by Shaw,LK
As I was about to question Alex further, even knowing nothing more would come of the conversation, the school bus rolled to stop in front of the crowd. Alex continued his attempt to pass me and join the group beginning to board the waiting bus, and this time, I didn’t stop him. He paused briefly and turned his head to peer back at me.
“Look, I appreciate your concern, but there is nothing you can do. Just let it go. Everything is fine. I’m sorry I dragged her into this. Please, just leave me alone.” The sadness, and underlying fear I recognized all too well, tore at my gut as all I could do was watch him disappear into the bowels of the bus. I remained standing there, staring after the bus as it rolled away from the curb, taking a scared boy with it. Fuck.
Chapter 7
Bridget
Two days. That’s how long it had been since I walked out of Eden following the cataclysmic scene with Connor. Pissed and hurt didn’t even begin to describe my emotions. For that brief moment in time, Connor had made me question myself and my heart. Never before had I felt such a strong bond with a Dom who scened with me. Every scene before this one had been about giving up control and the gratification I received. I thought that was how I wanted it. Until him.
It wasn’t always sexual gratification either. Often it was the cathartic release of emotions bottled up inside me. I was happy with how I lived my life. I was content with the peripheral emotional connection I received during aftercare. Except Connor made me want more. A deeper and more meaningful emotional connection. Not necessarily a relationship, because I wasn’t ready for that, and I didn’t know if I ever would be. But something other than a single scene with a random Dom. Then he had to go and fuck it up. And it pissed me off.
What hurt though was that he didn’t try to understand me or my needs. It also hurt that he didn’t trust me with his needs; he assumed I’d run scared. That I wasn’t strong enough for him. Even though he tried to hide it, I knew he’d judged me when I told him about Alex. He thought I was weak and selfish for giving him up. I knew this, because the expression in his eyes matched the one I saw every day when I looked at myself in the mirror. There was nothing in my life I regretted more than that day in the hospital.
It killed me knowing I gave up my baby without even looking at him. Without letting him know, even though he couldn’t understand, how much I loved him and only wanted the best for him. I tried not to dwell on the past, because it was over and done, and nothing could change it. I had to live with myself and the decisions I’d made.
“Hey boss, there’s a customer asking for you. She said you were holding a dress for her,” Gina called out as she stuck her head in my office. I had been sitting at my desk, going through payroll and ruminating on this past weekend. Tossing my thoughts to the back burner, although I knew they’d resurface, I stepped out from behind my desk and headed out to help my client.
The day flew by as a steady stream of customers came in and left. When we finally locked the doors and put out the “Closed” sign, I sighed in resignation. I had delayed talking to Penny for too long. She was one of my best friends, if not the best, and I had been keeping secrets from her. Big secrets. The biggest of all being Alex. Connor was the only person, besides my dad, who knew about him.
I had also neglected to tell her about my encounter with Connor the other night, and I knew she was going to kill me. Not because I had been with Connor, or that it had taken me two days to tell her. She was always pushing me in his direction, and I continually resisted. The fact that I finally broke my own rule was going to have her saying “I told you so.” No, she was going to kill me because she knew nothing of Alex. A secret of that magnitude would test the bonds of our friendship. I hoped it survived.
With Connor now out of the picture, I needed to find someone else who would help me. Sadly, I knew no one else, so I had no idea what I was going to do. I needed her to talk to Marcus for me. Surely, he knew someone besides Connor I could ask. I should probably go to the police, but what was I going to tell them? Hey, the baby I gave away for adoption might have called me out of the blue sounding desperate for aid. Can you please help me? I’m sure they’d get right on that.
I walked the short distance home, stopping briefly at the cafe two storefronts down to grab dinner. I took my time eating, avoiding the phone call I was dreading. After I finished my meal, I did everything else I could think of to procrastinate, including cleaning up an already clean kitchen and sweeping my floor. Eventually, I ran out of things to clean and knew the time had come to just call Penny and be done with it. I flopped onto the couch and curled my legs underneath me. I reached for my cell phone and, after searching my contacts, tapped Penny’s name on the screen.
“Hey, you,” she happily greeted me.
I figured I would say it for her. “I told you so.”
“Huh? What are you talking about?” she asked, confusion evident in her tone.
“I figured I’d save you the breath and say it for you. I told you so.”
“If you don’t tell me what the hell you’re talking about, I’m going to scream,” she warned.
I coughed out, “I played with Connor at Eden.”
I could almost hear her brain working, trying to decipher my words hidden in the coughing sound. I knew the minute she figured it out, because she screeched like a banshee in my ear.
“Oh my God, what? When?”
“Saturday night. It just happened. I was looking for you and saw him standing at the bar. Before I even knew what was happening, I walked over and started flirting. One thing led to another, and suddenly we were in one of the private rooms.”
“I can’t believe it finally happened. I’ve been waiting for this day. I knew you guys were perfect for each other. And the looks he sends your way when he doesn’t think anyone is watching? Sigh. They’re exactly the looks Marcus sends me. That man is head over heels in love with you. I’m so happy,” she ended on a squeal of excitement.
“You might want to reel in the happiness. It was a one-time deal.”
“What did you do?”
I couldn’t help laughing, because she had me pegged. “Excuse me, bitch, but I would like to go on record that it wasn’t me who rebuffed the guy this time. It was all that asshole Dom’s fault. Everything was perfect before he fucked it up. I actually felt something. A connection. A spark I wanted to explore further. Which was the whole reason I never scened with him before in the first place. I knew it was going to end badly. Although, to be honest, I thought it would be his heart I broke. I didn't realize the power he had that could lead to it being my heart that was broken. I’m not saying he broke my heart. I’m just saying he could if I let myself get that involved.”
She groaned softly in the background. “I’m so sorry, Bridget. I thought for sure you two were perfect for each other. I’m curious, though, how he fucked up. What happened?”
“Honestly, it doesn’t really matter. We’re done. There is something else though. I know it’s late, but are you busy? Do you think you could come over? What I have to tell you is best said in person, no matter how much I don’t want to face you when you find out.”
“That sounds ominous. I’ll have to double-check with Marcus, but it shouldn’t be a problem. If it is, I’ll call you back. Otherwise, I’ll see you in about twenty minutes.”
After saying our goodbyes, I hung up the phone and tried to keep myself busy while I waited for her to arrive. My condo was practically spotless by the time she got there. At the knock on the door, I let her in. She gave me a giant hug before making her way over to the couch. She took off her shoes before settling in.
Penny patted the spot on the sofa next to her. As I took my seat near her, she started speaking. “Okay, I’m waiting. What is so important that you needed to tell me face to face?”
Shit, I so wasn’t ready for this. I took a deep breath, said a silent prayer she would forgive me, and dropped the same bomb I dropped on Connor.
“I have a son.”
She b
linked in response. Then nothing.
I fidgeted in nervousness. “Did you hear me? I said I have a son.”
“I heard you. I’m processing. Give me a minute.”
I sat back and stared at her. Nothing about her expression gave away what she was thinking. I hated this overwhelming nervousness. I wasn’t that person. I always knew what I wanted, and I went after it. I didn’t hesitate, and I didn’t fucking fidget. A minute passed, then another.
I lost my patience. “Okay, you’re done processing. Say something. Anything.”
“What’s his name?”
“Alex. He’s gorgeous. He looks a little like me, I think. Auburn hair with brown eyes. And tall. He’s thirteen, almost fourteen.” I paused, a small, proud smile on my face as I thought of my son. “I know he likes baseball and football. And video games. He loves video games. His adoptive parents send me pictures and stories about him all the time. At least they did.”
I trailed off, and the smile left my face. I stared off in the distance, the silence between us deafening.
Next to me, Penny cleared her throat. “Where is he now?”
Sadness poured out of me. “That’s the thing. I don’t know. A little over a week ago I received a phone call from a boy saying he thought I was his birth mother and that he needed help. Before the conversation could go any further, I heard noise in the background and then the line went dead. I didn’t know what to do. So, I went to Connor. I told him everything I’m telling you. Two days after the first phone call, the boy called again and said he was Alex and that his adoptive parents were dead. He said he couldn’t talk long because ‘he’ might come back. I have no idea who ‘he’ is, and it’s killing me, because I haven’t heard from him since.”
I had to stop talking for a second, because I felt myself starting to become hysterical. Once my emotions were under control, I continued, “Then this thing happened with Connor, and I told him I didn’t need his help anymore. But now, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know anyone else who could possibly help me. I know you’re probably so pissed at me right now, but I was hoping maybe you could talk to Marcus for me. See if he knows anyone else I could turn to. I’m at a loss as to what to do. I can’t keep sitting back, twiddling my thumbs, waiting. I need to do something.”
Unable to control myself any longer, I burst into tears. The sofa dipped, and suddenly, Penny embraced me, and I cried for everything I had lost. Body-wracking sobs came from deep within me; I wasn’t sure I would ever stop crying. I lost track of time as Penny comforted me. Eventually, my sobs subsided. I released my death grip on her and sat back on the couch. She leaned over and wiped a stray tear from my cheek.
She gave me a sad smile. “Feel any better?”
Actually, I did. “Yes,” I said, with a watery smile. “You don’t hate me do you?”
Penny smacked me on the arm. “Of course not. I’m a little hurt that you didn’t trust me with this information before today, but I could never hate you. I’ll ask Marcus if he knows anyone. But Bridge, honestly, I think Connor is going to be your best option. He’s good at what he does. Personal feelings aside, I think you should reconsider.”
I sighed heavily. “God, you’re in a pain in the ass. Fine, I’ll think about it. But, please, ask Marcus anyway.”
She nodded her agreement. We let the topic go as Penny stayed a little longer and we caught up on some of the latest gossip. Finally, she left and I went to bed, contemplating the limited options I had.
Chapter 8
Connor
Like hospitals, police stations have their own distinct smell. The scent of coffee, unwashed bodies, and even a slight hint of gunpowder, as though someone had just fired a gun, permeated the air. I stood inside the precinct and waited for Detective Daniel Webber to make an appearance. I dealt with the local authorities on occasion, but not frequently. The last time I, unfortunately, needed Webber’s assistance was one night a few months ago. I’d been working on a protection case for my friend Marcus. I continued to live with the guilt that, had I done my job better, someone close to Marcus would still be alive. It was just another burden to add to my already weighed down shoulders. A burden I took full responsibility for.
After a twenty-minute wait, Detective Webber sidled out of what I assumed was his office toward me. He was young, about my age, with tanned skin and shaggy, light brown hair that looked like it belonged on a surfer from California. He had taken off his suit jacket, and I recognized the edges of two half-sleeve tattoos on each of his muscular upper arms beneath his rolled up sleeves. Interesting that I hadn’t noticed them the last time we’d been in each other’s presence. Of course, I’d been too busy cleaning up one of his fuck-ups to pay attention. When he stood close enough to reach out and shake my hand, I couldn’t help the satisfaction I felt that I had to look slightly down my nose at him since he was shorter than my own six foot four frame.
“Mr. Black, I don’t see much of you around here. What can I do for you?” he greeted me.
I glanced around before questioning him. “Is there somewhere private we can talk?”
Webber motioned me to follow him as we headed into the same office he’d just exited. After he directed me to a chair on one side of his desk, he took a seat in the chair opposite me, put his hands behind his head, and reclined, striking a far too relaxed pose.
“Now, would you like to tell me what this is about?” he asked, seemingly uninterested. For some reason, his entire attitude seemed fake. He was trying for nonchalance and failing. I wondered what his angle was.
“I’d like to preface this conversation with a promise that it goes no further than you and me. It’s not my story to tell, and if she finds out I told you, she’s going to be even more pissed at me than she already is. Plus, I have no proof beyond speculation.” I began.
“She?” he queried.
“Do I have your word or not, Detective?” I snapped.
Webber sat forward in his chair, removing his hands from behind his head, only to hold them palm out toward me in a placating motion. “Okay, okay. Damn. Yes, only insofar as nothing you tell me breaks any laws or concerns breaking any laws. Now, talk.”
I shared with him exactly what Bridget had shared with me. I told him about the phone call, and I told him about my encounters with Alex, including finding the handprint bruise around the boy’s bicep, and the bullshit story he had tried to pass off on how he received it. I concluded with the information I had gathered during my reconnaissance about the regimental schedule Malcolm Shipman maintained and that something felt out of place. Then I sat there and waited as Webber digested the information.
After an eternity passed, he responded. “So, let me get this straight. Your girlfriend gives up a kid for adoption. He’s now calling her for help for a reason no one can figure out. You find a bruise on him that could have actually happened in the exact way he described, but because he’s your girlfriend’s kid and his uncle has a regimental schedule, you think he’s beating up on the boy? Do I have it right?”
I stood abruptly, almost knocking the chair backward in my haste. “Fuck you, Webber. I have a legitimate reason to believe Alex is being abused. Just because you can’t get your head out of your ass to see it, doesn’t make it false. If you aren’t going to help me figure out how to help this kid, then you can kiss my ass. I’ll do my job and yours. Thanks for wasting my time, asshole. I’ll see myself out.” I jerked an about-face and headed toward the door, understanding now why Bridget had come to me and not the police.
I had almost yanked the door off its hinges when a booming voice sounded behind me. “Black, get your ass back in here.”
The offended SOB in me had me flipping the fucker off and storming away because I didn’t follow commands, especially those given by some dickwad with a badge. The more rational part of my brain told me I needed to stop and turn around. I needed to play nice for Alex’s sake. Luckily for everyone, I listened to the rational side. I slowly turned, jaw clenched to hold back the
big “fuck you”. It took all of my tightly held control to softly close the door behind me and walk back to the chair I had vacated seconds ago. I sat down and glared at the man across from me.
Webber sighed heavily. “Look, I didn’t say I didn’t believe you, but I can’t start harassing a guy because of a single bruise you saw on some boy, regardless of who his mother is to you. These are serious allegations you are bringing up, and they need to be handled with care. Based on what you described, my gut is saying exactly what yours is. But neither of us can go off half-cocked because of a gut feeling. I need to tread lightly. My ass is already under scrutiny with another case I’m working on. I don’t plan on getting fired because I fucked up again.”
I was still pissed and could feel the vein throbbing in my temple. “To be honest, I don’t give a shit about your ass. All I care about is this kid. You can either help me or not, but regardless, I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that this abusive fuck is put away for a long time. Let this be fair warning to you, Detective. Tread lightly all you want, but I will destroy anyone who gets in my way of taking this motherfucker down. Are we clear?”
Webber stared at me for several minutes, neither of us breaking eye contact, before he finally answered. “Crystal. But let me be clear as well. What you do is your business, but it’ll become mine if you break the law. Do that, and I’ll be on your ass like flies on shit. Are we clear?”
With a nod, I stood as calmly as I could considering the anger I felt and walked out of his office making plans about what to do next.
Chapter 9
Bridget
Frustration was not an emotion I handled well. I had been busy over the past three days researching different private investigators after Penny told me that Marcus didn’t know of anyone else besides Connor who could help me. They both kept trying to cement the idea that Connor was my best option anyway. In my heart, I knew they were right, but damn it, I didn’t want them to be.