Not without being told what happened, and believing it.
"I don't want to upset you," he says finally.
"Too late. You can correct the record, or you can let me keep thinking whatever Deborah told me about it. Your choice."
"She was having an affair. My father's best friend. I don't really know how long it was going on for, but… well, I wasn't going to let it continue. But God damn it all if I wasn't too stupid to go to my dad about it."
He steps back away from me and drops his head, his eyes pointed right at the floor. A moment later, someone steps around the corner, sees the two of us, and walks through and into the records room.
"You were saying?"
"So I went to her to tell her to cut it off, and…"
"She denied it, I'm guessing."
"I didn't have any proof. You might remember in law school they taught about that. Proof's pretty important. But I'm twenty years old, and this is my mom, right?"
"No, I'm with you. But uh. I'm with you. Mom needs to be trapped in a corner before she'll cop to it. So you didn't get her to. Right. Tell me when it leads to the horizontal bop."
He winces and waits a moment to answer.
"Yeah. So I'm in my—our—parents' room, right? Trying to talk some sense into her. Trying to get her to just. Not even confess, just agree to break it off. For my Dad's sake."
"I'm with you so far. That seems like a far cry from 'and then I slept with her' though, so you'll forgive me if I don't see it yet."
"And then—jesus. I don't know how else to put it. Um." He closes his eyes again, and I can see how frustrating it must be, given his reaction.
"Take your time."
"She gets up off the bed, she comes up to me, starts talking about how I've been working out, shit like that, I don't know."
I don't know how to feel at this point. I've never been on the receiving end of it, but I can imagine that my mother knows what to say to get what she wants. She's always managed it in the past. He takes a deep breath and lets it out in a huff.
"So then I'm standing there, with my goddamned mother putting her hand on my hip. And I don't want to sound weird but she was, you know, she was good looking, and I'm twenty years old. Idiot kid. But even I'm standing there thinking that this isa big god damn mistake, and then her hand moves, you know, from my hip to my… hip."
"Oh." I don't know what else to say.
"I could have stopped her, but I didn't."
"Oh."
"So I went to my dad, finally. And now she's playing him against me. Says it's all my idea. I seduced her. Well, who's he going to believe? His wife, or his son? Given that one of them has never shown any signs of infidelity—you know, other than all of the ones that he's ignored—and the other is just a horny teenager."
"Yeah." My gut sinks.
"So I left."
"I remember that part."
"I figured you might," he says softly.
"I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything. But I had to clear the air."
"Well, thank you."
"Yeah. You got it."
"I'm sorry."
"We're all sorry."
My gut is doing flips. "Okay can I confess something too?"
"Okay."
"Stay with me till the end on this, okay?"
"Yeah." His fingers tap out a dissonant rhythm on the wall behind him.
"I went out last night. Kinda, uh. Freaking out. About everything."
"Yeah."
"And I was thinking about you, and how I kinda, well, I've always had like. A thing for you."
He raises an eyebrow, amused.
"Yeah. Well. Moving on. So then my mother tells me, what she told me, and you're not exactly moving to tell me your side of things. You're also not exactly moving to pick up where we left off. So I figure, I've got to get on with my life, I guess. Stop thinking so much about… well, you get the idea."
"Tell me."
"I wanted to stop pretending that what happened the other day was suddenly going to turn into some kind of relationship."
"Good girl," he says, and I'm annoyed at the little shiver that rakes its way down my spine.
"So some guy. I don't know his name to be honest, he comes along."
"I'm not going to like this next part, am I?"
"I told you to wait," I say, and then I stare at him long enough to drive the point home. "So he's coming on pretty strong. And I'm not telling him no. Not telling him yes, either, but he looks like he'd about hump a bear if it let him."
His eyes close and a pained smile stretches across his face. "Why are you telling me this?"
"I didn't. I told him to buzz off and I went home a little lonely and a little horny and probably a little too drunk. And all I could think about last night was, I went out to forget about a relationship I wasn't even in, and I couldn't even do that right."
He takes a look at me. I wonder what he sees. Does he think I'm weak? Pathetic? What?
And then he starts moving, his arms wrapping around my waist, and he pulls me into a kiss. I can feel his stubble rubbing against my skin and I don't mind it one bit, in spite of myself.
My arms pull around him as well, and pull him in tight. I don't care about ten years ago. I just want what I want, and I want it now.
And for once in my life, I'm going to let myself have it.
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Secrets and Desire (Erotic Romance Bundle) Page 20