by S. E. Lund
"How is he?" I asked. "He was hurt badly when they abducted me. He almost died, right?"
Hunter nodded and fixed me another blini. "George is tough," he said and leaned back. "He's recovering. He needs to use a cane, and probably will for the rest of his life but he's alive."
"I'm glad." I said and took the glass of vodka from him.
"To your health," he said and held up his glass once he'd filled it.
"To your heath," I repeated and we both downed the vodka. I squinted but enjoyed the sensation as it burned down my throat.
"So, tell me why you're here," I said. "Why bring George with you? It must have been hard for him to travel."
"I've been thinking. You know what they say – everything happens for a reason and for the best. To teach us life lessons."
"I don't believe that." I shook my head. "What reason was there for Sean to die?"
He frowned. "Because I was stupid. I should have pushed harder to get my family out of the business. I should have insisted and I should have stayed in Boston and taken over instead of going into the Marines. I was being selfish."
I was silent. "Maybe you wouldn't have succeeded. Sergei was a monster, as was his brother. You couldn't have escaped them very easily."
"No, you're right. But maybe if I had, the FBI would never have come that day to arrest Donny, and Sean would still be alive, and you wouldn’t be in witness protection across the country from me so the bad guys can't find you and hurt you."
"Can't cry over spilled milk," I said. “That's what my counselor says."
A silence passed between us. "You start law school in the fall?"
"Yes," I said and sighed. "I wanted to start right away, but my counselor said I need time off to process everything."
He fixed another couple of blini and handed me one. "Any psychological problems as a result?"
"Yeah," I said. "My counselor tells me I have PTSD. I get panic attacks. I get panic attacks because I'm afraid of getting panic attacks. When my stress gets too high, I have them. Feel like I'm dying. That's why I can't go to school yet, I guess. Too much stress. Too much responsibility."
"That makes sense," he said. "What happened to you…"
I took a sip and changed the subject, not wanting to remind myself of what had happened.
"I'm working at a book store, if you can believe it," I said with a smile. "Shelving books, filling orders, that kind of thing."
Hunter said nothing, but he was frowning as he chewed his blini.
I reached out and touched his arm. "I'm fine, Hunter. I'll adjust eventually."
"No." He glanced at me. "You're not fine. You had a serious trauma. It's all my fault."
"Stop," I said. "It's in the past."
He nodded but I knew he was still upset.
"You must be lonely."
I shook my head. "Not really," I lied, and took a sip. "I'm just trying to get by." I closed my eyes. "I'm getting better, day after day. I'm just glad that Sergei and Victor are dead."
"I am, too."
I glanced at him, at his handsome face, his longish hair falling in his eyes in that sexy way.
"I'm glad you killed him. I wanted you to kill him, but I was afraid you'd go to jail for murder and I really wouldn't see you again."
A silence passed. Hunter fixed some more blini and handed one to me.
"Do you have any friends here? Boyfriend?"
"Boyfriend? Hunter, no," I said with a frown. "I'm still trying to recover."
"Just checking." He said nothing for a moment and the two of us glanced out over the ocean. Gulls flew overhead, no doubt aware of the food we had.
We sat in silence again. I felt a hole in the pit of my stomach. Finally, Hunter leaned over and poured me more vodka.
When he spoke again, his voice was low. "Do you remember what happened to you?"
I said nothing for a moment. "I have these vague memories," I said, anxiety filling me at the mention of that time. I did remember being raped. I remembered men, I remembered pain and humiliation.
"I'm so sorry."
"I wish I could forget but the memories come back, any time of the day or night." I covered my eyes, biting my lip to stop my tears.
Then I felt a panic attack coming on. I stood, dropping my napkin, the vodka glass falling from my hand.
"I have to leave," I whispered. I turned back and began walking down the path. I had gone about a hundred yards before he caught me, grabbing my arm, turning me gently around.
"Celia, I'm so sorry." He tried to pull me into an embrace but I struggled, turning away, panic rising in me as grief and fear overwhelmed me, making it hard to breathe.
I covered my face, gasping for breath as the panic attack kicked in and I felt as if my heart would explode, as if I would pass out. He grabbed me, his arms around me, and just held me as I fought to regain control.
"Just breathe," he said, his voice calm in my ear, his breath warm on my cheek. "Breathe in slowly. Count to six, then out through your teeth for six."
I tried, knowing the whole deep breathing exercise by heart, and in a few moments, the tingling in my arms and legs subsided and my chest stopped heaving. Soon, I was breathing almost normally, and the anxiety dissipated. I let him hold me, still needing his comfort to soothe my fears.
"You have to give yourself time." He kissed me and wiped my tears away. "Come back and sit down."
I turned and he took my hand, leading me back to the picnic spot. I sat on the stump and stared at the ocean. Hunter sat beside me, his thigh pressed against mine.
He put one arm around my shoulders. "You have to create new memories."
I struggled to speak. "I have new memories." I wiped my cheeks. "They don't delete the old ones."
He took in a deep breath. "Let me tell you a story. There was this beautiful princess who was forced into being a slave girl to a pirate. She tried to escape him, but he took advantage of her. Because of him, she was hurt very badly."
"That's not what happened."
"It's pretty much that." He looked away. "I should have paid off Graham's debt and let you live your life. Everything would have been different if I hadn't been so greedy. I remember the day I first saw you at college. You were so beautiful and I wanted you so much, but you were Graham's sister. I always wanted you. When you threw me over, I was hurt. I was jealous. I should never have taken advantage of your situation."
"I didn’t throw you over. I let you go. I was afraid Spencer would get you in trouble. He threatened to if I didn’t stop seeing you. I wanted you, too."
"It doesn’t matter now," he said but he gave me a soft smile. "You were so smart and fun and I wanted to be with you. When you started seeing Greg, I felt like such a failure."
I said nothing for a moment. "I never saw Greg. That was just a lie to get you to stop coming by."
He shook his head like he didn’t believe me. "I felt so – tarnished – compared to you. You were smart, really smart. When we got together that one night? I thought it was the start of a real relationship." He held my hands in his. "When you came to me and asked me to pay off Graham's debt, I had already decided to. I should have turned you away and never seen you again. What an idiot. I put you in danger. It was because of me that you were hurt. That you had to leave."
"I had to leave because of Spencer just as much as you."
He looked away. "In the end, I couldn’t protect you. I promised I'd protect you and I failed."
"You were in jail falsely charged with Spencer's murder. It wasn’t your fault I was abducted."
"I want to apologize for everything."
I glanced away, my emotions building with all the talk about the past.
"Is that why you're here? To apologize for not saying goodbye?"
He nodded. "Your Aunt Diane talked to me after I left the hospital that night. She told me I'd been nothing but trouble for you and I should man up and leave you to start a new life. I thought if I gave you time, you'd get a new life and move on
. Both of us would be better off."
"Are you better off?" I asked, watching his face.
He shook his head. "Are you?"
"I'm alive," I said, thinking about my new life in Duncan's Cove. "But there's just this big hole, this emptiness. I miss Graham. I miss Boston."
What I wanted to say was that I missed him as well.
But I didn't.
Hunter stood and began packing the picnic things up. I watched, wondering if I could say it – that I missed him. He folded the blanket and tucked the empty glasses away in the wicker basket. When he was done, I followed him back down the trail. We talked about life back in Boston, and I tried to process everything.
When we finally emerged from the path back at the house, we stood in the yard at the door.
"Will you come in?" he asked. "You should probably have a drink of water, rehydrate after drinking the vodka."
I nodded. When we entered the house and climbed the stairs, George met us, his face wary.
"Can you excuse us for a while?" Hunter handed him the basket.
"Is everything okay?" George asked.
"I don't know." Hunter shook his head, rubbed his eyes. "How could it be?"
I frowned, wondering what he meant. George put the basket down on the island in the kitchen and went into the back of the house. Hunter pointed to the huge overstuffed couch and chair. I sat on the sofa while Hunter went to the kitchen and took out two bottles of water from the large fridge. He handed one to me and then slumped down on the couch beside me. I opened my bottle and took a long drink from it.
An awkward silence passed between us and I fought with myself over how honest to be with Hunter.
I was so glad to see him, my heart felt like it could burst. But I didn't know what he wanted from me. I only knew what I wanted from him.
Then I made a decision.
"Hunter?"
He'd been rubbing his temples but pulled his hands away and looked at my face. "Yes?"
I climbed over and straddled him, one knee on either side of his hips. When I slipped my arms around his neck, he exhaled heavily, his breath shaky.
"I missed you," I said. "I've been so lonely without you."
I kissed him and was rewarded with the sharp inhale of his breath. When I pulled away, he brushed the wetness from my cheek.
"I missed you. I can't stand to be apart from you any longer," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I tried to stay away, but I couldn't do it."
"I can't go back, Hunter. Even though Sergei's dead, he has family members."
"I bought this house," he said. "I've got a job as a civilian instructor at the Marine Corps Mountain Warfare Training Center in Bridgeport. I'll work training Marines several times a year. The rest of the time, I'll work from home, maybe being a digital day trader."
"What about Saint Brothers Gym?"
"I sold it to Donny's sons. I'm out completely. I'm staying, if you'll be with me. "
I glanced over his face. "As what? Your fuck toy? I can't be that anymore."
"No," he said, frowning. He took my face in his hands. "You never were. Celia, I love you." He kissed me softly. "Don’t you know that by now? I’d do anything for you. Anything. I even let you go. I want to be your whatever you want me to be."
"Whatever I want you to be?" I said, unable to keep a grin off my face. "Pool boy?"
He laughed. "I could be that, if you want. I had something more permanent in mind, like," he said and hesitated. "Your fiancé."
I stared at him, my mouth open like an idiot.
"Hunter," I said and looked deeply into his eyes.
"Well, I did pretend to be in the hospital so…"
I smiled. "This is so out of the blue."
"Is it?" he said, frowning. "I've wanted you practically all my life."
"I wanted you practically all my life," I said, my throat closing with emotion.
"You don't have to say that just because I did."
"No," I said and cupped his cheek. "It's true. Ever since that first time I saw you standing in the ring with your hands wrapped in tape, kicking that punching bag."
I kissed him and it felt so right, it felt so familiar, as if finally, I was where I should be. Hunter took my hand and pulled me into the bedroom, closing the door before putting his arms around me.
We kissed again, our bodies pressed together, and it surprised me how much my body responded, despite what had happened to me. In fact, I had been afraid I would never want to be with a man again, but I didn't feel that way.
Not with Hunter.
I wanted him.
"Do you want to?" he whispered, kissing my cheek. "I can wait if you're not ready."
I didn't know if I was ready, but feeling Hunter's arms around me, feeling the intensity of his desire for me, and mine for him, made me want to try.
So I did.
I woke and glanced around the bedroom. Night had fallen and the bedroom was dark – Hunter's bedroom, in the huge house on the side of a cliff overlooking the ocean. The king-size bed covered in grey and burgundy satin beside me was empty. I was naked under the covers, and my body felt good. I had been afraid that when we fucked it would bring back memories of the rapes, but somehow, it didn't. It only brought back memories of Hunter and our times together before.
Hunter came back in through the open doors and went to a closet. He was wearing a pair of boxer briefs and nothing else. My gaze moved over his body with appreciation.
He retrieved a men's dress shirt and came to the side of the bed. "Here," he said and held it out. "Come out here. I have a surprise for you."
I complied, pulling his shirt over my nakedness, following him out the doors and onto the deck. Perched on a tripod was a telescope – a Celestron. Hunter stood on the deck beside it and peered into the eyepiece. He fiddled with the controls and then smiled at me, motioning me closer.
"I got this in the hopes that you'd come and live with me. I thought you'd like this. When it gets dark enough, you can see some pretty great things."
I glanced through the eyepiece and saw a blurry object in the field of view.
"What is it?"
"That's Andromeda, or M31. It's our closest galaxy outside the Milky Way. It's in the constellation of Andromeda."
"It's beautiful."
I stepped away from the telescope and leaned against Hunter, my eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness. Above us was the Milky Way Galaxy, the stars so bright where we were after midnight.
Then I closed my eyes.
"I always wanted to live in a house by the ocean," I said, happiness filling me.
I turned and slipped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Tears stung at the corners of my eyes.
He buried his face in my neck, kissed the skin beneath my ear.
"Never leave me again," he said, and pulled back, looking deep in my eyes.
"I won't."
I didn't.
THE END
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About the Author
S. E. Lund writes new adult, contemporary, erotic and paranormal romance. She lives in a century-old house on a quiet tree-lined street in a small city in Western Canada with her family of animals and humans. She dreams of living in a place where snow is just a word in a dictionary.
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Also by S. E. Lund
ALSO BY S. E. Lund:
Contemporary Erotic Romance
THE UNRESTRAINED SERIES
The Agreement: Book 1
The Commitment: Book 2
Unrestrained: Book 3
Unbreakable: Book 4
Forever After: Book 5
Everlasting: Book 6 (Coming Fall 2017!)
THE DRAKE SERIES (The Unrestrained Series from Dra
ke’s Point of View)
Drake Restrained
Drake Unwound
Drake Unbound
Military Romance / Romantic Suspense
THE BAD BOY SERIES
Bad Boy Saint: Book 1
Bad Boy Sinner: Book 2
Bad Boy Soldier: Book 3
Bad Boy Savior: Book 4
THE DOMINION SERIES
Dominion: Book 1 in the Dominion Series
Ascension: Book 2 in the Dominion Series
Retribution: Book 3 in the Dominion Series
Resurrection: Book 4 in the Dominion Series
Redemption: Book 5 in the Dominion Series
Coming in 2017
Prince of the City: The Vampire’s Pet Part One