‘…but we are resigned to the fact that we have to do it,’ I looked to Rich who rested his chin on his hands.
‘Do you have an exit strategy?’ asked Raymond.
‘I thought we’d probably get arrested and then we’ll go to prison, so no, we haven’t planned one yet,’ I said.
‘Let’s assume that you manage to complete your project,’ said Raymond. He took a cigar out of his pocket and a cigar cutter and snipped the end. ‘Where are you going to go afterwards?’ Rich looked at me and I pulled a face. I don’t think we’d really thought about it.
‘I assume that you are stealing money? You wouldn’t need the guns otherwise,’ said Raymond lighting the cigar. He puffed out billowing clouds of smoke. ‘Do you know what you are going to do with the money?’
‘Buy a speed boat, a fur coat and a place like this,’ Raymond smiled a tight smile.
‘I can help you with the money, I know a man in Zurich who will open an account for you very discreetly and make your accounts practically invisible – for a fee, obviously’ Raymond tapped the ash into the fireplace. ‘Carrying large amounts of cash into Switzerland is not too difficult but it carries a slight risk – will it be cash? bullion?’
‘It’ll be an electronic transfer,’ said Rich.
‘That makes things easier,’ said Raymond, ‘will it be a large amount?’
‘Yes,’ we said together.
‘More than a million sterling?’ asked Raymond. We both nodded. Raymond raised his eyebrows, ‘you will have to be very discreet indeed after this project, large amounts of money are quite difficult to hide.’ Rich looked to the ceiling, exasperated. ‘Don’t worry, Richard, none of these problems are insurmountable.’
‘Why is it so fucking hard to steal money?’ spluttered Rich, ‘people do it all the time.’
Raymond tipped his drink to Rich, ’they do, Richard, but it’s getting away with it that’s the point.’
‘Can we just open multiple accounts?’ I asked.
‘You can, but that will be more expensive,’ I shrugged, ‘also, I would recommend opening them under different names and identities. These I can supply.’
‘You can?’ I asked. Rich smirked.
‘Of course…for a price,’ said Raymond.
‘Listen, maybe we should just get this out of the way, ‘ I said, ‘if we pull this job off, money is not going to be an issue.’
‘Okay, I shall get you some identities.,’ said Raymond, ‘we will need to get your photographs taken. Why don’t we do that now?’ We began to rise, ‘No, no, I will get the camera and bring it here.’
Raymond walked off to where Stefan had disappeared. Rich Looked at me, ‘we’re going to have to leave the UK if we don’t get caught. Shit.’
‘I hadn’t really thought about it’ I said.
‘It seems weird, leaving your home, where you grew up.’ Said Rich, musing, ‘just starting a new life, even with all this money, is a bit strange, no?’
Getting a new identity, maybe a different country – we’re going to have to say goodbye to our old life; even with how shit my life is now, I still felt a pang of regret discarding it like an empty food wrapper.
The raw excitement of shooting automatic weapons, the (semi) glamour of traveling around Europe doing dodgy things and planning a heist would be over soon and if we were lucky I would be playing yet another round of golf with Rich…or taking another spin in the speedboat…or gambling another few grand on the random numbers of a roulette wheel. Would that be enough?
This is how we’d get caught, I surmised. We’d enjoy our wealth for a few weeks, maybe even a few months but how could we judge if our lives had improved for the better if we couldn’t measure them against our old ones? We’d revisit our old lives and friends and we’d get caught.
Raymond returned with the camera and made us stand up against a plain wall that was well lit. He took the photographs quickly, as he must have done countless times before, and then left the camera on the table.
‘It must be hard to create new identities? Especially in this day and age?’ asked Rich.
‘It’s always been difficult,’ said Raymond, ‘but it is just very, very expensive. You have to create, or alter, records in numerous locations and a history must be created and maintained – ghost identities – phone bills, utility bills.’
‘Wow,’ I said, ‘I didn’t realize they were that thorough.’
‘But those are perfect identities,’ he said emphatically, ‘created and maintained by people who used to work for the CIA, KGB and so on. They can sell a perfect ghost identity for millions of dollars – but up keeping them is a time consuming and expensive.’
‘I don’t think I want a new identity,’ I said. Rich looked at me aghast.
‘Eh? Why the hell not? You want to get away with this don’t you?’
‘There’s no point in stealing it if we can’t enjoy it,’ I shrugged, ‘if we have to live in Switzerland as Gunter bloody HerdyBirdy then I’m not sure that’s a prize worth winning. No offense,’ Raymond inclined his head. ‘My life isn’t that great, but trading it in to live as a lonely, rich hermit doesn’t sound like my idea of fun.’
‘We still need to pay off Barney, that’s the point of all this really,’ said Rich frowning.
‘And we’ll do that,’ I said, ‘we need to get you clear, obviously.’
‘Let’s finish this discussion with a piece of advice,’ said Raymond. Rich took a sip of beer and waited. ‘If you manage to steal this money – and it sounds like you might do this cleanly – you are going to have to, at some point, explain the provenance of it if you choose to spend it legitimately.’
‘This will be how you get caught because the law enforcement agencies always follow the money. Always.’
‘That’s the same even with new identities, no?’ I asked.
‘Yes and no. Yes, anyone with a great deal of money will generate interest but if the identity we create or harvest has a link to a Russian oil subsidiary - where 50 million Euros is,’ Raymond flicked his hand, ‘just small change, well…’
I nodded, seeing his point.
‘How about this.’ I said, leaning forward. ‘Rich here opens an account with your mate as Yuri Cashenko. He is some big balls energy tycoon from Russia, with money pouring out of his arse –‘
‘ – and I’m great with accents, apparently.’ I looked at Rich.
‘As I was saying. Yuri, here, has got just been paid more rubles than you can shake a stick at - we all know that the Russians do everything with cash and vodka - so that’s an easy explain.
‘So Yuri opens a business in London, Eastern Energy or KGB Gas and invests heavily in it along with the other investors,’ I point to myself, ‘Alexei,’ then Rich, ‘Mikael…etc.’
‘This enterprising bunch of Russians employ Richard and Daniel Collins as their UK representatives on huge six figure salaries,’ I then add quietly, ‘plus company car, annual bonus, share options, pension, healthcare, dental and expense account…’
‘Like it,’ said Rich smiling.
‘We live a millionaire lifestyle paid for by KGB Gas and pay national insurance, tax and generally conduct our lives as before…just richer.’
‘Like working, then?’ asked Rich. I pulled a face.
‘No, we don’t turn up. We get premises, we get a receptionist, print up some brochures, business cards – fuck it, let’s buy a mine in Russia and really legitimize it.’ Rich sniffed and shrugged.
Raymond nodded slowly, ‘there is no reason that setting up fronted businesses will not work – if you manage to transfer the money cleanly from wherever you are stealing it then, well, it should work well enough.’
At the end of the day it was all risk. We are more likely to get caught actually doing the job than being employed by a sham business.
‘What was the party you were hosting earlier,’ Rich asked.
‘Ach,’ said Raymond with a contemptuous flick of his cigar, ‘that was a networking p
arty on behalf of my company – my legitimate company – I hate them.’ We all looked up when we heard the soft footfalls of Stefan approaching. He was carrying more drinks.
‘Henry is here, shall I show him in?’ said Stefan. I raised an eyebrow.
‘Henry is someone I felt you should meet,’ he said getting up, ‘whether you use his services is entirely up to you.’ I looked at Rich who shrugged.
‘Can we trust Raymond?’ I whispered to Rich.
‘I think so, more than we can trust Barney,’ said Rich, ‘are you worried he’s going to spirit the money away?’
I nodded, ‘yes.’
‘He’s loaded, I don’t think he needs it,’ mused Rich. The door opened and Raymond came back followed by a wiry looking man with short, close cropped blond hair that was greying slightly. He walked with calm assurance towards us and his blue eyes twinkled and scrunched into a spider’s web of crows feet as he shook our hands.
‘I’m Henry,’ he said, ‘isn’t this weather just simply awful?’ Henry was in that strata of poshness that almost requires subtitles. His accent was so clipped, so English, that he would be more at home at a point to point than at a Swiss villa with an arms dealer and two would be bank robbers.
‘It does suck,’ said Rich, ‘I’m Rich and this is my brother Dan.’
‘Really nice to meet you both,’ he said, ‘Ah Stefan, I would simply love a whiskey.’ Stefan nodded. We all sat down and Raymond took a couple of puffs of his cigar.
‘Henry is someone I have known a long time,’ Henry nodded, smiling, ‘I knew him when he left the British army and when he was a soldier for hire in Bosnia and Africa.’
Rich looked at me and then back at Henry and Raymond, ‘Raymond, I don’t know, we’re not sure that we’ll even get away with this…’
‘Seems like a bit, you know, overkill, ‘I said.
‘Listen, chaps,’ interjected Henry, ‘Raymond tells me you’ve got involved with some chap who’s a bit of a bad egg.’ We nodded, despite ourselves. ‘Raymond was just thinking that it may a smart move to have someone batting on your side who’s got a decent square cut, if you see what I mean?’ I did, although the thought of Henry being a mercenary was a little hard to believe.
‘I also understand that you may come up against an SO9 firearms unit,’ we nodded, ‘those chaps are jolly talented, you need to know how to handle them. I can help you with that.’ Henry’s eyes twinkled, not with merriment this time, but with a studied assurance that was hard to not take seriously.
‘Could we have a bit of a chat,’ I asked Rich who nodded and got up. When we were out of earshot, I asked: ‘what do you reckon?’
‘I don’t know, we don’t know him from Adam,’ said Rich glancing over to where Raymond and Henry sat. I frowned, thinking. ‘Also, I’m a bit worried about all these strings that Raymond is pulling…’
‘Me too,’ I ran my hand through my hair, ‘but the idea of having a professional on our side is…even after all the target practice, we’re still a couple of jokers with a password.’
‘I hear you,’ Rich shook his head, ‘there really is no reason to not trust Raymond.’
‘I think we should use him,’ I said, ‘we’re in a mess anyway, maybe this guy will be the difference between us getting caught and not getting caught.’ Rich nodded, ‘besides we’re going to have at least one of Barney’s goons to watch, this will be an ace up our sleeve.’ We walked back to where they were sitting.
‘Okay,’ said Rich, ‘what’s in it for you.’
‘Twenty percent of the winnings,’ Rich looked at me and I nodded.
‘Done,’ said Rich. ‘What else?’
‘I have done this sort of thing before,’ said Henry, taking his drink from Stefan, oblivious to his presence, ‘and this is probably going to be the last time –‘
‘Don’t worry,’ I said, ‘it will be.’
‘I’m sorry?’ asked Henry.
‘Twenty percent of what we’re stealing is a hell of a lot of money,’ I said. Henry looked at us with a keen interest and smiled slightly.
‘I have been soldiering too long, it takes it out of one after a while,’ sighed Henry. ‘I don’t want to get caught, so my other condition is that I have input into the planning.’
‘Done,’ I said, looking at Rich. ‘We don’t want to get caught either.’
‘We have final condition,’ said Rich, ‘Barney is lending us a couple of his men, and we need our backs watched.’
‘That, gentlemen, will a pleasure,’ said Henry. He stood and extended his hand and we all shook hands. ‘Marvellous, is the target well protected?’
‘Not really,’ I said, ‘maybe a couple of security guards, we’re not stealing cash, so…’
‘But they will have a way of alerting the authorities?’ asked Henry.
‘I suppose so, I haven’t really checked – we have a lot of information on the target, so it will be buried in there somewhere.’
‘Who else knows about this project?’ asked Henry.
‘Dan, me,’ said Rich, ‘Steve, Raymond, Barney – ‘
‘I don’t need a list,’ smiled Henry, ‘we just need to know if we’ll be compromised by anyone.’
‘Barney and his people won’t compromise us, but they might try and fuck us over,’ said Rich. ‘We can only trust everyone else…’
‘Listen, chaps, money has a way of turning people into real rotters,’ Rich snorted, more at the terminology than the sentiment, ‘mark my words, you’ll be surprised at how bloody devious some people can be.’
‘As I said before, ‘ said Rich, ‘we can only trust the people we call our friends, what can we do?’ I leaning in, wanting to hear what Henry had to say.
‘I have done a couple jobs that are not totally above board, and have found that if you agree the cut straight away – even with people that you trust – it does tend to focus everyone on the job, rather than everyone ending up like beagles down a fox hole.’
‘That sounds like a good idea,’ said Rich, I nodded my agreement.
‘Now, these chaps that Barney has lumbered you with,’ said Henry, ‘we should be able to buy at least one of them off.’
‘I don’t know…’ winced Rich, he leaned back defensively. Henry raised his hands up a bit.
‘Don’t worry, we just gently sound them out – if you want I can handle the negotiations,’ said Henry.
Rich still looked pretty unsure of trying to turn one of Barney’s men. The prospect if a few million quid against having your kneecaps made into earmuffs was a tough call, but I suppose that Barney’s men are not exactly boy scouts.
‘Listen, chaps,’ said Henry, ’I’m going to be helping you plan this, we need to do a dry run and see if we have enough bodies to make this work, so we’ll sound out Barney’s men then, have a bit of a bonding session.’
‘I think that we have talked enough business,’ announced Raymond, ‘I think that we should toast our new alliance.’ He raised his glass and we all drunk.
‘We’ve just hired a mercenary,’ I said, a little shocked at the situation.
‘It is terribly exciting, isn’t it?’ said Henry, draining his whiskey.
It was nearly four in the morning when Lothar left us at the hotel. We assured him that we were fine to stagger up the stairs to our room and tipped him again. I leaned on Rich as he kept his finger pressed on the night bell to gain us entry into the lobby until a stone faced man wordlessly opened the door. We dangled our room keys in the air and flip-flopped into the lobby, not noticing whether or not our friends from earlier were in attendance.
The rickety elevator was open at ground level and I pressed my head against the mirrored wall as the walls began to start spinning.
‘You alright?’ asked Rich.
‘No,’ I said.
We reached our floor and we both had our keys ready. We had drunk far too much at Raymond’s and hadn’t eaten much either. After a couple of hours Raymond began to thaw a bit and we saw a lighter side to
him than we had previously. Henry turned out to be a riot and regaled us with stories from his adventures from around the world and portrayed soldiering – as he called it – as mostly boring and intermittently scary.
Henry had done the whole officer thing in the army, been to Sandhurst (a real blast) joined the Grenadiers as a Lieutenant (great bunch of chaps) and served in Ireland (tough), Bosnia (much tougher) and then got thrown out for striking a fellow officer (a real bad egg) when the officer in question threatened to out Henry, who was as gay as a vicar’s picnic.
He then got picked up by a group who helped shepherd rich families out of Sarajevo at the height of the war (well paid, but bloody dicey). After that it was a litany of jobs around the world, sometimes protecting assets (awfully dull) or fighting alongside government groups or militias (hold the family jewels in one hand and a rosary in the other). Henry said that he did a couple of criminal jobs – one in New Zealand (we could have just asked for it) and one in Thailand (those Thais are bloody fearless and damned decent shots). Finally he was here, wanting to do something safer and easier.
‘I have had a sniper bullet ping off my helmet once, which moments before had been a sweetie bowl for some ankle biters. I stepped on a land mine in Rwanda, got blown twenty foot in the air and all I lost was my big toe and I had an AK jam in a fire fight in Syria and I managed to run away from a bloody regiment of soldiers – god knows how.
‘I’m done, I have used up eight of my nine lives. Every soldier knows this, every soldier is lucky and when you have a good run, you have to get out, sharpish. I’ve ridden my luck for too long, now.’
Raymond was trying him to introduce him to some of the people at the party to do some protection work – that was the real purpose of the event – but then thought that connecting Henry and us together would be the perfect solution to everyone’s problems. After hearing both of them speak to each other – and there seemed to be genuine affection – my fears had evaporated somewhat.
Rich and Raymond seemed to go back a bit and after a while they fed off each others humor and I sensed that they partied together in the past. They seemed an odd fit, but sometimes jigsaw pieces can be odd shapes and still interlock. I kept quite quiet for the evening, wanting to size up our new associates, and this let me observe the dynamics and I settled on the notion that Raymond liked Rich and wanted to help him out. Money was not the issue for Raymond – he was loaded –his motive was benign.
Insecure Page 16