“Herbert!” her mother called back into the house. “Our long-lost daughter has returned!”
Debbie wrapped her arms around her mother for a hug. Callie returned her hug and then greeted the other two girls, inviting everyone to come inside. Debbie’s dad rose from the couch to give Debbie a hug. He shook hands with Verna and Ida. He grinned from ear to ear. “If it isn’t the Beiler sisters! But where is Lois?”
“Back at the house,” Debbie said. “I asked Verna and Ida to come with me.”
“Why, Debbie? You’re not shunning Lois, are you?” Callie sounded indignant.
“Of course not, Mom. Lois was never a formal member of the Amish church, so shunning was never considered.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that. I just know Lois is sensitive about such things.” Callie motioned for them to take a seat.
“How have you been doing?” Debbie asked as she took her dad’s hand in hers.
A broad smile spread over his face. “Much better now that I’m seeing my daughter again.”
“I’m sorry.” Debbie tightened her hand on his. “I should visit more often. I’ve been so busy and life has been ruffled.”
Her dad just smiled at her.
Her mother responded though. “Amish life ruffled? Now I’ve heard everything!”
Debbie stroked her dad’s hand. “We’re human, Mom. Even if we live in a culture that doesn’t prefer technology, we still have plenty of issues to straighten out and work to do. That’s what makes it so busy. It’s not like what they show on TV.”
Verna must have thought it was high time the conversation moved to safer ground because she jumped in. “Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?”
“The turkey was moist,” Debbie’s dad, Herbert, said. “Some members of my side of the family were here earlier. My brother Thomas and his wife, Emerald. They left about an hour ago.”
“Of course the turkey was moist! He just likes to make it sound like I can’t cook, ” Callie said.
As they all laughed, Debbie decided she was glad she’d come. Now that things had quieted down, she needed to visit her parents more often. And she would. Certainly at Christmastime—and hopefully several times before that.
Forty-One
Two Sundays after Thanksgiving, Debbie was sitting on the front row bench of the unmarried women’s section at the hymn singing. The last song had been given out, and through the living room window she could see the Englisha neighbor’s Christmas lights twinkling in the distance. They looked dreamy, Debbie thought, as she turned to the correct page.
Tonight she was the oldest single girl sitting on the front row. The wedding season had thinned out the line. It seemed like a dozen girls were gone, if you counted all the neighboring young people who attended the hymn singing in Bishop Beiler’s district on their “off” Sundays. But perhaps she was exaggerating. Right now she felt weary to the bone and glad the hymn singing was almost over. Hopefully Emery would leave right after the dating couples did so they’d be on their way home quickly.
For a few more minutes the sound of the young people’s voices hung in the air. Conversations started almost immediately after the last note died down. Debbie tried to join in, but she soon lapsed into silence. She just wanted to get out of there. The place was too empty with Ida and Verna gone. It even felt strange not to have Alvin and Mildred on the front row, even with Mildred aglow over her anticipated wedding, which had happened last Thursday. They would be at home together tonight. She didn’t begrudge them their togetherness. She was long past that point.
There was one gut memory that lingered from Alvin and Mildred’s wedding. Emery had asked her to the table for the evening supper and hymn singing intead of his mystery girl, of whom he was still tight-lipped about. No one had looked crossways at them even though she lived with the Beilers. Maybe everyone thought they preferred each other’s company over some random matchup. Which was the truth—at least on her part. She’d been able to relax. There were no arguments or poundings of the heart—just delicious peace as she and Emery made small talk. To top things off, Paul had been matched with a visiting girl so his attention was elsewhere.
One thing Debbie knew for sure: Emery was a dear. At Alvin’s wedding he must have been trying hard to keep her spirits up. And he didn’t bring up the mystery girl either. Debbie had found out the girl’s name was Laura, and she was from Lancaster—according to Ida. Had Emery been interested in her?
Ida had said that what happened among the young people at Amish weddings didn’t usually mean a thing, but Debbie was realizing more and more that she hoped Ida was wrong. Tonight she was becoming more aware of her feelings for Emery Beiler. Could Emery ever care for her in a romantic way? The thought brought a quick lump to her throat. That was simply not possible. Would it even cross his mind?
Debbie pulled in a sharp breath when she saw Emery get to his feet. She hadn’t said a word in the past five minutes, and she didn’t want to. But if she sat here like a mute, she would soon draw attention to herself. Debbie got up to make her way to the washroom. Emery wouldn’t be ready with his horse when she got outside, but she’d help him hitch up. That wasn’t the usual Amish practice, but things were a little upside down right now. Besides, she and Emery were like brother and sister, were they not? Right now she wished that wasn’t the case… but then she wouldn’t be free to follow him out to his buggy either. Well, she’d enjoy his company while she could. Emery was such a comforting presence. He’d eventually marry, and she’d deal with it like she had with all the other changes that had happened this year.
A few of the dating girls gave her warm smiles as she walked into the washroom, probably expecting she had a date with someone. Why else would she be out here this early? Well, she wished she had one—and they would never guess with whom! Not Phillip Kanagy, or Paul Wagler, or Alvin Knepp. No, someone more solid, more mature, more manly, and certainly more godly than all three of them put together. Debbie banished the thought as she absentmindedly returned the girls’ smiles. No one said anything as they searched through the clothing pile to pull out their shawls and weather bonnets. Debbie hung back until the first wave of girls went out the door. She found her own wrap and went outside. She left the line and crossed the lawn in the moonlight, only slowing down when she approached the long line of buggies parked along the back fence. The men with steady dates were busy hitching their horses to their buggies. They were too busy and focused to notice her. By the lights of the men’s lanterns, Debbie found Emery’s buggy. She stepped into the shadows to wait for him to come out of the barn. When he reached the buggy, she stepped out to meet him.
Startled he stopped for a moment. Then he grinned. “I don’t remember asking anyone if I could drive her home.”
Debbie reached down and lifted the buggy shafts. “Sorry. It’s just little old me. I can walk home if you want to take someone else. I’ll even ask her for you.”
His laughter was full and bright, just like the Christmas lights that flashed across the road. His words were gentle. “Why, I’d be honored to have you along for the ride.”
She went along. “Well, we are going the same way, and if there’s no one else… ”
“There’s no one else,” he said after he finished connecting the tugs. “Hop on in!” He helped her into the buggy and then handed the lines to her.
Debbie settled on the seat and handed the lines back when Emery joined her. They were both quiet as he maneuvered his horse past the buggies in line to pick up passengers.
Now that they were alone, the last thing Debbie wanted to do was make Emery angry, but curiosity got the best of her.
Hesitantly she asked, “Emery, why did you take me to the table at Alvin’s wedding?”
When he didn’t respond she continued. “If it’s because Laura wasn’t there so I was your backup choice, I can’t say that I blame you. She’s much better looking than I am.”
He grunted. After a minute or two he said, “Debbie, Laura never meant anything to me.
You know how wedding match-ups are.”
He didn’t sound harsh, but the words still cut. She regarded him out of the corner of her eye as he drove through the night. Was he going to say something more? When he didn’t, she couldn’t believe her boldness when she asked, “Does that also cover Alvin’s wedding?”
“You don’t have to look so nervous,” Emery finally said, as if that was an answer. “I asked you because I knew I would enjoy your company.”
“You did?” Her voice caught.
“I’ve always appreciated you, Debbie. There’ll be someone for you, if that’s what you’re worried about. The unmarried men won’t let a sweet girl like you sit around alone for long.”
Quick tears burned her eyes, but Debbie left them alone. Emery wouldn’t see them in the dark, and after all, how could she expect him to even consider her in a romantic way?
“Thank you for your concern,” she said in a steady voice. “I’m sure the same holds true for you. I don’t understand why you don’t have a decent girl in the buggy with you right now.”
He chuckled. “Who says I don’t?”
“Emery!” Her voice squeaked. “Emery, don’t tease me tonight. My heart can’t take it right now.”
“I’m sorry.” He glanced at her. “Did the handsome Phillip Kanagy love you and leave you in one night?”
“Emery,” she begged, “that’s not how it was.”
He didn’t look convinced. “You two seemed to have a great time—at least from what I could see.”
“I could say the same thing about you and Laura.” The words slipped out, and she was sure they sounded bitter.
He turned and regarded her for a long moment. “There’s nothing between Laura and myself, Debbie. She’s from Lancaster.”
“I know.” Debbie took a deep, calming breath. “Who you sit with at the table at an Amish wedding doesn’t mean anything.”
“You keep saying that.” He held onto the reins as they turned into their driveway. “Did I offend you?”
Debbie suppressed a sigh. “No, Emery. I’m glad for an evening with you, even if it doesn’t mean anything,”
Emery stopped his horse at the hitching post, but he didn’t climb down from the buggy. “What is it about the heart?” he mused. “Why is love so hard, so complicated, so unexpected?”
Debbie didn’t dare move lest she break the spell of this moment. Never had Emery opened up like this to her.
“I don’t know much about women, Debbie. I’m a common, ordinary man. I don’t have the flash of a Phillip Kanagy or the boldness of a Paul Wagler. I plod along with my responsibilities. I know I need to wed, but why? I ask myself. Just because it needs done? And to whom? And when I consider what I would like in a frau, it doesn’t seem quite possible to find a girl like that.” He gazed across the dark fields.
Debbie held her breath. What kind of life did Emery want? What was he looking for in a frau? Was it also what she wanted? Could she come close to being what he desired?
Emery’s voice broke the silence again. “Maybe we’d better go inside. Mamm and Daett will think someone has brought you home… and you’re sitting out here kissing him.”
Debbie laughed. “They know me better than that.”
Emery was halfway down the buggy step, but he paused to look up at her. “I want to thank you, Debbie, for who you are. It took a lot of courage to come from your world into ours. I’ve never told you this before, but I’ve thought it often. You’ll make your mark in life with your steady and unbroken spirit, with your fear of Da Hah, and with so much of the specialness that makes up you. You’ve been a blessing to our family, and you’ve helped out more than you can know.”
He finished climbing down and she followed on her side. She undid the tugs on her side, while he undid them on his. She held the shafts while he led his horse forward. As she set the shafts down, he took the horse into the barn. She waited until he returned and fell into step with him as they walked toward the house.
Did she dare do what she wanted desperately to do? Slowly Debbie slipped her hand into his. She looked up at his face in the moonlight. “I haven’t made you angry, have I?”
He grinned. “You’d have a hard time making me angry, Debbie.”
The words came easily. “That’s because you’re such a sweet-tempered person.”
He laughed. “You do my heart gut, Debbie.”
“And you mine,” she whispered.
He paused at the front steps to give her a quick, sideways hug. His chin pressed into her kapp for a moment. “I’m sorry life dealt you such a difficult hand with Alvin, Debbie. I really am.”
She glanced up at his clean-shaven face. “I guess I was wrong about Alvin…and about my heart.”
He nodded.
She touched his face with her finger. “You’ll soon be growing a beard, I’m thinking. You’ll look right handsome.”
He grinned. “Does that mean I’m ugly now?”
“Laura didn’t think so,” Debbie pressed back a tear. “And neither do I. We can’t both be wrong.”
He cleared his throat. “I’m thinking we’d better get our sleep or neither of us will be worth much tomorrow.”
“Spoken like a true farmer,” she teased and followed him through the front door.
He cast a final smile her way and then went up the stairs. Debbie slipped into the kitchen. Saloma had cleared the supper dishes away, and the kitchen sparkled in the soft moonlight coming through the window.
Returned love might not come her way, Debbie thought as she pressed back another tear. But for right now she had this—the Beiler family’s love, a wonderful place to live, her Amish community, and enjoyable evenings like the one she’d had tonight. Perhaps that could be enough. At least until Emery found himself a frau.
Forty-Two
It was Christmas Day, and Debbie was sitting in her bedroom upstairs. Bishop Beiler and Saloma were napping downstairs after the hearty breakfast Debbie had fixed of pancakes, bacon, eggs, and potatoes. The day would be a quiet one. On Thanksgiving, Saloma had declared to her children that Christmas should be spent with their in-laws and other family. “It’s only fair that everyone’s elsewhere on Christmas,” Saloma had remarked. “The children need to spend time with both sides of their families.”
Debbie didn’t mind the quiet day at home. The Beilers could have visited among their widespread family connections, but the bishop and Saloma seemed content to stay home. Debbie had awakened early to spend the first part of the day with her parents. She’d told them last week that she would. And on the visit this morning, she’d taken Christmas presents along—a knitted sweater for her dad, which she had slaved over under Saloma’s tutorage. Her dad had seemed pleased and thanked her for the gift. She’d given her mom an embroidered doily. That hadn’t been as big a hit, but her mom was hard to please.
Still, the effort had been worth it. And the four yards of dark-blue dress cloth her mom had given her warmed her heart. At least Mom had taken the time to figure out what she could use as an Amish woman. She’d given her mom a big hug. Her dad received an equally tight hug for the little box of chocolates he’d given her. The box was sitting on the dresser right now. Debbie glanced at it with a smile. She’d only eaten two. Perhaps she would share several with Emery later. He liked chocolates even more than she did.
She’d come back in time to fix a late breakfast for the Beilers. There had only been the four of them sitting around the table and making small talk. After they had prayer and the bishop read the Christmas story, Emery had vanished. She’d heard his buggy back in their lane some ten minutes ago.
Debbie smiled as she thought of Emery. They’d had such a nice talk that night on the ride home from the Sunday-night hymn singing. None of the rides since had been as momentous, but Debbie felt they’d grown closer each week. They chatted often during chore time, and she managed to keep foolish thoughts of Emery as a husband out of her mind. She was honored to share even these few precious moments of friends
hip with Emery. She would cherish them forever in her heart even after Emery found himself a woman he could love and marry.
Debbie stood and walked over to the window to look out. Perhaps that had been where Emery had gone—to visit a girl he’d had his eye on. It didn’t seem reasonable though. Amish people didn’t usually take such liberties on Christmas Day.
A soft knock sounded on the bedroom door.
“Come in!” Debbie called. No doubt it was Saloma on her way up for a motherly chat and probably concerned that she might be lonely. To her surprise, it was Emery who opened the door.
“Okay if I come in?” he asked.
“Yah,” Debbie answered, her voice a bit squeaky.
When he entered, she said, “My dad gave me chocolates.” She pointed to the box on the dresser. “Help yourself. I know you love good chocolate.”
Emery ignored the remark as he seated himself on the bed.
He seemed tense, Debbie thought as she faced him and leaned against the window frame.
Emery studied the floor for a moment before he looked up and met her gaze. “I’ve been thinking about you, Debbie.”
Debbie’s brow furrowed. “Have I done something wrong?”
He shook his head. “On the contrary, Debbie. You do a lot of things right. I was thinking of you…of you and me.”
She waited and hardly dared breathe. Her face flamed red.
“Surely you know what I mean. I… ” Emery searched for the right words. “These feelings… these feelings for you, well, they’ve been in my heart for a long time. Longer than I’ve wanted to admit.”
“You mean…you and me together, Emery?” she dared ask. “Are you saying…”
He met her gaze. “You do care for me then? In that way? I had hoped so because of the way you were worried about Crystal… and then Laura. But I wasn’t sure. There were always other men around you. And you seemed interested in Phillip.”
She glanced away. “I do care about you, Emery. But would it be right? I mean, it wouldn’t look right to people. We live in the same house. People think you’re like a brother to me.”
Finding Love at Home (The Beiler Sisters) Page 27