by Mia Ford
“If I ever decide to settle down, Mom, I’ll let you know, but for now...”
“Oh I know. She’ll have to be a really special girl to catch you’re eye, I’m just saying that it might be time to start looking.”
Inadvertently my eyes travel aback over to the table, just to notice that Serena still isn’t there. She must have got called over to another table which I don’t like. I was looking forward to asking her more questions and getting to know her better. I don’t want her taken away from me now.
“Yes, Mom, I know. I’ll think about it.” She doesn’t understand that being twenty eight isn’t a death sentence. She was married by twenty one years old so she doesn’t think that I should still be single. She doesn’t understand that I’m nowhere near ready. It doesn’t matter though, if it ever happens then she’ll realise that I was right to wait until I met the right person. “Anyway, I’ll pop over to see you at the weekend if you like, it’s been too long since I came to see you.”
“Oh yes, that’ll be nice. Come for dinner. It’s been a long time since we had a nice meal together.”
My stomach growls at the idea. “Oh that sounds great, Mom. Your meals are honestly the best. I haven’t eaten anything home cooked for ages.”
“So what do you eat?” I laugh at her horror. “I’m serious, are you having take away every night?”
“No, Mom I eat out too. And I always have my vegetables,” I tease. “You forget I’m a big boy now, I can look after myself.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. Just come over tomorrow lunch time, don’t wait until the weekend, and I’ll fatten you up, okay?”
“That sounds lovely.”
Just before I hang up the phone I cradle the phone close to my ear to feel closer to Mom again. I do miss her every day, but I can’t persuade her to move right into the city near me. She wants to keep the house I grew up in, the one she brought with my father. I guess she’s never gotten over his death.
As we say our goodbyes, I wonder again what it would have been like if my father never died. I try not to consider this much, but sometimes when I’m talking to Mom my imagination gets the better of me. He wasn’t ever an ambitious man, he was happy working a middle management job, but maybe if that drunk driver didn’t crash into his car as he drove home from work, we wouldn’t have struggled so much and I wouldn’t have developed my deep need for money. Cash represents a security I haven’t had before adulthood, maybe if I had a father I wouldn’t have become this way.
Then again, if I wasn’t like this I don’t know who I would be. It’s too weird to think about.
Once the call disconnects I pause for a moment, just trying to get myself back together. Mom makes me a little emotional, and emotion spells vulnerability in the business world and that’s the last thing I need added to my bad ass reputation. I’m known as someone quite ruthless and strong, not someone who chokes up after speaking to Mommy.
Right, Ben. I steel myself. Don’t think about that now. Think about seeing Serena again.
That intriguing, beautiful woman is fascinating, I really want to spend more time with her which is something I’ve never really felt before. Even my girlfriend I had when I was younger, Ally, never captivated me that much. She was pretty and fun, but my business always got in the way. I was just starting to get big then, I was on the way up and I didn’t want that momentum to end. She just couldn’t drag me away from it.
I don’t even think about her now, and I haven’t much since we broke up, which just shows how little she affected me. I imagine she’s married now to someone who will worship her in the way she deserves. That could never be me.
But maybe with Serena...
I don’t know why, and I’m certainly not thinking about settling down all of a sudden, but I do want to see her more. I like her face, her smile, her lilting laugh. I like the way she has been opening up to me as well. I can tell that she’s shy and usually quiet, but with me she gave me a bit of sass and that’s something awesome. I would like to see how far I can push her...
Not in a sexual way, I try to convince myself. I’m not that much of a pig... although I can’t help wondering what that pale skin looks like naked, flushed with desire, and with slick perspiration all over her. The image in my mind makes me bite down on my bottom lip in anticipation.
I move back to the table to see Rick back there looking glum. Kyle hasn’t taken his eyes off Jenny for hours, and judging by the bulge at her side he’s been paying her for the privilege.
“Where’s Serena?” I ask Rick. He looks at me blankly as if he has no idea who I’m talking about. “The dark haired shot girl who was here earlier on?”
“Oh, she’s over there.”
He points in the direction of another table and my heart sinks. She’s being pawed at like there’s no tomorrow and all I want to do is rescue her. The only problem is the man at the head of the table is Mr. Ash who has known Mob connections. I really don’t want to get on the wrong side of him and I know the money he spends in here will outshine even mine. I’ll just have to keep an eye on her tonight and intervene if things look like they get too out of hand. From the looks of it she has a bulge at her side too, so she must be getting good tips. Maybe she really doesn’t mind...
“Go home, Rick,” I say rapidly. “Kyle’s gone for the night. He won’t need you again.”
Rick bolts upright, taking my direction quickly. “Thank you,” he rasps. “See you later.”
I turn my chair around, ignoring Kyle completely. I only have one person that I want to keep in my eye line and it sure as hell isn’t him. I need to keep an eye on Serena, while trying to keep my protective inner beast in check. I can’t get in the way unless she absolutely needs me. No one will benefit if I act too soon, it’ll just end in disaster. Least of all Serena.
Chapter Six – Serena
“Is it really four AM?” I ask wearily as my aching feet throb in my shoes. “I can’t believe it’s so late.”
“Yeah, that’s the game when working in the shots game,” Jenny giggles as she replies, looking fresh as a damn daisy. How is it fair that she gets to look so good? I could scream with utter frustration. I haven’t looked in a mirror but I can guarantee that I look as tired as I feel. My bed is screaming out for me, but it’s too far away. I cannot wait to fall back into it... but it’ll be in the knowledge that I’ll be back here again soon enough, doing this all over again.
After leaving Ben, things quickly went downhill. The other man was horrible to me the whole time, touching me in ways that I really didn’t want to be touched and laughing at me when I asked him not too. I don’t know if I can complain about that, since it’s only my first night I don’t know if that’s just part of the game. It did get me plenty of tips, that’s the one good thing. I probably have enough cash stuffed in my pocket to pay my rent for the next three months... and that’s just for one night. If it keeps going like this at least I won’t have to do it for much longer.
“Are you coming out with me and some of the other girls? We like to hit up a bar after work to wash the night off us.” She narrows her eyes, examining me closely. “Although you might be too tired, huh? I remember I was after my first shift.”
I’m so grateful for the get out clause. I really can’t face being out any longer. “I think I better give it a miss tonight,” I say with pretend regret. “But maybe next time.”
“Will you be okay getting home? I know it isn’t far, but it is late?”
“No, I’ll be fine.” I don’t want to ruin her fun. “I’ll be home in a moment. I’ll send you a message as soon as I get in, you don’t have to worry about me. I promise you.”
As Jenny pulls me in for a hug, she asks me a question so quietly I can tell she doesn’t want anyone else to hear it. “Did you have a good time? It’s not too bad for the money, is it? Once you get used to the hours...”
“No,” I only half lie. “It’s not too bad.”
It would be just fine if I could serve Ben
all night long, but once I got dragged off to that other table I couldn’t tear myself away. I saw him a couple of times and it looked like he was watching me. I hope I didn’t anger him by getting entangled by other customers. If only I could see him again to explain...
Maybe tomorrow.
Hopefully tomorrow although I don’t know if this is the sort of place people come to every single night. I haven’t quite worked out what sort of place it is yet, but judging by the snippets of conversation that I overheard it’s a joint where people feel more than open to discuss things that should be kept private; affairs, dodgy business deals, possible criminal activities. I heard all sorts. I guess the non disclosure agreement is in the job title.
“Good.” Jenny pulls back to look at me but her hands remain on my forearms where she fixes me in place. “So you think you’ll come back then? I have to let the boss know.”
I don’t know if I want to, but I don’t want to shut down the opportunity either. “Yes, I do want to come back, at least for a short while.”
She squeals excitedly. “Good, I’ll teach you some of my moves then, help you to get even more tips although to be fair it looks like you’ve done just fine on your own tonight.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me. “Maybe it’s you who knows what you’re doing, maybe I need to start coming to you for advice, hey?”
I force a smile onto my lips then start to move away. I’m too weary to stick around for any longer, the exhaustion that’s been messing me about all day long is back and in full force. If I don’t get into my bed soon I think I might just fall down and sleep on the streets. As some of the other girls call out goodbye to me as I leave, I give them a half wave back but I’m not really focused on what I’m doing. I just need my escape...
“Serena!” As soon as I hear his voice I spin around rapidly to find him. There’s a part of me that thinks it might be my tired mind hallucinating, but nope, there he is standing in the entrance of the club, seemingly waiting for me. “I hope you don’t mind me meeting you.”
“Ben?” Just like that, I feel more awake and alert than I have done in a very long time. The intense rush brings me right back up again. “No, of course not. But I am surprised.”
He pulls out a wad of notes from his wallet. “Well unfortunately due to my phone call, I didn’t get to tip you for your company tonight.” I shake my head, I don’t want to take it, it feels weird. “I insist you have it. I wanted to give it to you all night long but I didn’t get the chance.”
My trembling fingers reach forward to grab the money. I have to admit that a small part of me is crushed. I don’t know why but the idea that he just stayed here to give me cash sucks. I mean, I need the money, but I want him to like me as well... because maybe I like him.
He is handsome after all, and there seems to be some sort of unspoken connection between us. The short time I spent talking to Ben was the most I’ve felt like myself in ages. He brought out a sassiness to me which was pretty cool. I like that, I want to experience it again but I just want him to want to speak to me again.
“Actually, the reason I stayed is really because I wanted to see you again, I was enjoying our time together. The money is just an excuse. I do want to give it to you because I owe it you, but I also want a chat as well.”
That lifts up my heart, I can literally feel my chest swelling with happiness. Of course I don’t want to get carried away but I also can’t ignore the little voice in the back of my head that’s screaming at me maybe this is it, maybe this is the moment I’ve always been waiting for. Maybe this is the dramatic moment I’ve always wanted, the start of my real life...
“Well, I’m just walking home.” I still don’t really want to go to a bar, even if I am more alert. “But you can walk with me, if you like.”
I hope he knows I’m not inviting him in, I don’t want him to assume that I’m some sort of easy girl who will just have sex with him like that. He doesn’t look like he thinks that way, but I still need it to be clear... only I can’t find the right words for it.
“Sure, I can walk you home. I’m a gentleman.” He places his hand on his hip allowing me to link my arm through his. That’s a friendly enough gesture, right? He isn’t holding my hand. I would like him to hold my hand, but I’m glad that he’s not pushing me. “Where is it you live? How many more questions do I get to ask?”
“Not many,” I giggle. “Because it’s not too far from here. Maybe three or four more questions. Five at a push.”
“I’ll take that challenge. Let’s see what I can come up with.”
We walk through the streets under the street lights and moonlight which glows down on Ben’s face in a way that makes him look devastatingly handsome. As we go I try to work out his motivation for staying behind. I mean, I know that I like him, but he can’t honestly like me, can he? I imagine he has the most beautiful women in the world throwing themselves at him. There’s no way he can like me... is there?
The way he looks at me suggests that maybe he does. There’s certainly something floating between us, a chemistry maybe. Whatever it is it feels good.
“So, what animal do you identify most with?”
I burst into laughter at Ben’s unexpected question. I thought it would be something else entirely. I don’t know what though. “Really? That’s what you’re going with?”
“You have to answer quickly. I want to fill this time wisely, I need to get in as many questions as I can.”
“Alright, alright.” I pause for just a second as I plan my answer. “A seal.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. They’re sweet.”
“Okay, so what country would you most like to visit in the world?”
“Easy, Japan.”
“Ooh, good one. I’ve been to Tokyo, it’s a fantastic country. How did you end up working as a shot girl?”
“I was temping, doing all kinds of different, equally horrible, jobs and my roommate, Jenny...”
“Wait.” He turns to face me to stop me in my tracks. “The blonde girl, that’s who you live with?”
“Yes... why?”
“I don’t know.” He purses his lips in confusion. “I just can’t imagine the two of you being friends that’s all. You’re really nice and she’s... I mean, I don’t mean this in a bad way, oh God, I’m digging myself into a hole here.”
I could let him stew but I don’t want to. He already looks upset that he’s spoken badly about Jenny, not that he’s really said anything. “I know what you mean, she’s very different to me. She’s much louder and more confident. I know I’m probably too quiet for that job really, but I’m giving it a go, trying something new.”
“Well that’s really brave of you.” Ben looks at me like he’s proud of me, which only makes me laugh again. I don’t even know why. I feel like I’m a bit of a mess around him now during this one on one time. I guess it’s because this isn’t work anymore and I don’t quite know what it is. I think he might like me and I don’t know where that’s going to lead. It scares me and excites me all at once. “You’re facing something you fear head on.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I give a modest shrug as a reply. “Thank you.”
“So what movies do you like best of all? I know it’s too hard to pick just one, so what genre?”
I can’t admit rom coms because that comes too close to my dream of something magical happening in my life, so I say the first thing that comes into my head instead. “I like world cinema. Especially drama movies.” I don’t know why I say that, but it’s too late. It’s out there now. “Right, well this is me so I suppose you’re out of questions now.”
Ben’s hands move up to my shoulders and he spins me round to stare deeply into my eyes. My breath catches in my throat, all of a sudden everything intensifies, I don’t know what to think. My head spins with a heady lust, I feel like my knees are knocking together in shock. I don’t know what’s going on here, but I don’t want the moment to end.
Then his lips crash against
mine and everything becomes all too clear. The world rushes around me, then stops dead leaving me and Ben alone in this utterly perfect moment that I never want to end.
Chapter Seven – Ben
I just kissed her and walked away. I walked Serena to her door, kissed her and left her like a gentleman. I didn’t even ask to go inside. I mean, I wanted to go inside, I fancy the pants off her and I’m a red blooded male who is very used to getting what I want the moment I want it, but I didn’t. I’m glad I didn’t as well. I think it would have ruined things if I did, I probably would already be bored and she would think I’m an asshole.
This way, there’s still intrigue, I’m still desperate to know more about her. It’s a new sensation that’s kind of delicious.
“Ben, are you even listening to me?”
“Hmm?” I drag my attention back to Mom and I can feel my redness tinging my cheeks as I realise that I’ve been caught thinking about Serena. It’s probably written all over my face that I’m feeling something different. I try to rearrange my features in a way that doesn’t look guilty, but I don’t think I manage it. “Sorry, Mom, I was in a day dream then. What did you say?”
“I was just telling you about my morning in the garden, but I can tell you aren’t interested. What’s going on with you?” She pushes my arm playfully as she senses what’s going on in my brain. “Is it a girl? After all our big talk have you actually gone and met someone?”
“No, Mom.” Why does she make me feel like a teenager? I hate that, I’m a grown ass man now. There’s no reason for me to revert back to an idiotic child when I’m around her. “It isn’t like that. I was thinking about a girl I met...” Also, I can’t ever properly lie to her either. It’s almost as if she can see right through me. “But not in that way. She’s just... nice.”
“Oh, Ben.” Mom looks too relieved for my liking. I already regret my decision. Damn her with her promise of home cooked food. I should have kept away. “I have never heard you talk about any female before. I mean, since Ally, of course, but that was a long time ago and unimportant now. So please, tell me more about her.”