by Anya Summers
"You're sure about this?" Tobias questioned, still not showing whether he was pleased or not with the news.
"Yes, I am. In fact, I was going to ask you if you might know of some reliable contractors I could hire to remodel the interior of my studio, and if you knew anyone good with installing security systems."
"With regards to the security, I've got you covered. I can take a look at your space whenever you are ready and I will include the family discount for it. Although, let me check into contractors for you. I know a few that are reputable, but you need someone specialized for the type of contract work you want performed. Give me a few days, two at the most, and I'll have someone for you."
"Thank you, Tobias. I appreciate it so much."
"Excuse me. I'll be right back," Ophelia interrupted and stood.
"Problem, sweetness?" Tobias cast a concerned glance at Lia.
"No, only that my bladder seems to be shrinking as our daughter is growing." Lia excused herself, leaving Kat alone with Tobias.
"You sure this is what you want, Kat?"
And they were back to the Dom inquisition. "Yes, it is, and it's the right one for me. I know it's a big move but it's one that has been coming for a long time. You don't agree?"
"I think it's very brave. And you know Lia and I will be there if you need anything. What does Will think?"
"Why would you ask that? What does Will have to do with my decision?" Kat did her best to hide her sorrow. Had there initially been a part of her that thought it would make it easier for her to continue seeing Will if she stayed in town? Sure. But Kat had been on her own for long enough not to set store by another person. So Will wouldn't be part of her life or her plans on her new venture. There was nothing to be done about it, and the sooner she moved by finding another Dom, the better.
Tobias gave her an ever knowing glance. "Kat, there's nothing that happens at DP without my knowledge. I know you and Will have been seeing each other."
Kat knew there were monitors and hidden cameras everywhere, with Dungeon Monitors checking to ensure no one went too far. She was all for safe, sane and consensual. It was one of the reasons she loved being a member of the Dungeon Fantasy Club. But hearing that your activities had been scrutinized was quite another thing entirely. Will wasn't—hadn't been—a mistake, but he didn't own her, and he never had. "Whether we were or not, he's not involved in any of my decisions or the reasons why I made them. This move, this change, is for me. It's what I need."
"Want to talk about it?" Tobias didn't demand, didn't order or cajole, just offered a shoulder and an ear. Now Kat was the one feeling weepy.
She shook her head, staring at the floor and praying he couldn't see the sheen of tears clouding her gaze. "It's sweet that you would ask but—"
"Sweet has nothing to do with it. I look after my friends, Kat. Especially when they are hurting."
Tobias really was one of the best men Kat had ever known. Ophelia was a lucky, lucky girl. Taking a deep steadying breath, steeling her heart, she replied, "Thanks for that, I appreciate it more than you know, but it doesn't matter because Will and I, whatever we were, is over."
"Are you sure about that?"
She glanced at him then. "Absolutely. Why wouldn't I be?"
Tobias nodded. "Will."
Everything inside Kat froze. He was here? Now? Why wouldn't he leave her alone? She swiveled her head and sucked in a sharp breath. Will took her breath away. Clad in leather pants and a black tank displaying his broad linebacker shoulders, he made all the other Doms in the room pale by comparison. And all the feelings she had for him that she had been successfully repressing bubbled to the surface in an all-consuming wave that, if she weren't already sitting, would have brought her to her knees. She gasped a shaky breath. She had to get out of there.
Lia finally made it back from the bathroom. "Will, I didn't know you were coming tonight!" She gave him a rather awkward hug. "What are you doing here?"
"I need to speak with Kat," Will murmured, never taking his intense gaze off her.
Lia glanced between the two of them. "Why would you—oh!"
"Sweetness, let's give them some privacy. Come with me." Tobias stood, waiting for Lia to comply with his command. "Sweetness." Tobias's voice shifted from cuddly hunk into controlled Dom and a muscle ticked in his jaw as he waited for her to respond.
"Right, sorry Master." Lia went to Tobias, who slid an arm around her waist and led her toward the Dungeon.
"Kat." Will's darkly sensual voice floated over her like a wet dream. Just his voice could melt her insides like a flamethrower.
She was out. If she stayed, she'd give in and be with him. As much as she yearned for him in the dead of night, she couldn't go on with the tug-of-war game he was playing. It hurt too damn much and her heart wasn't nearly strong enough.
"Will. Have a nice night." Kat stood and went to step around him.
He caught her wrist as she passed. A livewire of energy jolted up her arm at his touch.
"Please, Kat. I just want to talk." There was a beseeching note of agony in his voice that almost made her give in.
"I don't have anything to say, Will. I can't do this, whatever it is that we've been doing, anymore." She refrained from yanking her wrist from his grasp, but just barely. Tears welled in her eyes and she closed them, turning her face away from him.
"Look at me, kitty cat," Will commanded. It took everything inside her not to turn in to his warmth, not to submit to his request. She shook her head.
His palm cupped her cheek, tilting her head up. "Kat, please look at me."
She inhaled a shaky breath, steeling her heart against the pain flooding her heart, and opened her eyes. His warm, molten chocolate gaze held hers. "Just hear me out. And then, I promise, you will never have to speak to me again."
Riptide currents battered her heart and soul. Could she live with herself if she didn't give him a chance? She owed him for helping her face how unhappy she was in her profession. So she'd hear him out and then her debt to him was repaid. "Against my better judgement, you have five minutes. Talk."
"Not here. Privately, if you don't mind."
She did, but thought the sooner she had this over with, the sooner she could move on with her life. When he steered her toward the dungeon, she slipped her arm from his hand. If she let him touch her, she was doomed and would do something she'd regret.
They went into the last unoccupied private room. She breathed a sigh of relief that there weren't any overt bondage pieces, just a leather couch and armoire.
"Can we get this over with?" Kat sat on the couch and crossed her arms in front of her chest. It was a defensive gesture but she didn't care.
"Can I ask what your hurry is?" He folded his large frame onto the couch next to her so close she could feel the heat emanating off him.
She scooted over, putting distance between them before she spoke. "You don't own me, Will. You're not my Dom, so I don't have to answer that."
He studied her, regret lingering in his gaze. "I know, but I want to be. You drive me crazy, Kat. All I can think about is you, having you beneath me, on top of me, beside me, tied up, any way I can get you. I'm sorry about the other night. I was an ass."
His words were like a knife through her heart. Her gentle giant. He wanted her. She tempered her words, needing to be honest with him even if it broke her heart. "I need more. I care about you… If you want me to be your sub, there are things I need to feel fulfilled. I need to be disciplined. I need you to spank me, flog me, cane me, or whip me—or all four together."
"I haven't been a very good Dom to you, have I? I'm sorry but I just can't do that one thing. Can you accept me without those things? I can promise you won't want for attention."
A single tear slipped down her face. "Why? You just said that you want me. I will submit on every level, but I need that one thing."
Was she being selfish and not considering what it was he needed? Could she submit to him without having her needs met?
He caught the tear with his thumb. "Let me explain. When I realized I needed to dominate women, as I was learning all about Dominance and submission and the lifestyle, I fell for a sub, hard. Looking back, I was young, only twenty-two, but I did whatever she asked me to do, whatever she told me she needed me to do. And, as you can see, I'm not a small man." He gestured down the length of his body.
"One night, our session grew really heated while I disciplined her with a whip. I never meant to hurt her, but as I wasn't fully trained yet, I hit her incorrectly and it broke the skin. I can still remember all the blood and her cries. Sonya broke things off with me that night and called the cops on me. I was arrested and booked for domestic abuse. I was acquitted of any wrongdoing but that's not where it ended. A week after I was acquitted, Sonya took her own life."
"Oh, my God," Kat gasped, and going on instinct, wrapped her arms around him. Her poor, gentle giant had been carrying something like this around all this time. Was it any wonder he shied away from showing his emotions? "I'm so sorry, Will. I didn't know."
His arms came around her, holding her close. Love for him swelled in her chest. She'd never been a religious person, but heaven was in his arms.
He shifted and looked in her eyes, his forehead leaning slightly against hers. "No one does. I'm sorry that when things started getting serious between us, I didn't tell you about Sonya and that night. I promise to be honest with you from now on."
"It wasn't your fault, you know that, right?" She could see the guilt in his eyes. He did blame himself. He would. She could feel sorry the for sub who ended her own life, sorry for the whole situation, and the guilt he had carried with him all this time.
He stroked her cheek. "I do now. It's taken me a long time to understand that and accept it. After her death, her family informed me that she suffered from Bipolar disorder. I never knew. As her Dom, I should have known. I was too young, too inexperienced, and far too strong."
"Thank you for trusting me with this, Will."
"No, I need to apologize, for I truly have been a piss-poor Dom with you. Outside of my virtual world, I can't discipline you the way you need it. I have other ways of discipline but I wanted to know if you'd take me as I am, start over with a clean slate and all."
Her heart lodged itself in her throat. If she turned away from him now, she'd regret it forever. Loving someone wasn't always about getting everything you wanted, but about compromising together to make it work. For Will, she might sacrifice one thing but gain so much more in return. She'd have him and he'd be all in. So he wouldn't discipline her outside a virtual world—she could live with that, couldn't she? Because she knew deep in her soul that what she couldn't do was live without him. Will was it for her.
With her heart lodged in her chest, her hands cupped his face, his beard grazing her palms, sending shivers along her spine. Kat placed her lips over his and kissed him with all the yearning, all the love she felt for him. At his startled moan, she knew she was making the right decision.
Will broke the kiss. "Come home with me so I can discipline you properly in my virtual world."
It was enough, more that he was trying to be what she needed, but in his way. "I thought you'd never ask."
He escorted her out of Dungeon Pleasures and took her home, where she was surprised his computer system didn't say 'enough already' considering how much as they used it that night.
Chapter 12
Resolved to be what Will needed, and at his invitation, Kat had moved out of the hotel and was now living in his house. Every day, he dropped her off at the theater and picked her up when she was finished. There was not a surface in that house that the two of them didn't christen. He had not been lying to her in that regard. She loved it; the hominess between the two of them. It felt like a piece that had been missing from her life, the place she belonged, that she could call home, and where she could lay her head down in the same place every night, had finally been found.
She cherished every minute. Will was her friend, her lover, and her Dom.
Kat found herself falling deeper and more in love with Will as each day passed. She balked at admitting her feelings. They petrified her. The enormity of how much she loved him and the fear that he wouldn't love her back was ever present. She knew he cared for her, she just didn't know how much. So she kept mum on the extent of her feelings for him. Why rock the boat when life was as close to idyllic as it could get? Even though she still felt a smidgeon of discontent about the lack of physical punishment, the virtual reality game at least filled the gap in a little bit.
It had occurred to Kat that perhaps the way to help Will heal would be to do a flogging or caning scene at Dungeon Pleasures. It could build his confidence back up, help him trust himself. Until they crossed that bridge, she worried that they wouldn't be able to achieve the true Dominant and submissive relationship they both wanted, or bring about the closeness they desired without it. They needed a flogging or caning scene at DP. She felt it in her bones. But whenever she started to propose it, the image of him unburdening the remorse he'd carried all those years stopped her. He'd bared his soul to her and the look on his face when he'd told her had made her yearn to fix everything in his life. Round and round on the Ferris wheel she went with her emotions until she decided she couldn't ask that of him. So she squelched it in favor of being what her Dom needed. And make no mistake, he was her Dom. She just wished he trusted himself as much as she trusted him.
As February progressed, so did the requirements for getting her business launched. Kat met with contractors and an architectural firm Tobias had suggested. On her days off from performing, she met with the designer and the contractor to go over materials and layout. The latest design was one she couldn't be happier with and the actual construction would start in March.
Today, Will had gone with Kat to look at houses in Burbank, but he'd found something wrong with each home they'd viewed. After fifteen homes, all duds in Will's eyes, she was done for the day. There had been one she'd really liked that she considered going back to for another viewing without Will there clouding her judgement. She needed a place to live. Once her tour had finished, she did have to fly to New York and pack all her belongings for the moving company. And she needed an address to move it all to. On their way back to his house, they stopped by her studio. She couldn't wait to show him some of the plans.
"Over here will be the locker room. Along that wall will be a full line of mirrors. And back in that corner will be my office. I'm really going to have to figure out a good computer system to set up billing and accounts." She did a pirouette in her excitement.
"I can help you with that," he said, sliding his hands in his jeans pockets, studying her with a small grin hovering on hips lips. Will was so gorgeous that on occasion, he took her breath away—like now. It made it hard to keep her hands off him. And it had been long enough, maybe she could convince him to help christen her studio.
She smiled as she approached him, putting some swagger into her hips. His gaze followed her every move. Kat slid her arms around his waist, threading her arms between his, and gazed up at him with a 'come hither' expression. "I was hoping you would."
His eyes blazed with hunger. "Anything you want."
She placed her chin on his chest so she could press her full body against his. "So generous of you, Sir. Anything I want, you mean that?"
His arms slid around her back, holding her close, keeping her from backing away. Not that she would, she always wanted to be in his arms. "Of course I do. Is there something my kitty cat wants?"
"Yes. Do a scene with me a Dungeon Pleasures tonight." Kat held her breath. Would he agree to what she wanted? Could she convince him to cross that boundary? He'd done so many discipline scenes with her in the virtual world and had come through with flying colors. It was time.
"I'm always up for a scene with you. What's your pleasure?" His hands cupped her rear. His touch thrilled her and gave her hope. Maybe she could persuade him, after all.
She inhaled an unsteady breath and said, "A discipline scene."
"What? We discussed this, Kat, I can't." Will shook his head.
"I know we did, but we also said we would be honest with each other, right? I think we need this. I think it would help you."
He released her as though she'd burned him with fiery charcoal briquettes. "Absolutely not. It's out of the question."
"Why? I get your reason, Will, I empathize with you, really I do, but I think it would help you." She approached him, attempting to close the distance and the invisible wall he'd put between them.
"I said no." Ice dripped from his firm rejection.
Kat didn't know why but his refusal to even hear her out torqued her. She rarely allowed herself to get angry but it clawed up her back and took hold as though a banshee had possessed her.
"Fuck that! I say yes, or are you too chickenshit to even try? Will, I care about you and want to be with you, but you won't even try. You'd rather play at being a Dom than actually be a Dom."
"Excuse me?" His entire body had stilled.
"You heard me. Fucking asshole." She threw her purse at him she was so mad. "Stubborn, pigheaded man."
Her purse thumped him across the chest. The look on his face turned murderous. She notched her chin up and was about to say more when he took a step toward her. She had never seen Will so angry. He looked like a pissed Dom. A tiny shiver of apprehension fluttered in her belly and she took a step backward, mindful of the chairs still lingering from the previous renters.
Will stalked her until he had her cornered against the wall.
"Apologize," he warned, in his darkly dangerous, Dom voice. It gave her a perverse thrill that she had pushed him this far. Maybe if she just mouthed off a little bit more, he'd finally, finally spank her for real this time.
"No, I will not. You deserved that. It's all about Will and what you need. What about my needs? I give you every part of me and you don't even give me a slice of you. How can we have the Dom and sub relationship without it? And not just in your fucked up, impersonal virtual world." She shoved at his chest for emphasis.