Debbie felt her body turn cold. She tried to keep her words warm. “I do understand that your parents are among the best Ordnung keepers in the community. And now that their son is back from jumping the fence, I can see they don’t want him polluted at any cost. But you made your mistakes too, Alvin. What were you doing out in my world to begin with? Then you wouldn’t have learned what Englisha women are capable of. Like leaving their husbands after they say the wedding vows. I’m not like that, Alvin.”
Alvin let go of the lines with one hand. He grasped her hand and held it firm. “Debbie, listen to me. I love you. I do. I’m not perfect. I have my problems. And one of them is watching that Paul Wagler making eyes at you every Sunday, knowing all the time he’d make a much better husband than I ever could. How do you think that makes me feel? It took a lot of courage just to ask you home, Debbie. So please, let’s not quarrel.”
Debbie willed herself to calm down. She wasn’t perfect, and obviously Alvin wasn’t either. She couldn’t hold that against him. And she knew he had fears. Alvin had always had them. At least he worked to overcome them. And he was honest about things tonight. That went a long way, didn’t it? This still didn’t answer her questions about Mildred Schrock, but right now that had best be left alone. They’d quarreled enough for one evening.
Debbie gave Alvin a warm smile.
He relaxed.
“Sorry if I was too harsh,” she said.
He smiled back. “I like your spunk, so don’t change that.”
Both of Alvin’s hands were back on the lines as he concentrated on driving.
“I don’t have anything ready to eat at home,” Debbie said. “This was kind of sudden.”
He gave her a kind look. “I’ll be with you, that’s all I need. I get enough to eat at home.”
The thought of Mildred over in the dawdy haus flashed through Debbie’s mind. Had Mildred brought food over to Alvin this week? Without a doubt she had, and Mildred had also used that time to moon over Alvin, if Debbie didn’t miss her guess. She snuggled up against Alvin’s shoulder, and he didn’t pull back. She spoke with an uplifted face. “It’s still a wonderful evening. Remember how I used to drive past your place in my car to admire you working in the fields? That seems like a long time ago.”
Alvin smiled down at her. “It hasn’t been that long, but I know what you mean. I used to be so fascinated with the Englisha girl in her fancy car. I never dared dream she’d be in my buggy one day.”
“My Dodge Shadow wasn’t fancy,” Debbie protested as she sat up. She thought of the many students at Franklin and Marshall who drove BMWs, Audis, and Porsches.
“It was fancy to me.” Alvin’s voice was soft. “But now you’re with me in my buggy.”
“I like it better this way.” Debbie nestled back against his shoulder.
“So do I.” He gave her a sideways glance.
She wondered if she should be leaning against his shoulder on a first date. Was that a little too much for the Knepps who kept a strict Ordnung? No doubt it was, but Alvin had been out in her world and would likely be practical about it. Because that’s what they were, she thought with a smile. A practical couple. She’d been drawn to Alvin for his simple ways, and he to her because of her perceived fancy ones. It all made perfect sense.
“I think we do have some pie in the pantry,” Debbie said as Alvin slowed down for the Beliers’ driveway.
“I told you it doesn’t matter.” He brought Star to a halt by the hitching post.
Debbie climbed out and waited while Alvin secured the tie rope. This would be a good first evening together, she decided. There was no reason why it shouldn’t be.
Five
The predawn air had a nip to it the next Monday morning as Alvin stepped out of the washroom of the old farmhouse for a moment. He glanced up at the sweep of bright stars overhead and smiled. Last night had been a success! Yah, Debbie had been a little feisty at the start, but he could understand why with the long wait after he had practically promised to take her home. After they had arrived at the Beiler place, Debbie calmed down. For the rest of the evening she’d treated him with the utmost respect and affection. But she always had, and much more than he deserved. He must not doubt her any longer or question her devotion to the community.
It was his time spent in the Englisha world that made him nervous. Why he had ever done such a thing was beyond him. To risk and receive excommunication had been so stupid. How had he dared? And now that he had taken Debbie home from the hymn singing, a new fear niggled at him. Hadn’t Crystal said something about a visit to the community? That she had relatives in the county? Yah, she had, but surely she wasn’t serious.
Alvin sighed as he remembered how things had been before he’d left and met Crystal in Philadelphia. His daett had run the farm and allowed Alvin no say in the day-to-day operations. As a result, Daett had managed to run the farm into the ground and accumulate debt. Alvin had fled rather than face the scorn of the community. He’d also been convinced he could never win Debbie’s heart when Paul Wagler was showering affection on her all the time.
How wrong he had been! And how wrong he had been about some other things as well. The Englisha world had been worse than he’d imagined. Crystal Meyers had taught him that. How could a nice woman like Crystal leave her husband? Maybe the man had been a horrible person. Crystal hadn’t really said so, but still remarriage after a divorce was out of the question for anyone in the community. As was divorce itself. Yet Crystal had wanted to strike up a relationship with him. She would have married him, he was sure. But hers was a world he couldn’t understand—nor did he want to understand it. But Debbie wasn’t Englisha anymore, Alvin reminded himself. Debbie was not like Crystal.
Alvin blew on his hands and retreated inside the washroom. He used the kerosene lamp to find his way into the basement, where he stoked the old furnace back to life after a night set on low. He still slept upstairs even though his mamm and daett had moved into the dawdy haus. Though most single men didn’t live by themselves, Alvin’s daett had insisted they build the dawdy haus this year. They had, and Edwin and Helen had moved in at once. Likely because of their past tense relationship, Alvin figured. Or maybe it was because he now ran the farm, and it was a little easier for Daett to face that reality if he lived at the dawdy haus.
I need a frau, Alvin thought. And the old farmhouse needed a woman’s touch. He was old enough to have a frau. But he had dawdled around all summer being nervous about Debbie, and now there was no way they could get a wedding in this fall. Not with the Beilers acting as Debbie’s family. They would want things done decently and in order. And Debbie wouldn’t consent to such a rushed schedule anyway. Neither would he like it, he supposed. Although it would be nice to have a frau in the house to clean and fix his meals. He didn’t look forward to another whole year living here alone.
His mamm’s health had begun to deteriorate in the spring, and then she had suffered the stroke. And if he didn’t miss his guess, his mamm had the onset of Alzheimer’s on top of everything else. His daett didn’t think so, but at least he had summoned Mildred Schrock’s help, which would have been awkward if they still lived in the same house. Not that the community would say much, since both Mamm and Daett would have been in the house. But it was best that the three stayed in the dawdy haus. And that Alvin didn’t date Mildred. He wouldn’t have liked to anyway. There were too many memories he didn’t wish revived between them. Some of them were quite painful.
Not that the good ones could be revived. There was too much bitterness in his heart for him to think of Mildred Schrock as anyone other than Mamm’s caretaker. And he didn’t even like to think of her as that. But Mamm and Daett needed help and Mildred was available, so he hadn’t objected. And it was a credit to Debbie’s character that she hadn’t brought up the subject last night. No doubt Debbie saw the foolishness of any idea of romance between Mildred and himself. Anyone could see that if they looked.
And if Debbie had protes
ted, he would have told her that Mildred in the dawdy haus was nothing like what he had to put up with watching every Sunday as Paul vied for Debbie’s attention. And if he didn’t miss his guess, Paul would keep at it. His attempts might be a little better hidden, but Wagler wouldn’t give up on winning Debbie’s affections until wedding vows were said. Another reason a fall wedding would be perfect—only now it was too late. And he had no one to blame but himself.
Maybe he was more of his father’s son then he wished to admit, Alvin thought. He might know how to run a farm, but he wasn’t good with a woman’s heart. He climbed the basement stairs and, in the glowing hiss of lantern light, pulled on his coat and headed outside. He paused and took another glance at the blaze of stars overhead. They fell clear to the horizon, accenting the shadowy tops of the trees. When dawn broke, the deep red and gold fall colors would be visible. Hopefully he’d be in the fields hard at work by then. Alvin pushed open the barn door and called to his cows as he entered. They answered with soft moos.
He loved this part of the morning. The stillness of Da Hah’s creation was all around him. The animals were moving quietly and the gentle smells of the barn rose around him.
Alvin jumped when a woman’s voice spoke behind him. “Gut morning, Alvin. I see you know how to get up early.”
Alvin whirled around. “Mildred! What are you doing out here?”
She held a lantern in her hand and smiled up at him. “Helping with the chores. Your daett said it was part of my job.”
“But… but… ” Alvin sputtered. “He never told me. And you’ve been here almost a week.”
Mildred shrugged. “You can’t expect me to organize everything so quickly. I had your mother to settle into her new routine first.”
“You’re not helping out here.” Alvin stood his ground with his lantern swinging in his hand. “I won’t have it.”
Mildred laughed. “Your daett said you’d throw a fit. Seems you and he don’t always get along, but on this one he told me he’s right. You’re struggling in the barn with so many chores, and I am to help you.”
His daett was right, Alvin had to admit. He hadn’t been able to make it into the fields until after daylight, and that was valuable time lost. But Mildred helping with the chores wasn’t wanted. Not morning and night each and every day.
“I won’t be able to help in the evenings,” Mildred said, as if she could read his mind. “So take what you can get, Alvin, and be thankful for the help.”
She was brisk enough about the matter, Alvin thought. Maybe he should give in. He stood rooted in one spot. Mildred regarded him with a tilt of her head. “Well, we don’t have all day. What do you want me to do first?”
Alvin let out a breath. Debbie would understand. He hung his lantern on a hook on a ceiling beam. Without a backward glance, he went to open the gate for the cows.
Mildred had spread the feed and was snapping the stanchions shut as the animals put their heads through to eat when he came back.
She’s efficient, Alvin thought. Unlike Debbie, Mildred had grown up on a farm, so of course she was.
“Water in the millhouse?” Mildred asked, giving him a smile even as she disappeared through the swinging barn doors.
She knew good and well where the water was. Mildred was trying to keep him at a disadvantage. And she would know how to do that. Mildred knew all about him—his anxieties, his timidity, his inability to stand up to his daett. The only reason he ran the farm now was because the church committee had taken over while he was in the Englisha world. They’d given him charge when he returned. Otherwise his daett would have destroyed the farm before he would have asked Alvin to help.
Mildred appeared again carrying a wash bucket and a cloth. “I guess you wash down the udders, don’t you?”
“Always do,” Alvin muttered. Feelings like he hadn’t felt in a long time swept over him. How did Mildred do it? She made him feel like a small boy sitting at his school desk.
Mildred stepped out from behind a cow with a mournful look. “Do we really have to start out this way, Alvin? I guess it’s mainly my fault. I want to make that plain. I did things I shouldn’t have in those years after we left school. I really am sorry. I hope you’re not still holding them against me.”
“You didn’t really do anything,” Alvin said. He didn’t look at her. His heart throbbed with pain.
Mildred regarded him for a moment. “Well, maybe I didn’t. That’s what I’ve told myself at least, but you know what I mean. I could at least have come and spoken with you…told you that my affections had moved elsewhere instead of just cutting you off like I did.”
Alvin still didn’t look at her. He just couldn’t. He remembered how badly he’d felt too well. The cold, slicing pain when Mildred had turned up her nose at him those first youth gatherings he had been to. Yah, she was right. She hadn’t really done anything—but at the same time, she had.
Mildred continued. “We were young in those days, Alvin. I was a schoolgirl and silly on top of it all. The thought never dawned on me how much stock you placed in our little chats and glances. I liked you, Alvin. I wasn’t making that up. But we grew up. And I made mistakes. Can you forgive me? I really am sorry. I could have been much more tactful in how I handled things.”
“It was nothing.” Alvin lifted a piece of milking equipment from the rack on the wall.
Mildred obviously didn’t plan to let this go. She didn’t move. “We should at least come to some kind of terms, Alvin. I’m working for your daett and mamm. I’m helping you with your chores. I’m living on your farm. We can’t be enemies passing each other day and night. There’s nothing wrong with patching up things from the past. That’s how one moves on, isn’t it?” Mildred paused, then continued when he didn’t answer. “Look at me, Alvin. I can see and admit my mistakes. Do you see that you’re a little touchy? You wear your feelings on your sleeve still, Alvin. For goodness sake, what boy would have been so enamored with me in the first place? Think about that. I’m a homely person, Alvin. I’m still not married. I’ve never even had a serious, romantic relationship in my life. You were the only boy who ever thought I was anything. Can’t you at least act like you’re still my friend?”
He couldn’t breathe. Not that he disagreed with anything Mildred was saying, but his feelings hadn’t caught up with their changed situation. Mildred had always been way up there in his esteem, and after she figured out how he stood in the community with his daett’s poverty-stricken farm, she had dropped him like a hot potato. My how things had changed!
“Alvin, please,” Mildred begged. “I’m not asking for much. And I know about Debbie. And that’s okay. I just need a friend right now.”
Alvin stole a glance at her. He was being a little harsh, wasn’t he? Although Mildred had been nasty in the past, she was here now and things were different. He had Debbie’s affections. A smile stole across his face. “I suppose we can be friends.”
“Oh thank you, Alvin!” Mildred gushed. “You don’t know how much this means to me. And I’ll do all I can to make our relationship comfortable while I’m taking care of your mamm.”
Alvin bent over to attach the milking equipment to one of the dairy cows. Above the soft swish of its operation, Mildred chattered away. She’d always been a morning person, he remembered. So cheerful when they arrived at the schoolyard. Mildred would tell him all about her plans for the day. Yah, he remembered, Alvin thought as he allowed himself to sink into the sound of her voice.
“Your mamm was up before I came, but she would hardly roll out of bed. So I settled her back in with a pillow and left your daett with orders to call me if there’s trouble. My, Alvin, your daett is the most helpless of men, I must say. He knows what needs doing, but he won’t do it unless I insist—and often for the second and third time. But it’s going to be gut working for your parents. Overall they’re easy to get along with, and their dawdy haus is the cutest thing…”
Alvin jerked himself out of his trance and moved to the
next cow. This wasn’t how he’d planned things. But perhaps now the wounds of his childhood would heal. He didn’t wish to enter marriage with Debbie with the cuts still fresh and constant. He smiled at Mildred as he walked past her, and she glowed back at him. Alvin’s heart sank. Fear revived. Now all he needed was for Crystal to show up for a visit. Dealing with Mildred and Crystal at the same time would be impossible.
Six
The following Sunday Debbie accompanied Ida and Emery to the church meeting at Deacon Mast’s place. On the way home that afternoon, Debbie sat on one side of the buggy, Ida on the other, while Emery drove from the middle position. His manliness exuded from him as a comforting presence. Why Emery didn’t date was a mystery to Debbie. It wasn’t because of any lack in him, she was sure. But in the meantime she could use his comfort, especially after what had happened that morning. The three of them had barely entered the Mast house when Debbie gasped because she saw a young woman she recognized…the woman she’d seen with Alvin in Philadelphia. Crystal… Crystal Meyers, of all people!
What that meant, Debbie had no idea. Had Crystal come out of curiosity to see how Alvin lived? As a former Englisha, Debbie could understand the sentiment. And with how Alvin now felt about Englisha people, there should be no danger from Crystal regarding Alvin’s affection. Still, Debbie didn’t like it. She had enough to worry about with Mildred right now.
Debbie took in a sharp breath as Emery’s arm pressed against hers. Emery seemed in a hurry. He’d let the reins out moments ago and taken off with a jerk before Ida and Debbie had themselves settled in the buggy. What was bothering him, Debbie couldn’t imagine. There was the birth of Verna’s baby sometime in the near future, but Emery shouldn’t be concerned about that. Perhaps he was still feeling the aftereffects of yesterday. Lois’s wedding had been held in Mifflinburg at a local church, and the mood around the Beiler household had been heavy all day. Saloma had walked around in a daze and skipped supper. Food reminded her of her youngest daughter’s love of cooking. So the pain must have been too much. Ida hadn’t been in much better shape this morning, especially when they’d walked out of the washroom just moments ago.
Finding Love at Home (The Beiler Sisters) Page 4