Cleo waved a hand in the air. “I’ve been nothing but honest with you. And you’re believing random shit? I told you I got passed off to his management. Now it’s an initiation process? Like my life is not crazy enough. I guess you believe that I put voodoo on Ras too, right?”
“Did you?”
“I’m not dignifying that.”
“So you’re not saying no.”
“It’s the women under spells, not the men.”
“What women?”
“The wives, the girlfriends, the baby mamas. They stay. Even when they know about me. I don’t understand that. Can you explain it?”
“They’re in love.”
“That doesn’t do it for me. I went to Josephine’s showroom and told her that her man ate me out, something he never did to her. And she stayed. Who’s under a spell here?”
Alex reached into her bag and placed the manuscript on the table. “Here’s your book.”
Cleo flipped through the pages, shaking her head. “I don’t know how y’all women do it. These men ain’t worth shit.”
“Y’all women?”
Cleo looked up from the book. “Yeah. Y’all women. Present company included.”
Alex stiffened. “Why are you including me?”
Cleo rolled her eyes. “I didn’t fuck your man. But I did suck his dick. Ras told me to.”
“When was this?”
“Does it matter?”
“No. I guess not.”
“I’m like a Cuban cigar or a vintage whiskey. Ras appreciates what I can do to bring pleasure to his associates. At a studio session, he wants them to relax and enjoy themselves before recording. That means fine food, the best spirits—and me. Birdie wouldn’t fuck me, though. I wanted to. But he turned me down.”
Alex kept her eyes on Cleo and did not let her face reveal a single emotion.
“I didn’t know he was your man until much later. Ras told me. It wasn’t my place to say anything.”
Alex signaled to the waitress for more coffee.
“You shouldn’t break up with him.”
Alex stared at Cleo, willing the tears in the corners of her eyes to stay put.
“I’m serious. Birdie’s a good guy. Technically he cheated. But he only did it ’cause everyone else took a turn. Peer pressure that night, I think. And he was pretty drunk.”
“I’m not sure you’re the right person to defend him.”
“You told me you once woke up in a strange man’s bed. And that’s when you stopped drinking.”
“Yeah. And?”
“Were you with Birdie then?”
“Yes.”
“Does he know?”
“Yes.”
“And he forgave you and moved on.”
“That was a million years ago,” Alex said. “Where we are right now is something totally different.”
“I’m sorry, Alex.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I am, actually. I really am. Birdie thought I was someone random that night. He didn’t know I was the chick taking mental notes to write a book.”
“That doesn’t do anything for me.”
“It’s just unfortunate. I appreciate what you’ve done for me so far. You’re getting my words down. Helping me tell my side of the story. I’d rather the lines weren’t blurred this way.”
“Me too,” Alex said. “You’re going to have to find another writer for the final revisions. I’m taking myself off this project.”
“I can’t bring someone else in now. You signed a contract.”
“You’ll be okay,” Alex said, gathering her notebooks and packing her bag.
“I can sue you—”
“Go right ahead.”
“I won’t sue you. I need you. Look, I’ll cut you in on more royalties.”
Alex smiled with her mouth closed and shook her head. “Unlike you, Cleo, I’m not for sale.”
“Birdie won’t be in the book.”
“Put him in there. It’s your story. I don’t care. I just don’t want anything more to do with this project. Or you.”
“Have you ever been to Caliente’s?”
Alex stood up and then looked down at Cleo. “On Seventh Avenue?”
“Yeah.”
“I guess. I don’t know.”
“You have,” Cleo said. “It was back in your drinking days, though.”
Alex sat back down in the booth. “What are you talking about?”
Cleo pulled out her ever-present laptop and patted it. “It’s not just ballplayers and rappers I have dirt on.”
Alex blinked. “You’re trying to tell me you have something on me … something from back in the day.”
Cleo smiled.
“So it’s not enough to tell me that you fucked my man,” Alex said. “It’s not enough that I have to go home and break things off with my fiancé because I will never be able to look at him the same knowing that he was with you.”
“I told you I didn’t have sex with him,” Cleo said.
“And now, when I’m ready to walk away from you and this hurtful, hateful project, you want to throw up whatever dirt you have on me. Something I’m sure you dug up long before we met.”
“True.”
“And something you wanted to make sure you had in your back pocket in case I ever wanted to walk away.”
“Yes.”
“And you think there is something you can tell me—some photo, some video, some whatever—that will make me crumple up and finish this book, in the hopes that you’ll destroy it.”
“Right.”
“You’re wrong. I don’t care. Do what you gotta do.”
“Even if it means you end up as a chapter in my book?”
Alex’s eyes widened. “What?”
“Girl. People know about you. You were wild for the night before you got that daisy tattoo. Isn’t it true that you had sex with Birdie when you were supposed to be writing a story on him? What a compromising position to be in—”
“Is this all you’ve got?”
“Not at all. I think I heard you were pretty adventurous after a few drinks.”
Alex stood up and put her bag over her shoulder. “I’ve waited five years for my past to catch up to me. If that’s what you need to do, go for it.”
“I get off on people hating me,” Cleo said. “That’s sick, isn’t it? The whole time we’ve been working together, I couldn’t wait to get to the point where you hated me.”
“I don’t hate you,” Alex said, finally letting the hot tears she’d been holding in stream down her face. “I feel sorry for you. And I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.” She turned her back on Cleo and walked out.
FOR TEN MINUTES ALEX JUST STARED AT BIRDIE. SHE SAT ON THE floor of her office, her back up against her desk, her legs folded like a pretzel. Birdie stood, leaning against the back window. When she came home, he called out to her from the basement. She didn’t answer; she’d been crying ever since she got on the C train and for the entire walk home. She raced upstairs to her office, collapsed on the floor, and cried for ten minutes. By the time Birdie noticed that she wasn’t coming down to the basement to say hello as she usually did, she was already slightly composed, sitting on the floor.
As soon as he walked into the office, he knew. And she knew that he knew. He took his spot at the window and waited for her to speak.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Birdie kept his eyes on the floor. He scratched the back of his head and then looked at Alex. “I can’t say anything. I’m so sorry, Alex.”
“I went against my own morals. Wrote a story on Josephine just so you could get in the studio with Ras. And you thank me by cheating on me? With her?”
Birdie dropped his head in his hands. “It was so crazy. Dude was acting like I had to do it if I wanted to work with him. It was fucking weird as hell.”
“But you did it.”
“It felt wrong from the very beginning.”
“Bu
t you still did it!” Alex screamed. She got up from the floor and attacked Birdie, smacking him in the face with one hand and trying to punch him with the other. Birdie shielded himself from Alex’s blows and then tried to grab both her hands to stop her.
“Don’t hit me, Alex,” he said. “I know you’re mad at me, but don’t—”
“Fuck you, Birdie,” Alex said. She pushed him away and then spat on the floor at his feet.
Birdie clenched his teeth and took a deep breath. “Tell me what to do to make it right.”
“You watched me go meet with this chick every week.” Alex’s chest began to heave as she cried harder while still trying to talk. “You swore you’d never touched her and never would.”
“I know.”
“Birdie. I won’t ever forgive you. I can’t.”
Alex tried to move past Birdie and leave the room but he blocked the doorway.
“Wait, Alex, I know you’re pissed off. You have every right to hate me. And maybe you need a break. But don’t tell me it’s over.”
“Fuck you! I don’t need a break! I have no respect for you. I could never look at you the same again. Never.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Never,” Alex said, shaking her head. “Not ever.”
“I didn’t have sex with her.”
“You just let her suck your dick.”
“I barely looked at her.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“I want to be brutally honest with you. We smoked a blunt. I was tipsy. She came in the room and I didn’t even know who she was. She started dancing for all the guys in the studio and I—”
“Spare me, Birdie, please.”
“She starts taking her clothes off and I’m, like, okay, whatever. Strippers in the studio is not the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. But then she comes over to me, and before I can even really process it, this chick is, like—”
“Did you kiss her?”
“Hell fucking no.” Birdie began walking toward Alex.
“Move the fuck back. And don’t even think you can touch me.”
“We can get over this, Alex. Please don’t let this ruin what we have.”
“What do we have?”
“We have a good life together. We’re getting married. We’re gonna have babies. I’ll go back to working at FedEx and give up rapping if it will make you stay with me.”
Alex looked up at Birdie. His eyes were bloodshot red. She hadn’t noticed that he was crying.
“Are the tears supposed to represent how sorry you are?”
Birdie stepped closer to Alex. “Please don’t leave.”
“I don’t think I have a choice.”
“Yes, you do. I had a choice.”
Alex opened her mouth slightly. “This is not the same thing, Birdie. Don’t even try it.”
“It’s not? I get a call from some dude I don’t know. And he’s telling me my girl is at his house?”
“Don’t you dare turn this on me. That was five years ago!”
“I’m just saying! I forgave you. I moved on!”
Alex shook her head back and forth. “It’s not the same. And you know it.”
“I’m not saying it is. I just want you to remember that I’ve been where you are right now. And I know how you feel. And I fucking wish I could take it back. But I can’t.”
“She said she’s not putting you in her book.”
“I don’t care,” Birdie said.
“But I might be in it.”
“What?”
“She’s got something on me from my days as a drunk slut.”
“Oh shit.”
Alex smiled. “That bitch knew from the very first day. She set me up. I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming. The first time we met, she said we probably had more in common than I thought.”
“You don’t have anything in common with her.”
“I was worse. She’s always acted sober. And everything she’s ever done has been for a purpose. She’s evil and spiteful. But she moves with a purpose. I just had a lack of control.”
“She’s not putting any of your business out there. She’s just fucking with you.”
“She said you wouldn’t have sex with her. Why not?”
Birdie shuddered. “I’m embarrassed. For real. I’m ashamed of myself.”
“Have you ever cheated on me before? With anyone else?”
Birdie closed his eyes. “At Richard’s bachelor party three years ago. Got a little carried away with a stripper. We had sex in the bathroom. I ended up throwing up all over her.”
Alex winced. “Anything else?”
“Five summers ago. When I went on that Vote or Die tour. I had sex with some random girl who drove me to my hotel.”
“That was the night I called your room and your boy said you weren’t back from the show.”
“Yes.”
“And I didn’t believe it. Kept asking you for months about that night.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“I don’t know.”
“You now know everything there is to know. We can get married with no secrets. With everything on the up and up.”
“What if Cleo does out me? I don’t even know what she knows. But it could be embarrassing. For you.”
“I don’t give a fuck. I’m not marrying Alex Sampson Maxwell from five years ago, although she was a lot of fun. I’m marrying you. Right now.”
“I need a minute, Birdie.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Birdie wrapped Alex up in his arms and rubbed her arms while she cried softly.
“All of this is just too much,” Alex said, wiping her face with the bottom of her T-shirt. “This story for Vibe. This book. I just can’t deal.”
Alex’s cell phone rang.
“You want it?” Birdie asked.
Alex nodded.
Birdie took the phone out of her bag and passed it. Alex didn’t recognize the number but she flipped it open anyway, hoping for a temporary distraction. Before she could even bring the phone to her ear, she heard the screaming—so loud that it made her jump. She brought the phone up slowly, afraid of who it could be and what could be so wrong. The screaming was intense and primal and chilled her to the core. She could hear the beeping sounds of monitors and the intercom system paging a doctor in the background. Whoever had called her was screaming at the top of her lungs. Alex covered the mouthpiece with her hand.
“Listen,” she whispered, holding the phone for Birdie to hear too.
“Who’s screaming like that?”
Alex shushed him and pressed the phone to her ear again. She could only hear snatches of muffled conversation; it sounded like the cell phone had been dropped.
“Somebody’s hurt,” Alex said to Birdie, “or in some kind of trouble. Someone with my number in her phone.”
She put the phone up to Birdie’s ear again. He covered up his other ear with the palm of his hand and was silent. After a moment he gestured for Alex to pass him a pen and paper from her bag. He scribbled something as he listened and then put the phone down.
“Someone hung up the phone,” Birdie said, still writing. “Whoever it was is at Valley Hospital. I heard a doctor tell someone to order lorazepam. What’s that?”
“A sedative,” Alex said.
“Think it was just some random person who called your phone by mistake?”
“Could be,” Alex said.
“But you don’t think so.”
“That screaming,” Alex said. “Somebody’s going through some serious shit.”
Alex reached out her hands. She and Birdie locked hands and pulled each other up to stand.
“You’re going to that hospital, aren’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“We still gotta talk, Alex,” Birdie said. “I want to deal with this.”
Alex nodded. “Birdie, I can’t guarantee you that everything’s going to be okay. I need some time to figure out if I ca
n still go through with everything.”
“I know.”
“I’m stunned right now.”
“I know.”
“And I’m disappointed.”
“I am too.”
“I’m gonna go see if I can find out who’s at Valley Hospital.”
“You’re gonna just case the emergency room and see if you see any screaming patients you know?”
“If someone was calling me, I feel like I’m gonna find out right away.”
“Call my cell if you need me,” Birdie said.
Downstairs, Birdie walked Alex to the front door and tried to turn her around before she could walk out. Alex stiffened so that her body was still facing the door.
He began, “I want you to know that I—”
“I love you too,” Alex said, without turning in his direction. She shrugged off his arm and closed the door softly behind her.
“Ma chérie!” RAS GRABBED HIS WIFE BY HER SHOULDERS AND SHOOK her once, hard. “Ma chérie, look at me. Stay with me! Right here!”
Josephine’s body was limp, her eyes dead and glassy. She opened her mouth to speak, but only a guttural groan came out. Ras and Josephine Bennett were in a hospital room on the first floor of Valley Hospital. Above them, three floors up, the baby they had been planning to adopt had been born the previous evening. This morning the mother had left a note on her bed—“I’m sorry. I want my baby.”—and walked out of the hospital with her newborn.
“She . . . she took my baby,” Josephine said, collapsing into heavy sobs on Ras’s shoulder.
“No, she took her baby, ma chérie,” Ras said softly, stroking his wife’s hair. “We knew the risks. That baby was not ours until we took the baby home. She always had the right to change her mind.”
“But you said!” Josephine pulled away from Ras, searching his eyes as if he could have been an impostor. “Ras, you swore to me! You said everything would be okay. You promised me!”
“I know. I know, sweetheart,” Ras whispered over and over into his wife’s ear. Her skin was hot. If he didn’t calm her down soon, they were going to have to sedate her before she made herself sick.
Josephine stood up straight, dropping her hands to her sides. The whites of her eyes were bloodred. One side of her face was lined, from pressing into Ras’s shirt and crying.
“You explain to me right now how this happened. Where did she go? When? Why?”
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