“I love her, Jamie. She’s all I want since the day I bravely whispered the words to her, and patiently waited for her to say the same back to me. I love her, and I feel so lost without her. I’m so sorry for pushing her away. I should have listened, but I was hurt. I swear I will wait forever if it means she will come back to me.”
“That’s what I thought you would say. Thank you, Jagger. I love you both very much, and I will not leave this earth believing you won’t find your way back to each other.”
“You’re so sure, aren’t you?”
“I am.”
“How?”
“You’re going to have to trust me brother, I just know. When one is facing the end of his life, things become simpler and clearer. It’s another sense mastered, but never questioned. I just know, and for now, Jagger, that’s what I am asking you to trust.”
“I do, Jamie, always. Can I ask what you have in the box?”
“Like I said Jagger, it’s Tenley’s path back home. When the time is right, you will know.”
Those moments spent with Jamie, I would never forget for the rest of my life. He was my age, but so deeply spiritual. He always had an old soul that spoke to you, I know it did for me that day. We spent hours laughing, crying, and our friendship was never stronger than at that moment.
Three months later, I said goodbye to him, and shunned Tenley when my eyes found her mourning for our fallen brother. I was lost and didn’t trust myself back then. I once again let her go, but vowed to keep my promise to Jamie. I had to travel my own path of self-discovery and to grieve for all I have lost. My friendship with Shane, my best friend, to something greater than all of us, and the love of my life.
Now, after it all, she was here with me. Her beautiful, naked body was perfectly aligned with mine. I memorized every curve, every part of Tenley that nearly made my heart stop. She was gorgeous, probably too smart for a guy like me, but she was still here and she said yes.
I heard the fear in her voice when she asked me to catch her if she fell, oh hell! I would never let that happen. She’s here with me because this is where her heart has led her. It doesn’t matter how it happened, all it matters is what Jamie promised me would happen. Tenley came home, not only to her family, but to me. No man will ever love and protect her like I do. I will prove my love and never take our second chance for granted.
I’m not sure what’s waiting for us beyond her locked door, but I do know with my whole heart that she will not walk it alone. I will be the man that makes all of her dreams come true, and she will be the light that brings sunshine to my cloudy days. We will stumble, but never fall, never again. I’m going to marry her someday. I will carry her over the threshold of the home I built for us to share our lives in. I will bow down at her feet with the sight of her swollen belly with our child. I will be everything she needs me to be, and make love to her under the stars. Our stars. The ones our story is written in. Yeah, that’s exactly how it will happen.
She began to stir a bit, and I wrapped my arms around her even stronger than they already were. She opened her eyes and smiled back at me. We slowly made love again, sealing our newfound commitment to each other.
“I love you, Tenley Faith Fairchild. You were meant to be a Parrish.” She smiled and let a tear fall down onto my chest. I wiped it away, kissed her passionately, and waited for her to respond to my very bold statement. It shouldn’t have surprised her, I’d always said it to her, and now what I saw on her face was all the assurance I needed. She believed it.
“I love you, Jagger Lucas Parrish, and yes, my love, I was always yours. Thank you for loving me enough not to give up on us when I so easily did. I swear it with all that I have that you will never have to miss me again, because I’m home and there’s no other place I want to be.”
Her words consoled me. Every bit of pain in our past was dissolved. I never felt more in love with her than I did here now. I was a lucky son of a bitch. My girl straddled me and rode me like I was a mechanical bull. I never came so hard in all of my life. I held her face in my hands so I could look deep in her eyes. She was the window to my soul. My reason for existence was in her hands, along with my heart.
“JAGGER, TIME TO wake up,” I said as I kissed him along his chest and made my way down to his perfectly sculpted abdominal muscles. I stopped myself right before the danger area where I could easily take him in my mouth and have my wicked way with him.
We stayed in the privacy of my bedroom all throughout day. My muscles were sore and definitely overworked from consummating our reunion. We couldn’t get enough of one another. We were back together and stronger than ever. How did this even happen? For so long, my faith in getting the fairy tale with the only man I had ever loved was lost. I would never allow myself to believe in second chances or even chance encounters where one could so easily pick up with someone after years apart, but that is exactly what happened with Jagger.
I gave my body one more stretch, and then my cowboy was awake and looking right at me.
“Hey, baby,” he crooned. His voice alone made me wet between my legs, but I needed a cold shower to calm myself down. We needed to get up before we were discovered by my parents. As Jagger continued to kiss me, I glanced over to the side table and noticed the time. It was nearly six, and a weird feeling came over me. My body tensed and Jagger stopped.
“What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost?” he asked anxiously.
“Jagger, we need to get up.” I practically shoved him off of me, and he pulled me back to the bed.
“Hey, talk to me. What’s wrong? We were fine a few minutes ago, and now you’re upset.”
I took a few breaths to calm myself and reassured Jagger that we were still okay. I kissed him quickly and explained.
“Jagger, I haven’t seen or spoken with my parents since yesterday. We’ve been in here all day. I guess I just got scared for a minute. If I’m even late for breakfast, my mother barges in, most of the time without knocking. Don’t you think it’s strange that we have had an uninterrupted day?”
“No, not at all. They weren’t here this morning when I arrived, but some of the guys were talking about the new foal being born. They were probably still busy with the vet. No worries, baby, this is how ranch life works. The animals always come first. Now, come here and let me love you.”
“Jagger, I’m serious. We need to get up. Aren’t you hungry?”
“Not for food.”
His hand were at the nape of my neck, and I had no escape of his mouth on mine. I was relaxing and feeling my body meet his when I heard noises outside of my bedroom door.
“Tenley, are you in there?” I heard as the door knob jiggled. Oh shit! My mother.
“Jagger, you have to hide.”
“Where?”
I looked around and pointed to the closet. He put his boxers and jeans on, but his shirt and boots were still out in the open. I tried to kick them under the bed and shove him into the closet.
“Be quiet and don’t make a sound.” I put my fingers up to my lips, but he grabbed them and kissed them.
“Will you stop? If my father catches you in here, you don’t have two good legs to run with.”
“I have something that is good and working just fine.”
“You ass! Be quiet.”
Oh my god! I am a grown woman and he’s got me behaving like a lovesick teenager.
“Tenley, open the door,” mama said, as she now was knocking. I quickly threw my robe on and checked myself in the mirror. I looked thoroughly fucked, and I had skin abrasions all over my jaw and neck from Jagger’s stubble. Way to go being discreet, Tenley. Zoey would be loving this right about now.
I opened the door to find my mother standing there, and of course Wendy, grinning from cheek to cheek. They both barreled in my room, nearly knocking me over in the process.
“Okay, Tumbleweed! Where is he?” Wendy asked as she looked around the room. I saw Jagger’s boot sticking out from under my bed, and I shoved it
out of sight before they noticed it. I tried to play it cool, but I already knew there was no way out of this.
“What are you talking about, Wendy? No one is here, just me. I’ve spent the day catching up on my e-mails and work I missed while being here.”
“Connie, do you believe the line of bullshit your lovely daughter is trying to make us believe?”
My mother began to smile. She said, “No way, Wendy, my girl is knee deep in bullshit and slowly sinking.”
Wendy said, “Tenley, we know Jagger is here. Did you forget that we know what he drives? His truck is parked right outside.”
Oh shit! I could hide him and his clothing, but I forgot about his truck. Yeah, we were caught.
Wendy was laughing so hard, her cheeks began to redden. She said to my mom, “Okay, Connie, time to pay up. Oh, I love being right. So let’s break it down. You owe me one hundred big ones. Never bet on a sure thing, I’m always right.”
“Okay, Wendy, here you go. You don’t have to rub it in.”
“Oh, Connie, I’m just having fun with you, and this is a good thing, so smile.”
I watched them both laugh and give one another a hug. My heart loved them so much, but also hurt a little that I pushed them away for so long.
“Okay, Jagger, time to come out. I hope you are decent because Tenley’s father is downstairs, and you know the gun cabinet is fully stocked,” my mother said as she looked around to where Jagger could be.
He slowly came out of the closet with cheeks as red as strawberries. He was so incredibly handsome and now he was blushing too. He looked around for his shirt, but I had it under the bed. My mother, knowing me all too well, pulled it out along with his socks and boots.
“I do believe these belong to you.”
“Yes ma’am.”
My mother and Wendy were having way too much fun at our expense.
“Jagger, why don’t you take a shower while I speak with Tenley, and then we will have a talk downstairs.”
Jagger nodded and turned to go into my bathroom when Wendy said, “Um…not that bathroom, cowboy. The one down the hall.”
“Yes ma’am.”
He quickly left and closed the door behind him. Nothing worse than getting caught with your pants down, especially in front of my mother and Wendy. I’m sure I will not be living this one down for a long time to come.
Now the playful Wendy was gone. She had tears in her eyes as she pulled me into a hug. She said, “I love you, Tumbleweed. I knew you would follow that heart of yours. You just needed a push in the right direction. I know he’s smiling down on the both of you right now.”
“Thank you, sweet girl, thank you.”
She placed a kiss to my forehead and said she would be downstairs waiting for us. I didn’t know what to say to my mother, so I remained quiet while she smiled at Wendy.
“Mama, I’m a little confused on what’s going on here. Wendy goes from nearly jumping up and down, to crying and falling apart.”
“Come sit with me, and I’ll explain it to you.” I held my mother’s outreached hand and joined her on my oversized chair. God knows I didn’t want my mother to sit on the bed after all the naughtiness Jagger and I did today.
“Wendy loves you so much, as if you were hers. I do love all sides to my dear friend, but seeing her cry is one emotion that gets me every time. Tenley, you must understand how hard it has been for Wendy to undertake such an emotional request with what your brother asked of her.”
“You knew about the letters?” I asked my mother.
“Not at first. Your brother was very private and even more so in his final days. I can only guess from the moment that you and Jagger broke up, and with everything that happened with Shane, he decided to put his plan in motion. Jagger was the only one that spent the most time here with your brother. At the time, Shane was on the outside looking in, but your brother never shunned him. He just spent time with him without Jagger being here. It was very hard for him to know his best friends were at odds with one another.”
My tears began to fall after hearing that. My mother quickly wiped my tears away.
“Oh my sweet girl, please don’t. Your brother loved you very much and although it has been hard on you to receive his written words, I truly hope they have brought some comfort too.”
“Not at first, mama. His first letter hurt very much. No one likes to discover what a disappointment you are to your family.”
“Oh no, Tenley, that’s not what your brother was saying to you. He only wanted the very best for you and feared his death would be incredibly hard on you, and he was right.”
“It was, mama, but I still managed to finish school and become a lawyer. It wasn’t that bad, it was just…”
“Lonely?” she answered for me.
“Yes, it was. And now I’m here in my home, reunited with the man I love, and I still feel like I’m being pulled in a hundred different directions. Mama, what road do I take? Do I just say goodbye to New York and my life there to come back here and begin again?”
“How does your heart react after you say those words?”
“What words? Like ‘home’ and ‘love’?”
“Yeah, those words.”
“It feels complete and full. Like it was hollow for so long and now it’s put back together again. I know without any more doubt that it wants Jagger, and it would nearly destroy me to walk away from him again.”
“Then, my darling daughter, you have your answer. Everything always seems to work out the way it is was supposed to, and when it doesn’t, life leads us down another road. Sometimes it may not exactly be the right one at the time, but we work it out and hope it leads us to better things. Your heart guided you home and to Jagger. Listen to it. Trust it, and just have faith. Did you ever wonder why your middle name is Faith?”
“Not really? What’s so special about it?”
“Your name represents complete trust in God. When Jamie was born, then diagnosed with Leukemia, I thought my heart would completely separate from my body. I never expected to hear those words from the specialist. We knew nothing about this cancer and the survival rates for the patients who had it. Jamie was diagnosed with Acute Monocytic Leukemia. It was an extreme cancer, and your brother was now facing the fight of his life. He was only three, and as his parents we were preparing for the worst, and then I found out I was pregnant with you. Another miracle from the good Lord, but also a very scary one. With what we were facing with Jamie, the thought of you being born sick just scared us to the brink of constant worry.”
“We discussed our options with the specialists and how to proceed once you were born. Stem cells were taken from your cord blood and tested. You were an identical match for your brother, and it was you who saved him. You, my Tenley Faith, gave our family a miracle not just with you being born to us, but you also saved your big brother. This is why your middle name is Faith. We trusted God with everything we had. This is why your brother knew you better than anyone else because you two were completely connected. He loved you with all of his heart, and in the end, he was going to protect yours and bring you back home.”
“Oh, mama! I miss him so much.”
My mother held me as I cried and cried onto her shoulders. She lovingly comforted me and quieted me down. I had grieved for so long for Jamie, and felt his loss daily. To hear this story for the first time made me feel so blessed to have had him as my brother and for as long as I did. God gave us our time with Jamie, and we spent every day of it loving each other and being happy as a family. I had the best childhood here on this ranch, and now for the first time since leaving home, I could picture myself back here and sharing my life with Jagger and the family we would make together.
“Thank you, mama. I love you so much,” I said with the last of my tears falling.
“I love you too, Tenley Faith. Please don’t ever question it again. I will always miss your brother, but it was you that I missed more.”
“How?”
“Because y
ou were still with us, but yet so far away not only in miles, but in your heart. Our children are our greatest accomplishment in this life. We want nothing more than to see you happy. I see it now, Tenley, and I will thank God, Jamie, and Jagger in my daily prayers for making that happen for you. You deserve nothing more than all the love your heart can hold.”
When mama first came into my room, this was not the conversation I thought we would have, if ever. But once again, she surprised me with her words of wisdom and complete declaration of love.
“Okay, daughter, we’ve been up here long enough. You need to clean yourself up a bit, and then join us downstairs for a talk. Your father and I have been with Shane for most of the day with his parents as well. We all need to clear the air, and that begins tonight.”
“Mama, I’m not sure this is the right time for Jagger and Shane to be in the same room with one another, there is so much you don’t know.”
“I know everything, and so does your father. Get ready, and I’ll see you soon.”
My mother kissed me on my forehead and told me all will be okay. Jagger was standing on the threshold of my bedroom when mama placed a kiss on his cheek. She told him thank you and said to meet them downstairs.
Jagger smiled at her, then came in and closed the door. He took one look at me and held me in his arms. He had heard it all and was crying along with me.
“I love you so much, Tenley. I am going to make you so happy and never allow you to ever regret taking that leap of faith with me. I swear it on the blessed memory of your brother, I will never stop loving you. You are my life.”
He held my face and kissed me gently at first, and then passionately as our emotions got the best of us.
“And you are mine. I love you cowboy. Let’s go greet the parents,” I said through my smile.
As we made our way into the living room, his hold on my hand tightened as he saw Shane leaning up against the mantle. He was standing by his father, Jagger’s father, and mine. Generations of cowboys in my house and all looking very serious. I rubbed my thumb over his hand to calm him. My father invited us to join them. We followed my father into our large dining room. We all took a seat at the table with Jagger’s hand still connected with mine, sending Shane a very clear message.
All Roads Lead Home Page 23