‘I’m so glad you still want me,’ she murmured. ‘The thing is, I have got a bit of a problem.’
He groaned. ‘Haven’t we all in this dreadful world, not helped by what we went through the other day, thanks to your daft sister.’
Merryn felt in despair as she saw the grouchy expression etched on Johnny’s face. ‘Please don’t blame Cecily. Queenie tends to do that all the time when she’s moaning about anything that is troubling her. My dear sister was simply trying to find us employment. Do you think you’ll manage to find a job?’
‘Like you I feel the need for a bit of a rest, having worked bloody hard over this last year or so, and a chap deserves some time off for hobbies. I’ve been happy to do my bit, so will do anything within my grasp once I’ve enjoyed a much-needed break. Why wouldn’t I move heaven and earth to help you resolve whatever problem you have?’
‘Oh, would you really?’ A part of Merryn lurched with fresh hope at this comment.
He gave a little half-smile and then fell into a fit of coughing. When it was over, he drew out a cigarette from his silver case and lit it. ‘The war being over, we’ll soon recover from exhaustion.’
‘I’m not sure I will. But then my issue is not about the war. I’m pregnant,’ she said, the words at last leaping out because of her sense of desperation.
‘What?’ Dropping his cigarette, Johnny stared at her in shocked disbelief. ‘Blimey, my ears are popping out like hat pegs. I thought you’d just had a cold or an infection.’
She shook her head. ‘I suspected what the problem was before we left France but wished to be sure before I told you, and we did have to face that long journey home. I’ve worried about it all over Christmas. Now that we are free to create a new life for ourselves, we could marry,’ she said, a shy smile lighting her face. What had possessed her to make such a suggestion: wasn’t that up to him? Panic rattled through her. ‘That’s assuming you’re ready to be a father and still want me,’ she added in a fluster.
He blinked as he released her, gazing at her in startled confusion for what felt like several long moments. ‘Good grief, chuck, this problem is putting me in a bit of a flap. I’m not sure I can afford to marry and maintain a wife, let alone be a dad. As you must appreciate, finding a job now this war’s over is not proving to be easy. How could I cope, unless you don’t need me to provide you with wages, having a rich mother? Has Queenie agreed to help you?’
Merryn was instantly filled with anxiety that Johnny might not feel able to marry her if he became even more poor and unemployed. What a dreadful thought that she could end up a spinster and an unmarried mother. Fighting back tears, she struggled not to show her concern over this remark. ‘I still haven’t plucked up the courage to admit my condition to her.’
‘You must. She’s your mam so should offer to help you resolve the problem by providing you with sufficient money for this child.’
‘It’s not about money, it’s whether or not she’ll give me permission to marry you, were you to ask me,’ she said, blushing with embarrassment. ‘I won’t turn twenty-one until September 1920. And she’s always had silly notions that Cecily and I should marry well-to-do men.’
‘Which I am not.’
‘That doesn’t matter to me. I love you. And don’t you love me?’
He blinked, looking confused. ‘Haven’t we had a good time together? Something special has grown between us, so I reckon it must be love that we feel for each other, right? I trust I’m not wrong in saying that.’
Merryn felt as if she’d stopped breathing and her heart had ceased to beat. What could he possibly mean by describing their relationship in this way? She became aware of his fingers sliding possessively beneath her skirt to caress her thighs and softer flesh, then he started to kiss and make love to her, almost as if that was of importance to prove this statement. Panting with intensity, he pummelled within her, making Merryn gasp and feel a mixture of excitement and panic. However much she might ache for his touch and long to be a part of his life, was he willing to be a part of hers? He sounded no nearer to effectively declaring himself.
When eventually he withdrew, he grinned wolfishly at her. ‘You really are quite delicious and belong to a well-off family, not like mine, so mebbe I will come round to the idea of marrying you. Would you like me to speak to your mam?’
Merryn fervently shook her head. ‘Absolutely not! I’ll tell her myself, just as soon as I can find her in an appropriately good mood, which might not be any time soon.’
‘I’ll stay close by in case you need help to achieve that.’
‘Meanwhile, you’ll try to find yourself a job?’
He snorted with laughter. ‘It will not be easy to do that, let alone find us a house. We could always live with Queenie.’
‘Oh no, I would never wish that to happen.’
The fact he claimed the need for Queenie’s assistance was not a good thing, in her opinion. It came to Merryn that like it or not she would have to speak to her mother sooner than she’d planned, in order to resolve this problem.
‘Are you certain that marrying him is a good idea, lovey?’ Cecily said when Merryn announced that she’d finally told Johnny he was about to be a father and bravely made that suggestion. ‘I fear great harm may be brought about if you allow that man to take over your life. He has at times flirted with other girls, including me, which is surely a form of betrayal.’
Flushing, Merryn tightened her lips, looking cross. ‘That could be your fault, not his. Why would I blame him for that?’
Realising she’d said entirely the wrong thing, Cecily hastened to defend herself. ‘I firmly discouraged him, so please don’t accuse me of wanting that to happen. I also tried to explain to you how Mama once attempted to kiss him. I believe he’s flirted with the nurses too. You should listen to what I say and not be too trusting of him.’
Merryn’s face paled with fury. ‘I do not believe he would carry on flirting with anyone now we’re a couple.’
‘He may also have lied about why he did not join the Army. This eyesight problem he allegedly has doesn’t seem to gel. There have been many occasions when I’ve seen him out and about or even reading, without spectacles on.’
‘He does forget to put them on sometimes.’
‘That wouldn’t happen if he couldn’t see well enough without them, and that coughing and limping he apparently suffered from seems to have vanished altogether. He also once demanded a sum of money off me, accusing our family of being rich and selfish. How can you trust him?’
‘You’re the one who doesn’t trust men, not me,’ Merryn said. ‘Why would I not believe in him? I’d give my heart and soul for marriage with my darling Johnny, and I’m utterly convinced he loves me too.’
‘Do take care. You are my dear sister and I’ll do anything to protect you, even if you have to remain unmarried.’
‘I assure you Johnny will take good care of me, and I do trust him. Now I shall go and speak with Queenie.’ She marched off in a huff, her chin held high, leaving Cecily sinking into despair and deeply concerned for her beloved sister.
‘May I speak with you, Mama?’ Merryn courteously asked, having knocked on her bedroom door. She’d said nothing to her sister about Johnny’s grim reaction to her news, not wishing to give the impression that he might never actually make a proposal. Any reluctance he’d felt about agreeing to marry her was simply because he needed a job, Merryn firmly reminded herself. And he had felt the need to make love to her. She could but hope that he would come round to accepting the reality of her situation. Now she must attempt to receive the necessary permission from Queenie. When the door opened, Merryn was, as always, impressed by how lovely her mother looked, elegantly attired in a sky-blue crêpe de chine nightgown that so matched her eyes.
‘What is it, darling? Have you at last found me a new role in a show at the Palace?’ she asked.
Taking a seat by the fire, Merryn clasped her hands firmly on her lap, striving to hold on to her n
erves. ‘Sorry, I haven’t had time to enquire about that. The thing is, I’ve not been feeling too well and . . .’
‘You’re now much better, so please do go and speak to the new manager. You used to be very good at that task, so why would you not assist me? Just make it clear that I can sing and am still a star. Oh, and do please attend to my hair,’ she said, handing Merryn a brush.
Ignoring this request, Merryn rubbed her hand over her stomach. ‘The fact is, I’m expecting . . .’
Queenie gazed at her with a blank expression in her blue eyes for several long seconds, then screamed out loud. ‘What ? You can’t possibly be!’
‘I’m afraid I am.’ Merryn could feel her nerves tremble at the sight of the fury in her mother’s face. It did not surprise her when Queenie lashed out to smack her, treating her like a naughty young child.
‘You slut! Who the hell is the damn father? Was it one of those stupid Tommies?’
Feeling sore and slightly breathless, Merryn rubbed her cheek. ‘Actually, it’s Johnny, and as I’m anxious that our child should be born within the bounds of matrimony, I wish you to grant permission for me to marry him.’
‘Oh my God! You mean you’ve had an affair with him?’ Shock was evident in her mother’s gaze. ‘You surely aren’t claiming that stupid man loves you?’
‘I believe he does,’ Merryn said, praying that the doubt that niggled within her was not evident in her eyes. ‘He is exciting, very loving and we’ve had a good relationship for over a year.’
Silence followed this remark, and glowering with fierce disapproval, Queenie sneered. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. You are far too young to marry. You have all your life and possibly a dazzling career before you, so why put yourself at risk?’
Merryn scoffed at this notion. ‘I do not have the talent that you and Cecily have, let alone your good looks, and would never impress or persuade anyone into employing me as a musician.’
‘How can you say that? Once you have gained more experience the world is your oyster, dearest, and you can forever work for me. Johnny may attempt to make out that he’s a gentleman but has little to offer. His mother is as poor as a church mouse, very northern and working class, and he has no father.’
‘Neither have I,’ Merryn stoutly remarked. ‘As you are fairly well off and my beloved mother, he believes you will help to support me financially. I’m not convinced that would be the right thing for you to do.’
‘Quite right, never in a million years,’ Queenie screamed. ‘Not unless you remain with me. You’ve put yourself into this mess, so if you walk away and marry him, the pair of you will have to deal with the cost of having a child. Do bear in mind that marriage does not always turn out to be as wonderful as we women hope for. It certainly didn’t for me.’
‘I’m fully aware that you constantly make this complaint about your personal experience, never having explained why it went wrong. I’m hoping that whatever your disaster was, it won’t happen to me. Don’t you care about me any more, Mama?’
Distress now resonated in Queenie’s beautiful blue eyes. ‘Of course I do, my darling. You are my most precious daughter and I have every wish for your happiness.’
‘Good, then as I’ve explained, I wish to marry the man I love,’ Merryn valiantly remarked. ‘If you are not convinced of his feelings for me, I will ask Johnny to come and request your permission. He has offered to do that.’
Queenie’s mouth curled into an ironic twist of a smile. ‘What a good idea. You can send him to me with all speed.’
‘Actually, he’s waiting out in the courtyard. I’ll go and fetch him and do be kind towards him, Mama.’ Giving Queenie a kiss on her cheek, Merryn scampered off and happily brought him to join her.
Johnny stood before Queenie, flattering her by saying what a beautiful and talented lady she was. ‘I daresay you will be anxious to prove your love for Merryn, as well as your loyalty to me in justification for all the work I’ve done for you over the years.’
Queenie glared wrathfully at him. ‘Damnation, you never told me you were dilly-dallying with my darling daughter.’
Giving a little shrug, he smiled. ‘Since we were involved in the war, we believed our relationship had to be kept private. Merryn was also aware that you’d prefer her to marry a man with riches and high status. I would not allow that to happen. She is young, pretty, madly in love with me and it is my son she is carrying. I strongly hope you have no objection to my marrying your favourite daughter, whom you must surely wish to protect, as do I. I adore her.’ Wrapping his arm around Merryn, he pulled her close, his comments filling her with joy. He then went on to make a suggestion. ‘Were you to provide me with the necessary funds to support her since I don’t hold great hope of easily finding myself a suitable job or a good income, that would be most appropriate.’
‘Absolutely not! You’re far too demanding.’
Johnny chuckled. ‘Ambition for a good life for myself is embedded in me, as well as caring for your daughter. I’m afraid you will have to accept reality to protect her and your future grandson.’
Following this request, to Merryn’s amazement, Queenie granted the necessary permission for their marriage, expressing hope for their happiness and also agreed to provide them with a modest sum of money. Days later, Johnny achieved the necessary special licence, banns were called at the local church over the next three Sundays and the wedding took place a few days after that. Merryn radiated with happiness.
TWENTY-THREE
CECILY RECEIVED a note from Boyd to say that Lady Stanford was to be a speaker at the next suffrage meeting in London. The urge to go and see her erupted in her head. What information did that lady have about their father? She could hardly wait to find out, and would be delighted to see Boyd again, such a helpful man. She asked Nan if her sister could offer her accommodation.
‘Her husband having died, my dear sister has moved to Bournemouth to run a small bed and breakfast, feeling the need to earn a decent income. It’s quite some distance from London, so you’d have to stay at a hostel.’
‘Oh, that’s a shame. I was so looking forward to seeing your nephew again,’ she said, feeling a blow of disappointment.
‘He’s renting a flat in Shoreditch as he’s still searching for a job, as well as grieving for the loss of his father. We’ve lost so many men during this war and Eric, his dad, died recently of that Spanish flu. Are you sure you wish to go all the way to London for a meeting?’
‘I’m so sorry to hear that, Nan, but yes, I do. This is too good an opportunity to miss.’ When her sister called in to see her, now living on Mutley Plain with her husband, Cecily told Merryn she hoped she’d come with her.
‘Ooh, I’d love to. You know I always find such meetings fascinating.’
Johnny walked into the parlour at that moment, his face appearing even more arrogant than usual. ‘Which meeting is this you’re talking about, and where?’
‘It’s a suffrage meeting in London with an important guest speaker,’ Cecily quietly informed him.
His tone turned unexpectedly testy and irritable. ‘Why would you go so far when you can attend such meetings here? Besides, Merryn is now a wife and soon to become an even busier mother, so how could she find the time and energy, let alone the money for the train fare?’
‘I can help her with the cost and it will be a worthwhile visit. They’ll be discussing the problems women are facing in finding jobs and how many are suffering a drop in pay, back to the poor sums they received before the war.’
‘Why should women be paid the same as men who have wives and children to keep?’
‘I do understand that men deserve decent pay, Johnny, but bachelor men too earn more than women who have children to provide for, many having lost their husband during the war. That’s not right. A committee was formed to discuss unequal pay, but male members of Parliament were very nervous of being defeated by women at the election because of the shortage of men, which is why the right to vote has not been gran
ted to all of us.’
‘You women have to accept the reality that we men are now back in charge.’
Cecily rolled her eyes and laughed out loud. ‘Never! Women should be allowed equal rights, the same pay, working hours and pensions as men. We cannot allow MPs or the middle- and upper-class brigade to make decisions without taking into account the requirement of working-class folk.’
‘Unlike me, you’re upper class, so why would you care?’
‘Because I believe everyone deserves the right to vote so that people can build their own future when necessary, no matter what class or gender they are. We should aim for equality for all.’
‘Poof, that’s nonsense!’ he scorned, curling his lip in disgust. ‘Men can’t do domestic work: cooking, washing and cleaning. They’d look like a stupid music-hall act if they dressed in an apron to do that. Why would we assume women have the right to do men’s jobs, now they are freed from the Army or Navy?’
Cecily stabbed her blunt-tipped fingers on the table as she met his dismissive gaze, a light of battle in her own violet-blue eyes ‘I reckon your head is stuck in some misty cloud and you haven’t noticed that over a million women are now unemployed. They should still have the right to work, particularly those having lost their husband, as well as needing to earn a decent wage. And you should bear in mind there is a terrible shortage of men, thousands if not millions having been lost, so there’s a surplus of women.’ Remembering that stupid conversation they’d had on board the ship heading to France when he’d revealed his contemptuous attitude towards women, and how demanding he was of them, she never had trusted him. However, her sister did.
‘I am not a lost husband so my wife has no reason to go. I require her to stay with me,’ he stated, smoothing his hand over Merryn’s neck.
There followed a small, awkward silence in which Cecily saw how Merryn glanced up at him, nervously aware of the anger in Johnny’s eyes, which filled her with a sense of distress and panic. Clearing her throat, she gave Cecily a little smile. ‘I think my husband makes a valid point that I really don’t have the time or necessity to travel to London. This discussion seems to be moving away from women’s suffrage so I’ll give the meeting a miss, if you don’t mind, Cecily.’
Girls of the Great War Page 20