for not wanting to send me off because I know I wouldn’t want to be in her shoes. I can’t put her through this pain once again. Every time we have to say goodbye it’s harder and harder.
We were fooling ourselves last year when we thought being together and doing this long-distance would be easy. There’s nothing easy about having to leave the person you love behind. There is nothing easy about not being able to touch the one you love every day, to feel them beside you. But at the same time, I know I wouldn’t have it any other way. No matter how hard it is, no matter how many tears I caused her to cry, no matter how much Bel’s crying hurts me, I would take it all over again just to be with her.