by Diana Bold
The earl gave a hoarse laugh and sat down beside her, pulling her into his arms and hugging her awkwardly. “You’re right. He does need you. And I’m glad you want to try. It won’t be easy, you know. Adrian is anything but easy, even Morgan and I have a hard time with him.”
“I know,” she agreed, dashing at her tears. “But all I want is a chance to try.”
Chapter Twelve
Two weeks after Vanessa made her awful proposal, Adrian found himself standing at the top of the staircase in Lucien’s London home in Grosvenor Square, staring down at the crowd milling below. The whispers and excitement were a living thing. Everyone was waiting impatiently to see the earl’s scarred little brother and the beautiful actress he’d convinced to marry him.
His engagement ball.
Anxiety roiled within him as he straightened an imaginary wrinkle in his white glove and wished for the anonymity of his mask. How could he do this? How could he go down there and face their stares and speculation? He’d never been any good at this sort of thing and had never before been forced to be the center of the spectacle.
“Are you ready?” Vanessa’s soft voice broke through his thoughts, and he glanced over his shoulder to find her standing slightly behind him, absolutely gorgeous in a gown of burgundy satin that set off her dark hair and eyes brilliantly. His gaze dropped to the creamy swell of her breasts, noticing she wore an elaborate necklace of garnets and diamonds that had once belonged to his grandmother.
Noticing the direction of his gaze, her hand fluttered nervously over the jewels, while a bright stain of color flushed her cheeks. “Your brother made me wear these. I’ve never worn anything so heavy before. So beautiful.”
He frowned, hating this reminder of why she was doing this. He hadn’t seen her since he’d walked away from her in his study, despite the nearly daily calls and notes she’d sent him, begging an audience. He knew he should tell her she was more beautiful than any necklace could ever be, put her mind at ease, since she was obviously as nervous about walking down those stairs as he was, but he couldn’t find it in himself to do so.
“Let’s get this over with,” he said heavily, reluctantly taking her arm. To his surprise, she covered his hand with hers and squeezed gently, causing him to glance back down at her. Her dark eyes brimmed with tears.
“Please, Adrian. Can we talk for a few moments before we go down? I know you’re angry, I know what I did was wrong, but I just… I’m sorry, Adrian. I’m so sorry that I hurt you.”
He hated that he’d allowed her to see the pain her proposal had caused him. He hated that he’d let her into his life, into his heart, and lowered his defenses. She’d seen a part of him no one but his brothers had ever seen, and he was terrified she planned to use the knowledge against him in some way.
“You didn’t hurt me,” he muttered defensively. “I’d have to care in order to be hurt.”
“You said that you cared,” she whispered, in a lost, devastated voice. “You said you wanted me more than you’d ever wanted anything.”
“And now I’ll have you,” he replied, lifting his free hand to graze the upper swell of her luscious breasts, remembering how that creamy bare skin had tasted. “We’re both getting something out of this bargain, aren’t we? So let’s just keep treating our marriage as the business arrangement it is and not complicate things with messy emotions.”
She blinked rapidly, her skin breaking into goose bumps beneath his touch, a single tear sliding down her lovely cheek. Christ, she was so responsive to him. He wondered cynically if that one perfect tear was part of the act. He must never let himself forget that she was an actress. He could never again let himself believe in anything she said or did. She’d already proven she couldn’t be trusted.
For a moment, she looked as though she’d make some protest, but she must have seen his unwillingness to listen to anything she had to say, because she sighed and squared her slim shoulders. “I’ve never faced a crowd like this as myself. They are going to eat me alive.”
A surge of unwelcome protectiveness welled within him. They probably would. To these people, she was nothing more than a fortune-hunting actress, not fit to do anything other than entertain them. Despite his anger, he knew he couldn’t let them see this tension between himself and his future bride. He must make everyone believe this was a love match, the poor scarred monster reaching for something beyond his grasp. If they sensed it was anything else, the gossip would be even more damaging to his family.
“I won’t let them,” he promised her fiercely. “If anyone disrespects you, if anyone says anything to you that you don’t like, let me know and I’ll take care of it.”
She gave him a look of utter gratitude, and then, to his surprise, she rose on her tiptoes and brushed her lips against his.
* * * *
Vanessa descended the earl’s grand staircase on Adrian’s arm, feeling the malevolent gazes of a hundred aristocrats boring into her. They didn’t want her here. That much was clear. This was going to be like her meeting with the countess, multiplied beyond her ability to cope.
Adrian marched stoically down the stairs beside her, but she felt a fine trembling deep in the core of him and knew this was going to be just as difficult for him as it was for her. For a man who lived in the shadows, who had chosen to woo her behind the safety of a mask, how terrible it must be to face these stares and whispers.
She stole a sideways glance at him, feeling a small, secret thrill that he would soon be hers. He was so darkly beautiful, despite the scars. She didn’t understand why some other woman hadn’t snapped him up ages ago. From the whispers she’d heard, she’d expected him to be a monster. The faint tracery of scars on his cheek and forehead only added to his allure in her eyes.
“Mr. Adrian Strathmore, and his fiancée, Miss Vanessa Bourke,” the earl’s butler intoned as they reached the bottom of the stairs.
A smattering of applause echoed through the room, and Adrian inclined his head toward her, giving her a look that was so loving she caught her breath. He laughed softly, as though sharing some sweet bit of humor and gazed deep into her eyes. “You see, darling, I can act, too.”
* * * *
The day after the disastrous engagement ball, Vanessa woke up very late, her head pounding from the vast quantity of champagne she’d imbibed. She stretched and stared up at the ceiling, tears of disillusionment burning her eyes.
She’d been so certain that once she and Adrian were in the same room together again, she could convince him of her sincerity, make him understand why she’d done what she’d done. To her dismay, he’d maintained his aloofness the entire night, never giving her the chance. Every time she tried to talk to him, he cut her off, introducing her to someone new or going to refill her champagne glass, hence the pounding headache.
Though she didn’t deserve his forgiveness, she’d still somehow expected it. Now she was forced to admit that getting back to the place they’d once been was going to be extremely difficult.
With a sigh, she pushed back the covers and got up, dressing hurriedly and taking a hansom cab to Brookhaven. The need to see Gabriel and talk to Fiona overwhelmed her. She hadn’t gone to Brookhaven for nearly a week, too ashamed and worried about everything that was going on between her and Adrian to feel she could be of any use to the boy. She’d also known Fiona would be able to see that something was bothering her.
During the long ride, she realized that no matter what, she’d be able to provide for Gabriel now. Could that be enough for her? Could she endure Adrian’s anger if it meant giving the little boy a home?
She pondered upon how and when to ask Adrian if they could adopt him until she arrived, the throbbing headache making it difficult to come to a solution.
When she entered Brookhaven, she was somewhat relieved to find out that Fiona was out doing some errands. She really did want to talk about everything that happened with her friend, but as close as they’d become, she feared that Fiona’s loyalties still lay with
Adrian, and she’d come to hate Vanessa for what she’d done.
The moment Gabriel saw her, he launched himself into her arms, hugging her fiercely. Immediately, some of the riotous emotions surging inside her abated.
“Hello, sweetheart,” she told him, hugging him in return, burying her face against his silky dark hair. “How are you?”
“Fine,” he murmured, wiggling away. He looked her up and down, and his face fell a bit. “What’s wrong, ’Nessa?”
She sighed and took his hand, leading him outside to her favorite bench beneath the shade of the tall oak. “Nothing for you to worry about. It’s just been a long week. I’m sorry that I haven’t been to see you as much. But I’m hoping that will all change soon, and we can be together much more often.”
He sat down beside her and looked up at her with those serious blue eyes that seemed to see so much. She imagined Adrian had looked very much like this when he was a child. “That would be nice,” he said softly, obviously afraid to put too much faith in her.
She wanted to tell him more, that he might be able to come home with her soon, but she was afraid of making a promise she couldn’t keep. What if Adrian wouldn’t allow it? She’d risked so much in the hopes that she, Adrian, and Gabriel could be a family, but she had no idea how Adrian felt about the matter. What if she’d not only ruined her relationship with Adrian, but with Gabriel as well?
Chapter Thirteen
As Vanessa took her bow, her gaze caught upon the earl’s private box, hoping Adrian would be there watching her. Sadness washed through her when she saw that the box was still empty. For some reason, she’d really thought he’d come to this, her final performance.
Thunderous applause filled the theater, and flowers pelted the stage at her feet. The newspapers and gossip sheets had been full of her unexpected marriage and departure from the stage, and she’d played to a sold-out crowd all week. Everyone wanted their last glimpse of the gold-digging actress who’d managed to snare herself an aristocrat.
She didn’t blame Adrian for avoiding the circus, but it would have meant the world to her if he’d come. She hadn’t realized how much she’d come to count on his dark, silent presence.
Scooping up the flowers, she made one last curtsey and left the stage, wondering why she didn’t feel any regret. Acting had been her entire life for so long, but she wasn’t at all sorry to leave this world behind. Though her future with Adrian was far from secure, she couldn’t wait to become his wife and start trying to win back his affection. He would forgive her. She had to believe that he would.
The line of well-wishers backstage seemed endless, their probing questions and snide remarks impossible to ignore. When she finally closed her dressing room door, she collapsed against it in relief. She never again wanted to face such a gauntlet.
“You’re making a big mistake.” Marcus’s voice startled her, and she whirled to face him, glad to see he was alone.
“You scared me,” she chided him, her heart still thundering in her chest.
He pushed away from her dressing table, his handsome face grim. He’d done nothing but try to talk her out of leaving since she’d first brought the subject up two weeks ago. “What do you really know about the man?” he asked, grasping her hands and squeezing them tightly. “I’m afraid he’s going to hurt you like the last one.”
Vanessa bit her lip and pulled away, upset by Marcus’s mention of her last failed love affair. “I was little more than a child back then, and he took advantage,” she reminded him angrily. “Adrian isn’t like that. He’s a good man.”
Marcus sighed heavily. “I love you like a daughter, Vanessa. You know I just want what’s best for you. So humor me when I say that you were born for the stage. You need the adoration of the crowd. I fear you’ll wither and die as some rich man’s trophy. The rules of that world will smother you.”
Vanessa couldn’t help but think of the horrible engagement party, and the way those people had looked down their noses at her. She’d never truly be one of them. The future she imagined for herself and Adrian rested almost entirely upon that night with the cocoa. If she couldn’t make him care for her again, she feared everything Marcus said would be true.
She sank onto the sofa and pulled her legs to her chest, burying her face against her knees. “I’m not an idiot,” she whispered. “I know I’m taking a terrible risk. But I believe he’s worth it, Marcus. I really do.”
Marcus sat down beside her and put his arm around her shoulders, offering what comfort he could. “I hope you’re right,” he murmured. “But I’ll always be here for you if you need me.”
“Thank you,” she told him brokenly. “I needed to hear that more than you’ll ever know.”
* * * *
Adrian knocked on Brookhaven’s front door in broad daylight, feeling naked without his mask and darkness to shield him. His wedding would take place tomorrow, and he was here to finalize his wedding present to his wife. Not that she deserved a present, considering what she’d done. Still, the tiny tender part of him she’d awakened couldn’t bear not to provide her with her heart’s desire.
If only he had been her heart’s desire. If only she’d felt for him a tenth of what he’d felt for her.
Scrubbing away his rioting thoughts, he forced a neutral expression as the door opened and Christine smiled at him pleasantly. “May I help you?”
“I’m here to see Mrs. Bohannan.”
“Who shall I say is calling?”
No spark of recognition lit Christine’s eyes, even though he’d once carried her through the night the way he had Gabriel. He supposed he should be pleased that his disguise had worked, but he couldn’t deny the fact that he had a small need to just once be recognized for the risks he’d taken.
“Tell her Adrian Strathmore is here about an adoption,” he replied, forcing a smile, wishing Christine would meet his gaze instead of staring pointedly at the floor.
“Of course, sir. Right this way. I’ll announce you.”
Adrian followed the girl to the back of the house, to the room where he and Fiona had spent so much time. Would she recognize him? Though he knew it would probably be best if she didn’t, he truly hoped that she would. He was tired of having the two halves of his life so separated. And if there was one person he was certain he could trust, after everything that had happened, it was Fi.
“Mr. Adrian Strathmore,” Christine intoned at the door, her voice squeaking a bit. “He’s here about an adoption, ma’am.”
Fiona looked up from her paperwork and gestured for him to come in, rising to her feet, obviously flustered. He knew quite a few society women dropped by the orphanage, offering both money and time, but he doubted any aristocratic men had ever done so.
“Good afternoon, sir,” Fiona murmured, her green eyes wide as he entered the room. “Please sit down. Can I offer you some tea?”
He shook his head and took the chair she’d indicated, smiling a bit as he watched her straighten some of the hopeless mess strewn across her desk. “I’m here about Gabriel. I’d like to adopt him.”
“Gabriel?” Fiona bit her lip and sank back into her chair, gazing at him with far less welcome. “How do you know of Gabriel?”
“I’m to be wed to Miss Vanessa Bourke tomorrow,” he explained, knowing that was by far the easiest answer. “She’s quite enamored of the boy, and I wanted her to be able to have him with her always.”
“Vanessa!” Fiona’s eyes widened in shock, and then she cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, Vanessa…Miss Bourke…she never told me she was getting married.”
“Well, it’s been rather sudden,” he explained bitterly, wondering again why he was bothering to do this for the woman who was blackmailing him.
Fiona eyed him doubtfully. “Of course I’d love Gabriel to be with Vanessa, but there are steps we must take… I’m sure you understand. We’ll need to meet with both you and Miss Bourke, have a tour of your home…”
She obviously didn’t believe him and had no
intention of letting him take the boy until she checked with Vanessa. A surge of affection rose within him. He suddenly wondered why he’d hidden himself from her for so long.
“I think you can make an exception in this case, Fi. Especially since I was the one who rescued him, and since I’m the one who puts all the money in your greedy little hands each month.”
Her mouth formed a perfect “O” of surprise. She sank back in her chair, staring at him, at a loss for words for the first time since he’d known her.
Growing uncomfortable beneath her gaze, he forced a laugh. “It’s me, Fiona. Perhaps now you understand why I’ve hidden behind that mask for so long.”
“It’s you,” she finally whispered, getting up again and coming around the corner of her desk to peer down at him. Then she laughed and cupped his face, leaning down to press a sisterly kiss upon his forehead. “You foolish, foolish man. I am so glad to finally see your face.”
Overwhelmed by her response, he tumbled her into his lap and hugged her tightly, burying his face in her auburn curls. “You’re not disgusted by me?”
“Oh…Adrian…” His name sounded odd on her lips, but he liked hearing her say it. “Of course not. How could you ever think such a thing?” She pulled back and met his gaze earnestly. “You’re my best friend. I would love you no matter what you looked like…but this…”—she brushed a gentle fingertip across his scars—“this only keeps you from being too handsome to even look at.” She laughed a little self-consciously and got back to her feet, putting the desk between them once again.
Her words fell like a gentle rain upon the parched surface of his soul. Leave it to Fi to know exactly what to say. “I wanted to tell you, at least a thousand times, but I didn’t want to put you at risk.”
She shook her head. “You knew I didn’t care about that. I would have been out there, masked, right beside you if I could have. No, I think your change of heart has more to do with your future bride.” She smiled wistfully. “I’m so happy for you both.”