“Did she agree?”
“She asked if she could work with me. I told her she needs her parents’ permission first. I’m not sure what reason she’ll give them for wanting therapy. I left that up to her.”
“She’ll probably tell them it’s because of the trauma of her sister being kidnapped.” Josh’s voice was soft as if he were thinking out loud.
It had been my first thought as well. “I’m really sorry it didn’t work out today, Josh.”
“No big deal, Jenny.”
“But I knew it was. Did you call your grandfather?”
“Yeah, he understood.”
“He was disappointed.”
Josh shrugged his signature shrug. “I promised we’d come next weekend.”
“Maybe earlier in the week, especially since you’re ahead in your school work. Does he get many visitors?”
“Not often. A few friends now and then but other than that, I’m pretty much it. My sister Faith hasn’t made it out since she went away to college over three years ago. She wants to come, but she can’t afford to fly out here. Besides, whenever she has school breaks, she’s busy working.”
I glanced over at MacGregor who was sitting beside me on the couch. I took his smile as a solid yes. We would be getting in touch with Faith Mitchell and offering her a trip home for the holidays.
“Maybe we should check out some rest homes closer to Seattle. Then you could see your grandfather as often as you’d like.”
Josh lit up so brightly I had to close my eyes not to be blinded. “Really? That would be awesome. And then he could come hear me play with Charlie at the pub!” Reality kicked in along with his frown. “Except I don’t know if he could afford it up here. I mean, the one he’s in now isn’t real nice or anything but it’s decent and the people are nice. But it was one of the cheaper ones around back then.”
“We’ll do some research, laddie, and see what we can find. I’m sure we’ll find one that will work for him.” The twinkle in MacGregor’s eyes told me that if it wasn’t in the affordable price range, he would be more than happy to anonymously subsidize it.
A soft knock on the door interrupted our conversation. Rocky barked twice and followed Josh to the door. I turned to see Shelby standing there with Ally in her arms, a new stroller beside her on the porch. I too would have gotten rid of the old one, and anything else that carried with it the bad memories.
“Shelby, hello! Is everything okay?” I hurried over to the door and motioned for her to come inside. My first thought was that Jillian had told her the truth, but judging from the smile on her face, that was not the case.
“Yes, everything is fine, Jenny. I just came to talk to you. I know I should have called first, but Jillian assured me—”
“No, it’s fine. We’ve certainly knocked on your door without warning plenty of times.”
“But that was different.” She looked down at Ally who was snuggled in her arms, sound asleep. “You were keeping us updated.”
“I must say I’m surprised you ventured down the street on your own,” MacGregor said, escorting her over to a comfortable chair where he propped a pillow behind her to help support her cherished bundle.
“Carter walked us. He was standing on the sidewalk watching until you opened your door.” She was glowing. Joy did that to you. She was wearing a pair of fitted jeans which revealed her petite figure. Her sky blue sweater was fitted as well, neat but soft and comfortable. She was gaining back the weight she had lost over the days when her baby was missing. l felt my body tighten at just the thought of how drawn her cheeks had been and how dull her eyes were.
Jillian could have prevented that, or at least ended it far sooner than she had. Should I tell Shelby the truth? And in doing so cause a rift between mother and daughter that might be permanent? A rift that could forever destroy the joyful gleam in both their eyes? Had I joined Shelby’s group of protectors? Very possibly.
I looked up and saw that her golden brown hair was shiny and a sparkle had returned to her big brown eyes. This was a different person. This was someone who was alive, vibrant, and even more beautiful than she had been previously, if that was possible. But something else was different about her. I smiled when I recognized it. She had reclaimed her inner strength.
“Tea?” Josh offered.
“That would be lovely. Thank you very much.”
“So, what brings you here?” I asked while Josh went to get another cup and pour her some of the tea he’d made a short while before.
She hesitated before answering. “Jillian asked if I’d come talk to you.”
MacGregor, in his wisdom, looked over at Josh, and said, “How about I help you take your things back over to Charlie’s. Then we can start on that research we discussed.”
Josh nodded, and the two of them went to the guest room to fetch Josh’s small duffle bag of clothes and his school books. Within five minutes they were en route to Charlie’s.
Shelby sighed deeply before shifting the conversation from chit-chat about puppy training and babies to her older daughter. “She seems to think she needs therapy, and she asked if she could do it with you. You’re a spiritual counselor as well as a detective? That’s an unusual combination, isn’t it?”
“It comes in handy,” I told her. “Sometimes I need both skills.” As I had in this particular case.
“Do you think Jillian needs . . . to talk to someone? In that capacity?”
“Teenage years can often be very difficult,” I answered noncommittally. It was then that I knew for certain that I had made the decision to keep Jillian and Drew’s secret. It would make it easier to justify my decision if it fell under the pretext of client-counselor confidentiality, even after the fact.
“When she told me she needs therapy, I must admit, I was shocked. She said she’s been having some trouble at school with other kids lately which was a complete surprise to me because she’s always been so well-adjusted and likable. And she says that the kidnapping was very disturbing and she’s having trouble sleeping still.”
“That’s understandable.”
“Of course.”
Ally stirred in her arms and her eyes opened. She cooed when she saw her mother looking adoringly down at her. I was struck with a pang of nostalgia. Cradling my baby in my arms was not something I would ever feel again. I had realized that many times over the years, but there was something different this time. I wondered if it had to do with my impending marriage. I would have liked to have a baby with my new husband, but at forty, that wasn’t likely to happen. I was quickly comforted by the thought of grandchildren in my future. Reasonably distant future, I hoped.
“Your daughter needs a great deal of your attention,” I said softly.
“I know. I’m sure she’s been traumatized along with the rest of us, but thank goodness she was so young. She may not even remember. We took her to the doctor right away and he assured us that she was well looked after.”
“She’s not the daughter to whom I was referring.”
Shelby looked up at me, clearly startled. “Jillian?”
“Yes.”
“You think I’m neglecting her since Ally came home?”
How did I answer that gracefully? I took a deep breath and asked for help. “I think sometimes we parents assume that once our children are older, they don’t need as much of our time and attention. But the truth is, often they need us just as much . . . or more.”
She nodded. She got it. “I do assume that about Jillian. She’s always been so mature. And since Ally was born, I’ve relied on her for more and more. And I’ve assumed that she doesn’t need me, at least not the way Ally does.”
“Of course. That’s only natural. But it’s always nice for a young girl, particularly a teenage girl, to have her mother to herself sometimes.”
The tears that were welling up in her eyes startled me as I suspected they did her. “I’ve neglected her! No wonder she wants someone else to talk to.“
“It’s
always good to have someone else to talk to. But more than anything, she wants her mom, Shelby. She wants you.”
She swiped at her tears, and I reached for the box of tissues on the side table and set it in front of her. She snatched one and held it to her eyes. “I thought she liked being in that role of big sister, helper, whatever you want to call it. I really thought she liked it.”
“Perhaps she wanted you to think that. And while she probably does like that you rely on her, balance is good. It’s nice to play more than one role. It’s okay to be your support as long as she gets to play little girl as well.”
“You’re very wise, Jenny.”
I laughed self-consciously. Accepting compliments was not one of my strengths.
“You must think I’m a really bad mother.”
“Of course I don’t. Trust me. Plenty of things went unnoticed when I was raising my children. My daughter hardly even spoke to me most of this visit.”
“Really? She seemed fine with you at Thanksgiving.”
I grinned. “We’d just given her a puppy.”
“Still, I find it hard to believe that she hardly spoke to you.”
“She was upset that I’m engaged to Malcolm.”
“But he’s so wonderful.”
“But he’s not her father.”
Shelby sighed and her eyes got that glazed look as she stared off into the distance. She understood. She too had been through it. She too had two men in her life. The difference was, her relationship with her first husband was still intact. He was still dedicated to her. She had to be pretty special. Greg’s words came drifting back to me, at least the gist of them did. She had a great capacity for giving and loving. And when she loved, she loved deeply.
“Do you think Jillian is still suffering because of Greg’s and my divorce?” she asked.
“It takes a long time to get over that. She’s obviously very close to her father.”
“Yes, she is. She used to be very close to Carter too. Until we got married. Now she seems to resent him.”
So she was aware of that. I hadn’t given her the credit she deserved. But then, I had been observing her at the worst possible time in her life.
A sigh, deeper than the first tipped me off. She was about to divulge something to me, something I suspected I did not want to know.
“I know you think I’m weak, that I’m very dependent on my husband, on the men in my life.”
“I don’t think that. Your relationships are not my business anyway.”
“I think you should know. I think you should know the truth.”
“It’s really none of my business, Shelby.”
“I want to tell you.”
So, okay, I had regained my skill to get people to open up to me, at least when I didn’t want them to.
“I think it’s important for you to understand, particularly if you’re going to be working with Jillian.”
She had me there. If she was entrusting her daughter’s mental, emotional, and spiritual health to me, I couldn’t very well refuse to listen to her.
“I trust that what I tell you will be held in confidence?”
“Of course, but Shelby, I’m really not sure it’s necessary—”
“Please, Jenny. I need to do this. I need you to understand, especially if you’re going to be working with Jillian. I’m more observant than you realize. I’ve noticed all the times you were watching me with Carter and with Greg. I know you’ve wondered about our relationship. And I know what Greg told you.”
I frowned. What Greg had told me? Was she referring to the day MacGregor and I had happened upon him in the park, and he had told us he’d lost Shelby because he’d cheated on her? I remembered MacGregor’s reaction. That some men don’t cheat and that he would have sworn Greg Rallings was one of them.
“It wasn’t true,” I said.
“No, it wasn’t true. Greg never cheated on me. He never betrayed me.”
“Why would he say that then?”
“We had to come up with something, a reason we’d gotten divorced, something that would satisfy curiosities.”
Okay, my mind was now reeling. What was she going to tell me? How else would I be shocked on this unusual day?
She jostled Ally into a comfortable position and then took a long sip of tea as if she needed fortification before telling me what she was about to. I also sipped my tea, well aware that I would need fortification to hear it.
“Carter and Greg and I have known each other for many years. Carter and Greg were best friends growing up, like brothers. No, even closer than brothers.” Definitely, if George and Mike Green were any measure of loving brotherly relationships.
“They really love each other,” she continued. “I met them in college. The three of us became inseparable.” Exactly as Scott had told me. I stifled my tongue and the questions that were lurking behind it.
“They both fell in love with me.” She took a final sip of her tea, and I reached for the teapot on the tray to refill her cup, anything to keep busy so my mouth would not become a slave to my nasty curiosity.
“And I was in love with both of them.” She glanced down at Ally, and for an instant I thought she was self-conscious having this conversation in front of her daughter. Apparently she was, because upon discovering that Ally’s eyes had closed once again, she continued. “I had relationships with both of them.”
At different times? At the same time?
She read my mind. “Yes, at the same time. Throughout college. We lived together, the three of us. I spent some nights in Greg’s bed, others in Carter’s.” Her smile was subtle. “And some nights in my own.”
Okay, I wasn’t easily shocked. I’d never thought of myself as being particularly naïve or innocent, or a prude, but apparently I was. Perhaps I would not have been as shocked if she were a college student now, a member of the friends-with-benefits generation, or, for that matter, the free love era. But she was neither. She was the mother of two children. She was someone I had managed to stereotype into an upper middle class housewife.
“At one point,” she said, “when they were both finishing grad school and I was about to graduate college, they told me I needed to choose. They both wanted to marry me. But I couldn’t choose between them. It took me a couple weeks to come to that conclusion. Those two weeks had been pure hell for them, and they both realized that they didn’t really want me to choose. They both had decided that they were better off sharing me than being out of the picture altogether. You see, if I’d made a choice, it wouldn’t only be me that one of them was losing. All of us would have lost a best friend. But one of them would have lost their two best friends.
“And you’re still in love with both of them.”
“Yes, very much so. And believe it or not, we’re all still okay with our relationships the way they are.”
“How—?” I wasn’t even sure how to phrase my question.
She saved me from having to figure it out. “We decided that, for the sake of appearances—more for the children than ourselves, and my parents—I’d marry one of them for a period of time and then the other. We were going to do twenty-year periods, but both Carter and Greg wanted families. So, we did fifteen years. That way they could both have a child with me.”
“Except for one thing.”
“What?” She studied my expression which I struggled to hold without judgment.
“Ally isn’t Carter’s.”
“How did you know?”
“Intuition, I suppose. And I was outside when Greg arrived home from Spokane. I saw you and Jillian run into his arms. The three of you looked like a family clinging to each other as if you were suffering the same pain.” And I had witnessed Greg’s despondency at the thought of never holding his baby girl again.
“Carter knows, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
“I wasn’t, but it’s good to know.”
Her smile was beautiful and somewhat self-conscious. “Yes, I still spend a couple nights
a week with Greg, something else you’re probably wondering. I did the same with Carter when Greg and I were married. But as far as Ally is concerned, it turned out that Carter can’t have children. He wanted to raise a child and I wanted another child so we went to Greg.”
Of course. “And what will you do once your fifteen years with Carter are up?”
“If we follow the plan we made, we’ll all come back together.”
“The three of you will live together with the children?”
“We’ll find a way, whether it means having two houses on the same property or whatever works, especially after the girls are grown. I know you probably think it’s terribly sinful and very strange, but—”
“I don’t judge, Shelby.” At least I tried hard not to.
“Our relationship is far deeper than just physical, Jenny. I want you to know that. We have a very deep connection with one another and a deep love for one another.” She kissed the top of her sleeping baby’s head and relaxed into the chair. She was relieved it was out, and I wondered if I was the only person outside of their family who knew about this. When she smiled at me, there was a gleam in her eyes. “At least we’re honest about our feelings which is a lot more than many so-called normal couples can say.”
She had me there.
“And we’re devoted to one another. All of us. We’re always there for one another. Always. No matter what. Again, a lot more than many couples can say.”
Also true.
It was good to know that some people could live without jealousy and possessiveness. Maybe their unusual relationship was healthier than most.
“I take it Jillian is unaware of your relationships.”
She looked away from me and then down at the floor, and I knew this was the one thing of which she was not proud. “No, she doesn’t know. I don’t know if we’ll ever tell her and Ally. We haven’t decided that.”
I leaned toward her as if that would encourage her to hear me better. “You may not have told her, but on some level she is aware.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that even though we may not know things here, we know them here.” I pointed to my head and then pressed my hand against my heart. “It’s similar to when a child is abandoned by his birth parents. Even if his adoptive parents are there the moment he’s born, and they love and care for him as a birth parent would, that child still suffers a sense of abandonment.”
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