“What the fuck? Seriously? Sigh. Fine. Here’s my debit card use this one.”
He repeated the action and nervously bit his bottom lip before staring at the computer screen. “I’m sorry ma’am this card’s been declined as well.”
Richard. That son of a bitch emptied the accounts. I chided myself for not checking them before I passed out, but I was more worried about his return than anything. “Okay. Um…” I fumbled through my bag for a few minutes before producing about ten dollars in cash. There was a line forming behind me and the other customers were growing more impatient. They hadn’t realized just how close to the edge I was and before I could turn around and give them a piece of my mind the young clerk nodded and mumbled, “You’re all set, have a good day ma’am.”
“You too, kid.”
I got in the car and before I could stop them, tears began to seep out the corners of my eyelids. I couldn’t believe that Richard would stoop to this low. He’d talked about closing the accounts before, but I never thought he’d actually do it. I figured that even throughout all our fights and his temper tantrums he still loved me enough to keep me safe financially. Hell I figured that even when we were old and gray we’d be sitting side by side bitching at each other in the nursing home, arguing about who had the better tasting Jell-O mold. I admittedly took a lot of shit from the man but I truly did love him. He was always particular and had a funny way of doing things, like in a restaurant, he always asked for a bowl of whatever sauce it would happen to be on the side. He said that businesses loved to rip their customers off by only providing them with nickel and dime sauce packets. When asked for a fresh side of a condiment, it would have to be made in house which to Richard guaranteed a better flavor. He did appreciate nice things and he refused to settle for being dirt poor. He’d seen too many families come up that way on the streets and in his younger days vowed never to be in a position where he couldn’t afford everything and anything he wanted. That’s why he became a lawyer. For me it was different though, I didn’t feel the need to stack up cash, I only wanted to satisfy my mind and live up to my potential. If I could save a few lives in between, well that only sweetened the deal. Besides, when I was in med school I had already made up my mind that being a heart surgeon was the surest ticket to Heaven a girl could get. As I drove along the freeway to the hospital I remembered how in such a few short years, Richard convinced me that the only ticket to Heaven I needed was some time alone with him in the bedroom. He wasn’t too far off. Our first few times together were absolutely amazing. At least what I remember it being was magnificent. He pressed his warm lips to mine and took his time exploring my body before plying me with enough red wine to knock me on my ass. He knew that it would somehow take the edge off my nerves, though and I gave myself to him freely. I wasn’t really a Saint in high school, but I wasn’t really the type to sleep around either, so somehow I’d managed to save my own virginity until post Grad. I’d imagine that made it more fulfilling for Richard. I just know that I found his week-old unshaven beard and tight grey t-shirt incredibly sexy and knew this was the man to change my life. God I was stupid. Now I was fucked.
I arrived at the hospital to a line of concerned nurses and waiting patients. I quickly punched a few numbers into the computer before slinging my stethoscope around my neck and picking up a chart. Selena looked at me with her eyes full of concern and asked, “Are you alright? It’s not like you to be late.” I cleared my throat before meeting her eyes with an intense gaze of secrecy. I nodded my head after I said each word to only punctuate my desire for Selena to not grill me about the morning…at least not yet. “Oh nothing tragic, Selena. It was just a bit of um, car trouble.”
She tossed her blonde hair back over her shoulder before turning her eyes back down to the stack of papers in front of her. “Ah. I see. Yeah, you mentioned last week it was acting up. We’ll have to get it checked out later.”
“Yup. Sure thing. I’m sorry I put everyone behind. So what are we starting with today?”
The studious young woman narrowed her eyes and only focused on the chart in front of her. This was exactly what I had wanted Selena to do. I counted her among my best friends, but at the same time I didn’t want the hospital knowing anything at all about my personal life. I had seen cases in the past where certain doctors, despite their abilities were let go from various institutions because of the ‘image,’ they displayed outside of their established practices. The only image I wanted anyone to see at the moment was a talented doctor with a gift for fixing literal broken hearts. I didn’t need the world to know I had a broken heart as well.
3
After the first few patients were seen and fortunately all only needed minor corrections to some medications rather than stints or more evasive surgeries, Selena put her hand on my shoulder and gently suggested that we take a coffee break. One thing I’ve always admired about Selena is that she is part Barbie doll part Pitbull. Once she has an idea in her head she just won’t give up until she sees it through. Once we were alone in my office, I walked to the coffee pot and put on a fresh pot to brew. Taking a residence at a smaller hospital meant I did receive some perks. My own office was one of them. Through the years, it had become my safety zone, kind of my own private sanctuary. Sometimes after a particularly tough surgery I would just go there and sit. I wouldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t play music, read the news, or even watch television. I would simply sit alone on the dark and stare out in front of me. I’d let my mind relax focusing on nothing in particular or even thinking about anything pressing. I would just simply embrace the silence and the dark. Before I could even be subject to my own thoughts jumbling up my headspace I heard Selena calling my name, cutting through my solitude. “Hey… Rach! Wake up! Earth to Rachel! I don’t know where you went, but I’m here with you now. Here sit down at your desk and rest your feet a minute… I’ll get this coffee for you.”
As Selena touched my shoulder and upper arm, I couldn’t stop an involuntary jerk nor could I stop the sharp exclamation of pain. “Ow!”
“Rachel… what’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing I swear, just a little bump is all.”
The woman looked at me with concern and she could tell by the way my bottom lip was shaking that it was indeed more than just a bump. “Rachel Whitelaw…. As your sworn best friend forever, I’m going to need to know exactly what the hell is going on with you. You’re starting to scare me.”
“Fine.”
It was then I took off my lab coat, still not wanting her to see the ugly bruises I was certain lined my rib cage, but at the same time I knew she’d just discover them anyway at some point during the day. When Selena wanted information she would find someone to con me out of my lab jacket. When I pulled it off Selena looked at me with fire in her eyes. “That son of a bitch. What else, Rachel?”
I looked down at the floor, not wanting to meet her eyes, because my own were filled with shame and fear. I was afraid what the future would hold for me now that technically had no money nor anywhere to go except the house I shared still with Richard. “Rachel either you tell me now or I swear I’ll go to the board and have them investigate you for practicing while unfit mentally. Just try me. I mean, I don’t want to threaten you but Rachel it looks worse than last time and last time you said his behavior had improved. I cleared my throat and with my voice barely above a whisper I said, “Okay… hold this.” I finished taking off my lab coat then walked to my office door and locked it. I bit my bottom lip to avoid making too much noise as I muffled a groan of pain while I lifted my dress up and over my head. Selena paled when she saw the ugly marks, which lined my ribcage. They had already began to form a deep purple and red gash of blood clots along and around the sides of my stomach, while some of the bruises had even dared to form a few small knots in the muscle tissue. The yellowing of the tissues hadn’t begun yet and I knew with every breath I took the healing process would be slow. “Oh my God… Rachel. May I?”
“Please.”
I stayed painfully still as the young doctor took some gloves out of her own lab coat and pulled them on her shaking hands. I saw tears of both rage and sadness begin to form at the corners of my best friend’s eyes, but quickly looked away out of fear that I would lose my own carefully controlled emotions as well. Selena ran her hands lightly across my ribcage and while trying not to hurt me, softly kneaded the tissue. She then took two of her fingers and pressed into my side, which immediately elicited a scream of agony. “Awww God! Fuck! Fuck me that hurts Selena! What are you doing?”
“It’s okay… that was the worst of it for now.”
I decided then and there the dress was definitely going to have to go for the day. I didn’t want to struggle with keeping it pulled up around my cleavage. That would mean more movement and I definitely didn’t feel like moving much at all. I walked to a small closet I kept in the back for extra gym clothes and pulled on a soft, grey t-shirt and a looser pair of beige Chinos. I could somehow pull of being professional looking as long as I kept the majority of my outfit covered in my lab coat. Once more comfortable I sat down in my leather office chair, sighing every minute of the way down. “Well my friend…what’s the verdict.”
“Two things. One—you’re not going back to him. You’re lucky you’re not dead. Two—you have three cracked ribs and could potentially be either bleeding internally or losing air through one of your lungs, you need X-Ray and CT.”
“Selena that’s more than two things.”
“Shut up smartass and stay here while I send up Andi and Dustin. You know they’ll keep it on the downlow.”
“Okay… oh and there’s one more thing, Selena.
“Oh God what?”
“I’m broke.”
Selena’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped. “Are you for real?”
“Mhm.”
“Oh my God! Rach….how is that even possible? You’re the highest paid cardiologist in this hospital? Do you mean to tell me it’s all gone?”
“Yup. I couldn’t even get gas at the gas station this morning. He took every bit of it. Richard drained our bank accounts, the credit card’s maxed out… all of it, it’s just like it never existed.”
Selena looked down at my stomach area then back up at me, her green eyes filled with something akin to fire. “Okay… it’s gonna be okay. First and foremost we get those ribs checked out. Then we work out the rest. You can stay with me tonight until we know he’s not coming back.”
I felt the tears well up in the corners of my eyes once more and I sighed shakily. It was certainly good to have friends. Selena didn’t know just how much I appreciated her in that moment. I touched my cheek and brought my hand up to my eyes. I had been sobbing and didn’t even notice it. Before I had a chance to respond to Selena’s offer my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a text from Amato. “Hey doc bright eyes. I was just checking to see if you’re still coming by this evening.” I quickly sent a text back and put my phone in my pocket before deciding on an impulse to ask for what I needed. “Yeah, I’ll be there for certain. You still have a lot of healing to do. There’s a problem though. Do you think you could send me a taxi or something? I’m embarrassed to say I’m having some vehicle problems.”
“Think nothing of it. I’ll send a car. Is six o’ clock okay?”
“Perfect. Thank you Amato. “
“No problem.”
Selena looked at me questioningly and I cleared my throat, not wanting to go into any more detail with her than I absolutely had to. “Who was that?”
“Eh… just a work thing. Nothing to worry about though, I assure you.”
“Your nothing to worry about seems to be all the more worrisome these days, Rach.”
Before they could continue the conversation, Andi and Dustin, two of their longtime colleagues, knocked on the office door. They both looked concerned as they wheeled in a wheelchair. Selena ushered both of them into the room and shut it behind her. “Our patient is ready to be transported to X-Ray and CT.” I looked at Selena and gave her a weak smile. “You really want me to do this don’t you?”
“You bet your ass. Now get in the chair, doc. We’re gonna see what’s going on.”
“You two never saw this, you hear me?”
Andi and Dustin exchanged a glance and gave each other a sly smile then vehemently nodded their heads. I knew those bastards would bring this up again eventually. It was fine though, I was feeling a little off-centered and knew that something really could seriously be happening to me internally so I would sacrifice some good-natured joking later for a proper diagnosis. I sat down in the chair and Ani and Dustin walked me first to the X-Ray room where I stretched out on the cold metal table while I listened patiently and followed Andi’s instructions such as holding my breath and turning from side to side. Every time I rolled over pain shot through my midsection and I bit my lip to mask my discomfort.
“Okay Rach. We’re all finished up in here. I’ll have Dustin come take you to CT for some scans while I look these over. I promise I’ll be quick so you can get back to work soon.”
“Thanks, Andi. You guys are really the greatest.”
“Hey don’t go spreading that shit around. No one needs to know about our warm and fuzzy center.”
“Yeah. Ditto. No one needs to know about mine either. “
“I wouldn’t dream of it, Rach. Hey I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s going to be okay I promise.”
“After this ordeal, I certainly fucking hope so. Let’s just say I learned a lesson.”
As promised Dustin took me to CT for a few scans of my torso and chest. I was then whisked back to my office where Selena was waiting, only this time with a hospital gown in tow. “No! Absolutely not! Rach… have you looked at yourself yet? I know you haven’t slept or eaten. I think you just need to lay down for a while and we’ll get some fluids and a hot meal in you then you can catch up on some sleep. You’re safe here and honestly your body needs it.” I sagged in my chair and then gave in. The truth was I couldn’t have been more exhausted and the notion of just laying down was too tempting. “Fine, you’ve got your way this time Selena.”
“Good. Now put this on and get comfy, I’ll take you to private room on the East end so hopefully no one notices you’re out of commission for a little while.”
“Selena…?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t say this often enough…but thank you. You’re a lifesaver.”
“Don’t mention it. It’s part of the job. I signed on for this years ago when we were interns, remember?”
“Haha! I do. Let’s just say that Cyndi Lauper never sounded better than when you would belt it out over glasses of red wine in the bar.”
“What can I say? I’m a classy lady. I’ll make some woman a great wife one day.”
I smiled at her once again before slipping the gown on and reclining in the hospital bed. “Mistress. You’ll make someone a good mistress one day.”
“Hah! Smartass. Ya know though…it’s really not a bad idea. Maybe you should consider it.”
“Maybe I will.”
4
I don’t know when I fell asleep, all I know is that I laid in the bed in the room which had been darkened and curtained off and stared at the small wall-mounted TV. The pillows felt so good against my neck and I happily wiggled my toes underneath the sheets. It had been a long time since I’d been to bed with bare feet. It was odd to feel the material against them and the coolness of the fabric against my tired skin soothed me as I stared at the baseball game. Fuck I still hate baseball. When I woke up I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I didn’t have any idea what time it was, all I knew is my stomach was grumbling. I didn’t think I’d ever be hungry again either. I was sick to my stomach over my current state and of course my financial situation, but already feeling much better with rest, I wanted to eat. Before I could ring the call bell to the side of me, one of the orderlies arrived at the door and rolled a tray table to my side. She busied herse
lf with helping me sit up and fluffing my pillows. I didn’t think I’d be that sore, but I couldn’t stop a groan that came out of my throat as I sat up. She looked at me with sympathy then uncovered my tray. She asked if I needed anything and I shook my head, not wanting to speak because I knew it would instantly betray the amount of pain I was in. As soon as she exited I muttered a few expletives under my breath then poured myself a cup of water from the pitcher on the table. I’ll have to admit hospital food never smelled as good as it did that evening. I eagerly dug into the soft turkey cutlets and mashed potatoes with gravy. Sure, it was processed and needed salt, but after not eating for a couple or hell maybe even few days, my stomach didn’t care about spices.
As soon as I finished dinner, I felt myself becoming groggy once more. I then looked over and noticed the bag hooked up to the IV. Those fuckers had given me fluids and that’s why I was so groggy. I knew afterwards I would feel amazing but for now I just wanted to relax even more. I knew I couldn’t just lay there and sleep though, I had patients to go do rounds on. Before I could sit up on the edge of the bed and take out my IV, Selena came back into the room followed by Andi and Dustin. “Oh good. I’m glad you’re awake. How are you feeling?”
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