As they boarded the cruise ship, she struggled to find something appropriate to say. ‘He did once tease me when . . .’ Then found herself interrupted by a young man who came dashing over to hand her an urgent message. Cecily was shocked to discover it was from Merryn stating that Queenie was seriously ill and could be dying of kidney failure. Horrified at this news, tears filled her eyes as she passed the note to Boyd. ‘I must go home.’ She definitely felt the need to see Mama one last time, and to be with her sister.
‘It will take a week or more for this cruise to end. Once we reach Portsmouth, you can quickly take a train home. We’ll have to make it clear that we won’t be joining the next cruise.’
Seeing the darkness in his eyes and recalling all he’d said about her meeting Louis, it came to her that he would still have had no wish for them to continue as a team, even if she’d never received this bad news. He no longer believed he was the love of her life.
One morning, Merryn was startled when Queenie demanded her assistance to help her dress. ‘I may be suffering from some illness or other but am bored stiff with being stuck in this bed. I intend to return to the theatre.’
Utterly alarmed by this decision, Merryn protested. ‘Are you certain about that? How would you cope with attending a rehearsal, let alone performing each evening?’
Sounding breathless as she dressed, which took a considerable amount of time because of the pain she was experiencing, Queenie acidly remarked, ‘You know damn well it’s what I love to do. I’m sure I could perfectly well stand on stage to sing and protect my stardom, which could make me feel so much better. You will have to attend the theatre with me.’
‘No, Mama, I cannot do that, having a daughter of my own to care for, and you are not at all well enough to work. You need to rest and take better care of your health.’ She thought she sounded a little delirious and hoped that her refusal to attend would persuade Queenie to stay home.
Turning away, she paid no attention to this advice and insisted Merryn call a taxicab. How obstinate and difficult her mother was. Surely she would return within a few hours? Oddly enough, she did not, coming back quite late and claiming she would attend rehearsals much earlier the following morning.
In desperation, Merryn wrote to tell Cecily how ill their mother was, possibly in danger of dying if it truly was kidney failure she was suffering from. As Queenie refused to visit the hospital she couldn’t be certain of that, but feared it was the case, as the doctor had suggested. She carefully made no mention of the bad effect this problem was having upon her life, feeling that would not be at all appropriate. She was attempting to return to work, which would take far too long to explain. The next morning, she took the short note to the cruise company, begging them to send this urgent information to her sister, which they thankfully agreed to do. Then Merryn once again sought Johnny’s help as she fed him breakfast.
‘Despite Queenie’s claim that she’s unwell, she’s foolishly gone back to performing at the theatre. That is entirely the wrong thing for her to do. You must have seen her performing last night, no doubt badly. Do please help me persuade her not to do that again.’
Looking rather surprised at this remark, he shook his head. ‘If, being a star, Queenie valiantly keeps performing, that is most brave of her. But if you don’t wish her to go, give her another pill and lock her bedroom door.’
Dare she do that? Merryn rather thought not. When she woke her mother, not as early as demanded, Queenie looked bleary-eyed and didn’t seem able to speak, simply grunted and whinged as she again went through the tiresome process of dressing and then departed. But she still refused to listen to Merryn’s urge for her to stay in bed.
Later that day, deeply concerned for her mother, Merryn made the decision to call at the theatre and view her rehearsal, feeling anxious to find out whether she truly had recovered and was performing well. It was a pleasant walk over from the seaside, Josette happily enjoying the ride in her pram on this lovely sunny day. Merryn was looking forward to visiting the Palace Theatre after all these years. It was a fine-looking Art Nouveau building with glazed tiled floors, a dome-shaped roof and arched bays and windows where people could look out over the town.
Entering the theatre, she could see no sign of Queenie, nor was Johnny anywhere around. When she asked where her mother was, the manager informed her that she had again fallen ill, having done so the day before when he’d allowed her to sleep in her old dressing room. ‘I then called a taxicab to take her home, firmly ordering her not to come again until she’d fully recovered from whatever she’s suffering from. She foolishly came again today, insisting she was well but recently collapsed in her rehearsal and I again dispatched her by taxi. I recommend you do not allow her to come again.’
‘Quite right. I’ll make sure she retires as she is not at all well,’ Merryn tactfully agreed. Anxious to seek Johnny’s help, she asked where he was.
‘He no longer works for us,’ the manager stated, blinking in surprise at this question. ‘When he left to entertain in France we employed a new drummer.’
Merryn stared at him in disbelief. ‘I – I thought he told me that he’d got his job back.’
Giving her a sad smile, he shook his head. ‘I’m sorry to have to say this, believing you were aware of the fact that we could no longer employ him, Johnny is now working for a restaurant nearby. He mainly helps them to wash and tidy up. It was the only work he could find.’ Giving her a gentle pat on her shoulder, he went on to say, ‘As for your mother, she was a great star and I would love to believe she’ll make a full recovery but, like you, I have serious doubts that will happen. Good day and God bless, dear girl.’
Merryn stood frozen in silent disbelief as he walked away. Was this dreadful job the reason Johnny was constantly in such a bad-tempered frame of mind? Aware that he’d lied to her, probably from a sense of shame, she felt a spark of pity for him. Not wishing him to know she’d called at the theatre, she did not linger in Union Street but quickly hurried home. That evening as she gave him his dinner, she said nothing about what she had discovered, merely wishing him well when he left, allegedly for his evening performance at the theatre.
Later, after feeding, bathing and putting Josette to bed, and singing to her till she happily fell asleep, Merryn sat in the parlour wondering how to resolve Johnny’s dilemma. Maybe she could find an appropriate moment to discuss his lack of suitable employment and help him to find a way back to playing his drum. Merryn wondered where this instrument was, not having seen it around for ages, always assuming it was stored at the theatre. Could Johnny by any chance have sold it when he claimed he was in need of more money? What a dreadful thought.
When she decided it was time for bed, Merryn realised she’d forgotten to collect Queenie’s supper tray but felt it would be inappropriate to retrieve it. Her mother always insisted upon having supper in her room and opted for an early night, not wishing to be disturbed, a decision Merryn fully sympathised with, considering her poor state of health. Queenie had at least agreed to make no further attempt to visit the theatre, which was a great relief. Feeling in need of an early night herself, as Merryn went upstairs she was surprised to hear the sound of grunting coming from her bedroom. Was she not sleeping well and suffering another nightmare? She quietly opened her bedroom door to check how she was and was shocked to see Johnny lying in bed, making love to her.
THIRTY-TWO
MERRYN SPENT a sleepless night in her daughter’s room, feeling far too furious and distressed by what she’d seen to speak to her husband, leaving Johnny a note to say Josette was teething and needed her attention. When he allegedly returned from the theatre, she certainly had no desire for him to make love to her. Instead, he’d had sex with her mother. She felt sick at the thought, her heart sinking into a dark pit. Why would he do that when he supposedly loved her, his wife? And how dare Queenie allow her darling daughter’s husband to make love to her? Being far too wrapped up in each other, they hadn’t heard the door open
nor Merryn’s gasp of devastation. She’d quickly smothered that by putting a hand over her mouth. Feeling anxious to escape, she’d fled to Josette’s room to sleep in the single bed.
Throughout the night she’d quietly wept, careful not to upset Josette or alert her mother and husband. Hadn’t Cecily once told her that Queenie had attempted to kiss Johnny? Merryn had paid no attention to that, flirting with young men always having been one of her mother’s favourite hobbies and not something she’d ever taken seriously. What an atrocious woman she was, with no respect for anyone but herself.
Heartbroken, Merryn rose early and calmed herself down over a most welcome cup of tea. She cooked bacon and eggs for Johnny, leaving the plate in the oven at a low temperature to keep warm, then put a note on the dining room table saying she had to stay with Josette who wasn’t feeling well. The last thing she wanted right now was to speak to him, so she hurried back to her daughter’s nursery on the top floor. It was after she heard Johnny depart, slamming the front door behind him, that she slipped back down to the kitchen to make Queenie’s breakfast. Steeling herself and taking a deep breath, she carried the tray upstairs, leaving Josette safely playing with her dolls in her new playpen in the parlour.
Merryn sat in silence as she watched her mother eat her favourite breakfast of scrambled egg and toast, the memory of what she’d witnessed bringing a sour skim of distaste within her. Queenie looked composed and content, elegantly attired in a creamy nightgown, her lovely blue eyes shining brightly. The sight of her gave Merryn the distinct impression that having Johnny make love to her last night had quite cheered her up. When Queenie had finished eating and taken the first of the pills prescribed by the doctor, Merryn placed the tray on the table by the door to avoid it being flung aside yet again. Queenie then began to issue her usual list of instructions, her voice slurring as it generally did these days.
‘Today, I wish you to clean all these dusty windows and wash the curtains. After that, you can cook me a lunch of lamb cutlets and . . .’
‘Enough. Say no more. How you find the strength to nag me and eat so well when you are allegedly so ill is beyond belief.’
‘I beg your pardon? I definitely feel the desire to remain steadfast and brave. You are obliged to listen to what I require for the good of my health. Food and cleanliness are important to me. First of all, I will need to take a bath. Please run and prepare one for me.’
Ignoring this request, Merryn folded her arms and stared coolly at her mother. ‘I called in last evening and guess what? I saw Johnny engaged in sex with you, instead of me, his wife.’
Queenie jerked with shock, then covered her cheeks with shaking hands. ‘Oh my God, when did you come to my room, and why?’
Seating herself back in the armchair and feeling a strange calmness in her soul, Merryn coolly informed her that she’d come to collect her supper tray. ‘Why did you allow my husband to do that with you? Were you again drunk?’
She saw a shocked glimmer of guilt in Queenie’s eyes as she turned her face away to avoid meeting her glare. Then with a sigh, she said, ‘Because of my nerves and ill health, Johnny does provide me with rum and I pay little attention to what he does with me after I’ve drunk the several glasses I long for. I confess we did have an affair in France. I was completely unaware that he was also involved in a relationship with you at that time. Once I realised that you were to be married, I did attempt to call an end to it, darling. Sadly, he paid no attention and still took me to bed, as he has done many times since.’
Merryn felt sick at such a thought. ‘For goodness sake, Queenie, couldn’t you find another lover to provide you with sex?’
‘I admit I found Johnny hard to resist, there being such a shortage of healthy men. And it was a price I had to pay in order to keep myself supplied with the necessary alcohol,’ she wearily remarked, flopping back onto her pillow. ‘I guessed I had little time left in this world, so badly felt the need for love. I remember when I was a young girl, a boy I truly cared for became a dear friend and a good sport, then left the country so I lost him. Johnny is kind and considerate, ready to help me cope with the difficulties in my life and sympathises with the glums I suffer from by helping me to relax and find amusement. So long as I provide him with the money he badly needs, since he’s still unable to find a decent job for himself, poor man. Once I found employment again at the Palace Theatre, I’ve kept working far too hard for that reason.’
Merryn frowned. ‘I called at the theatre yesterday to check if you were all right and the manager informed me you were far too sick to work. But what has that got to do with his lovemaking? You’ve destroyed my marriage, Queenie, just as you ruined your own. Why would I ever forgive you for that?’
As Merryn turned to walk away, she heard her mother start to cry. ‘I’m so sorry, darling. I’ve no memory of what happened last night but do recall that he came in to give me a couple of pills, as he tends to do each evening to help me cope with the pain I suffer, as well as rum. I’d probably fallen asleep after that, unaware of what he was doing, and certainly no longer in the mood for sex these days.’
‘Oh, Mama! Two extra pills on top of the normal amount you take are far too many. No wonder you keep falling asleep.’ Halting her angry steps, Merryn rushed to gather Queenie in her arms, tears of despair sliding down her cheeks. How could she put the blame entirely on her mother when Johnny ruled them both in a dreadful way?
Merryn spent the rest of the morning fiddling with only a few basic jobs as she found herself quite unable to concentrate, a confusion of fury and pity for her mother echoing within her. She spent most of the time playing with Josette and cuddling her, which gave her so much comfort she strove to come to terms with how best to cope with this catastrophe. Queenie must have suffered considerable distress in her life to cause her to make such a stupid mistake, as well as being addicted to alcohol. What could that be? Merryn had no idea, since she still refused to speak of her past. It was most likely the issue of her failed marriage with that unknown husband.
Realising that her own marriage with Johnny was most definitely over, Merryn was coming to the conclusion that she should return to their small house back in Mutley. She could call here each day to care for her mother, as was only right and proper. But bearing in mind she’d not found another housekeeper and the nurse only called in briefly at some point each day, would that be sufficient? Furious as she might feel towards her mother’s betrayal, how could Merryn desert her when she was ill? And, feeling determined not to ruin her own life either, she came to an entirely different decision. Johnny should be the one to leave, not her. Going to their bedroom, she began to pack his belongings.
It was late afternoon when he returned home, claiming his rehearsals had gone well and he would require an early dinner before returning for the evening’s performance.
Merryn gave a dismissive shake of her head. ‘I discovered yesterday when I went to the Palace Theatre to check how Queenie was, the reality of the work you are engaged in. I have some sympathy with you, Johnny, even though you’ve lied to me for months about your alleged job with the Palace Theatre.’
His face flushed red with fury. ‘Damnation, why would I admit the reality of the only rubbish work I’ve managed to find?’
‘As your beloved wife, I would have been most supportive if you’d discussed it with me. I’m sure there are other places you could have found employment and I’d have willingly done my best to help. If you are no longer playing your drum, Johnny, where is it?’
‘I had to bloody sell it to the pawn shop, being short of money,’ he scowled.
‘Goodness, what a foolish thing to do. Before we even married you harassed Queenie for money, and have demanded an increasing amount of finance from my star of a mother. Possibly this was the reason you chose to move in here, convincing her she was in desperate need of care and attention. That wasn’t right either. And despite my being here to care for her health, last night I saw what you were doing with her, which is no
doubt another reason. You love having sex with her.’
Now he turned ashen, sinking into silence for some seconds before he answered in a smarmy tone of voice. ‘Don’t blame me for that. Queenie seduced me back in France. I swore not to allow it to ever happen again, but it did.’
Merryn gave a snort of derision. ‘I don’t believe a word you say. Queenie claims she attempted to call an end to your affair, once she discovered our relationship, yet you did not comply with that decision. In fact, neither of you succumbed to it, so you are both equally guilty of what has gone on between you for some time. And you still clearly relish having sex with Queenie although she’s unwell. Nor have you any right to give her extra pills each night. That is absolutely wrong and dangerous as it could damage her health even more.’
He snorted with derision. ‘Why would I risk her being in pain when she loves to have sex with me? Much better to make her calm and drowsy.’
‘My sick mother claims that she is no longer interested in continuing this affair with you, saying that she falls asleep when taking those extra pills, unaware of what you are up to. Because of your betrayal, I have no wish to live with you any longer and intend to put an end to our marriage, which has proved to be a total disaster. She is still my darling mama, and sorely sick, so you are the one who must leave, not me.’
‘Damnation, where the hell could I live? You’re fully aware that I’ve let out our old house. Why should I live on my own when you’re my wife and it’s your duty to look after me?’
Merryn gave a smirk of derision. ‘Not any more. In future, you’ll have to cook your own breakfast, tea and dinner, clean, fold and hang up your own clothes. You must acquire the ability to look after yourself.’
‘You know damn well I can’t bloody cook and I do enough washing up and tidying in that bloody job at the café. If you force me to leave this house, refuse to remain my wife and provide me with the fortune your family clearly has, I won’t allow you to keep that child.’
Girls of the Great War Page 28