by Liz Bower
“I’m so sorry.”
We both fell silent after that. Me lost in my memories and wondering why I’d decided to unload on Beck. Bet he was so glad he’d asked.
Eventually, Beck let out a soft snore. The late hour catching up with him, and me too as I fought back a yawn.
I stopped thinking and instead listened to his deep, rhythmic breaths.
Chapter Six
I must have fallen asleep because I woke to the scent of warm skin, my head nuzzled between Beck’s head and shoulder. His leg was thrown over mine, the duvet between us, pinning me to the bed. Carefully I rolled back towards my pillow as far as I could, trying not to wake him. I glanced over to find him staring at me, a slow smile spreading across his lips.
“Hey.”
“Hi. What time is it?”
He rolled his head towards the bedside table and reached out to grab his mobile. The screen lit up, the glow of it lighting up his face.
“We have nearly two and a half hours until checkin,” he replied, as he rolled back to face me.
I’d been asleep for less than an hour. Beck was staring again, and I tried to hold still under the intensity of that look. It was dark in the room, even though the curtains had been left open. The faint glow cast from the street lights gave the space an orange hue and was enough for me to make out his features. “Sorry. I know I said I’d take the chair. Guess I fell asleep.” He shrugged.
“It’s okay.”
I tugged at the duvet that still separated us, expecting him to move his leg, but instead he leaned in closer.
“Is it okay if I tell you that I want to kiss you so much it’s all I can think about right now?”
Slowly I nodded and focused on his lips. I swallowed, unable to look him in the eye as I said, “It would…be okay if you did kiss me.” It would be so much more than okay. I didn’t think I’d ever see Beck again. Didn’t know much about him. But I did know I’d regret missing the chance to kiss him. Regret the things you did, not the things you didn’t, right? But I couldn’t imagine ever regretting kissing Beck.
“Are you sure?”
I nodded again as I finally glanced back up at him. Slowly, he leaned down towards me as though giving me time to change my mind, but the hard press of his thigh over my leg let me know I wasn’t going anywhere. His warm breath fanned over my cheek and my eyes were drawn to his lips. Watched the tip of his tongue trace along his bottom lip, leaving it glistening.
It was like time stopped as we locked gazes. His eyes shone and looked almost black in the dim light. My whole body heated under that intense look, and the air around us seemed to shift—became charged like a force field surrounding us from the real world. The anticipation of the kiss stretched between us and was the most sexual activity I’d had in…way too long.
His lips brushed mine. A whisper of a touch and my eyelids fluttered shut. Those lips were as soft as they looked and beneath them; mine parted on a soft sigh. He licked across my bottom lip and sent a jolt of pleasure down my spine, leaving my head tingling. Our tongues tangled together, and I never wanted the moment to end.
But then he pulled away…leaving me wanting more. So much more. If this was my one chance to kiss him, to be with him, I wanted more than an all too fleeting touch of our lips.
Our eyes met as we dragged in much-needed breaths, and I lost myself in those rich eyes. Lost myself in the moment, the tidal wave of emotions that kiss had whipped up. Anchored by Beck. But also more than a little scared that I wanted nothing more than to be kissed that way every day. By Beck. Like I was the most important thing—the only thing that mattered. Which was crazy. Yet fit perfectly with every other bizarre aspect of the day.
Pushing the duvet out of my way, I clutched my other hand around his T-shirt to pull him back. He smiled, but I didn’t care. I flicked my tongue over the seam of his lips and they parted. He groaned—or it might have been me—as his tongue slid over mine. I released my grip on his T-shirt to slide my hand around his hip. Fingertips tracing the outline of the muscles across his back. Our tongues danced around each other until his hand cradled my jaw and tipped my head up. The other gently brushing my hair away from my face. It was that soft, almost tender touch that did me in.
I surrendered, allowing him to control the kiss. Let the heat of the emotions he was stirring up inside of me consume me. God, it had been far too long since I’d been kissed and never like that. His tongue retreated, licking over the outline of my lips. He pressed open-mouthed kisses along my cheek as his lips made their way to my neck. He licked the skin below my ear drawing a shudder that was half ticklish, half lust.
I pressed myself closer, his chest firm against my own. Then he sucked against my skin and I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to leave a mark or not. A reminder of our night—or early morning—together. But then his lips were back on mine and I didn’t care about anything else. Couldn’t think of anything except the touch of his warm lips against me.
It must have been only moments that we kissed, but it felt like hours. Beck pulled away, his breaths fast and shallow, lips shining in the darkened room and slightly swollen. Eyes hooded. That was a look I wasn’t about to forget anytime soon.
And if we only had one night together, I wanted more than a kiss to remember it by. One night to escape what had become my new reality. To be…not me. Instead of overthinking the moment, to go with it instead. Not worry about right or wrong but do what I wanted. And I really wanted Beck. There in his arms, all the other shit going on in my life melted away. Leaving behind this feeling of being exactly where I was supposed to be.
I trailed my hand down his back until I reached the hem of his T-shirt. Warm, soft skin. Hard muscles beneath. Slid my fingers across his hip and up the ridges of his stomach until they found his nipple, already stiff. Beck groaned and our eyes met.
“I don’t expect anything more.” His voice low and rough bringing doubts with it.
My hand froze, head tilting away from him. Did he not want to do more than kiss? His arm tightened around my waist, fingers pressing into my back.
“Don’t get me wrong; I want to.”
His lips lifted on one side. That was all I needed to know. And I was done with talking. I lightly scraped a fingernail across his nipple. Stretched up to meet his lips with mine. Nipped at his bottom lip before our tongues tangled.
He rose up to straddle my legs, pushing the duvet off me and into a heap at the bottom of the bed. My hands dropped to the hem of his T-shirt. There were too many clothes still between us, even with the duvet out of the way. Dragging my mouth from his, I lifted the shirt to reveal a hard, toned chest. He pulled it over his head and threw it onto the floor. I traced the outline of the tattoo over his heart but when he tensed, I wrapped my hands around his jaw and captured his lips again. His hands slipped beneath my pyjama top and we parted long enough to discard it. Hand splayed across my back, he pulled me tightly against his chest. Skin to skin. Hands running gently up and down my back, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their path. I don’t know what I’d expected from what was basically a one-night stand, but it wasn’t that. Gentle caresses that felt loving. Tender touches making me think stupid things like I didn’t want this to be the only night we had together.
He made quick work of discarding the rest of our clothes. Rolled to the edge of the bed and came back with a condom in his hand. Lips searching out mine again, not wanting to be separated for even a moment. When our skin pressed together from chest to toe, snaps of pleasure raced across my skin, a burst of light beneath my closed eyelids. Heat suffused every inch of me—my body lighting up like the finale of a fireworks display on bonfire night.
He trailed kisses down my neck, biting gently into my shoulder. I arched my back off the mattress and his lips sought out my nipple. Sucking tenderly before grazing his teeth across the hardened tip. Thumb seeking out my clit as he slipped a finger inside me. Gently stroked.
I trailed my fingers down his chest. Lower. And lower, until I
wrapped them around his cock and dragged a moan from him. Skin so silky soft yet so hard beneath. I ran a finger across the tip, spreading the liquid already beading there. Traced the vein that ran along the length of it. Wrapped my fingers around the base and with a firm grip slid my hand up.
“Oh, fuck.”
I loved the way the words were torn from him. Loved knowing I’d affected him that much.
Tearing foil stopped my movements and I released my hold on him as he slid the condom on. Positioned himself then sank slowly down inside me. I threw my head back with a moan. Oh, God. My hips lifted to meet his thrust for thrust. I dropped my hands to his chest, fingers curling into the firm muscles.
There was no rush to his movements. Like we had all the time in the world when in reality, we only had a few more hours together. My stomach clenched at the thought of him walking out of my life in such a short space of time. Was it possible to miss someone you didn’t even know?
His hand slid up my arm, fingertips trailing across my shoulder until his hand curled around the back of my neck. Urging me up until our lips met. His other arm wrapped around my shoulders so I was surrounded by him. No room for thoughts to invade. Just the touch of skin against skin, the smell of our warm bodies entwined together.
His tongue thrust inside my mouth in rhythm with his hips. He stilled on top of me, my hands curling around his biceps. “Close. So close, I can’t…”
His thrusts became erratic as my orgasm exploded and I clenched around him. Eyes squeezed shut so tight, pinpricks of white danced behind my eyelids. Warmth flooded through my veins as every muscle relaxed.
Another thrust and a groan escaped him as he stilled above me and pulled me closer, burying his face in my hair.
A lazy smile lifted the corners of his lips as he rolled to the side and slipped an arm around my waist to tuck me up against his chest. Damp lips warm against my forehead as he brushed a kiss across it.
We lay in silence waiting for our breaths to slow. Sweat-slicked skin cooling. His fingers tracing lazy patterns on the small of my back, making me shudder. I wanted to stay there—in his arms—forever.
But then he pulled away and headed for the bathroom. Sauntered towards the bed and slid back in beside me, pulling the covers over us and wrapping his arms around me. Fingers brushing lazily over my skin as we lay together in contented silence.
“We should try to get some more sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.”
Sleep was the last thing I wanted to do, but I murmured my agreement. Resting my head against his shoulder, I breathed in the spicy scent of his skin. Matched my breathing to his slow breaths. Closed my eyes when his arm tightened around my waist. Our legs tangled together and my chest ached. I hadn’t realised how much I missed having someone to snuggle up with. Someone to kiss. Someone who made me feel.
Maybe not just anyone…but Beck.
I didn’t know if it was because of the aborted flight, or that we’d made love, or the fact that I might never see him again, but something about him had me wanting to open up to him. To share things I normally wouldn’t. Do things I normally wouldn’t.
The scent of Beck filled my nostrils. His arms wrapped around me and held me close.
More content in his arms than I had been in a long time, I snuggled closer and drifted off.
Chapter Seven
The loud ringtone of my mobile startled me awake and I groped around on the bedside table. Still groggy, it took me a moment to silence the alarm as I sat up. The bathroom door was ajar, and light spilled into the room through the gap to reveal the absence of Beck’s suitcase. The room beyond the open door was empty. I brushed a hand over the cold duvet on his side of the bed. Disappointment washed over me, which was ridiculous. One night together and I’d expected him to escort me back to the airport. Hoped he might figuratively—if not literally—hold my hand during take-off.
I rolled over to place my mobile back on the table and bit my lip at the white business card laid on the top. A small smile lifted my lips as I plucked it off the wooden surface. A little bubble of hope tried to rise up inside me. Maybe he’d gone to grab some coffees. But as I read his scrawled note, my smile disappeared.
Sorry, but I won’t make the flight. Work called. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Beck.
I flicked the card over and in raised gold lettering, was a mobile number. Nothing else.
International man of mystery. I laughed as I flipped the card back over. He’d been going to Malta to visit his parents. International maybe, but not so much with the mystery. But he’d left me his number, hadn’t he? The note didn’t say to call him, though it implied that. Or maybe that was the only paper he had to leave a note on. And it was a business card. It didn’t exactly say, “I enjoyed our night and want a repeat performance.”
I flopped against the pillows with a deep sigh. Flicked the card back over to read his scrawled message again. No mention of the previous night. I thought there had been a connection between us. That it had been more than just sex. Had hoped it might have been the start of…something, maybe.
I dropped the card on the table and threw the duvet off me. Had the previous night not meant anything to him? What if I’d imagined a connection between us? What if I was just one in a long line of other women he’d done this with?
Glancing again at the card, I reread that last sentence.
Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.
But I shoved that bubble of hope back down as it tried to float free again. He’d left his business card. And didn’t that make me feel special?
But I could call him once I returned from Malta. Maybe.
Then again, if the previous night had meant as much to Beck as it had to me, why had he left without waking me? Left without more than a quickly scrawled message?
It had been years, but I could just about remember the start of my relationship with Jack. Even in the beginning—when the sex had still been good—it hadn’t made me feel the way I had felt in Beck’s arms. Had never felt…complete. Like Beck was a magnet that had rearranged the pieces of my heart until they all fit in the right place. Until I felt something instead of numb. Felt alive again.
There was nothing I could do about it; I had a plane to catch. So I climbed out of bed thinking of our too-short time spent together in the room. But I had the option to call him. It didn’t have to be just one night.
Nearly an hour after leaving the hotel a sense of déjà vu hit me as I wandered down the tunnel to board a different plane. I stopped to lean against the flimsy wall. Swallowed hard as my stomach tried to escape back to the safety of the hotel room, and I was thankful I’d skipped breakfast. Pressed my clammy forehead against the cool plastic wall. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. I repeated Beck’s words over and over in my head as though if I said them enough times, they’d come true.
And statistically, the odds of something happening on this flight were low. But the old adage of bad things coming in threes popped into my head. Sliding a sweaty palm up the wall, I lifted my head and pushed myself upright. That was just superstitious nonsense. Nothing would happen. Except I’d end up in Malta—hopefully with some answers to the hundreds of questions I had.
Settling into another window seat, I fastened the belt around my waist. Pulled it as tight as it would go around my lap. My seat was further forward in the plane than the last time, but I could still see the wing. I looked it over and then let out a snort. Like I knew what I was looking for. But it looked intact, no gaping hole spewing wires, so that was a bonus.
A passenger walked past in the aisle and I glanced up. Of course it wasn’t Beck. He’d told me he’d wouldn’t be on the flight, but it didn’t stop me from checking every single passenger that walked by. Until an elderly gentleman slowly lowered himself into the seat next to the aisle. Propped a wooden walking stick between the gap in the empty seats between us. He paid no attention to me so I stared out of the window, fingers clutching at the armrests.
And then we were m
oving. Runway up ahead.
You’ll be fine. You’ll be fine.
As the plane picked up speed so did my heartbeat, and I forced myself to breathe. Nothing flapped on the wing. Everything looked fine. And then the plane lifted. The rows of cars and houses below slowly receding until they looked like toy Lego pieces on a mat.
The view disappeared, obscured by huge fluffy white clouds; it was like being in a cocoon of cotton wool. A smile tugged at my lips—I’d done it. The seat belt sign went off, and I flexed my stiff fingers from their death grip.
I was on my way to Malta.
***
I had planned to eat at my dad’s restaurant the night after I arrived in Malta, but I was already a day late arriving. And once I was there, I didn’t want to put it off any longer, hoping that it would get rid of the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. And my skin was too sensitive; the drag of my clothes over it made me scratch until I gave up and headed for the tiny bathroom in the hotel.
The room might be small and plain with blank white walls, but the view more than made up for that. I was so high up in the hotel, I could see the coastline. Not that I’d spent much time admiring it.
I switched the shower off and wrapped the fluffy white towel around my chest. Padded back out towards the bed and my open suitcase. I’d laid out all my outfits to try and decide what I should wear, but there wasn’t much advice on what to wear to meet your dad for the first time when he might not know you exist.
I twisted my hair up into a bun and decided it didn’t really matter what I wore. My stomach flipped at the sight of the birth certificate. I dragged on a pair of jeans and a purple floaty shirt. Folded the birth certificate in half and slipped it into my handbag. Shoving my feet into my Skechers, I shook out my hands. Wandered over to the window and leaned my forehead against the cool glass.
How would I even do this? “Hi, Dad, I’m the daughter you didn’t know about.”