“Have you ever cracked an egg before?”
His eyes widened, and he shook his head. She held her hands lightly over his as he gripped the egg. After several hesitant taps that didn’t produce results, they knocked it along the edge of the bowl hard enough to break it in half, and a yolk and white made it in without any shell.
“Just right. Now we need one more for this test batch.” She handed him another. “You can try this one on your own.”
He slapped it against the edge, carefully following her directions. Every drop of the gooey inside spilled onto the first.
“I did it. By myself. See this?” Excited about his accomplishment, he picked up the bowl to show her. Jake turned too quickly toward her, and one foot slipped off the edge of the stool. “Whoa.” He lost his balance and grabbed for the counter, dropping the bowl and knocking a crock of softened butter onto the floor.
“Oh no, are you okay?” Genny caught him around the waist. He stared up at her as she steadied him, eyes wide and glossy from gathering tears.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” The words rushed out through quivering lips.
Genny picked him up and set him on the counter. “Are you hurt?” she asked, brushing a hand across his forehead.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spill. Don’t put me in time-out.” He looked down at his fingers, clasped in his lap.
“Time-out? For a little spill?” She cupped his cheeks in her palms and tilted his face toward hers. “Hey, making messes in the kitchen is what good bakers do.” He pressed his lips together. “Can I have a hug?” At his nod, she folded him in an embrace, smiling when she felt his small arms slip around her waist.
Anger at whoever told this child accidents were bad swelled inside her. Surely not Connor. A few sniffs and a deep shuddering breath later, he peeked up and pushed out of her hug.
“My daddy says the same thing.”
“Then everything’s fine. No one’s mad, and messes are easy to clean up. Okay?” She wiped the tears from his face with a corner of her apron.
“My grandma doesn’t like messes. She says if I can’t do it right, I shouldn’t do it at all.”
Jake’s sweet innocence tugged at her. He’d tucked himself into a corner of her heart in such a short time. The possibility of leaving and never seeing him again filled her with sadness and a desperate kind of longing she couldn’t identify.
“What about your mom?” She could have bitten her tongue off for asking, but she didn’t have much of a filter when it came to Connor and Jake.
He shrugged and took in another long breath, bringing himself under control.
“She doesn’t want to live with daddy and me. She has important work.” He stressed “important work” like it meant something more than he could comprehend in his youth.
What could be more important than this beautiful child?
“What do you say we clean up this mess and get back to baking some of the most amazing chocolate-chip cookies you’ve ever had?”
“Okay.” His face brightened with a smile, the earlier sadness changed to enthusiasm in that way children had of living in the moment.
Genny wondered again about his mother. She believed a woman could have it all, a family and a career. But she couldn’t imagine being coldhearted enough to abandon her child for a job. Is that the kind of woman Connor wanted? He must think her pathetic and needy by comparison.
***
Connor strode along the sidewalk of Old Downtown, covering the distance between his clinic and Camilla’s Collectibles in a few short minutes. He couldn’t concentrate on the opening schedule or working out access to the hospital across town. All afternoon he’d been bombarded with images of Genny. Memories of their time together intertwined with thoughts of her in the now.
So much had changed, but he couldn’t let go of the feeling she was the right one for him. No one had come close to connecting with him the way she had. For months after breaking up with her, he couldn’t do anything without thinking about sharing it with her, only to remember he’d lost that privilege when he’d left her. Soon he avoided anything and anyone that might lead to romance, throwing himself into schoolwork for the next several years.
Until Sylvia. Comparing her to Genny revealed the stark truth.
By mutual agreement and very little heartache, he and Sylvia broke up the night she met his parents. The one and only visit his mother and father made together while he was in residency. She acted every bit the spoiled, arrogant princess, pouting over the restaurant his father had picked for them. And it was a finer meal than he could have afforded on his own. Sylvia admitted that she’d thought they would be a good couple because their career goals were the same but had realized she needed to find someone from a better family. Their separation was uneventful. He walked away thinking they had been nothing more than a distraction for one another. A few days after that, she told him she was pregnant.
With Sylvia, he had been safe from any expectations past his résumé, and certainly any true emotion. Nothing was going to get in the way of her needs, her priorities. The day she told him she was pregnant, everything had changed for him.
They’d never planned on a baby, but he wouldn’t give up on the child. He’d convinced her to have it and allow him full custody. Their last argument on the subject had been stinging, and she’d refused to see him throughout the pregnancy—informing him only via email and text message of any ‘vital statistics.’
It had merely been a project for her, a contract to be completed. He’d played her game, gave her everything she wanted and when Jake had been born, Sylvia walked away with every cent of Connor’s money, a lucrative position at a private practice and her dreams intact.
He had his son.
They both got what they wanted.
Connor paused at the shop window and peered in. The glass and brick couldn’t hold in the smell of vanilla and chocolate. As he grasped the doorknob, Jake ran through the front of the store and slid under one of the Christmas trees in the corner, tucking himself behind a couple of large wrapped boxes. Connor stepped in and closed the door quietly.
“Ten. Ready or not, here I come.” Genny, in socks and no shoes, raced around the corner and skidded to a stop in front of him. Her smile slipped for a moment but flashed to full wattage when he pointed to the tree and winked at her.
“Shh.” She held a finger to her lips and tiptoed to the tree. Something that sounded suspiciously like a giggle filtered through the pile when she grabbed the biggest of the boxes. “Gotcha, now I get to tickle you.”
The sight of Genny playing with Jake swept away bleak thoughts of his ex. The sound of their laughter hummed through him, lightening his mood.
“Hey, buddy. You ready to pick the best tree on the lot?”
“Daddy, can Genny come, too? We made cookies, and they are awesome, and she plays the best games. And guess what. I can totally crack eggs now.”
Connor looked from Jake’s beaming expression to Genny’s grin. Seeing him carefree and happy, like a little boy should be, released a notch in the belt of tension wrapped around his heart.
“I’d say we found the best babysitter ever, huh, buddy?”
A blush brightened her face. Shy? Not his Genny.
“He’s easy to be around and a fun playdate.”
Jake tugged on her sleeve, and she leaned down to whisper a conversation amongst giggles. Connor raised an eyebrow at their secret, and Jake raced toward the back room.
“Where are sis and the cousins?” Connor moved closer, but she backed up, keeping the distance between them.
Don’t run away from me now.
“They’re around.” She glanced over her shoulder and back to him. “Jake’s a wonderful kid, Connor.” Genny tucked her hair behind her ears and slipped her hands into the pockets of her jeans. An interesting mix of nervousness and something else flashed across her face.
“I’m glad you think so.” He took another step toward her, and this time she stayed p
ut. “Thanks again for today. I only need a few hours tomorrow, and I’m off Christmas Eve and Day.”
She looked delicious. No winter paleness for his Genny. Her skin held a golden freshness and her makeup included a glossy pink sheen to her lips that invited his focus. Her hair flowed in loose waves, reaching below her shoulders. His hands itched to feel its softness. Memories of the feel of her hair brushing his chest had kept him up at night…. He needed to put the brakes on those memories or he would embarrass himself. Jake would rush back in any moment, and his jeans were already growing tight at the fly. Thankfully his untucked shirt and leather jacket hid most of the evidence of where his mind had wandered.
She licked her lips and he waited for what she was working herself up to say. The tension in her stance, the rocking on her heels and the straight-line set of her mouth shouted anxiety. Connor felt a stab of insecurity in his gut. He wanted a smiling, happy Genny, flirting with him and remembering the good times they used to have.
“Where’s his mom?” Her gaze kept his, steady and direct. He blew out the breath he had been holding. A simple question. And one he needed to answer. But he didn’t know how. He never talked to anyone about Jake’s mother. Ever.
“Sylvia’s not in the picture.” Not the best answer.
“I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.” She straightened and pushed her hands deeper into the pockets of her jeans. The small move raised the wall between them again, every crack sealed in mere seconds. He was screwing up what they hadn’t even started.
“Genny, it’s a long story. Just know Sylvia didn’t want Jake and I did. She was out of his life before he ever knew her.” He raked a hand through his hair, not sure what else to say.
“It’s okay, Connor. I understand. You don’t owe me any kind of explanation.” She turned away.
“I do—” His answer was cut off by Jake running in holding a Christmas tin.
“We get to take home the cookies.” He shoved the tin into Connor’s right hand and grabbed his left. “Is Genny coming to pick out a tree with us?”
“I don’t think so, Jake,” she answered.
Connor couldn’t see her face, but her voice was quiet and accepting, as if she had no right to demand an explanation. As if she wasn’t owed an explanation and that bothered him. He needed to get her mind off Sylvia and back on him, Jake, and the present.
“Come on, Genny, I could use the help. I know Mr. Schwartz has a soft spot for the Ridgeway girls. You always got the best tree on the lot.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea—”
“Hey, Connor.” Cilla interrupted Genny’s response. “Have you tasted the amazing cookies Jake made? I think he’s got a permanent job here as head taste tester.”
Cilla set the box she was carrying on the counter beside them.
“Did I interrupt something?”
“Genny’s going with us.” Jake grabbed Genny’s hand and pulled them both toward the door. “Come on, before they’re all gone.”
She should have said no. Did she want to hear more about the woman who broke Connor’s heart?
He had truly moved on.
How pathetic was she? Pretending not to have been pining after her first love for the last decade. Even if he was back, scorching her with steamy, hot looks and asking her out on dates.
Picking a tree isn’t really a date, Genny, and he needs a babysitter for his son.
Okay, but the sexy hot looks are real. And damned if she couldn’t stop wondering how much better sex with him would be. He’d been her first lover, and the few since then couldn’t compare, and here he was stirring up all those emotions she had buried. And what was she doing? Volunteering to spend more time with him.
The feel of his wide hand enveloping hers banged every gong in her system. The rough tip of his thumb sparked a thousand nerve endings at the sensitive crease of her wrist. One simple touch followed by a light brush of his lips and her palm still tingled. At least they had a chaperone.
Jake bounced between them as they walked the three blocks to the tree stand. The sweet boy kept up a running commentary on everything they had done. He reminded her of Lena, remembering every detail.
Genny kept her attention on Jake and tried not to look at Connor too often. A sneaked peek at him from the corner of her eye and the heat in his eyes speared right to her core. Her foot caught on a crack in the sidewalk, and she trip-stepped before regaining her balance.
“Careful.” His voice caressed her raw nerves.
I really should have stayed at the store.
Once at the lot, Jake raced from tree to tree, declaring each one better than the last.
Connor and Jake discussed the pros and cons of his top two choices while she made small talk with Mr. Schwartz. She only half listened to the man’s accounting of every bit of gossip he collected over the last year. Her focus was glued to the scene playing out in front of her.
The way Connor was so patient and open with Jake slapped at the hurt that she couldn’t bury. Not now that he was back.
He paid for the tree and sent Jake to the stand run by Mrs. Schwartz for a peppermint stick and a cup of hot chocolate. More customers walked in, gaining the proprietor’s attention, and soon she and Connor were alone, half-hidden in the corner of the lot.
“So what do you think? Pickings were slim, but I think we got the best one right?”
“I think you’ve made him very happy.” She nodded toward Jake as Mrs. Schwartz snuck a few more marshmallows into his cup.
His shoulder brushed hers as he leaned against the wooden fence that surrounded the lot. The smell of his cologne mixed with the green pine was warm and inviting. A shiver raced through her, leaving a shuddered breath in its wake. He stepped closer, shielding her from the breeze, but it wasn’t the cold affecting her. Her coat and scarf had been enough to keep the unusually mild winter from seeping in. Genny crossed her arms, hugging her middle to keep from reaching for him. She needed to get out of there before she did something stupid like open her heart to Connor again. How easy it would be to fall into his and Jake’s life and have hers devastated when she wasn’t needed anymore.
He brushed a hand down her cheek and wound a stray lock around his finger before letting the soft wave fall. The feel of the railing at her back told her she had nowhere to run. Her body begged her to take a step forward, to bridge the small gap between them. No. They couldn’t start up as if the last twelve years hadn’t happened. Sometimes you can’t go back and start over.
“I think I better get back to the store. I’ll just tell Jake bye and see you tomorrow.” A light push on his chest backed him up a pace, giving her room to leave. Her pulse jumped in response to the hard and fast beat of his heart and the desire to caress the solid wall of muscle under soft cotton was too strong not to indulge a moment before letting go.
His tug on her shoulder stopped her after two steps. If she looked at him, she would either cry or kiss him, and neither one was a good idea in front of Jake.
“We’re not done talking, Genny. I can’t here, right now. But please give me a chance.”
“I don’t think I can.” She fled the lot as tears won out.
***
The next day, Genny avoided Connor when he dropped Jake off. The store was flooded with customers throughout the day, and she was thankful for the mass of people buffering her from thoughts of him. There were still a half-dozen customers searching for that last-minute gift when he arrived to pick up his son. With a hug good-bye for Jake, she handed Connor a small gift on his way out.
“This is for your tree. Nona would have loved for you and Jake to have it.”
Connor opened the bag and pulled out the old star that used to grace the top of one of her grandmother’s Christmas trees.
“Are you sure?”
“I know you loved it, and we don’t have a tree for it this year. Have a Merry Christmas.”
“Let me take you to lunch tomorrow. I’ve signed Jake up for a hockey camp for a c
ouple of hours. We need to talk.”
“We don’t need to talk. We’re fine.” If she said it often enough, she might start to believe it.
He ran a hand through his hair and pierced her with his gaze. She felt exposed, too open to his need. “Just a lunch. We don’t have to talk. Just eat. Like old friends.”
“Okay. Lunch. Nothing more.” A cautious spark of excitement flitted through her heart.
“Lola’s at eleven.”
“Okay.”
More customers interrupted them and by the time she finished with one, another needed her. They had done what their grandmother would have wanted them to. Camilla’s Collectibles was the focal point of the Christmas In The Square Festival.
Cilla had control over the store and didn’t need her. Jacqui and Lena were planning to stay around for a couple more weeks. Connor would line up a new nanny in no time. She didn’t need to stay.
Please give me a chance.
Could she? She already loved Jake and her feelings for Connor hadn’t changed since he left. Could she open herself up to having her heart broken by the same man twice? What kind of fool would do that? She should take the job offer in St. Martin and get on with her life. But she’d agreed to have lunch with him. Way to take a step forward, Genny.
Don’t throw love away. Another gem of Nona’s floated up to the surface of her consciousness to remind her again that her grandmother had shared so much wisdom with her granddaughters. The deep prick of loss stung as deeply as it had when she had first learned of Nona’s death.
Genny sighed as the voice of her grandmother filtered through her mind. Whether memories, imagination, or a true connection to her nona on the other side; Genny didn’t want to dwell on the particulars. She preferred to think she was still connected to the woman who had stepped in to fill the shoes of a parent when her father left. Even if she did get irritated at times.
I gave him every chance, and he left me.
For once, Nona didn’t try to get in the last word. Maybe Genny was crazy. A sane person didn’t expect advice from a ghost.
Her Wish Before Christmas (Holiday Hearts) Page 4