“Hey, everything okay?” she asked.
“I can’t sleep. And that howling is nerve wracking.”
“Come in.”
Nikki stretched out on her bed and I sat in a comfy chair with my feet elevated. “Sorry if I’m disturbing you. I’m not used to all this quiet.”
“Are you kidding? I’m going stir crazy here. I came this close to jumping Gordon this afternoon.” She lifted her hand, her thumb and forefinger a millimeter apart for emphasis. “This celibacy thing was not a well-thought-out idea. And if I don’t have a piece of dark, rich chocolate soon, I’m going to scream.”
“Gordon’s taking a run into town on Friday afternoon. Let’s go to lunch. My treat. There’s a shop in town that sells Mackinac Island fudge.”
Nikki’s eyes widened. “Count me in. That’ll satisfy at least one craving.”
“Do I need to protect Gordon?”
“Of course not. Just look the other way.”
I gave her a hug. “You’re a much better little sister to me than I am to Audrey.”
Her eyes filled and she gazed at me. “You think of me as a sister?”
“That and a friend. I guess I should try to get some sleep.” I opened the door then called back over my shoulder. “Love ya’. Sleep well.”
I didn’t know why I had this compulsion all of a sudden to tell everyone I loved them, but I kind of liked the change. Something had shifted in me. Perhaps it was the pregnancy, maternal feelings kicking in, or hormones that made me sappy. I wouldn’t worry until I had the urge to graciously accept Francisco’s dinner invitation. I held my breath at that thought. Then I exhaled. “Ain’t gonna happen.”
Chapter Seventeen
Friday arrived sooner than I anticipated. I glanced outside as Gordon pulled up in the van, and Nikki smiled ear to ear. The thoughts behind a smile like that could get her into trouble.
Hurrying outside, I said, “Hi, Gordon. Ready to go?”
“In a few minutes. We have a couple of other passengers today.” He spoke to me, but gave Nikki a smoldering look.
“Okay, I’ll be right back.” I went back into the house to use the bathroom before we left. I returned to the van where Nikki had claimed the front passenger’s seat beside Gordon. I climbed in and joined Christy and Regis, one of the other retreatants. As Gordon threaded the van down the winding road through Oak Creek Canyon, he gave us a bit of history of the area. I doubted this was on the agenda. He seemed to be avoiding the increasingly personal questions Nikki posed to him.
The van came to a stop in a parking lot behind a small indoor mall. Gordon climbed out and rounded the front of the van to open the side doors. “Enjoy your day, folks. I’ll meet you back here at four-thirty.”
He offered a hand to help me from the van, then did the same for Christy. Regis disembarked on his own steam. Nikki remained in her seat and waited until he opened her door. Her body slid like liquid from the front seat. I caught her eye and frowned.
She grinned at me, then turned her grin on Gordon. “Thank you, Gordon. I don’t suppose you’d like to stick around and join Meg and me for lunch?”
He closed the sliding door to the van. “Ah…thanks, but I have a list of errands to run for Melanie. Wish I could join you.”
It was like one of those movie moments when the couple’s eyes locked on one another and everything else faded away. And I had to admit to envy. Nikki looked like she was going to rip his shirt off right there in the parking lot. I wondered if Gordon was straight or gay. He wasn’t acting gay, but neither had Thomas. He was gorgeous, with long dark hair pulled back in a loose ponytail and an earring in one ear. Damn, which ear meant gay? Would I ever trust my own instincts with men again?
“Okay, so we’ll see you later, Gordon.” I snagged Nikki’s arm. “Come on, Nik. I’m starving. I’m eating for two—remember? And we’re going to get fudge.” I said it as though the fudge would suffice, but even I knew that, given the choice, I’d have sacrificed the chocolate in a heartbeat.
She moved with reluctance. “I’m coming,” she said in a husky voice.
And for a moment, I wondered exactly what she meant by that.
Regis said he’d see us later and took off with a camera in hand.
I turned to Christy. “Would you like to join us? We’re going to have lunch, then browse.”
“I don’t want to intrude.”
“You won’t. Come on. Girls day in Sedona.” We walked through an archway and up stairs to the main street.
Over lunches of thick hamburgers and greasy fries, which I knew I’d pay for later, we shared our thoughts about the spa experience. I couldn’t believe a week had gone by already. I was ready to go home to my new little house that Audrey had readied for me. “I want to buy something really special for my sister. Will you two help me pick something out?”
They agreed and, after paying for our lunches, we set off for an afternoon of shopping.
~ * ~
The following morning, the group gathered for a farewell breakfast before Gordon delivered us to the Phoenix airport for our various departures.
In Pittsburgh, we made our way to baggage claim where I spied Audrey standing by the baggage carousel. “There she is, Nik. Come on.”
Audrey waved as we approached. “Welcome home. You two look fantastic. Rested.”
She opened her arms and I walked into them, giving her a tight hug. Tighter than usual. “Thanks, Aud. It’s good to see you.”
“There’s my bag.” Nikki stepped past us and tugged her large duffel bag from the belt. “Yours should be coming soon. I’ll get it.”
“I can’t wait until you see your house,” Audrey said.
“Me, either.”
Nikki swung my large suitcase off the carousel and set it down beside me. “Here you go.”
“Thanks. Can we stop for something to eat? I’m famished,” I said.
Nikki grinned and looked at Audrey. “I’ve never seen anyone put away so much tofu in one sitting.”
Audrey’s mouth puckered. “Tofu?”
“You’d be surprised what you’ll eat when you don’t have a choice,” I said.
I reached for my suitcase, but Audrey slapped my hand away, grasped the handle, and led us to the exit. “I’m parked in short term, right across from the walkway.”
After lunch we dropped Nikki at her apartment and Audrey drove me to my house. “I’ll show you where I put everything. If you want to rearrange, I can help you tomorrow.” She lifted my luggage from the trunk and carried it up the front steps.
“I’m sure whatever you did will be fine. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.” I unlocked my door and stepped inside. Home. This would start to feel like home, I told myself. In an effort to make it more homelike, I tossed my keys casually onto the lamp table beside the front door.
Audrey picked up the key ring and thrust it back at me. “You can’t leave your keys there, right by the door. Someone could knock out the window, snag the keys and be inside before you know it.”
“Thanks. I’d hoped to feel safe here by myself.” I shoved the keys into my pocket, wondering if I would have to sleep with them under my pillow or on a chain around my neck. “I got you something.” I set my suitcase flat and opened the zipper, digging between my clothes for the plastic bag. “Sit down.”
Audrey sat on the sofa and accepted the package. “You didn’t have to bring me anything.”
“I know. I wanted to. Open it.”
As she peeled away the wrapping, her eyes widened. “Oh, Meg. This is beautiful.” She lifted the small sculpture and turned it around. “Thank you. I’ve never seen anything like this.”
She ran her fingers over the smooth stone carving of a Native American woman with one hand clutching a tree root, bound to the earth, and the other arm stretching up to the sky. The expression on the woman’s face reflected both uncertainty and longing. I sat down beside Audrey. “I thought of you as soon as I saw this.”
“You di
d? Why? I mean, it’s incredible, but… Me?”
“I had time to think while I was gone. Audrey, this is so you—bound to the earth by your practicality but, every so often, I see a glimmer of that longing to be free to fly.”
“You do?” She stared at me, her emerald green eyes magnified behind her glasses.
“Yes, I do. You’re a wonderful person, Audrey. And I don’t think you know it. Under all that camouflage, you’re beautiful.”
“Camouflage?”
“The glasses, the one-size-too-big clothing, and the I-don’t-need-a-man-to-complete-me attitude.”
She furrowed her eyebrows—a habit that was going to leave a permanent dent. “What did they put in that tofu?”
I laughed and draped an arm around her. “I told you, I gained some insight. You should go to Windrider for a vacation. Or we could go together some time. You’d love it. It’s so quiet and peaceful. You can hear the wind whisper.”
“Uh-huh. Are you going all New Age on me?”
“I’m just saying when you take time to step away from everyday life and listen, you can hear things you otherwise miss. That’s all.” Like how much you appreciate the people who truly love you.
“I’m glad you had a good week. I love the sculpture, and the meaning behind it.” She carefully wrapped the figure and placed it back into the bag. “Come on, I’ll give you a tour of your house.”
Audrey opened every drawer and cupboard in the kitchen to show me where everything had been stowed. She had finished stocking my shelves with food, in addition to lining drawers and putting away dishes. She dragged my luggage into the master bedroom. “I hope you don’t mind, but I framed a few recent pictures and set them up for you.”
I picked up a photo from my dresser that had been taken at my parents’ anniversary the previous year. “Thanks. That was very thoughtful.” Not one photo of Thomas. My heart ached just a little.
She held my hand and led me across the hall to the closed door of the second bedroom. “Close your eyes.”
“Why? What have you done?” I ask.
“Just close your eyes.”
The door creaked open and she guided me across the threshold.
“Okay. Open.”
I opened my eyes to find a fully furnished nursery. “Oh, my God. Audrey, you didn’t—”
“No. Thomas did. I hope that’s okay. He called me after you left to see if I had a key. He said the two of you had discussed buying baby furniture.”
I trailed my fingers over the changing table, crib, small chest of drawers with a Winnie the Pooh lamp sitting on top, and a large cushioned rocking chair. “He did all this?”
Audrey nodded. “You should have seen him putting it all together. I could’ve done it faster, but he wouldn’t let me help. He wanted to paint and put up a border, but I thought you’d want to do that yourself. I’ll help, of course.”
I turned around in the center of the room. “This is incredible. And, yes, I do want to decorate the room myself. I want to wait to see if it’s a boy or a girl.”
“You’re going to find out?”
“I want to know. And then I’ll decorate.” I did a three-sixty. “Beautiful furniture.”
“He has good taste. Figures.” She turned for the door. “You’re probably exhausted from the flight. I’ll go and let you get some rest.”
I followed her down the hall. “Thanks, again. For everything.” This time when we embraced, she held on a little tighter, too, and I smiled. “I love you.”
“Love you, too. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She opened the front door. “Lock up behind me.”
“Yes, Mother.” I teased and closed the door, but watched from the window until she backed her car from the driveway.
I returned to my bedroom, grabbed my cell phone from my purse, and crossed the hall to sit in the rocker. I pressed in Thomas’s number.
“Hello?”
“Thomas.”
“You’re home. So I guess you’ve seen the furniture. I hope you don’t mind. If you want something else, I’ll take it all back. If you really want to shop on your own, I’ll give you the money.”
I wanted to be angry, but I couldn’t. I’d found peace during the retreat, and I wouldn’t let even Thomas take it from me. Besides, the furniture was fantastic and not cheap. “It’s perfect. From what I hear, asking you to take it apart again would be like asking you to fly straight.”
He chuckled. “You know I’m not a handyman.”
“Oh, I know.” Then I paused, unsure of what else to say to him.
“Meg? Are you still there?”
“Yeah. I need to get some sleep. It’s been a long day. I just wanted to thank you. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“G’night.”
I stripped and changed into one of Thomas’s large tee shirts that I’d kept for sleeping. Repurposing, I’d told myself, not holding onto Thomas. I lay in the dark, listening to all the new noises of my new house and my new neighborhood. So much newness, it unnerved me. I’d started a new life. And I felt jerked around, like a passenger on a train that suddenly veered off onto a new section of track. I considered the sculpture I’d bought for Audrey. Maybe it was myself I saw in that figure—hanging onto what is familiar, all the while being forced to take flight into something completely unknown. I wondered how I’d ever be able to let go.
I had just closed my eyes when I felt it—an almost imperceptible nudge from within. I pressed a hand over my belly and smiled. Sadness followed the joy as I realized I desperately missed having someone to share these moments with. I thought of calling Thomas back, but decided it was not a good idea.
“It’s okay, baby. It’s just you and me, but that’s okay.” I kissed my fingertips and pressed them to the spot where I’d felt the movement. “I love you.”
Chapter Eighteen
The waiting room door at Dr. Brodey’s office opened and Thomas entered, drawing stares from the other women in the room. He was handsome. And no one would ever suspect by looking at him that he was gay. I certainly hadn’t seen it.
He picked up a magazine and sat in the chair next to mine. “Traffic is a nightmare. I was afraid I’d be late.”
I squirmed in my seat. “I wish they’d hurry.”
The door to the exam area opened and a nurse called my name. I leapt to my feet and hurried inside, Thomas trailing behind.
She showed us into a room and gave me a gown. “The doctor will be with you shortly.”
I shook out the gown and began to unbutton my blouse. I was half undressed before I remembered Thomas. He stared at me, gazing over my body. I pulled the thin gown around me. “I forgot you were here.”
But he continued to stare. “Your body’s changing. It’s... You’re so beautiful.”
His declaration stunned me. Was he saying he was attracted to me now?
“Pregnancy agrees with you. You look like a modern-day Madonna.”
Okay, not attracted. Just appreciating the work of art my body had become. He saw a Madonna. I saw a disappearing waistline, billowing breasts, and widening hips. I was afraid to stand before a three way mirror and check out my ass. Art is in the eye of the beholder. I sat on the edge of the table.
A tap sounded on the door and Dr. Brodey entered. He greeted us both as he washed his hands. “Ready to see your baby?”
“Totally ready.” Thomas stood beside the exam table.
“I felt the baby move,” I said.
Thomas’s eyes widened. “When? You didn’t tell me.”
“I’m telling you now.”
“That’s right on schedule.” Dr. Brodey spread gel on my abdomen, and I shivered.
“Sorry. I know that’s cold.” He placed the transducer on my abdomen and moved it around slowly then turned the screen for us to view. “Look at that.”
The screen showed a fuzzy black and white image of my uterus. But as I looked closer, I saw the rounded head and the tiny arms. “Oh.” And I fell in love again.
Dr. Br
odey moved the transducer and the picture became clearer. He turned on the sound, and I heard the rapid rap-a-tap-a-tap and the whooshing sound.
Thomas squeezed my hand. “It’s a miracle.”
I stared at my baby for the first time, and I forgot everything. I forgot that our lives had been turned inside out. I forgot about Thomas and Francisco. “Does everything look alright?”
Dr. Brodey nodded. “Perfect.” He set aside the equipment. “I’ll let you get dressed.”
Thomas helped me up. I couldn’t stop smiling, and I couldn’t get that image out of my head. My baby looked like a little person. Well, a little person with a very large head right now. But I understood from the baby book that the body would catch up soon.
Thomas stared out the window while I dressed.
Dr. Brodey returned, asked a few questions about how I’d been feeling, and told me my pregnancy was right on track. He gave us each a set of the pictures, obviously recalling we were not together. He directed me to make another appointment for three weeks and bid us a good afternoon.
I was delirious as we left the office and entered the elevator. I couldn’t stop staring at the grainy black and white pictures. I traced a fingertip along the outline of my baby. “Thomas?”
He stood beside me, an arm around my shoulders. “Yes?”
“Thank you for this.”
He hugged me and pressed his lips to my temple. “Thank you.”
An older woman standing near the button panel smiled at the two of us. She no doubt saw a happy, young couple. She had no idea. I smiled back at her. I was happy. I didn’t think it would ever be possible again after Thomas told me he wanted out of our marriage. But I was deliriously happy right at that moment. I thought nothing could take that away. I was wrong.
As the elevator doors opened and we exited into the lobby, Francisco stood by the front door. “Thomas. I waited at the curb, but the security guard made me move. So I parked and came inside.” His eyes then drifted to me. “Meg. You’re well, I hope.”
“What the hell is he doing here?” I asked Thomas.
“I thought I was to meet you at the library,” Thomas said. “Francisco is writing a book and was doing research.”
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