by M. A. Innes
I kept telling Bryan I loved him…reassuring him nothing important would change. But that didn’t feel entirely honest. The fact that we were together wouldn’t change and neither would the fact that I loved him. But I didn’t see a way to keep the type of relationship we had going once we were at school.
How was I supposed to be Daddy when we didn’t live together anymore?
Sarah and Richard had given me ideas about other things, so I was hoping they’d have some insight to this one. I’d been researching long distance relationships in the alternative lifestyle community but most of what I’d found didn’t fit our situation. They all required a lot more privacy than either of us would have.
So I’d tried to adapt things and plan. And I’d kept my fingers and toes crossed that we’d end up with housing we could work with. Unfortunately, we didn’t. That was part of Bryan’s stress. The part he kept ignoring and refusing to acknowledge was bothering him.
I was in Randolph Hall, which was set up almost like apartments. It was a grouping of three bedrooms attached to a central kitchen and living room. I’d share the bedroom with one guy but it would be a total of six of us living there.
No privacy whatsoever.
Bryan had it a little better. Maybe. He was hoping for the same type of single room he had last year but no such luck. He was in Williams Hall with a bigger room and a private bath, but a roommate. There was no way I could think of to hide things like diapers. The bottle and binkie probably, and even a few toys were realistic, but not everything.
So while he’d been ignoring the big problem, I’d been trying to think outside the box. Going out tonight with him in his cage would also give us a chance to see if wearing it would work for longer periods. Well, for longer periods than we’d been doing so far.
He’d done really good around the house and wearing it under his clothes, as long as no one was around. This would be the first chance to see how he did when we weren’t alone. There was no way someone would notice it under his clothes, but it was still a huge concern for him. That was one of the reasons I made sure he had a copy of the key. That and safety.
Yeah, the locking kind might have been a little bit of overkill for our first cage, but it made me feel better. And he didn’t seem to have a preference one way or the other. At least, he hadn’t said anything out loud. To me, the lock gave the feeling of permanency…like proof I wasn’t going anywhere. I wasn’t sure if he saw it the same way, but I wanted him to have that feeling of belonging to me.
Even if it wasn’t something he could wear all the time, it would still be a good option if he needed to feel that comfort for a while. The reminder that he was mine and I was Daddy. I hoped between things like that and making sure we were seeing each other as much as possible, it would be enough.
It had to be.
Deciding I was getting too worked up, I made a point to push the worries away. This was time for us to hang out and relax. Our last couple of days of no pressure and no responsibilities.
“Have you thought about what you would like to do tomorrow afternoon? Is there something you’ve wanted to try that we haven’t?” I’d thought starting with a good spanking would be fun but I wasn’t sure what he’d been thinking.
“Um…well, I haven’t really thought of anything different. I like what we’ve been doing.” Bryan stuttered a bit and tripped through it but he got it out. He’d been doing so much better when he had to talk about things. I tried not to push him too far, but he was so much more confident about his desires than he had been at the beginning of the summer.
“Then I guess I’ll have to plan something fun for my boy.” That had him blushing and squirming in his seat. Then he winced a little. “Is your cage pinching you, B?”
He blushed and stared straight out the front window, not even peeking over at me, but he answered. “No, Daddy, it just felt tight for a minute.”
“All right. You have to let me know if there’s a problem with it. I’ll check it later to make sure everything’s fine. I don’t want you to get hurt.” I tried to make it seem as reasonable as possible to help him get used to talking about it. I thought it was helping but with him, it was hard to be sure.
“Yes, Daddy.”
Deciding it was time to change subjects, although not to one that would make him relax, I shifted in my seat and looked over at him. “Have you thought of anything that we should talk to Sarah and Richard about?”
He groaned and slumped down a little in his seat. But he still seemed focused on the road and relaxed, so I didn’t worry. “No, not really.”
Not really was Bryan-speak for, “Yes but I’m not ready to talk about it.” That was interesting. I’d thought that I would get a flat-out no. Maybe he wouldn’t be too nervous if I brought up things over dinner. I was curious to know if he would be able to talk about his worries, but I wasn’t sure if he was ready for that. Talking to me and answering questions was one thing, but doing it with anyone else was another.
He’d managed to email them, and he’d been much more comfortable on our second trip to the store. Maybe he was more ready than I expected. Maybe. At the very least, he’d be able to listen and absorb the conversations going on around him.
“You’re going to be okay with seeing the way they handle their relationship when they’re at home, right? I know we talked about this, but I want to make sure you’re good with it.” He was getting more comfortable in his own skin and with his own needs, but seeing someone else’s might be difficult. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
I knew I wanted to be able to accept and be able to be at ease with different variations of alternative relationships, so this was a reasonable first step. Eventually, I wanted us to have friends our own age who were a bit more outside the box.
Not like play dates or things I’d seen online. I didn’t want to be that open, but I just wanted people around who could understand and where we didn’t have to hide. Bryan would never feel safe calling me Daddy in front of our current friends at school. I wanted people to hang out with where I could be Daddy and he could be Baby without it being an issue.
Bryan was still quietly thinking through my question. I wasn’t sure how much time to give him, but I figured there might be a few things he was working out, so I tried to be patient. I know for me, I was trying to reason through what they might think of as normal for their relationship. I didn’t like the connotations of that word, but I couldn’t think of a better one.
Would he kneel?
Would he serve her?
There were too many options.
When Sarah and I had talked about us coming over for dinner, she’d said they were going to keep up their same routines and rules. She thought it would be a good idea for Bryan to see how other couples in a long-term relationship did things. I had to agree. Even though it made me nervous.
If I was nervous, how worried was he?
“I think I’m going to be okay.” He was quiet for so long I jumped when he started talking. He laughed and that broke some of the tension that had been building. “Anxious much?”
“Yeah, a little. I like knowing what’s going to happen and planning it out. This feels very…improvised maybe? I’m definitely not in control.” Maybe that was the biggest issue.
Bryan agreed, then laughed and shook his head. “I didn’t think of that part. I’ve been obsessing over what they would do or what I might do but you’re usually in charge of everything. I never need to be so I wasn’t considering that as an issue for you.”
I shrugged, not sure what to say.
“You’re still in charge of me and if you don’t like something, then say that. They’re not going to do stuff that makes you uncomfortable…” Now it was his turn to shrug. “Just me.”
That had me laughing. “Oh yeah, we can count on you being uncomfortable, B.”
He blushed a little and reached over to fiddle with the radio. I put a hand on his leg and gave him a squeeze. “I won’t let it get to be too much.
”
He gave me this look like I was an idiot. “I know that.”
“Smartass.”
I got a wicked look from him. “Sorry, Daddy.”
Someone was going to get it later.
****
“Hi, right on time. Come on in. We decided to grill, so Richard is in the back getting everything set up.”
“Sounds good. What’s on the menu?” The question was more for small talk and less because I cared. Bryan was holding my hand like I was supposed to save him from the lions, so I figured starting with something easy would be best.
“He decided on steaks. I burn water so he does all the cooking.”
“We appreciate him making dinner then.” The laughter at my terrible almost-joke had Bryan relaxing and I was starting to get the feeling back in my fingers. Much better.
Walking through their house, it felt traditional and comfortable. If it weren’t for the scattered cushions on the floor and a few pieces of furniture I knew were more interesting than they looked, I would have said any vanilla couple could’ve been living there.
She must have seen me looking at the furniture because she smiled and looked over in that direction. “There’s this great guy a couple of hours from here that does custom pieces. Sturdy and very well made. Let me know if you ever need his number. I’m not sure the dorm has room for a custom spanking bench, but you won’t be in college forever.”
That had Bryan smiling and I had to agree with her. “Yeah, I can’t see that going unnoticed in the dorms. Once we’re on our own, investing in something like that would be reasonable.”
She nodded. “He might be able to work out some designs for other items that you guys want. I’ve ordered some stuff for customers from this guy on the west coast. It was okay, but for long-term play, I’d prefer something sturdier and prettier. However, I’ll admit I’m picky.”
Now she had me intrigued. “What kind of pieces?”
“A crib for one couple and a high chair for another. Neither could easily be hidden, but I think there’s a way to design a crib that could have it double as a daybed in a guest room. I don’t know if he does much with the age-play community, but I think he’d probably be open to looking into it.”
It sounded perfect.
I’d seen the oversized furniture that was for sale online, but there was no way you’d be able to hide it anywhere but in a private nursery. It would be too obvious in a small apartment or even a small house. But if it could double as regular furniture, then that opened up a ton of new possibilities.
Bryan must have seen the look on my face because he groaned and blushed a little. He did pretty well, though, because he grinned. “You had to give him new ideas.”
“Sorry.” She didn’t look repentant at all. “Hazards of being a Dominant; your mind is always looking for new ideas.”
He didn’t say no to the idea, so it was already starting to take shape in my head. I would love to be able to tuck him into a bed like that for nap times. I wasn’t sure how we’d work it out, but it seemed like a way we could take things to the next level.
Exiting their living room onto a large back porch, I had to admire how much privacy they had. “This is incredible.”
“Thanks. We wanted something close to the business but we also wanted some space from neighbors. This place backs up to Forest Service land so it was perfect. We had to do some remodeling, but it wasn’t in bad shape.” She looked around, obviously proud of her home, then gestured to the chairs on the porch. “Please, have a seat.”
The lawn was big and they had areas of flowers and a vegetable garden toward the back of the property. Woods surrounded the yard on three sides, so it was incredibly private. The idea of having so much space without neighbors and without worrying that someone might see them was making my thoughts race.
There was no way I could say what was really going through my mind, so I settled on something simple. “It must be a lot of work to keep it up.”
“I keep it interesting. It’s not usually too bad. Right, Richard?” She had this look on her face and an almost teasing sound in her voice as she walked over to stand by Richard at the grill. It made Richard chuckle and he gave us a wink.
“My mistress always keeps everything interesting. Even gardening.” The look the large muscular man gave her was filled with emotion. Some teasing but mostly love. Their strong relationship was obvious.
She gave his ass a pop, grinning. “That’s my job. I have to keep you on your toes.”
“Before I forget, how do you like your steaks cooked?” Richard asked, glancing over at us before looking back to turn the meat over on the grill.
“Medium for both of us, thanks.”
“Perfect. It shouldn’t be too long.” He was moving the steaks around, watching them intently.
“Just keep an eye on them. You know what happened last time you burned them.” She had this teasing look in her eyes again and Richard’s body seemed to jerk. Good memories?
“Yes, Ma’am.”
Bryan was watching the flirtatious banter with fascination. I worried he would have questions he couldn’t ask. Part of me wanted to encourage him to say something, but the bigger part wanted to make sure he didn’t have to if he wasn’t ready. It always seemed to be a fine line—when to push, when not to.
It wasn’t the right time now, but another time I was going to see if she would tell me what he meant by that. Bryan couldn’t handle interesting and heavy machinery but there were other things he could do outside that didn’t use power tools. She must have seen the look on my face because she laughed.
“We’ll have to talk later. It looks like you have questions.”
“Every time I learn something new or get an idea, it leads to a dozen new questions. It feels like a college class without a syllabus or a professor some days. You guys have been great. But there’s so much to learn.” I squeezed Bryan’s hand and leaned over to give him a quick kiss on his forehead, then led him over to the cushioned chairs so we could relax.
Not wanting him to get too far away, I sat down close enough to still hold his hand without it looking odd. He was doing better than I expected, but I wasn’t going to make him feel isolated. Besides, I liked touching him and it made me feel better to be able to see that he was doing okay.
She nodded. “There’s this huge fear of screwing up in the beginning. Eventually, you realize that as long as you have good communication with your partner, you can’t screw things up too badly. The biggest problems always come from not talking to each other.”
Surprisingly, it was Bryan who responded. “We’re working on that. He knows when to push me to talk and how to read me when I can’t. I’m not so good at the communication part, but I’m working on it.”
“You are doing great. Don’t knock how far you’ve come.” I could have left it there but I thought he needed to see that sharing didn’t have to be scary, so I kept going. “When we first started exploring things, going from friends to more, he couldn’t even say anything about his needs at all.”
I looked back to Bryan, squeezing his hand. “I’m very proud of you.”
“That’s completely understandable.” Richard’s deep voice must’ve startled Bryan because I could see him jump before Richard kept going. “When we first met, I’d been in the lifestyle for a while, but I wasn’t interested in anything long-term or open at all. I knew I was submissive, but I didn’t feel comfortable showing it.” He looked down at himself then back up to Bryan. “I didn’t fit the part even in my own head. Ten-plus years ago, you didn’t see submissives who look like me.”
Sarah leaned close and gave him a kiss. “Now the clubs are filled with people of all shapes and sizes and types. It’s nice. Back then it was mostly submissive women and the guys in the scene were all alike.”
“How often do you go to clubs?” Again, Bryan surprised me. I had a feeling there were probably a dozen unasked questions for every one he managed to say out loud, but I was so proud of him
. I’d been a little afraid that he would spend the entire evening sitting quietly trying not to panic. This was so much better than I’d hoped.
“A couple of times a month, generally. It’s nice getting together with people who understand, even if you’re not going to play. Just hanging out and having a drink is fun. There’s a good one up in D.C. you guys could try at some point.”
Bryan’s eyes widened a bit, but it didn’t seem to be a bad thing. In fact, he seemed to know more about it than he was willing to admit. I looked over to Sarah. “Do they have many age-play couples?”
Now he was squirming, looking down at the deck. That was a very interesting reaction. Even Sarah noticed—she tried to hide a smile and gave Bryan a look. “Bryan may already be aware of this, but they have several nights a month for daddies and mommies to bring their littles to. Some people play during that time and others use it as a chance to socialize.”
“Is that right, B? Do you think they have nights for couples like us?”
He was now a cute tomato color but managed to function. He nodded, still looking down at the ground and was even able to come up with a few words. “Yes. Um, first and third Wednesdays of the month.”
I was floored.
Oh, we were definitely talking about this later.
“That’s correct. I can make introductions once you guys are old enough to go.”
“Thanks. I’d appreciate that. D.C. isn’t that far of a drive, but it would probably have to wait until we were on break.”
“Yes, your school schedules are going to be packed.”
“Unfortunately, with needing to take classes in our majors now and probably internships, that’s going to take up a lot of our time. We’ll work it out, but road trips anywhere will have to wait.” I tried to smile and seem relaxed about it but I could see from Sarah’s expression that she wasn’t buying it.
CHAPTER 3