by Mia Ford
I no longer was sitting here daydreaming about Ronni. Instead, I was now terrified that I had taken advantage of a vulnerable woman. My mother had sat me down after Ronni’s parents had died and told me how she wanted to make Ronni feel like part of the family. My mother trusted that I would be kind, and welcome her with open arms. She knew that Nick was a hot head and really full of himself, and she wanted to make sure that I was looking out for her.
When my mother died, Ronni had come to me, hugging me and crying to me. She had really loved my mother, and she had seen so much loss in her life. More than I could ever imagine feeling in that short amount of time. If my mother was still here, I couldn’t imagine that she would be okay with this in any way, shape, or form, especially since it was driving an even bigger wedge between Nick and me. I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair. I had gotten myself into a bad situation. The entire time I was trying to protect her from Nick, I was unknowingly luring her into my own arms. I ended up treating her exactly how I hoped that Nick wouldn’t. It made me feel absolutely terrible. To top it all off, I cared about Ronni as a person, and I knew that this was going to drive a wedge between us, too. The best thing I could do at that point was go to her and apologize. I needed to live up to my promises, no matter how much I wanted to see her again.
The rest of the day flew by quicker than I had hoped, especially since I was dreading going to Ronni’s house and breaking the bad news to her. I was such an asshole, and to make matters worse, I had sent her flowers with the hope that she would want to see me again.
I procrastinated when it was time to leave the office, but eventually, I had no choice. I grabbed my things and headed down to the car. It was a chilly day so I left the top up, and the waves were crashing hard in the wind as I drove past the ocean. It seemed that mother nature was in the same mood that I was, except for her, it was acceptable. For me, not so much.
The sun in the distance was getting closer to the horizon, and the sky was lit up in bright oranges and pinks. As I rounded the corner and pulled up in front of her place, my stomach did flip flops. I approached the door, and I could see Ronni inside, folding her laundry. She looked really sexy in a pair of cutoff shorts and a white t-shirt. Her raven-colored hair was straight and shiny, and it hung down over her shoulders. I knocked on the door and waited for her to answer.
“Hey,” she said happily. “I wasn’t expecting you. Come on in.”
I walked in the door and stood there looking around. It was a really cute place, and the girls had decorated it to feel just like San Diego. I looked over in the kitchen where her roommate was standing. I smiled, but she glared over at me with a knowing look in her eyes. I turned back to Ronni and smiled nervously.
“Can we take a walk?” I asked her.
“Sure,” she said, grabbing a sweatshirt and looking over at her roommate. “I’ll be right back.”
The girl in the kitchen stared me down as I closed the door behind me. I started to think she could read my thoughts, but that was just my guilt. We walked across the street and down to the small private beach below. I had my hands stuffed in my pockets since I was trying to avoid reaching out and touching her. I knew if I touched her, I would lose my nerve, and I needed to do what I thought was right.
“The other night was really amazing,” I said, smiling. “Like beyond amazing.”
“It was,” she said, blushing.
“That being said,” I continued. “I made a promise to my mother a very long time ago that I would always look out for you. I would always treat you like family. And that night, I didn’t do that. I feel like I took advantage of you because you had a bad night with Nick, you just moved out, and you were kind of drunk.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head with hurt in her eyes. “I was fully aware of what I was doing.”
“Right,” I said, shaking my head. “But I didn’t realize until afterward what I had done. I had gone against everything I had promised my mother, and it can’t happen again.”
I looked at her face as we walked forward. She was staring down at the sand beneath our feet, and I could see how much my words had hurt her. She looked like I was stabbing her with knives in the heart. Immediately, I wanted to reach out and take her in my arms and apologize, but I knew in order to move past this, I needed to say everything.
“You are an amazing woman,” I said. “You always have been. I’ve been there as you’ve grown into the most gorgeous person, inside and out. It makes it really hard for me to follow my mother’s wishes. I want you to know, I don’t regret what happened. I just think that we should end it there. I don’t want to lose you as my family.”
“Right,” she whispered. “I understand, and I appreciate you coming to speak to me in person. Oh, and the flowers were beautiful.”
“Ronni,” I said, turning toward her and grabbing her hand.
“Thank you,” she interrupted, staring sadly at me. “For all of your amazing advice. It really was a life saver. I can’t thank you enough for that. Anyway, I should go back. I have dinner plans, and it’s getting late.”
She grabbed my arm and leaned up, kissing me on the cheek and lingering for just a moment. She turned and jogged back toward the street. I swear I could see the glimmer of a tear on her cheek as she turned. I felt absolutely horrible. Ronni was such an amazing woman, and I would be lucky to have her in my life. If it weren’t for the promise I made to my mother, I would be on cloud nine right now, trying to woo her and wine and dine her. She was exactly the woman I was looking for, and I didn’t know until that night that I had been looking. I turned and watched the sun dip below the horizon. A cold wind whipped along the beach and down the collar of my shirt.
I walked back to the car and looked up at Ronni’s window. She was standing inside with her hands covering her face. Her roommate was hugging her, and she looked up at me angrily, before leaning forward and pulling down the blinds. I hadn’t realized I would have such an effect on her. I jumped in my car and headed to the gym. I needed to get these emotions out and the only thing I could think to do was workout.
I grabbed the gym bag from my trunk and headed into the gym, thankful they were open twenty-four hours. There was barely anyone inside, not that it mattered, and after I had changed, I jumped on the treadmill. With every step, my gut dropped, thinking about Ronni’s face when I told her. I picked up the pace, now running full speed. I breathed heavily and wished the knot in my chest would disappear. After about forty minutes, I got off the treadmill and headed over to the weights, doing as many reps as I could handle. I worked out harder than I had in a really long time, but still, I didn’t feel any better about what I had done. I had broken Ronni’s heart, which was the complete opposite of what I set out to do in the first place.
I finished my reps with the weights and walked over the punching bag, slipping my headphones in my ears in an attempt to drown out my own mind. Nick was supposed to be the villain in this scenario, not me. And yet, I continued to punch the bag as hard as I possibly could, feeling the sting in my knuckles. This girl had really done something to me. She had touched me in a place that I couldn’t describe, and I didn’t just mean my dick. Being with her was not a normal hookup. It was years of bonding and love, all compressed into one really hot night. She was smart, probably smarter than I was, and determined like I had never seen. She wanted to make something out of herself, and she wanted to do it all while spending time with me and giving herself to me fully. Had I known she was giving her virginity to me, I would have held her longer, caressed her more gently, and made her feel like she was the only woman in the world.
I took in a deep breath, reared back, and punched the bag as hard as I could over and over again. My knuckles swelled and cracked as they met the plastic material. I grabbed the bag, stopping it from swinging, and leaned my head against it. No matter how many times I punched this bag, I was still a giant piece of shit.
Chapter Eight
Ronni
I took a
deep breath and wiped away the fog from my steamed-up mirror. There was a knot in my chest from the conversation I had with Nathan the night before, and I really didn’t like it. I had given him my virginity, given him a part of me that I could never get back, and he had broken it off before it even had a chance to begin.
All this time, I’d thought Nick was the bad guy, the one that would break my heart. But I never saw it coming from Nathan. He was so kind and gentle. Even when he was telling me this couldn’t happen, his eyes told me he was genuinely upset about it. That should have made it better, but it almost felt worse, knowing he wanted to be with me but the ghosts from our past were dictating our future.
No matter how good his mother’s intentions had been, they never came to fruition. I wasn’t treated poorly, but I was never treated like a sister. Now, it was messing with Nathan’s mind so much that he couldn’t separate it from what happened. It made me angry that he couldn’t come to terms with the fact that his mother’s wishes had been broken a long time ago, and there was no going back.
I was drawn from my thoughts by my phone buzzing on the counter. I looked down and saw Nick’s face flashing across the screen. I picked it up, thinking twice about answering but pressing the call button anyway.
“Hey, Nick,” I said, trying to sound normal and not mopey.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said in his normal energetic voice. “I wanted to see what you were up to tonight.”
“I don’t have any plans,” I said, sighing. “Why? What’s up?”
“Well, I thought maybe I could make up for the other night and take you dancing at this awesome club in San Diego,” he said, igniting visions of that night in my head.
“You know what? That sounds great.” I decided that I needed to get Nathan out of my head, and there was no one more likely to help with that than Nick.
“Awesome,” he said. “Pick you up in an hour?”
“Great,” I replied before hanging up.
I got ready in record time and was waiting by the door when Nick pulled up. Maria was in her room, and I didn’t want her to know I was going out with Nick. So, I hurried out the door and down to the curb. Nick whistled at me as I walked down in my high heels and short dress. I blushed before leaning in to let him kiss me on the cheek. He opened the car door for me and then jumped into the driver’s seat. Then we sped off toward the club.
As soon as I was in the club, there was a drink in my hand which I didn’t mind in the least. Nick pulled me around the place, giving me the grand tour. It was definitely a hot spot in the city with its high ceilings, great music, and the poshest VIP area I had ever seen. He handed me a shot and clicked my glass. I threw it back, unaware of what I was even drinking.
“So, what do you think?” he asked.
“It’s great,” I yelled over the music, curious as to why he wanted my opinion so bad.
“I’m thinking of becoming an investor,” he said loudly in my ear.
“Oh,” I said, bobbing my head to the music and thinking back to the study we did in college on nightclubs. “You know when I was in college, we studied nightclubs. Apparently, it's really hard to recoup any investment in nightclubs. So, I would really think hard about it.”
“You sound like my brother,” he said, scowling. Then he handed me another drink.
The last thing I wanted was to be reminded of Nathan so I downed that drink and dragged Nick out on the dance floor. My only option at that point was to get drunk and have fun dancing, which was exactly what I was doing. Nick leaned forward and grabbed me around the waist, pulling me in close. I smiled politely and pushed back, looking around as I swayed my body to the music. He reached out again, this time forcefully pulling me in and grabbing my ass. I reached around and grabbed his wrist, throwing his hand off of me. At that point, he seemed to get the message.
His face went quickly from entertained to angry. I watched him stomp off back to the VIP area. I continued to dance a bit longer and then headed toward Nick. I stopped short, though, when I noticed him inside, hitting on a tall blonde girl with giant tits. I shook my head and chuckled to myself, finding it hard to focus. I realized quickly that I was completely wasted, but I knew that Nick had zero intentions of taking me home anytime soon, if at all. I fumbled around my bag, pulling out my phone and dialing Maria’s number. I tapped my foot impatiently as it rang, but she never answered.
“Shit,” I said to myself, hanging up and pulling up the Uber app on my phone.
I clicked the button, but it was still programmed for the East Coast. I tried to figure out how to switch it, but between the alcohol, the lights, and the music, I couldn’t get a clear focus on anything. I took a deep breath and tossed the phone back in my purse. I needed to get the hell out of this club and get some fresh air.
I pushed through the crowd, trying to keep my feet firmly planted below me. I wobbled back and forth, the alcohol getting stronger in my system with every step. By the time I made it to the door, I burst out into the cool air and took in a deep, steadying breath. I was so angry with myself. How had I not thought that Nick would abandon me all over again? To be fair, I had no intention of letting him touch me at all. I was mostly using him as a way to get out of my own head for a bit. Still, he had brought me out here, gotten me drunk, and then started hitting on another woman. I stepped to the side to get out of the way of the other people exiting the club.
My feet were freaking killing me so I leaned down, not giving two shits, and took off my heels. The cold cement under my feet sent a chill up my arms, and I realized it was colder tonight than I had ever remembered San Diego feeling like. I had only been gone three years, but I had immersed myself in college, forgetting all about this place until I drove back over the San Diego bridge.
I looked around me at the people walking from the bars. The lights from the signs and street lights made me even dizzier so I started walking down the block, not even sure where it was that I was going. I looked down at my phone and realized I had hit a wrong button, so I fumbled with my phone to close it out. I walked toward a large planter on the sidewalk and sat down on the edge of it. I set my phone in my lap, looking around for a cab.
“Finding a cab in the Gaslamp Quarter shouldn’t be this damn hard,” I muttered out loud to myself.
I sat there for several minutes just looking around. Five frat boys joked their way up the street, and I looked in the other direction, trying not to catch their attention. But sitting here drunk and cold in a skimpy little dress was a bit more than noticeable.
“Look what we got here,” the guy in the front said, staring me up and down. “What are you doing out here all by yourself pretty girl?”
“Leave me alone,” I said angrily.
“Whoa,” one said, and they all laughed. “She’s got that Latin spice in her.”
“Don’t,” I said, slapping one guy’s hand away and turning as another scooted up next to me on the planter, putting his arm around me. “Get the fuck off of me, asshole. I don’t need your help, nor do I want you anywhere near me.”
I stood up and found myself being circled by these assholes. My heart began to beat wildly in my chest as my already dizzy vision got worse. I couldn’t focus on any of their faces, but I could hear them laughing and taunting me. Suddenly, one of them grabbed me and pulled me against him. I put my hand on his chest and pushed hard, trying to get away.
“Let go of me,” I yelled out. “Get your hands off of me.”
“I like a girl that struggles,” he said, laughing.
The squeal of tires cut through the night, and the guy dropped me before stepping back and watching as Nathan jumped from his sports car and barreled toward them. He grabbed the guy by his shirt collar and threw him to the ground. He turned toward the other guys with his fists clenched. I had never seen him so angry before, not even during the millions of fights he had with his brother growing up.
“The lady said to leave her alone,” he growled. “Now get out of here before I kick all your ass
es.”
One of the guys made a move at Nathan, and Nathan punched him square in the jaw. The frat guy dropped to the sidewalk. That one punch was enough to drain the fight from the rest of them. They gathered up their fallen friends, backed up slowly, and then took off down the street.
I looked up at Nathan from the place I had fallen, and his face softened. He reached down and helped me to my feet, picking up my shoes and taking me around the waist. I didn’t know how in the world Nathan found me or even spotted me over here, but I was so glad to see him. He ushered me to the car and helped me in the seat, leaning over to buckle my seatbelt. He closed my door and got in on the other side, reaching back and handing me his jacket. I shivered in the seat, and he reached over and turned the heat on. We sat there for several minutes, letting the car and my body warm up.
All kinds of thoughts were swirling through my head, and I couldn’t get a grasp on reality. I had drunk more than I ever had at one time, and all I wanted to do was sober up. It was like fate that Nathan had been here, had found me, and was saving me yet again from the trouble his brother had put me in. I knew at that moment, I would never trust Nick again, not even to have lunch with him. He didn’t care about me and Maria was right, at least about Nick.
He was using me as a pawn to get to his brother. He wanted to hurt Nathan and make him angry, and by doing that, he had pushed Nathan away from me. I took a deep breath, trying to sober myself up, knowing I was going to have to explain to Nathan how I got out here and why I was stranded without a way home. I knew he was going to be furious so I wanted him to start driving before I told him. Otherwise, he might go in the club and drag his brother out by the neck. The last thing I wanted out of all of this was to make things even worse between them. Nathan kept talking about his mother being disappointed, and I knew that if her and my parents were watching right now, they would be absolutely mortified at how I was acting.