Kissing it away, I found her eyes. “Don’t cry, babe, please.”
That single tear formed more until a scurry of drops were running down her face. She held my gaze, showing me her pain as she wept into and on me, begging me to feel everything she felt.
Picking her up off the worktop, I carried her across to the sofa and curled her up on my knee, holding her tight as she let it go and cried. She held me just as firmly as she started to hiccup, “I didn’t ever forget you Adam, even after I married Ben. I’d sit on the roof every damn night waiting for the moon to dance.”
I smiled into her hair, the recollection of us dancing with the moon after our school prom making me sigh serenely, her perfect body in the most stunning pale blue dress pressed hard against my body and bringing back memories I had never forgotten.
“It never danced though Adam, not without you. It was as lonely as I was.”
“Hey,” I soothed as I guided her face to mine with a finger. “I was always there with you. Miles are nothing, Car. The moon held both our souls after that night and it watched over us both for so long.”
She nodded up at me, snivelling and as was customary when she cried, she leaned into me and wiped her nose across my chest. I rolled my eyes but grinned when she giggled. Almost instantly her expression sobered and her troubled eyes almost pleaded with me. “What is it?” I asked, my heart pounding at the sight of her worry.
She paused for a moment, then swallowed. “I need your help.” I stared at her, nodding for her to continue. She climbed off my lap and walked over to where she’d dropped her bag on the way in. I couldn’t help but appreciate how her tight arse moved beneath the blue silk of her knickers, her slim hips grabbing my dick’s attention again.
Walking back to me slowly with her eyes on mine, she gently sat beside me and fired up her iPad. I watched as she opened up her email program and tapped the screen a few times. “I received the first one on my birthday two months ago.” Her voice was quiet and I frowned when she passed me the tablet. It was open on a separate email folder, named ‘Gabe’.
“What – the – fuck!” I rasped when a string of emails stared back at me, all ‘apparently’ from Gabe.
To: Carrie Duke
From: Unknown ISP
12.2.2015 10:29
Happy Birthday, little sis. I love you.
To: Carrie Duke
From: Unknown ISP
25.2.2015 14:23
I’m so sorry for everything. I want to hold you again, to tell you everything will be okay but I can’t. I messed up kid, and you paid for that. I miss you so much and although I know I shouldn’t be contacting you, I can’t not. It’s been too long, your thirty first birthday hurt so much that I went against everything and contacted you.
I’ve kept my eye on you though Carrie. I’m so sorry about Ben, he was a good man, a good man for you. My foolishness ruined your life as well as mine and I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to you.
I’m so sorry. I love you.
There were more and after my silence, Carrie’s voice made me jolt. “I don’t know, why now,” she whispered. “After so long.”
I sighed, hating the pain in her voice. “It’s just some sick joke, Car.” She swallowed at my honesty, shivering when I stroked my thumb across one of her eyebrows to soothe her distress but then shook her head and took the iPad from me.
“I thought that until this one. Look.” She clicked open the last of the emails dated an hour ago and opened an attachment. My heart seemed to stop for a brief moment as my eyes widened on the photo of Gabe and a little boy with the caption, ‘Hi Auntie Carrie’ sat underneath. Yet, this Gabe was roughly thirteen years older than when I had last seen him.
“Oh – my – fuck!” I wheezed as my wet eyes found Carrie’s.
“He’s alive, Adam. Gabe’s alive.”
Seven
Carrie
I watched Adam silently walk back into the room where he’d left me an hour ago, appreciating the way his stomach muscles moved with his wide steps. His body had hardened since we were kids, his smooth tanned skin now covered with a multitude of colourful ink. His abs were defined, his forearms bulging and grabbing my attention for a moment.
“Kee’s getting someone to analyse the photo, hopefully we’ll get a location from the background.”
I nodded, smiling softly. “Okay, thank you.”
Settling beside me, he scowled at me. “You should have told me, Carrie. I could have looked into it sooner.”
I shrugged, sighing deeply. “I swore it was someone winding me up. I didn’t take much notice of the first couple.”
He nodded, agreeing with me. “By the way, the manager of Tokyo’s just rang me to check on you.”
Blood rushed to my face and I diverted my gaze, fixing my eyes on the strange mural he had hanging above his fireplace.
“Carrie?”
“Mmm,” I murmured, looking anywhere but at Adam. However, he cupped the side of my cheek and turned me to face him, his eyes full of anger and awe.
“How the fuck do you lay out a fourteen stone guy?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise it was your club.”
“It’s not actually mine but one of the Deviant corp. I’m not concerned about that, I’m more… fuck, I dunno… just what the fuck happened?”
“He touched me,” I explained. “I don’t like people touching me.”
Shaking his head slightly he gave me an anguished expression. “Babe, I don’t know what the hell happened to you but you’re like a full contradiction to yourself, parts of the old you there but it’s like you refuse to set them free. You say you hate violence now, yet you head-butt a guy in a pub just for touching you. You’re the straightest judge out there, refusing to go against the grain at all, yet thirteen years ago you...” He shook his head sadly and his grip on my face tightened. “Who the hell are you now?”
“I’m the girl who had to survive when you left,” I whispered, hating the pain in my voice, a pain that matched the ache in Adam’s eyes.
He blinked at me, his head tipping faintly to the side as he regarded me. “Please tell me you didn’t go back to your family.”
I closed my eyes, not wanting him to see the truth but when I opened them again, his own were closed in despair. “Shit Car, I’m so sorry.”
I shook my head, taking his hands in mine and squeezing. “Hey. My father is many things, Adam, but he loved me enough to teach me to fight for what I needed to endure the pain of life.”
“But shit, babe. The time it took me to pull you away… for you to change…”
I scoffed, laughing bitterly. I couldn’t help it, the conflicting truths hurting. “And yet here you are… here we are. Both of us were dragged up by criminals, Adam. I chose to oppose that, but you… you did the easiest thing you could, you took the route you were comfortable with.”
“It’s not that simple, Carrie!” he argued, his eyes narrowing with his fury. “I was eighteen with no money and no home. I’d lost both my best friends, my family and you… I did what I did to survive. Just like you did. My father was a bastard, I know that, but yours Car, yours won’t even be welcomed into hell…”
“Yet he was there!” I shouted, resentment now taking over every emotion blazing angrily through me. “He was there when Gabe died and you left. He held my hand in hospital when I did everything I could to take myself to hell. He dragged me out when Ben died….”
“He now owns you, Carrie. Is that what you want?”
I shot upright, furious with him when he didn’t have a clue what I had been through. “You don’t get it do you? It was either him or die, Adam. Everything fell to bits when you went. Gabe was my life, as were you. When Cole told me you’d left me….”
“I didn’t leave you!” he screamed back at me. “I thought you’d hate me. I tried to make it easier for you. I killed myself to make the pain easier for you! Cole set me up with Jake. He said he would take care of you….”
I blinked, puzzled for a brief moment with his last statement. Suddenly things clicked and I flopped down on the sofa. My throat seemed to close in and I struggled to breathe, tears squeezing from my eyes when the past thirteen years made sense. “Carrie?”
Adam appeared before me on his knees, his hands framing my face when I felt the blood rush from my head and everything swayed. “Oh my God, Adam. Cole.”
He blinked at me, confused. “What about Cole?”
“You said he set you up with Jake.” He nodded. “Yet he told me he didn’t know where you were.”
“Maybe he knew I didn’t want you worrying.”
I shook my head, denying his thoughts. “No Adam. He was adamant. He told me you couldn’t cope with how I would always blame you. That Gabe’s death was the final straw.” I snatched at him desperately, my heart charging in my chest until I was sure I was going to pass out from the frantic thud. “Who told you your father had killed Gabe?”
Adam frowned but lowered his eyes, a habit he did when he was thinking. “Cole did.”
I dropped my face into my own hands as a choked sob wrenched from me. “When I told him I was going to confront your father, he wouldn’t let me. He told me he’d sort it, then the next day, he told me what he’d done, that he’d killed him… for me. He told me that your father was coming for me next and he couldn’t allow that, that he’d stabbed him… for me.”
Adam watched me, his eyes darkening with every word that spewed from me quickly.
“You think…” He stood slowly. I tensed with the way he moved stiffly, his fists tight and formed, his chest heaving heavily and his teeth gnawing agitatedly on his bottom lip. “I knew he always had a thing for you. I ignored it, thought he would never act on it,” he mumbled. I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me or himself. He turned to me, his face full of hurt and fury. “You don’t think he’d go that far?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “But what if… what if your father didn’t kill Gabe. What if he changed his mind… for you, Adam?”
He appeared baffled for a moment. “Cole knew if Gabe died that I’d blame myself. That I would go. I told him it was the end of us if my dad followed through with his promise….” He groaned and I jumped when he picked up a glass from the table and flung it at the fireplace, the whisky spilling before the crystal shattered on the brickwork. “I’m going to kill him!”
I sat in shock, staring at Adam, my hand covering my mouth in attempt to hold back the vomit that was threatening to follow the whisky Adam had spilled. “Thirteen years,” I whispered, my heart clenching in agony. “Thirteen years he fooled us. I need to find Gabe, Adam. I need to know what happened.”
He nodded, sliding his phone from his jeans. Stabbing at the keys quickly, he barked down the phone when someone answered. “I need an ETA on that location, Kee.” He nodded, pausing and frowning for a moment before his eyes shot to mine. “Yep. I need another location. Cole Havers.”
“No need,” I choked out. Adam frowned at me and I looked away. “He’s back in Manchester.”
Closing his phone, he narrowed his eyes on me. “You know where he is?”
Nodding, I blushed, hating the restriction in my chest. “He’s… he’s looking after Joel while I settle in here.”
“Joel?”
Turning my gaze up to Adam slowly, I choked on my own guilt. “Joel is mine and Cole’s ten year old son.”
Eight
Adam
“We were drunk and got carried away,” she explained quietly when I stood staring at her, unable to voice what thoughts were bombarding my head. “It just… happened.”
I wasn’t sure what to say never mind feel. I’d always pictured us married with kids. But Cole’s kid? That was a different matter. How could he? He had been my friend, alongside Gabe since preschool. How could someone you classed as your own flesh and blood plot your demise and get rid of you so easily just so they could move in on your woman?
“I’m sorry Adam.” Her apology was quiet but heartfelt. Sighing, I shook my head and sat down beside her, urging my heart rate to calm before I had a heart attack.
“No, don’t be. Fuck, I left, I don’t know what I expected you to do, other than become a nun,” I finished with a wink to calm her nerves. I’d had my fair share of women, why I’d assumed she would become chaste was beyond me.
It was just Cole. Damn it. Cole! I was surprisingly okay knowing she’d married some bloke, my heart even hurting for her with his death. It was just the thought of Carrie and Cole, together, with a fucking kid that hurt more than it should.
She delved into her bag and pulled out a photo, passing it to me while her eyes watched my reaction. Something stuck in my throat when a ten year old Gabe stood grinning back. “He loves me for all my faults, Adam.”
I stared at her, bewildered by her words. “I love you for all your faults, Car.”
Her eyes widened. My own eyes widened. Why, I had no idea. It was hardly a surprise to either of us. It was just how easily the sentiment had left my mouth that caused us both to pause for a moment. “After it all, you still love me?” she asked, shocked by my frankness.
“I’ve always loved you, babe. I never stopped, nor will I ever stop. Even when God takes my last breath, my mind will be full of you, my heart full of love for you and only you.”
“But,” she continued, completely perplexed by my admission. “You left because of me. I slept with your best friend. Shit, I had a child with him. How can you still love me, even after all these years?”
My heart clenched. I hadn’t missed how she hadn’t returned my words. “Ask my heart that,” I answered, taking another look at the photo of her little boy. “I can’t dictate how it feels. It just feels, Carrie.”
She nodded then. “I understand that.”
Something occurred to me and I frowned. “How come you don’t have a photo of Joel on your fireplace with the other photos?”
Her face hardened, her lips thinning with her anger. “Because it’s not safe. I don’t want anyone knowing about him.”
“Who?”
“Ted Michaelson,” she hissed his name like it burnt her tongue. “He’s on a mission to take me down because I refused him a warrant.”
I nodded, chuckling. “Yeah, I heard. Luckily for my friend, it was you who declined it.”
“Your friend?”
“Well Jake’s girl. Ted has it in for her. Long story but it was Isla’s house that he applied to search.”
Carrie sighed and shook her head slowly. “Well I don’t like her chances very much if Ted is on her case.”
I winked, smirking at her as I reached to her and tucked a stray curl behind her ear when it bounced wildly out of her ponytail. “Don’t worry, she has me and Jake behind her.”
She smiled. “Then I’m sure she’ll be fine,” she whispered sadly. She grew sombre, her eyes secured on mine, the hurtful memories of her past displayed clear and painfully in her gaze as she regarded me. “I missed you so much,” she revealed softly as she lifted her hand to cover mine still placed on her ear. “I needed you so much. I’ve never felt pain like I did that day. Even when Ben died so suddenly, it could never match the pain of losing you, Adam. I think when Ben died my heart was already still shattered from you. You hurt me so much.”
I hated the way I fought with my own tears, hating the guilt that once more punished my spirit. “If I could turn back time, Carrie, fuck I would, in a heartbeat. I would change everything that happened that day, stop it from happening, stop it from hurting you.”
“What’s done is done.” Her eyes never left mine as she leaned towards me. “But you should know,” she whispered as her lips softly brushed over mine. “Even though my heart is so broken, every little shard still inside me is a piece full of love for you. Although it will never mend, each sliver is there for you, because of you and the love you gave me before it all went wrong.”
My breath left me in a single gush when she crushed her mouth to mine and kissed me
, her fingers sliding over my face as her soft lips moved over mine. I wrapped her up in my arms and pulled her to me, holding onto her, hoping I would never have to let go again. Her tongue touched mine, a small moan catching in her throat when I pulled even tighter. “Fuck Carrie. Don’t ever stop,” I groaned when her lips trailed down my throat, the tip of her tongue flicking out to trace the contour of my Adam’s apple.
“Never,” she breathed as she dipped lower, placing tiny kisses down my torso, her tongue taking a moment to circle my hard nipple before she continued downwards, taking all my blood with her, the rush hardening my cock in preparation for her eager little mouth.
“Taste me, babe.” I watched her as her eyes lifted to mine and her hands played once more with the buttons of my jeans. Taking it slower this time, she managed to pop each one easily. I lifted my arse so she could release my raging hard on, her eyes dropping to take me in as I sprung free.
I was sure I was going to hyperventilate when she softly enclosed her fingers around my dick, and when she swiped her tongue across the top my head fell back into the cushions of the sofa and a tight groan broke free from me.
Her hair felt soft in my fist when she lowered her mouth over me and slid down, taking me as far as she could before she just as slowly slid back up, catching my skin with her teeth and causing me to shiver. She still knew, after all the years, she still knew what did me in.
Cupping my balls in her hand, her fingers swirled and played as her mouth sucked and teased, her worship torturous but oh so fucking good. Her wet, warm mouth was almost as good as the feel of her pussy round me, almost. Knowing I was nearly there when she felt me swell inside her mouth, she pushed herself up and stood before me.
“Take off your clothes, Carrie. I need to see you naked.”
Loyalty Page 4