I knew the feeling. Well.
I shook my head and swiped at the tears as they streamed down my cheeks. I waited until she was completely through security before I turned and walked back to the parking garage. Josh would understand.
He was reading when I reached level eight and found my Volvo. He closed his book and looked at me.
“I’m sorry it took so long.”
“I figured that was a good sign. You wouldn’t have spent so much time with her if she wasn’t talking to you.”
I reached over and ruffled his hair, a gesture he hated as much as Matt did, but one that made him feel like a part of the family. I chuckled when he cringed. “You’ll make a good detective some day.”
“You really think so?”
“With your instincts and powers of observation?”
He tossed his book onto the back seat. “Thanks, Jenny.”
I backed out of the parking spot and drove slowly toward the ramp, stopping when I reached the location of the first Navigator incident.
“What are you looking at?”
“This is where the first vandalizing incident took place.” I pointed toward the empty space.
“That was where he got the wrong car, right?”
“Right.”
“It was Mac and Charlie’s friend Sharkey’s car, right? Maureen’s dad?”
“Right.”
“Weird.”
“Yeah, very weird.” I looked over at him. “Why do you find it weird?”
“Well, if Mike Green is such a car buff, you’d think he’d know his own brother’s Lincoln Navigator from someone else’s. Why did you say weird?”
“Same reason.”
“And he must have known nothing too bad could happen. I mean, parked here on level ground, nowhere near the ramp? Worst that could happen was hitting a pole or another car.”
“Which he did,” I said and continued toward the ramp where we wound our way down toward the exit.
When I stopped and pulled over on the third level, Josh asked, “Is this where the second incident happened?”
I nodded toward the space that was now housing a small pickup truck.
“Wow, they were lucky it wasn’t the opposite. I mean, if they’d been parked right across from the ramp on the upper level and their brakes were cut, they’d have had a bad accident for sure.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
“I mean it’s kinda strange, like— Why do you think—?” He turned and studied the space again as I guided the Volvo toward the ramp. “If he was trying to kill them, he must have known the first time nothing too serious could happen. And even the second time, parked so close to the ramp but on the third level? And didn’t you say the car had been backed in? That gave them a real advantage. I mean—”
“He had to know he wasn’t going to kill them.”
“Right. So why go to all that trouble? Do you think he was just trying to give them a message?”
I shook my head. “I have no idea, Josh. I just know something doesn’t feel quite right here.”
“But isn’t the case solved? They arrested Mike Green and all.”
“Yes, they did. But that doesn’t mean it’s over.”
I could feel him studying the expression on my face. Pensive? Hamletesque? Completely mystified? Most likely.
Neither of us spoke until we were on the highway, heading south to Olympia. While I was still thinking about the vandalizing of Navigators, Josh had moved on.
“Is this the first time you’ve seen your ex-husband since you split up?”
“It is. We’ve spoken but this is the first time I’ve seen him.”
“Why now? I mean, I get that he came to say goodbye to Holly, but why did he suddenly come around to see you now?”
“Because Holly told him I’m getting married again.”
“Oh, you mean, he’s jealous?”
“It looks that way.”
“I couldn’t really hear what he was saying.” He smiled sheepishly. “Well, I heard some of it. He seems like he’s really possessive of you. Like he has a right to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do? He even envies you ‘cause you’ve moved on and he hasn’t?”
“Apparently. Envy, jealousy, and possessiveness are powerful motivators. When Joe suddenly discovered that he was really losing me, and that someone else was replacing him in my life, it motivated him to do something.”
“You mean, he thought, even after the divorce, that he could still get you back?”
“I suppose it takes a lead brick to convince some men that it’s really over. Or, it takes another man being in the picture.”
“Like MacGregor.”
“Right.” I thought of Scott’s party. “Or apparently seeing your ex-wife on a casual date like when Marsha Green brought someone to the party on Friday. George was not a happy camper.”
“Wow. Weird. I mean, after he cheated on her? And Joe cheated on— sorry.”
“It’s okay, Josh. It’s not exactly a secret.” I suppose I was surprised he knew about that. But really, I shouldn’t have been, considering that he’d been hanging out with Matthew for a couple months, and Holly recently. And clearly he was good at listening.
“Are you over it?”
I laughed as my mind zoomed directly to the conversation I’d had with myself while waiting for him to bring me that cup of tea. “Considering that I got MacGregor out of the deal?”
“Good point. I think Mac is much better for you.”
I glanced over at him. “Because?”
“Because he’s a good guy. I mean, a really good guy. Not that your ex isn’t or wasn’t. I mean, you married him and all so he must have been okay. But Mac—he’s really cool. He’s different.”
“Special?”
“Yeah. And he really loves you. A lot.”
He was right about that. After all, he had taken in, along with me, a stray boy and a stray dog, and even four stray puppies. And he had smiled through it all, appreciating every moment of chaos and turmoil.
I was glad my daughter was coming around to seeing things the same way as Josh did. But it was hard for Holly because she was clinging to old memories and reluctantly creating new ones. Hopefully Lucy the English setter pup would help her through that transition.
Josh cracked his window open and I wondered if he was feeling car sick. “Are you okay?”
“Hmm? Yeah. Fine. It’s just—” He laughed self-consciously. “The car still smells of Holly.”
I inhaled and realized he was right. Lilac. My daughter’s scent. “You don’t like it?”
“It’s fine. Just a little strong. Kind of perfumey.”
“If you plan to start dating anytime soon—” My mind shifted to Jillian—”You’d better get used to it.”
Another self-conscious laugh. He was definitely thinking about dating. “My mom wore perfume and everything, but it wasn’t real strong. Our house smelled more of my stepfather’s sweat and beer.”
I had noticed that, the one time I had been in his house. As lovely as his mother was, and as hard as she tried to keep her home neat and clean, an abusive male presence had dominated.
“Jenny? When do you think I’ll be able to visit my mom?”
“Charlie’s working on it. You’re sure you’re okay seeing her in jail?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. I—”
“You miss her.”
“Yeah.”
Of course he missed her. She was his mother, and although she had failed him, she had also done what she thought was the only thing to save him. And he loved her. No matter what, he loved her.
“I mean, I don’t miss how things were lately. I don’t miss living with her and Al and having to be so careful about everything I did and said. I don’t miss that. But there were good times too.” His voice had softened and I knew the nostalgia had kicked it. The holidays only made it more intense. This had been, after all, his first Thanksgiving without his mother.
I glanced over at him
and his eyes were glazed over as if he had gone back in time to better memories. “Tell me about the good times.”
His smile came slowly. “When it was just the three of us—before my sister left home—things were good, you know? I mean, we didn’t have money and it was a struggle. Sometimes the only food we had was what my mom sneaked out of the diner. But I didn’t mind that. It was better than—Better than later after she married Al. And my sister left home. She couldn’t stand being there anymore.”
I shivered, then reminded myself that he was safe now. We would keep him as safe as was humanly possible.
“But she did her best. And during the holidays she would always do something special. At least she’d always find a way to make it special for me and my sister. One year when we couldn’t afford a tree, she made one out of paper and taped it to the wall.” He laughed. “Kind of pathetic, I guess. But we made paper decorations and taped them on it. She put a couple presents—stuff she’d picked up at a garage sale—underneath it.”
“It must have been hard.”
“It was, but most of the kids we knew weren’t much better off so we didn’t feel bad. And if you don’t know that you’re so bad off, you don’t feel so bad.”
Right he was. Expectations were everything. But it was an interesting dichotomy. If you expected something and didn’t get it, you were disappointed. So, did that mean it was better not to expect things? I didn’t believe that because expectation was part of dreaming, and dreaming is a powerful component in creating what we want in our lives. It’s our way of conveying to the Universe what we want. Expecting it is how we manifest it.
Josh’s sigh told me he was still in a different time, Christmases past, no doubt. I thought of Holly who was wishing for Sundays past, life as she’d known it when she was a little girl when all was right with her world. She knew she would wake up and have two parents and a brother. She knew there would be no extra brother and another man in her mother’s life. She knew exactly how it would be. And she missed that.
“You’re missing how it used to be,” I said softly.
“I guess.”
“You’re wishing you could go back to the good times with just you and your mom and sister?”
“Every now and then I do, sure. But, Jenny, my life is so much better now. Here with you and Mac and Charlie. I’ve never had it so good.”
Did that translate as his knowing he didn’t need to worry where his next meal was coming from or if there would be a next meal? Or how abusive the next man in his mother’s life would be?
“I’m glad, Josh.”
“Thank you, Jenny.” It was the all-encompassing kind of thank you, the kind that included everything we’d ever done for him, from rescuing him and taking him in, to ensuring his safety, to feeding him, and to making him part of our family.
“I’m sorry Holly gave you a hard time when she was home.”
“Not your fault, Josh. And it’s understandable. She’s still a little girl in some ways. And for all her dad’s issues, she still loves him very much and she misses him. She misses us, the way we used to be when it was just the—”
“Just the four of you?”
Just the four of us. Whatever the location and the occasion, we were a unit, a clear and cohesive unit. And my daughter wanted that back. No outsiders. Just us as she’d known us to be.
“Yes,” I said, realizing just how difficult change could be. “Holly’s never been good at sharing.” Maybe I hadn’t realized how much divorce could shake up someone’s life, even though she was an adult now. Probably because divorce had brought me relief as a child. It had given me a safe haven. Still, I should have been more understanding, more sensitive.
“And now suddenly there’s Mac and me in your life. And her life.”
I smiled. “It’s the happiest I’ve ever been. Did Holly give you a hard time too?”
“A little. At first. But she warmed up to me pretty fast. Matt helped a lot. She didn’t want to be left out. And I think it helped that I stayed at Mac’s while she was here. It was tough enough coming home to find her mom living with another man. I figured she needed her space and at least her grandfather and her brother to herself for a while. I didn’t want her thinking she’d been replaced with a new kid or anything.”
I appreciated his sensitivity and his wisdom. “So, all things considered, she did pretty well. It is, after all, the first time she’s been here since her dad and I got divorced. It might have been easier if she had come home, before Mac and I got together. She’s not as resilient as Matt. It was a lot harder for her than I’d realized it would be.”
In the end she had come around. But it wasn’t over. Christmas would bring with it plenty of nostalgia to stir up emotions again, and MacGregor’s and my wedding would provide plenty of opportunities for jealousy. She would cling to the past for a long time to come. She would close her eyes and remember. She would travel back to another time for a moment and pretend. Pretend and recreate in her mind, when it was just us. When we were the way we used to be.
I had to believe that we would still have a wonderful family Christmas and that her jealousies would not mar our wedding. But one thought kept going around and around in my head. Jealousy was a powerful motivator. Why now, after I’d faced and dealt with Joe? And Holly was on her way back to school? I had no idea why that thought was sticking like a glitch in an old forty-five record. But I knew it had to be there for a reason.
Josh rolled up his window and I realized my daughter’s lilac scent was gone. It wasn’t as enduring as some scents that lingered in a room or in a car, such as cigarette smoke or alcohol, or a child getting sick. My vintage Volvo had suffered its share of children’s vomit.
“Jenny? What are you doing?”
I felt the car slowing down and realized that I had exited the freeway. “I’m so sorry, Josh. I’m afraid we’ll have to go to Olympia another day. Soon, I promise.”
“It’s okay, but what happened?”
“I need to get back to Seattle.”
“Why, Jenny? What’s wrong?”
I inhaled a deep breath and released the toxic air that was building inside of me. “I know who took Ally.”
Chapter 17
“Who, Jenny?”
I gestured ever so slightly to silence him. I was thinking. Or intuiting.
Josh had learned my mannerisms and patterns well. He knew when it was important to be quiet. And he knew when to answer my questions.
“Of the three hurdlers, which one do you think is the most pliable and could be pressured into doing something—especially for someone he cares a lot about?”
“What? You mean Rob, Drew, and Shane?”
“Right.”
“But I thought you said you know who—”
“I do. At least I know the motivation. And I think I know who.”
I could feel him wanting to ask me two questions. What was the motivation and who did it. Instead he let me ask my questions.
“So, which one do you think—Rob Carlyle, hard up for money but always looking—and smelling—his best, attractive team captain, popular with both the girls and the guys.” Rob, who had befriended Josh. “What do you think? Would he do anything someone asked him to do?”
“Depends who asks him. If he really respects the person, I guess. Anything reasonable, that is. But he’s a good guy, Jenny. I know he is. I can’t see him kidnapping a baby.”
I knew he believed that. “And then there’s Shane Brubeck, poor charmer who needs all the money he can get. Party boy and lady’s man who actually knew the name of the girl he slept with.”
Josh coughed and I remembered who I was talking to. Sleeping with girls was not a subject we had broached as yet, but one we would as soon as I decided it would be prudent to supply him with condoms. Or maybe I’d let MacGregor or Charlie handle that. Or Matt.
“Sorry.” I laughed. “Her name was Mary. Not sure he knew her last name. Anyway, his room reeked of, not lilacs, but instead it had t
hat delightful alcohol sweating through the pores smell.” Not quite as bad as Brad Warner’s room, I recalled, which I could not wait to vacate.
I exited the freeway and headed for the small local college. I had been there enough recently so I knew my way to the dorms.
“Will anyone be here?” Josh read my mind. “I mean it’s Sunday. Thanksgiving break.”
“Possibly not, but some of the students will be back. We’re checking anyway. And finally, Drew Reed, struck down by the flu, whose room smelled of—nothing in particular. Boy with hot girl who has not a single photograph in sight.”
“You mean you don’t think he really has a girlfriend? That he just brags that he does?”
“That’s a possibility.”
“Why do you keep mentioning how they smell? Does it have something to do with kidnapping a baby?”
“Just one of the tip-offs.”
“Really? What are the others?”
I had to give Holly the majority of credit here. With her lilac scent and her missing “us,” she was helping me solve the kidnapping. Not that it needed solving anymore, considering that Ally was home safely. But I couldn’t just leave it alone, not now. Not when I knew.
“Holly. Wanting things to be the way they were,” I answered.“Josh, when you were spending time at the track, did you ever see any of the dorms?”
“Yeah, Rob got all muddy so he wanted to go change. He took me with him to show me his room. Why? You don’t think it was Rob, do you?”
I didn’t answer. My mind was on a mission. “Are there bathrooms attached to their bedrooms?”
“No, they’re off the hallway. There are two big communal ones on each floor. At least Rob’s floor.”
That meant something. That meant a lot. That meant that a room where a boy had been vomiting all night would smell of vomit, an odor that, despite my being a mother, was certain to cause me to gag. That, I would remember. I pulled the car into an empty space and climbed out. Josh was close behind.
There were a few students milling about, but not many. I only needed one to be there.
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