by T. K. Leigh
“Don’t talk like that,” she pleaded, her body trembling. “I will be the last face you ever see, but not now. And not today. And not for a thousand fucking years, Cam!” she shouted. “You’re my light.” Her voice grew soft, unable to come to terms with the fact that she was holding Cam’s dying body in her arms. “It’s not supposed to end like this. You’re my happily ever after. Please. Don’t go.”
“Hey, Jolene?”
“Yeah? I’m here, baby.”
“Can you reach into my pocket? The left one. There’s something shiny in there for you.”
“I don’t care about that right now, Cam.”
“Please,” he begged. “For me.”
She nodded, not wanting to deprive him of his wish. Her fingers fumbled before grabbing on to a small black velvet box. She slowly opened it, her sobs overtaking her body when she saw the beautiful round-cut diamond engagement ring.
“Put it on. I want to see my ring on your finger before…”
Jolene shook her head. “No. Don’t even say it.”
“Please, Jolene.” His voice grew weak.
She took the ring out of the box and slid it on her hand, the diamond sparkling against the blood on her skin.
“I’ll be watching over you. I promise. Just look for the shooting star.”
“No. You can’t… Hang on. Please. For me. I need you…”
A look of serenity crossed his face. “I love you, peaches…”
“I love you, Cam. I choose you. Always.”
A frail smile crossed his face just as she felt his body go limp.
“No!” she wailed, frantically trying to find a pulse. “Please, Cam,” she begged softly, pressing her lips against his unmoving mouth. “I choose you.” Jolene rested her head against his chest. “I choose you.” Her sobs were devastating as her world grew dark. Her light was gone.
CHAPTER FORTY
SAYING GOOD-BYE
JOLENE SAT IN THE church, listening to people speak. All she heard were words. She had no idea what anyone was saying, the shock of everything she had witnessed and endured over the past few weeks making her mute.
A gentle squeeze on her arm woke her from her thoughts. She turned and met Elsie’s eyes, thankful that she was there for her. “It’s time, Tomorrow.”
Jolene nodded, trying to summon the inner courage she so desperately needed to get through what she wanted to say. What she needed to say.
All eyes were on her as she made her way up to the altar, readjusting the microphone to her height. Sniffles and the occasional sob were heard as she looked over the crowd that had assembled to mourn the man she felt that she barely knew.
“I don’t know what to say,” she began, her voice cutting through the silence. “You all knew him so much better than I did.” She glanced at a large portrait of the caring, compassionate, and gentle man that she had only just begun to learn to love. A tear fell down her cheek as she thought how she would never find out what his favorite color was. Or his favorite football team. Or his favorite childhood memory.
“Regardless, he gave his life for me. He’s dead because of me.” Her voice grew strong and her body began to tremble from her sobs. “And I’ll never get to tell him what he means to me. That I love him. That I’ll never forget all the sacrifices he made for me.”
She paused briefly to get her emotions under control before continuing, “Losing someone always makes us re-evaluate our relationships with people. These past few weeks, all I could think about was everything that I had been through and endured to get me here, wondering if it was all worth it. I’ve finally realized that I’m a stronger person because of what I went through. That I’m worthy of love. That I can have a future. That I hope my story and my experiences will give other people something that I thought I didn’t have for the longest time…hope. He made me feel hopeful for a future, for a family. He taught me the importance of forgiveness. And, for that, he will always have a place in my heart, no matter how short a time I knew him.”
She scanned the audience, her gaze settling on a few pairs of familiar eyes. Looking down, she toyed with the diamond ring on her hand that she knew she would never take off.
“A man recently came into my life and saved me. When I met him, I wasn’t living. I was just existing, the memories of what I had suffered through haunting me every second. And every day was a struggle. The rage I felt was slowly eating me up. I recall leaving work one night and walking along the ocean. It looked so inviting at night, the darkness hiding all manner of sins. I ran in and, as the waves carried me out to sea, I sank lower and lower. I closed my eyes, debating whether to fight when I became short of air. You know what I saw? I saw his sad eyes. I saw the tears that I would cause him if I did what I wanted to do. At that moment, I realized that I had a reason to live.
“Because of him, I’m alive right now. After crossing paths with him, I started to believe that someone had finally answered ten years’ worth of prayers. He saved me, but he also taught me one of the most important lessons I’ve learned. He taught me that you can’t bottle up your emotions and keep your secrets to yourself. He taught me that it’s okay to lean on other people, to let them help you carry that burden. And, from now on, it’s going to be my mission in life to help other people realize that, too. This man bathed my world in light when I thought it was only dark. He was patient even though baby steps really suck.” She laughed through her tears.
“But he taught me that there are too many unexpected things that could happen in this life, and you should tell someone you love them and fuck the consequences.” She visibly cringed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to say fuck in church.”
Everyone laughed quietly in response.
“So please, all of you, hug your husbands or wives or children a little tighter tonight and every day forward. Tell them you love them every chance you get. Because you never know when it will be the last time that you can hold them and say those words.”
She smiled, tears streaming down her cheek as she made her way over to the cherry wood casket, an American flag draped over it.
Leaning down, she planted a kiss on the wood. “I love you, Daddy.” All of her pent-up emotions rushed forward and she began to sob uncontrollably, not wanting to say good-bye to the man she had just begun to get to know again.
As she cried in front of her father’s friends and family, she felt a warmth surround her. Looking up, she was met with the silver eyes that had become her salvation. Her hope. Her freedom.
“You okay, peaches?” He placed a gentle kiss on her head.
“With you, I’ll always be okay.”
He helped her up, cringing in pain.
Jolene caressed his arm as it hung in a sling. “You alright?”
“You know I’d take a bullet for you.”
“I know. You already proved that point. No need to do it again, Casanova.”
“I’ll never get sick of your sharp tongue, Jolene.”
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
HEART OF LIGHT
“HEY, JOLENE,” LANEY SPOKE into the phone. “How are you holding up?”
“I’m doing good. We’re staying hidden down in Key West until all of this blows over. We figured once they announced the sentence, things would get out of control. Elsie told me there are reporters camped out on our front lawn, so we’re glad we got out of town when we did.”
“Are you okay with how things turned out?”
Jolene shrugged, checking her reflection in the vanity mirror. “I suppose. Mark did turn himself in and cooperated with the investigation. If it wasn’t for him, they wouldn’t have been able to find out about all the cops, politicians, and other law enforcement officials that were involved. No wonder you always ran into a roadblock investigating this case. Unbelievable to think that the chief of police in both Chicago and Houston, and a handful of other cities, were on that bastard’s payroll, and that, hidden across the country, he had hundreds of girls who are all now free. Anyway, Mark’s over sixty. He’
ll die in prison, no matter what. He got what he deserves. It still irritates me that David Murphy took a plea deal and is only serving ten years for everything he did to me. At least he’ll never be able to step foot in Washington again. I just hope the other inmates give him a taste of his own medicine.”
“I’m sure they will. Do you have any more speaking engagements coming up, or are you taking a break from that for a bit until it settles down?”
“I have a few. I’m not going to stop doing those. Hopefully, me speaking out will help some of the other girls. They’re still scared about being found, even though Falconi’s dead. I get it, though.”
A man’s voice cut through. “Jolene, doll, are you almost ready?”
She spun around on the vanity chair, her heart swelling with love when she saw Cam standing in the doorway to the bedroom in their suite. “Be there in a minute.”
“Don’t let me keep you,” Laney said. “I’ve booked my time off for December so I’ll be there for six weeks to lend you a hand, if you need it.”
“That’s great. Rosa is planning to come, as well. The timing is perfect because that will give her an opportunity to visit Marcie over the Christmas break. She’s doing great in college down here.”
“That’s wonderful to hear.” She paused briefly. “Well, you better not keep Cam waiting.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
“Call whenever you can.”
“Hey, Laney?” Jolene said, getting her attention.
“Yes?”
“Do you miss him?”
Sighing, she replied, “Even though he’s been gone for almost a year, not one second goes by that I don’t miss him or think about him. I’m just glad that he died doing what he loved doing, and that’s protecting you.”
Jolene nodded, processing her words. “Thanks, Laney. Love you.”
“Love you, too, Jolene.”
“Ready, peaches?” Cam appeared in the doorway again.
“Always.”
He helped her up and led her out of the suite.
“Where are we going?” she asked as they walked down the hallway of the hotel in Key West.
“To dinner.”
“Isn’t this the way to the beach, though?”
“Will you stop thinking and just let me surprise you for once, Jolene?”
She grinned, butterflies dancing in her stomach. “I like surprises.”
“I know you do.” Cam kissed her forehead and led her out to the small beach, his heart racing.
Jolene’s eyes settled on a table for two set in the sand. “Cam?” her sweet voice said. “What’s going on?”
“Have a seat, my love.” He beamed, taking in his fiancée’s beautiful eyes. His gaze traveled her body, his erection stirring at the little sundress that was becoming a bit too snug around her chest. He held out the chair for her and helped her sit down. His hand settled on her protruding stomach and he planted a gentle kiss on their child that was growing inside of her.
Remaining on one knee, he grabbed Jolene’s left hand in his, her engagement ring too small now due to the pregnancy. He couldn’t have planned it more perfect if he tried.
“What are you doing, Cam?”
“Jolene Bergio, do you have any idea how much I love you?”
She smiled sweetly at the man kneeling in front of her. “You tell me every day.”
“I’m never going to stop telling you how much I love you. Every day I fall even more in love with you. I never thought it was possible for me to have these feelings for someone, but I have them for you, Jolene, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“You got the girl. I already said yes.”
“Will you stop interrupting?” he asked, his voice heavy with exasperation.
“You got it. Mum’s the word.” She pretended to zip her lips and throw away the key.
Cam shook his head. “I know I already asked you to marry me, but I don’t quite think that proposal met your standard of being completely weak in your knees. I want a do over.” He took a deep breath, his gaze turning intense.
“Jolene, before I met you, I was living in complete darkness. I wasn’t me. I was angry and let my emotions get the best of me. I was letting everyone down. But, the moment I laid eyes on you and felt your spirit, I knew you would be the last and only woman that I would ever love from that point forward. You always say that I’m your light. Jolene, without you, my world would be dark. You taught me to love again when I never thought I would. You’re my light. Jolene Bergio, please marry me. Choose me. Be my light.”
Tears fell down Jolene’s cheeks as she listened to Cam’s sweet words, a combination of his heart-felt plea and the hormones from the pregnancy. “You’re too good to me,” she cried out, astonished at the gorgeous diamond solitaire that he slid on her hand with ease, despite her swollen fingers. “You know we’ll just have to get that resized once I pop this kid out, don’t you?”
Cam shrugged. “Not if we keep having babies. So is that a yes?”
She grabbed his face in her hands, bringing his mouth to hers, her lips poised on his. “Yes, Cam. I choose you. Always.”
“I love you.”
“I’ll never tire of hearing you say those three words to me.”
“Good because I plan on telling you every day for the rest of your life.”
“Well, you are older than me. How about the rest of your life and not mine. I don’t want Juan, the pool boy, to get jealous.”
“What?” he pulled back.
Jolene grinned. “Will you just shut up and kiss me already so we can seal the deal?”
A shooting star fell from the sky and into the ocean, and he lowered his lips close to hers once more.
“But I really like almost kissing you… Peaches.”
PLAYLIST
Knees of My Heart - Jimmy Buffett
My Stupid Mouth - John Mayer
Jolene - Ray LaMontagne
One Life - James Morrison
Toes - Zac Brown Band
Wonder - Lauren Aquilina
Falling In Love Again - Rachael Yamagata
It’ll All Work Out - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Poison & Wine - The Civil Wars
Never Is A Promise - Fiona Apple
Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead
A Little Bit - Tristan Prettyman
Grey Street - Dave Matthews Band
Over and Over - Rachael Yamagata
I Go To The Barn Because I Like The - Band of Horses
Duet - Rachael Yamagata and Ray LaMontagne
Stay - Rihanna
Clear Blue Eyes - Amos Lee, featuring Lucinda Williams
Breathe Again - Sara Bareilles
Sister - Dave Matthews
Once Upon Another Time - Sara Bareilles
The Light - Sara Bareilles
Try A Little Tenderness - Otis Redding
Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift, featuring Ed Sheeran
Kiwi - Maroon 5
Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
Take Me to Church - Hozier
I’ll Back You Up - Dave Matthews Band
Say Something Now - James Morrison
Thistle & Weeds - Mumford & Sons
Chill in the Air - Amos Lee
By The Grace of God - Katy Perry
Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams
Love For A Child - Jason Mraz
All I Want - Kodaline
Romeo and Juliet - Dire Straits
Bring Me To Life - Evanescence
Let Me Go - Avril Lavigne
One Moment More - Mindy Smith
I Choose You - Sara Bareilles
The Heart of Life - John Mayer
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Holy crap! Can I start my acknowledgements with that? Because I am. This year has been an absolute whirlwind adventure for me, and I hope it’s just the beginning. Every indie author dreams of success, but they don’t actually think it will ever happen to them. The same is true for
me. Since I published my debut novel, A Beautiful Mess, last August, I never thought I’d have the following that I have today. I never thought my books would have hit any list and here I am a USA Today Best Selling author. It’s amazing and overwhelming and humbling at the same time.
I absolutely loved introducing all of you to Alexander and Olivia in my Beautiful Mess series. I loved writing their story. It will always hold such a special place in my heart because it was the first one that I had ever written. But… This journey that I just took you on in Heart Of Light still hurts my heart. I’ve been asked why I chose this subject matter for this story. The reason is simple. I wanted to bring attention to the issue of human trafficking in a more serious context. It is a truly horrific crime and, in fact, is one of the largest growing criminal enterprises in the United States today. We all like to think that something as horrible as kidnapping children, women, even men, doesn’t happen in our back yard, but it does. We like to think that it only occurs overseas in third world countries, but the sad reality is that it happens everywhere. No one is safe from being a victim. While Jolene’s story is simply a dramatization, the methods are real. Human and sexual slavery is cruel. It is inhumane. And it is most certainly not romantic. I wanted to give this issue justice and I hope that I’ve done so.
I know a lot of you are Team Alex, but Cam is so pure and innocent and loves unconditionally that I knew I could throw some dark events at him, as I did in this book. Cam’s journey was never an easy one (and you’ll be able to read more about his relationship with his sister, Marley, in Heart of Marley), but if anyone could navigate their way through rough waters, it’s him.
Now onto all the people I need to thank. (Why does this feel like an Oscar speech?)
I guess first and foremost, I should thank the one and only, Mr. Alexander Thomas Burnham, for popping in my head one spring day in 2013. If it wasn’t for him, and for all you falling madly in love with him (as much as you wanted to smack some sense into him at some points), I don’t think I would have the following I do now. So, Mr. B., I salute you.