Beth turned to her front door, where Boo was holding Zeke, who leaned out of his arms in Beth’s direction.
“What’s wrong, Mommy?” he cried out.
“Nothing,” Beth said, taking him out of Boo’s arms and going back upstairs.
“We’re going on a trip,” she said, as they went into Zeke’s tidy room.
Zeke’s eyes lit up as Beth plopped him on his bed and began opening up his drawers and taking out the neatly folded T-shirts and jeans. She looked out the window and saw the television crew still surrounding her front yard, talking on cell phones and giving each other confused looks.
Boo appeared in the doorway, his cell phone outstretched.
“Dylan wants to talk to you.”
Beth snatched the phone out of Boo’s hand. “What.”
“Beth, just listen to me,” Dylan said. “Z signed a contract for this show. For a lot of money. That you have already spent. MTV’s gonna sue if they don’t tape something today. This is the seventh time they’ve rescheduled.”
“How the hell could he sign off on a reality show without my permission?”
“I don’t know all the details,” Dylan said. “But I know they need to get some interiors and brief interviews with you and the boys today. That’s cool, right?”
Beth breathed hard through her nose. “I don’t have time for this shit.”
“They said they just need an hour. That’s cool, right?”
“No, Dylan. It’s not cool. I’m leaving.”
“Wait. Don’t forget about the piece for Vibe. I promised them you’d talk about your life with Z. I’m hoping to get a joint cover for Z and Zander.”
Beth just gave the phone back to Boo and finished packing. He left and returned a few minutes later.
“And now there’s some chick named Alex downstairs to see you. She said Dylan told her to come by today to do an interview.”
Beth stomped downstairs and flung open the front door. Alex stood there, her eyes wide, surrounded by three cameramen and a producer watching her every move.
“What do you want?”
“Dylan said we could talk today.”
“Today is not a good day,” Beth said, and closed the door in Alex’s face.
Before she could turn away, she could hear Alex’s muffled voice through the door.
“I can just be a fly on the wall.”
Despite herself, Beth snickered. She went back to the door and opened it. “A fly on the wall …”
“We don’t have to talk today,” Alex said. “I just want to see what a typical day is like in your life.”
Beth laughed long and hard. Just long enough for Alex to take one step back and consider leaving the property.
“A typical day in the Saddlebrook home,” Beth said. “Come.”
She marched down the front walkway and back over to the Lincoln Town Car with Alex practically running to keep up.
“This is the car my husband sent to pick up my son to take him to Anguilla,” she said, her hand sweeping in the direction of the car.
“Ma’am, I have to get him to the airport by—”
“Don’t fucking move,” Beth said.
The driver scowled and went back to his paper.
“See, my husband is trying to get to Anguilla without me. Don’t know why. But I can’t imagine that would be a good thing. So I’m packing up the boys and flying down there myself.”
Beth strode back to the house, again with Alex close at her side. She opened the front door and saw Alex’s eyes widen. “Rapping about killing cops makes a nice living, eh?”
“Obviously,” Alex said, sweeping her eyes around the spacious mansion.
“Upstairs we go! To prepare for our impromptu trip.”
Alex followed Beth up a spiral staircase made of hand-carved mahogany. Beth stopped in the foyer.
“Boys, let’s go. Bags packed in ten minutes.”
She went to Zeke’s bedroom and directed Alex to a small chair near a window overlooking the backyard. She saw Alex look toward the doorway and turned around. Zakee was standing there, his brother Zach’s profile barely visible behind him.
“What are we doing?” Zakee asked.
“Have a bag packed in ten minutes,” Beth said, rolling up Zeke’s clothes and stuffing them in an overnight bag.
“Why are we—”
Beth dropped her head and held up the palm of her hand. “So help me God, Zakee, if you don’t have a fucking bag packed in ten minutes …”
Zakee turned away quickly, Zach on his heels.
Zeke, looking at Alex with curiosity, took his thumb out of his mouth. “Mommy, you said a bad word.”
“I can say bad words. I’m the mommy. But you can’t.”
“I can’t?” Zeke asked. “Shit. That sucks.”
Beth’s eyes widened. She traded a look with Alex, who dropped her head to mask her smile.
“Zeke Saddlebrook!” she said. “ ‘Shit’ is a curse, you know. You’re not supposed to say that.”
“Can I say dammit?”
Beth carried Zeke’s bag in one hand and scooped him up in the other. It was a struggle to stand upright without feeling like she was going to topple forward. But she took a second to steady herself and then scrambled for her own bedroom.
“You want me to hold something?” Alex asked.
“No.”
On her way down the hall, she passed Zakee and Zach’s bedroom. “Five minutes and you are at that car!” she yelled out.
She put Zeke on her bed and he immediately ripped the covers down and snuggled in.
“This bed smells like my daddy,” Zeke said, his eyes closed.
Beth pointed at a desk in the corner of the bedroom and Alex sat.
“Smells like Daddy?” Beth whispered under her breath. “You mean it smells like a random groupie slut?”
Zeke opened his eyes. “What’d you say, Mommy?”
“Nothing,” Beth muttered. She opened her closet and grabbed the suitcase she’d packed for the hospital and dragged Zeke out of her bed and back downstairs.
“Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go!”
Zakee and Zach were already outside, rubbing their arms to stay warm and whispering to each other. Alex fell in line with them at the rear door of the car like she was one of the kids and stayed quiet.
“Where’s Zander?”
“He’s talking to Boo in the kitchen,” said Zakee.
“Here,” Beth said, putting Zeke’s gloved hand in his.
She turned toward the house and took a few steps. “Zander, let’s move.”
Zander appeared at the doorway. “I’m not going.”
Beth let out a yell that sounded like a war cry and charged toward Zander. He actually cowered and threw his arms over his head to protect himself as soon as she got close enough to hit him. But before she could cuff him in the face, Zakee and Zach were on her back, grabbing her arms and stopping her from punching Zander out.
“Get in the fucking car before I kick your ass.”
Zander gritted his teeth, picked up his duffel bag, and stomped off to the car.
Boo came out the door. “Beth, I don’t think this is a good—”
“Mind your business, Boo. You want to protect yourself by protecting Z? Fine. Collect your paycheck. But nobody cares about my husband except me. I am not going to let his ass OD in Anguilla while you sit here babysitting me.”
Beth went to the back door of the car, where the driver was standing, and waited for him to open the door. Her four boys stood behind her—Zander right behind her, then Zakee, and Zach holding baby Zeke in his arms. Alex stood a few feet away, trying to blend in with the scenery.
“Ma’am, I wasn’t told that you were—”
“LaGuardia Airport,” Beth spat.
“Yes, well, the thing is—”
“Excuse me,” Beth said, using her right hand to push the driver to the side and her left hand to open the door and usher Zander in. He started to climb in and then
immediately stopped, his butt in midair.
“Zander, get in the car!” Beth yelled.
“Ma, I … I can’t …”
Beth pulled Zander back out. “Why the hell not?” she asked.
Zander’s eyes were wide and glassy. Beth looked inside the car. There was a young woman, no more than nineteen, wearing a black fur coat, fishnet stockings, and black ankle-strap stilettos. She was clearly not wearing anything else.
“Who the hell are you?”
“I’m here for Zander,” the young woman said. “I was supposed to … accompany him to the airport. I’m a present.”
Beth climbed into the car and closed the door, leaving the boys and Alex with their faces pressed to the windows.
“You’re what?”
The young girl edged back toward the opposite door, wrapping her coat tight around her.
“Look, lady, I’m not trying to cause any trouble. The guy paid me a thousand dollars up front. Told me I’d get the rest when I got to the airport.”
“To do what?” Beth said slowly.
The girl shrugged. “Whatever the boy wanted to do.”
“Who gave you the money?” Beth asked.
“I don’t know the guy’s name. Tall, light-skinned, gold tooth right here,” the girl said, pointing to her incisor.
“Donald,” Beth said, rolling her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” the girl said, shrugging her shoulders. “They gave me the money and sent the car to my house.”
Beth nodded and rubbed her temples. “Not your fault that my husband wants my son to fuck hookers in limos on his way to the airport for a trip he didn’t clear with me.”
The young girl just kept her eyes at her feet.
“I mean, what do you expect? I’m sure he’s smoking again. Which means he’s liable to do anything. Can you imagine? I’m pregnant and he leaves for Anguilla without even telling me?” Beth shook her head. “That’s fucked up, right? Right?”
The girl nodded slowly, looking past Beth at the boys who were still looking in the windows. “Were you … on your way … somewhere?”
Beth just stared at her for a second and then shook her head slightly and came back to life. “Yes, I’m on my way to Anguilla to save my husband from himself. Again. You have to get out.”
“Excuse me?”
Beth shoulders slumped. “Get out. I am taking this car to the airport.”
“But what about me? What am I supposed to do?”
“How old are you?”
The girl lifted her chin and looked Beth in the eye. “I’ll be nineteen in three months.”
“So you’re what? Fifteen? Sixteen?”
The girl looked away. Beth shook her head and looked for her cell phone. She pressed one button and held the phone to her ear.
“Boo, close the house down. Set the alarm system.” Beth snapped the phone shut and opened the car door. “Let’s go, boys,” she said, ushering her sons into the car.
They all got in, stealing looks at the half-naked girl sitting in the back seat next to their mother. Zeke sat on his mother’s lap. The three older boys sat across from them. Everyone in the car looked mortally embarrassed, except for Beth and Zeke. Beth rolled down the car window and looked right at Alex, who stood with her notebook in hand, speechless.
“Alex, you think you got enough of a day in my life?”
Alex just nodded. Beth gave her a fake smile.
“I thought so.”
She rolled up the window and exhaled as she sat back and placed her hands on her belly. She opened one eye and saw a cameraman peering into the window. Next to him, a man held a microphone high over his head.
Beth rolled the window down again. “Get the fuck off my property!”
The cameraman lowered his equipment and stepped back quickly. “We can shoot tomorrow.”
“Shoot your momma tomorrow. Fuck off.”
The driver brought the divider down and looked at Beth through the rearview mirror.
“Where to, ma’am?”
Beth looked at the young girl. “Let me guess. You from Queens, right?”
The girl nodded. “Southside,” she said to the driver. “Francis Lewis Boulevard.”
The driver nodded and pulled out of the driveway and down the tree-lined path to the security gates.
Zeke leaned over to get a better look at the young girl.
“Hey, cutie,” the young girl said, smiling at Zeke.
Zeke smiled and then looked over at Beth. “Mommy,” he said in a loud whisper, “is she a random groupie slut?”
Across from Beth, Zander groaned, covered his hands with his eyes, and sank as deep into his seat as he could. Zakee and Zach were both stifling giggles unsuccessfully. Zeke just continued to gaze at the young girl with a curious look on his face. Beth let out a breath and leaned her head back in the seat.
“No, she’s not, Zeke.” She buried her mouth in her son’s neck and kissed him as the driver pulled onto the highway. “She’s not random at all.”
ON Z’S FIRST INTERNATIONAL TOUR, HE PERFORMED AT THE ANGUILLA Music Festival. Z fell in love with the island and vowed that he’d buy property there one day. Within a year, he’d purchased the three-bedroom oceanfront villa in Mead’s Bay. Beth loved Anguilla immediately. Not for the beauty of the island, but because it always brought her back to a simpler time with Z. In Anguilla Z was relaxed and calm. He never used drugs there except for smoking a blunt on the deck after all the kids had gone to bed or possibly having a few drinks with Boo. It was all about riding Jet Skis and hanging out at the local bars and clubs.
Beth felt safer in Anguilla, like she could keep a sharper eye on Z. She knew he wasn’t completely an angel out there. There was a woman she knew Z saw every time he came. But now that Beth was six months pregnant, she didn’t even care about the girl. She knew Z was going to get it from somewhere. For the moment, she was glad it wasn’t going to be from her.
The flight was four hours. All the boys slept for the entire flight but Beth was too nervous to sleep. She was sure that by now Z knew she was on her way. Boo had probably called Z before the car pulled out of the driveway.
But she didn’t care if he cursed her out. There was no way he was going to fly out there without telling her. Not a chance in hell. Beth didn’t know for sure that Z was slipping back into drugs. But she was losing him to something. And the more she was in his face, the better the chance she had for bringing him back.
She leaned her seat back and slowly lifted up the shade on her window. It was pitch-black outside and she could see nothing but twinkling lights down below. As the plane dipped low to begin preparing for landing, Zeke began to stir. Beth drew him into her lap and stroked his back.
“I want my daddy,” Zeke mumbled.
“So do I,” Beth said.
“WHY ARE YOU IN ANGUILLA? I NEED YOU TO HELP ME WRITE THIS song!”
“Bunny, my mom was wilding.”
“Yeah, right. You’re down there with some girl.”
Bunny rolled over onto her back and looked up at the beamed ceiling of the Greenwich attic. Hot tears sprang from the corners of her eyes and slid backward down her face to her neck.
“Bunny, how come you don’t trust me? I told you nothing’s happening. You my girl. And that’s it.”
“Like when I saw those pictures of that girl in your email?”
“You still didn’t tell me how you hacked into my account.”
“She said she couldn’t wait for you to come back to see her.”
“Do you know how many emails I get like that every day? I don’t know half the chicks who hit up my email.”
Robert appeared in the doorway and motioned toward his watch. Bunny sat up quickly and nodded.
“I’m about to go to the studio,” Bunny said. “When are you coming back home?”
“I have no idea. My mom’s out here looking for my dad. I think he’s on that shit again.”
“I need you to come back.”
�
��I’m trying.”
“Is your dad gonna be okay?”
“I don’t know. Probably not. Do people ever stop smoking crack?”
Bunny tried to comfort Zander and then hung up the phone.
“Let’s go,” Robert said. “Ras wants a few ad-libs for the last song you worked on.”
“Robert, can I go down to Anguilla after this session?”
“No.”
“Why not!”
“Because you need to go to the gym, you missed two sessions with your tutor, and you need to meet with your media training coach.”
“Did you schedule any downtime for me?”
“This weekend. Saturday and Sunday.”
“So how come I can’t go then?”
“Do you have a thousand dollars for a last-minute round-trip ticket? If so, knock yourself out. I’ll be in the car.”
“You give me five hundred dollars a month for an allowance,” Bunny said. “How would I have money for a plane ticket?”
“Exactly,” said Robert.
Robert closed the door at the same time that Bunny threw a shoe. The shoe hit the door just as it shut, so Robert didn’t hear it. Until she signed a contract, she was on her own for any real money. She picked up her cell phone and dialed.
“Hey, girl, what you got?” said a voice on the line.
“Z is smoking crack again.”
“Oh, really. How do we get pictures?”
“You have my account number?”
“Yes. We’ll wire as soon as we get some pictures.”
“He’s in Anguilla. They usually stay in Mead’s Bay, so he should be somewhere around there.”
“And what do sources say about Z’s drug use?”
Bunny looked down at the notepad she’d scribbled on while Zander was talking to her. “Family members don’t think he’ll ever stop smoking crack.”
“Family members. You’re sure?”
“Positive.”
“You work for them or what?”
“I’m just a very close family friend.”
“Well, everything you tell me always checks out, so I know you’re in there.”
Bunny hung up and went to the window. Robert was standing at the car door, scribbling something on a clipboard and talking into a cell phone. He looked up and saw Bunny. He put a pointer finger in her direction and then jabbed it toward the car.
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