He did as he was told. The living room was wrapped in silence. He almost stood to join Mildred in the kitchen but decided he probably shouldn’t. That wouldn’t look decent. Allowing her to help with barn chores was one thing, but him helping in the kitchen was going too far. Instead he picked up the copy of The Budget that arrived faithfully at the dawdy haus each week. He scanned the pages until Mildred announced, “I’m ready! Will you help your mamm to the table, Alvin?”
He turned to catch Mildred’s smile. His daett stood and walked over to Mamm. Together they helped her to her seat at the table.
Now was the time when he should speak, Alvin told himself, or it would only get harder. He’d already wasted precious moments in the living room reading.
“Daett,” he began, once his mamm was comfortable and his daett had taken his seat at the table, “Deacon Mast told me what you said about me last week. I want to tell you that some of it was true. I did read and respond to Mamm’s letters. And, yah, the promise of working the farm did partly draw me home. But there was more to it than that. I want the life that you have created here. I want what the community has. I want what our people believe. I don’t want what’s out there in the Englisha world. I’m sorry if I’ve led you to think ill of me.”
Mildred flashed him an encouraging smile when he finished. She glanced between his daett and him.
His daett grunted and responded, “That may be as it is, Alvin. I don’t pretend to know a man’s heart. But with that Englisha girl running around last weekend and coming right into my house like she owned it, I thought the deacon should know everything that has gone on. So that’s why I told him. You shouldn’t hold that against me.”
Alvin swallowed hard. “It’s okay, Daett. I understand.”
Mildred looked pleased as Alvin took his seat.
Alvin relaxed a bit. He’d done the right thing.
Without a word Daett bowed his head for silent prayer. When they’d finished, Alvin pushed his troubled thoughts away and concentrated on the delicious breakfast Mildred had prepared. The woman knew how to cook, no doubt about that.
Alvin dug into the biscuits and gravy. It almost melted in his mouth. And the bacon was fixed to a golden brown, still juicy enough to chew. That was how bacon should be prepared. It had been a long time since he’d had such food to eat, so perhaps his opinion was tainted. Still, he gave Mildred a grateful smile when she glanced his way. She smiled back and beamed with joy.
Seventeen
After the Sunday evening hymn singing, Debbie pulled herself up into Alvin’s buggy and settled into the seat. Silence filled the air. She’d longed to speak with him all week, but now that the moment had arrived the words lay frozen in her mouth.
“Gut evening.” Alvin glanced over from his side of the buggy. He tried to sound cheerful.
Debbie did her best to echo his mood. “Gut to see you again.”
“And you too.” Alvin glanced each way at the end of the driveway before he guided Star through the turn and let him dash down the road. His hooves beat a steady rhythm on the blacktop.
Debbie knew she should say something, but she could think of nothing to start an easygoing conversation. Alvin had appeared troubled all day, but at least he’d stayed around for the meal after the service. He had gone home but showed up for the hymn singing. Now he was taking her home. If Alvin did his part to face their troubles, Debbie would also do hers. At least one gut thing had happened today. Paul Wagler had been more restrained with his teases when she’d served food at the unmarried men’s table. Maybe he was finally accepting the inevitable.
Alvin laughed a bit too hard and then said, “At least Crystal didn’t bother me today. Still, I was surprised to see her at the service.”
Debbie drew in her breath and replied with care. Crystal wasn’t really the problem, and she didn’t want to make her one. “I was surprised too.” What could she say next to keep the conversation going? She decided just to speak up. “Alvin, I’m glad I finally have a chance to speak with you. It’s been two weeks, you know.”
He grunted. “There’s nothing to speak about when it comes to Crystal. I told her it was over between us, and she understood. I’ve told you that too.”
Debbie smiled a bit. “I’m not worried about you and Crystal.”
“Really?” Alvin sounded surprised. “So what are you worried about?”
Debbie kept her voice steady. “Maybe you should begin with last Sunday and tell me what happened. Why did you leave in such a hurry after the service?”
Alvin took his time before answering. “It wasn’t what it may have seemed. I was startled and upset by Crystal’s sudden appearance. I guess I ran.”
Debbie sighed. “I know you don’t have feelings for Crystal. Were you afraid to face me about her? Don’t you trust me? Or care how it looked to the others? You don’t have to run, Alvin. Not anymore. And not away from me.”
“I guess you’ve seen my faults again, and to that list you can add the ones Deacon Mast sees.”
Debbie reached over and touched his arm. “I’m not trying to scold you, Alvin. I want us to learn to work together through any trouble.”
Alvin’s eyes were wide as he looked at her. “Do you know what Deacon Mast thinks?”
“No.” Debbie didn’t hesitate. “And I don’t need to. I just want you to work on your problems. You’re going to have to face things, Alvin, not run.”
Alvin frowned. “I know. I don’t know why I run away. I’m trying to do better. Seeing Crystal in church for the first time last week… that… that was too much for me to handle, Debbie. I thought I’d left that life out there, and then she shows up to bring it all back. It was awful!”
“I’m here to help you.” Debbie squeezed his arm.
His voice low, he said, “I know you said you don’t care what Deacon Mast thinks, but I’m in a lot of trouble right now, Debbie. Not with you, but with the community. They’re thinking what you aren’t thinking. And they won’t be easily persuaded otherwise. Plus there are some things my daett has been saying… about coming back just so I could take over the farm.”
Debbie leaned against his shoulder. “Either way, I believe the best in you, Alvin. We can make it through this together.”
Alvin’s voice was mournful. “I can’t disprove the things Deacon Mast thinks. And what he thinks is what matters when it comes to my standing in the community. Maybe you ought to bail while you have the chance. This is only our second date, so I can’t have done much harm to your reputation.”
Debbie stared at him. “Alvin, really! Stop this! We’re in this together. I’m standing with you!”
Hope flickered on his face. “So you wouldn’t bail on me then? Even if everyone says I still hanker after the Englisha life—and Englisha women? Deacon Mast believes this is why Da Hah had Crystal follow me home.”
Debbie gathered herself together. “I don’t believe that! No, I won’t bail on you.” She almost added, I don’t run away from things like you do. Instead she bit her lower lip.
His hand sought hers. “Thank you. I appreciate that. I guess we’ll make it. I really should tell you everything Deacon Mast thinks about me. Can you handle that? Will you listen?”
“Of course.” Debbie drew closer to him and searched his face.
His words came slowly. “Deacon Mast said some things last night about my motives for dating you. I’m sorry, but I told him how you used to drive past my place before you joined the community. I told him I had noticed you. So Deacon Mast knows I was drawn to you even back then. He doesn’t think my heart was in the right place, and he’s not sure it is yet. Not when it comes to Englisha girls. I’m afraid the deacon’s not going to easily forget his doubts about me.”
“You told him, Alvin?” Debbie stared out the buggy door into the dark shadows. “You told him about that? Why? That was just between us!”
“The deacon dug deep, Debbie. He wanted to know everything. And I’m tired of hiding things—even the little th
ings.”
Debbie tried to keep the desperation out of her voice. “I wish you wouldn’t have told him.”
Alvin winced. “I guess I don’t know myself anymore, Debbie. The deacon thinks I should tell you why I really came back from Philadelphia.”
She hadn’t expected the conversation to take this turn. Her voice quivered. “Perhaps you should tell me, Alvin.” She glanced at him.
Alvin’s face turned pale in the dim buggy lights as he pulled into the Beiler driveway.
Was it true then? Was Alvin in love with Mildred? Debbie wondered.
Alvin brought Star to a stop by the hitching post. He said nothing as Emery’s buggy pulled up next to them. Then Alvin cleared his throat. “I came home because Mamm told me the committee might let me run the farm. I came home because I had hopes I might be able to make a go of it.”
“That’s okay,” Debbie responded. “I thought you were so brave facing your sins in front of all those ministers, to say nothing of the community and me. That couldn’t have been easy, Alvin. Was I wrong in my judgment of you? Tell me I wasn’t.”
“I hope you weren’t,” Alvin whispered. “The truth is, there is yet a greater motivation behind all of this—my love for my people, for our farmland, for our traditions, for our community. I came home, Debbie, because I love it all too much to leave it forever. If I learned anything during that time in your world, it was that truth. Unfortunately, Deacon Mast doesn’t believe me. He thinks there’s more.”
Debbie let her breath out slowly. “I believe you, Alvin. But you said, ‘If I learned anything during that time in your world.’ In your mind am I still from that world? Do you still consider me an ‘outsider,’ an Englisha?”
Alvin said nothing.
Emery pulled in the lane to park near them. Ida glanced their way as she climbed out of the buggy but headed for the house without a word.
Debbie shifted on the seat. “We’d better go inside, don’t you think?”
Alvin climbed out of the buggy and grabbed the tie rope. He tied Star to the hitching rail. As they walked toward the house, he moved beside Debbie and took her hand in the darkness.
Debbie didn’t resist. She liked his boldness, if the truth be told. This attitude was something Alvin didn’t have before he left for Philadelphia. If he could only see that some good came from his time in the world perhaps some of his fears and doubts of her would subside. Because that was the problem. Alvin was afraid of what she represented. Hadn’t he said as much even before Crystal’s arrival? He’d waited until she was baptized before he set a time for their first date. That still stung.
Ida had left the front door ajar for them, but there was no sign of her when they stepped inside. That was Ida’s way, Debbie thought. She turned to Alvin.
“Why not sit on the couch while I get some brownies and milk from the kitchen?”
Alvin smiled as he sat down.
Debbie hurried into the kitchen as Emery entered through the washroom door.
“Gut evening. Are you and Alvin behaving yourselves?” Emery teased.
“We’re perfectly behaved,” she responded.
He laughed and then disappeared through the kitchen doorway. There was a murmur of voices as Emery spoke with Alvin. Silence followed.
At least Emery hadn’t given in to Crystal’s charms, Debbie thought. Crystal had been at the hymn singing this evening, and she had not so discreetly sent smiles Emery’s way. But Crystal wouldn’t know how to “behave properly” at an Amish youth gathering, Debbie reminded herself. She was irritated that Emery had shown concern for the woman, and Debbie admitted that wasn’t a very Christian attitude for her to have. If Emery cared for the Englisha girl, why shouldn’t she give Crystal a chance?
Debbie pushed the thought away at once. She was on a date with Alvin, so why ask such a question? Didn’t she have enough to deal with in her own life? But Emery was so good and decent… Debbie felt her cheeks get warm. She focused on her search for the brownies. She found them and slid two pieces on separate plates. She took a moment to compose herself before she took glasses from the cupboard and filled them with cold milk.
Alvin smiled when she walked in with his plate and glass. He was still smiling when she came back in with hers. “These are gut. Did you make them?”
Debbie shook her head. “Saloma made this batch. But I’ve tried the recipe and no one died.” Alvin laughed but Debbie thought he sounded nervous. She looked over to ask “How’s Mildred doing?”
Alvin didn’t hesitate. “Debbie, there’s nothing to say about Mildred. She works at my daett’s place. It’s you I love. You pull and draw on my heart—like you’ve been doing since I first saw you driving past my place. And I’m sorry about spilling the beans to Deacon Mast. Please don’t worry about Mildred. She’s working for daett because daett won’t go live with one of his daughters-in-law.” Alvin smiled. “Daett’s a cranky old man, I guess. But the farm is doing well enough now so we can afford paying Mildred. Beyond that, Debbie, my heart is safe with you.”
Debbie’s head spun. After a moment she said what any Amish girl would say. “Okay. I can live with that.”
Alvin attempted a smile. “I have my times of fear. I can’t deny that. But my heart is with you. Thanks for believing in me.”
“Let’s forget about Mildred then.” Debbie nodded. “Tell me how your mother is getting along.”
Alvin’s face darkened. “Not well, I’m afraid.”
Debbie listened as he spoke about his mother’s condition. She squeezed his hand once, and his troubled look vanished for a moment. We will be good for each other, she told herself. Just like she’d always imagined they would be.
“Communion will be soon,” Debbie said when there was a break in the conversation. “Now that Bishop Beiler announced pre-communion church in two weeks, I can hardly wait. It’ll be my first communion as a member of the community.”
“Yah,” Alvin said with a smile, “you really are one of us now. I’m very happy about that.”
Eighteen
Ida hung the third load of wash on the line. It was still early Monday morning. Her gaze turned again toward the road. She’d been watching for Lois’s car ever since she got up. Ida was sure her sister would stop by soon to report on her honeymoon. Lois wouldn’t be able to contain her excitement for long.
Ida sighed at the thought of Lois and Doug. Then she chided herself. There were so many other things she should spend her thoughts on this morning instead of her wayward sister. For one, Daett had announced at the breakfast table that the threshing crew would arrive Thursday morning.
Debbie had squealed with delight as the troubled look on her face vanished for a moment. Something wasn’t right between Debbie and Alvin. The two had seemed tense last night when she and Emery had driven in after the hymn singing. But then maybe they should be tense. Alvin was in deep trouble with the community. For what, Ida wasn’t totally sure. But Debbie was a grown woman and a member of the community now. Debbie had objected to her upcoming marriage to Ben, but she had the decency to temper her words. Ida decided she would also behave herself and say no more against Alvin.
What she ought to think about was her own wedding plans. She still hadn’t spoken at length with Mamm on the matter. Ida wanted a day or so to pass before the finality of what was coming descended upon her. Her departure would leave Mamm and Daett in a fix and needing help on the farm. And now they had the noon meal on Thursday to plan for the threshing crew. Still, they would have to talk—today. The sooner the better.
Ida pinned the last piece of wash on the line and took another glance toward the road. Surely Lois would be here soon with her pictures from Cancun. The photos would not be allowed in the house, but Lois would certainly try. And there would be tears, but Mamm wouldn’t give in. Ida was sure of that.
Maybe after the next load of wash she’d speak with Mamm about the wedding plans. Lois might be here by then, and the matter would be pushed back maybe until evening. Maybe the r
est of the wash should wait. At least if someone drove by he or she would see a wash line half full and know that the Beiler women hadn’t grown lazy.
Ida took the hamper with her as she entered the house by the washroom door.
Mamm was working on a list at the dining room table. She was talking softly when Ida walked in. “Why Daett didn’t let us know sooner, I don’t know.”
Ida knew Mamm was thinking about the threshing crew coming. She ignored the comment and sat on a kitchen chair.
Mamm looked up in surprise. “Are you finished with the wash already?”
Ida shook her head. “I thought we should talk about the wedding. I’m sorry to add to the list of stuff we have to do this week, but I don’t know if we can wait any longer. Ben wants to wed this season.”
Mamm laid her pencil down and studied her daughter. “Ida, are you sure about this?”
Now Ida was the one who was surprised. “Mamm, when I told you on Sunday night, you seemed fine with it. Now you’re having doubts? There’s nothing wrong with our plans or any reason we should be hesitant. Our marrying is well within the customs of the community, even if the wedding may seem rushed.”
Mamm hesitated for only a moment. “I still want to know how this all happened so quickly.”
“Ben first spoke to me the other Sunday, and I accepted his proposal… ”
Mamm interrupted. “He asked to marry you right from the first?”
Ida admitted, “Well, not really. I thought I’d save him the embarrassment, so I said I was open to the idea if that’s what he was hinting at.”
Mamm sighed.
Ida went on. “Ben visited me Friday night at Verna’s and said he wants to say the vows this wedding season. He said we could pick any week that works for us. And Mamm…” Ida tried to look stern. “Mamm, the wedding will be small. I mean it this time.”
Mamm settled into her chair. “He’s a stern man, Ida. I guess you know that. But Minister Kanagy will be gut for you. I was thinking of Lois this morning, and right now I’d take a stern man instead of the husband Lois has chosen. Ben Kanagy is a gut man. Daett told me last night how thankful he is to have him by his side when difficult church problems come up.”
Finding Love at Home (The Beiler Sisters) Page 12