“I see.” She seemed deeply hurt. “I meant no harm, Alvin. But you know how life is out there. Do you blame me for coming here? I’m looking for something better. Is that wrong?”
Alvin took Crystal’s hand. “I don’t blame you, and I’m sorry for my outburst. But it’s better if you leave and go back to where you came from.”
Pain showed on her face. “Did you have to change this much, Alvin?”
“You can’t stay, Crystal. It’s that simple.” He forced out the words.
“I’m making it uncomfortable for you. I didn’t mean for that to happen.” She began to tear up.
Alvin was at a loss.
Crystal continued. “So you won’t help me? No one here will help me?”
Alvin glanced up at the sky for a moment. He reached out and took her hand. “Come, Crystal. I want you to meet my parents. I will leave this situation in Da Hah’s hands.”
Nine
Alvin awoke in the morning darkness to the jangle of the alarm clock. He gave the clock on the dresser a whack. That didn’t stop its racket, so he groped until his thumb found the shut-off button. He felt on the floor for his clothing and noted his head was throbbing. He had a splitting headache, which explained why he’d slept until the alarm went off. Normally he was up a few minutes before… if not sooner.
Alvin stood and shook his head as the memory of last night flashed into his mind. Crystal Meyers had paid him a visit, and he had introduced her to his parents. Those brief moments had been awkward but necessary. The gesture had seemed the least he could do. They’d walked in and Alvin noticed the astonished look on his daett’s face. Alvin had taken Crystal up to the rocker where his mamm sat.
“Mamm, this is Crystal. Crystal, this is my mamm, Helen. She had a stroke earlier in the year and is still struggling with the effects.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Knepp,” Crystal said, reaching down to shake Helen’s hand.
“Gut evening.”
Mamm appeared to not comprehend what was going on, but this whole situation was incomprehensible, Alvin thought.
When they turned to Daett, his face looked like a thundercloud. Apparently he’d put two and two together. Alvin tried to keep the tremble out of his voice. “Daett, this is Crystal. Crystal, this is my daett, Edwin.”
“It’s good to meet you,” Crystal said, offering her hand.
Daett shook it after a brief hesitation.
Then Alvin said, “We really have to be going.” He took Crystal’s hand and headed for the door. He urged her on when she turned to smile and say goodnight over her shoulder.
Once he escorted Crystal to her car and opened her door, he said, “Crystal, you can’t come back here. Please understand.”
“I’m not sure I do,” she replied. “I mean no harm. I’m interested in the kind of lifestyle that produces quality men like you.” She hesitated. “I might even want to become… Amish.”
Alvin almost laughed, but he thought better of it. He kept his voice firm. “Crystal, you would not be happy here. Believe me. And as for you and me, our former relationship out there in your world can’t be continued in my world. I’m dating someone else now, Crystal, and… ” Alvin paused.
Crystal hesitated. “I guess she did wait for you then. I understand.” Crystal gave his arm a quick squeeze and then started the car, shut the door, and drove out of the driveway.
Alvin fled to the farmhouse without a glance at the dawdy haus.
And now he was barely up and out of bed. There was pounding on the front door. He didn’t normally lock the doors, but he had last night. An instinct from his childhood, no doubt, after all the times he’d been dragged out of bed and his bottom strapped for transgressions his daett had found out about. There would be no punishment this morning, but there would be words said he’d rather not hear.
Alvin lit the kerosene lamp. The noise at the front door was louder now, but it stopped when he stepped into the living room. Alvin set the lamp on the desk and unlocked the door. It flew open as he stepped back and awaited the inevitable.
“Alvin Knepp,” the first words out of his daett’s mouth were clipped, “I will have an explanation for this. Who was that Englisha girl you brought into my house last night?”
Alvin sank down on the couch. “I used to date Crystal when I was living in Philadelphia.” Alvin waved his hand in the general direction of the living room window. “I’ve told the ministry about her. I held nothing back in my confession. I even told them about going to a bar and grill with Crystal. That’s when I ‘woke up,’ you could say, and came home. Most people thought it was because of Melvin’s passing, but I’d already made up my mind to return home.”
“You’ve been with this woman then?” Horror dripped from his daett’s voice.
Alvin sighed. “Nee, Daett. Crystal is more honorable than that. I don’t know about myself in that regard, but we did nothing like that.”
“But you….you… ” Daett searched for the right words. “Your hands were freely on her, and hers on you.”
Alvin groaned. “That’s the Englisha way, Daett. Perhaps I learned it out there. They touch the arm… the hand… to show casual affection… to show concern.”
“Someone who is not your family?” Daett took a step back.
“Yah, it is so.” Alvin rubbed his head again. “Is this lecture over now? I have a headache and choring to do.”
Daett regarded him for a moment. “All I can say, Alvin, is that I’m deeply disappointed in you. If you say you’ve told the ministry everything, and they are okay with your confession, then what can I say on the matter? But as your daett, I say you’re a failure. Oh yah, you may know how to run a farm and make it profitable. That’s something I didn’t do, and the committee let you take over… all because I don’t change my ways. Well, my ways worked for my daett, and they should have worked for me. They would have if I’d been given enough time to try them.”
Alvin sat up. “Daett, this is not about farming.”
His daett snorted. “Maybe not farming exactly.” He waved his arms about. “I’m talking about raising a family in Da Hah’s ways. That’s something you don’t know anything about, Alvin. You got your heart fixed on an Englisha girl. You can’t handle women, Alvin. Not even Debbie, whom I guess the ministry has now baptized. But my heart is not settled on the matter. Debbie was the reason you ran out into the world. Why, I don’t know, but you did. And now you bring another Englisha girl into the community? What is wrong with you, Alvin? You are nothing but a flop when it comes to the things that really matter. And all the time, you’ve had a good Amish girl waiting for you. Mildred would take you back with open arms, Alvin. If only you had the sense to see it.”
You were the real reason I left the community and got myself excommunicated, Alvin almost said. Instead he bit back the words. It wouldn’t help. His daett’s words weren’t totally correct, but some were close enough that they cut deep. He, Alvin Knepp, was unskilled in the things of the heart. He knew how to run a plow and a disk. He knew how to cut hay. But that was child’s play compared to what really mattered. In that, Daett was right.
“I hope you come to your senses on Debbie before it’s too late!” Daett turned and left after delivering this last volley. He didn’t wait for a response.
Alvin groped for the side of the couch and stood. His head swam as he grabbed the lantern and staggered into the washroom for his coat. He shielded his eyes from the light and made his way into the yard. A soft glow through the barn windows caught his attention. Another groan escaped his lips. Mildred was already at chores. Shame upon shame was being heaped on him this morning.
“Da Hah help me,” Alvin prayed as he pushed open the barn door.
Mildred stood by the stanchions regarding him with skepticism. “You look rough. Should you be up this morning?”
“You can’t do the chores by yourself,” he said without thinking about how it might sound. Actually, Mildred probably could, for all he knew.
/> “You look like you were up all night.” Mildred raised her eyebrows. “Were you with that Englisha girl who was in church?”
“Mildred, please don’t you start on me. I did nothing wrong—unless introducing Crystal to my parents was wrong. And it probably was.”
Mildred didn’t appear convinced. “An Englisha girl follows you back to the community—at least that’s what the buzz was last night at the hymn singing—and you’re not sure if something is amiss? Why would an Englisha girl come in like that and then go to your place last night?”
Alvin shook his head. “It’s not what it appears, Mildred. What do you care? I’m the one who has the explaining ahead of me. I have Debbie to explain to. Imagine how that’s going to go.”
Hope flashed across Mildred’s face for a moment.
Alvin noticed and frowned. Apparently he’d said the wrong thing. But he really didn’t care what she thought. He cared only what Debbie would think.
“I think you did some awful things out there, Alvin. I don’t know about last night, but you’re obviously being tempted. I mean, who wouldn’t be attracted to a beautiful woman like Crystal, or even Debbie for that matter. But they aren’t doing you any gut. Can’t you see that?”
“Stay out of this, Mildred!” Alvin left her to open the back barn door for the cows.
Mildred had the feed spread out by the time the cows filed in. She gave Alvin a sharp look. “I’m not trying to destroy your life, Alvin, or take you away from anything. I’m just speaking my heart to you. And with what has been happening over the weekend, I think I have at least that right. You and I—we go back a long time. To those days in school when we smiled at each other from our desks. I thought you were so handsome and shy all at the same time. That was the combination that attracted me. I used to love those whispered conversations we had, Alvin. I really did. Yes, I left you back then. But I was wrong, Alvin. I was puffed up in my mind. I thought of other boys who appeared better than you did right then.”
Mildred glanced at him. She continued when Alvin ducked behind a cow. “I don’t know if I can ever make that right, Alvin. Maybe I have no right to even try… but like I said, yesterday shook everyone up. I hope you understand that. Crystal won’t be explained easily. I’m sure Deacon Mast will be making a visit to see you. But you already know that. What I want to say is for myself, Alvin. I’m sorry. I couldn’t see the man you were becoming. It takes a lot of nerve to live out there in the world… facing being put in the bann. And then you came back and repented. Or at least you’re trying to repent. And now you have your daett’s farm. I see now that it wasn’t you who was running it into the ground. If there is ever a chance again of a fresh start for us, Alvin, please consider it. If not, well, I’m still sorry. I wish you nothing but the best. But always remember that I, for one, understand. And I’m willing to understand even more, whatever is revealed or said in the days ahead.”
Alvin finally looked at her. “Mildred, it can never be—you and me. But thank you for understanding.”
“You’re a gut man, Alvin.” Her smile was weak. “Keep up your courage.”
She wouldn’t give up, Alvin thought. He ducked his head down again to check the equipment on the cow. He’d thanked Mildred for her concern, and he owed her nothing further. Although, he had to admit, it would be so easy to just let go and fall back into the way things used to be when he was growing up. Mildred would be a safe frau. She was raised in the ways of the community and stirred no suspicions in anyone’s heart. But one couldn’t go back to the past. He had changed, and so had Mildred. More than even she might be aware of.
Right now he wanted the pounding in his head to cease and for the misunderstandings from yesterday to simply vanish like the dawn outside was overtaking the darkness. But that wouldn’t happen. Again he’d have to face his troubles. He couldn’t continue to run away from them.
Ten
The baby’s cry rent the still, morning silence as Ida held Verna’s trembling hand. Old Sadie held the baby facedown against one arm while she operated a hand suction with the other. Verna threw her head back against the pillow with a soft gasp and closed her eyes as she panted.
“Yah, it’s a girl!” Sadie announced. Her wrinkled face glowed. “Another birth and so precious—once again. Da Hah’s ways never cease to amaze.”
“Can I do anything?” Ida let go of Verna’s hand.
“Give me a minute, and you can call Joe. The man must have the living room floor worn bare by now.”
Ida thought about Joe. He’d been shooed away from the bedroom door by Sadie sometime before dawn. He’d gone out to the barn, but the front door had slammed a half hour ago. Joe was either finished with his chores, or he couldn’t stand another minute away from his frau.
“Did I hear right?” Verna’s voice trembled. “It’s a girl?”
“Yah, you heard right.” Sadie eased the now blanket-wrapped infant into Verna’s arms.
The glow in Verna’s face was instant as the color rushed into her face. “Our very first boppli, Ida! Oh, she is so beautiful!”
Ida ran her hand between the tiny fingers of her niece. A rush of love rose up inside of her. “That she is, Verna!”
“She’s a little jaundiced, but some babies are,” Sadie said as she washed her hands in a warm bowl of water on the dresser. “You’d better get Joe, Ida. The poor man.” Sadie chuckled.
Ida took one last look at the tiny crinkled face before she opened the bedroom doorway. Joe nearly tumbled in on her. Ida gasped.
“I’m…I’m…I’m so sorry,” Joe stammered, grabbing the door-frame. “I thought I heard a baby’s cry.”
“That you did.” Sadie gave him a warm smile. “Your daughter’s over there, Joe.” Sadie motioned toward Verna with her chin.
Joe took cautious steps forward and reached for Verna’s hand.
“It’s a girl, Joe!” Verna whispered. She opened the blanket wider to show both wiggling arms. “Isn’t she beautiful?”
“Sarah Mae,” Joe said, his voice awed. “You said it would be a girl, Verna.”
Verna beamed. “I wanted you to be the first to say the name.”
“That’s a nice touch.” Sadie was still smiling. “Sarah Mae. I like that. It’s been a while since I’ve heard the name used.”
“Are you okay?” Joe touched Verna’s forehead.
“I am now,” Verna said. “Did they keep you outside all this time? You poor thing. But it was for the best, Joe. It really was.”
“We’d better leave them alone for a few moments.” Sadie pulled on Ida’s arm.
Neither Verna nor Joe noticed them leave. They gazed together at the child in Verna’s arms.
“A most beautiful thing, a child’s birth,” Sadie whispered. “Have you ever thought of doing midwifery, Ida? You were quite gut helping me.” Sadie gave her an appraising glance. “And you’re still on your feet after being up all night.”
“Anyone can do that,” Ida said at once.
Sadie smiled. “Not everyone, believe me. I do declare, you’re not even wobbly on your feet. Think about it. That’s all I can say. I’m not a young woman anymore, and I’ll be glad to start taking you along on births if you’re interested.”
Ida swallowed hard. “But if I should marry?”
Sadie laughed. “I have twelve children myself. Are you forgetting that? A woman like you… there’s always room in your heart for the little ones.”
Ida’s mind whirled. She loved helping bring lovely Sarah Mae into the world. Could she not also enjoy this in the future? What worthwhile work it would be! Would Minister Kanagy consent?
Sadie studied her and offered a short laugh. “Have you a man picked out then? Is there someone we don’t know about?”
Ida felt heat rise up her neck. Obviously not everyone had noticed Minister Kanagy’s glances her way.
“Come on now,” Sadie teased. “Your secret will be safe with me. Da Hah knows I have plenty of those already, working amongst the people lik
e I do.”
But she hadn’t even told Mamm yet, Ida thought. There hadn’t been time yesterday before Joe arrived with the news that Verna was in labor. Still, her heart had bonded deeply with Sadie over the nighttime hours. To tell Sadie about Minister Kanagy felt like the most natural thing in the world—and she greatly longed to tell someone.
“Well, we’d better get busy then.” Sadie gave her a warm smile.
Obviously the midwife didn’t intend to push the matter further. Ida blurted the words out. “Minister Kanagy inquired after me yesterday. I told him I’d be willing to wed him.”
Sadie’s eyebrows went up. “And his frau barely in the ground.”
Ida winced. “There are his children and Melvin’s children to consider. They are the real reason for the rush.”
“Oh… ” Sadie paused for a moment. “Of course! How could I forget? That’s so sweet, Ida. And you wish this? Are you sure?”
“I want it with all my heart,” Ida whispered. “Melvin’s children, that is. And the Kanagy children. Minister Kanagy—he’s okay, I guess.”
Sadie shrugged. “You’re thinking it’s Da Hah’s will then? And Minister Kanagy? You could do worse, I suppose. You do know though that much hard work lies ahead of you. Minister Kanagy has two children of his own, and Melvin had six, didn’t he?”
Ida nodded. “I wish to have them all together.”
Sadie continued. “And with any Da Hah gives the two of you. That could be quite a houseful. You’re still young, Ida. Of course, it’s not twelve like my brood.”
Ida turned all kinds of red. Of course Sadie would speak plainly. Hadn’t the work they’d been doing all night made it obvious what married couples could expect?
“I still want it,” Ida managed.
“Then you’d better be plain-speaking with Minister Kanagy.” Sadie gave Ida a steady look. “Take it from me. Speak your mind from the start—before the wedding vows are said.”
Finding Love at Home (The Beiler Sisters) Page 7