by Lou Manfredo
He shook his head, remembering. “I think it was that screwy comedian, that guy Robin Williams said, ‘God gave man a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time.’ ”
McQueen laughed. “True enough,” he said.
Rizzo’s smile was tinged with sadness. “Yeah,” he said.
After a moment, he continued. “Well, anyway, I was in uniform back then, workin’ with Morelli. He was a very different guy then, a completely different person. Good father, good husband. Great friggin’ cop: brains, balls, compassion. I learned a lot from him.”
“So,” McQueen asked tentatively. “What happened?”
Rizzo dragged again on his Chesterfield. “Well, back in those days, Brooklyn was a lot different, too. A lot worse. ’Specially the precinct we were working. Me and Morelli were very active, lots of arrests, lots of action. We spent half our time at the emergency room over at Kings County Hospital. Stabbing victims, accidents, gunshots— everything. Place was like a fuckin’ M.A.S.H. unit back then. Best trauma and gunshot ER in the borough, maybe the whole city. If a cop got shot two blocks from some hospital and five miles from KCH, they would throw the guy in back of a radio car and rush him over to KCH.”
Rizzo’s head shook unconsciously and McQueen saw a long-forgotten memory flitter through Joe’s eyes. After a moment, Rizzo continued.
“There was this nurse working there,” he said softly. “Cathy. Cathy Andersen.” He paused for a while and smiled, some of the old familiar Rizzo returning to Mike’s eye. “You know, Mike, I looked a lot different then. Forty pounds lighter, all my fuckin’ hair on my head ’stead of sproutin’ on my back. I was a good-looking cop, Mike, in my blue uniform. You know how it is, you been there.”
Mike smiled. “Yes,” he said. “I’ve been there.”
“Well,” Joe continued, “one thing led to another. She was single, year or two younger than me. We got involved.”
McQueen shrugged. “Okay,” he said. “Shit happens. But what’s it got to do with Morelli?”
“Yeah, well, I’m getting to that. See, Mike, at first, I was just bangin’ her. Cathy, I mean. I had some headaches at home. Two young kids, a mortgage, a wife all frustrated ’cause she had to put her career on hold. Plus, the job. All that shit. And Cathy was like … I don’t know, like that oasis I was talking about. Anyway, after a while, I started to think I was in love with her. She loved me. I seriously started to consider walking away from Jen and the girls. Cathy was such a sweet kid, Mike. She never broke my balls to leave Jen, never showed up at the precinct screaming or makin’ a scene like some of the other guys’ goomadas. Nothing like that. I was crazy for her then. But, now, looking back, I see it was more like I told you with Amy. An infatuation. If I was single, if I was never with Jen, yeah, maybe Cathy and I woulda been good together. I guess I’ll never know.”
Here he leaned forward in his seat. His eyes implored McQueen, and the young cop felt ill-at- ease, awkward. He wished he had never asked about any of this.
“But believe me, Mike,” Rizzo said. “I do know with Jen. She’s my life. I love her in a way I hope you’ll love someone someday. Morelli, he was on my ass from day one. He begged me to drop Cathy. He even refused to cover me. You know, after a tour I’d want to tell Jen I was havin’ a few beers with Johnny, be home late, stuff like that. But Johnny wouldn’t do it.”
“So,” McQueen asked, “what finally happened?”
Rizzo smiled, his eyes softening. “Johnny Morelli saved my life,” he said softly. “He went direct to Cathy and talked to her. He told her what I had at home, two babies, a great wife, a future. He asked her if she really loved me. When she said yes, he told her to show how much. Break it off. Send me back to my future.”
Rizzo’s brown eyes hooded slightly as he concluded.
“And she did. Cut me off, cold and final. I was furious with Johnny. The guys had to pull us off each other in the precinct ready room. That afternoon I went to the shift commander. Next day, I was riding with a new partner.”
Rizzo’s sad face glistened under the fluorescent.
“Broke Johnny’s heart,” he said. “But he took it. He took it because he knew he did the right thing for me. That’s all that mattered to him. That’s the kind of friend Johnny Morelli was. That’s the kind of man he was. Until this fuckin’ job ate his heart and spit him into the gutter.”
Now Rizzo shook his head bitterly. “And when it was my turn to help him, what’d I do?”
McQueen saw color coming into Rizzo’s face.
“I fucked it up. That’s what I did,” he said softly. “I thought I was doing the right thing. But I fucked it up.”
They sat in silence. Mike leaned forward and crushed out his cigarette among the ashes and butts in the ashtray. He searched for words, but could find none. He felt his emotions, so tested over the last weeks, welling uncomfortably in his chest. He sought casualness and a light tone when at last he spoke.
“Well, Joe,” he said. “You have to admit one thing, Partner, with this Daily thing, despite all the bullshit, there is a ‘right’ and we are doing it.”
Rizzo laughed joylessly and pushed back deeper into his seat. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then shook his head.
“Well, Mike, I wouldn’t put it quite like that,” he said.
Smiling, he leaned across the desk and looked deeply into the eyes of his young partner as he spoke.
“All things considered, the way we’re gonna handle this isn’t right, and it isn’t wrong.
“It just is, Partner.
“It just is… .”