“Looking up at the sky.”
“I can see that. Why exactly are you doing that when you should be in class?”
“I don’t know.” I stated honestly. “I guess I just needed to get out of there. Besides, what are you doing out here, Rebecca.”
Rebecca placed her hands on her hips and looked over at me, annoyed. “What do you think I’m doing. I came here because my little sister thinks its ok for her to ditch. Now look here, I was lenient the last two days. I looked the other way because you had never ditched before in your life. But three times in a row is just pushing it.”
I looked up, surprised. “You knew about yesterday?”
She flipped her hair back. “Of course, I knew. You always sit in that weird little table at the back of the cafeteria, and then all of a sudden, it’s empty. Come on, I’m not stupid.” She scoffed.
“Wow, I guess not.”
“Don’t act so surprised.”
“Force of habit.” I shrugged. Rebecca rolled her eyes.
“So, you going to tell me why you really out here.”
“Nope.”
“I thought so.” She looked over at the empty street before turning her head back towards me. “Let’s go back to school.”
“Fine.” I huffed. “My five seconds of peace are over anyways.”
“I wonder why that is.” She gave me a sidelong glance and giggled evilly.
I let her lead me back to school. The trip back seemed a lot shorter. As soon as we reached the school Rebecca quietly tiptoed to the red front doors before peaking her head in.
“Is there anyone there.” I whispered from behind Rebecca.
“Shhh.” She said, slapping a hand on my mouth. It smelled like her usual strawberry mango lotion.
“The coast is clear. Let’s go.” She removed her hand from my mouth, and grabbed my hand instead, pulling me into school.
“What period are we on?” I asked. We were walking quickly through the hallway, passing closed classrooms. I wasn’t sure which class I had to go too, yet.”
“It’s eleven thirty, so I say halfway through fourth period.” Damn. Rebecca seemed determined to get me in class. It was going to be embarrassing, having to walk in halfway through class. As if I didn’t get enough weird looks already.
“Do I really have to go in class now? Can’t I just go to fifth and six period?”
She snorted. “No. It’s your own fault for ditching. Now thanks to you, I have to go to my class late. And if I have to, so do you.”
I gave her a pleading look, hoping to get some sympathy. It didn’t work.
Ten minutes later, I found myself the center of attention.
I knocked on the door of my physics teacher, hearing her voice vibrate through the door before it abruptly stopped when she heard my knock. The door opened and I caught my teacher’s annoyed glance when she realized it was an extremely late student. I felt the stares of all my classmates as I walked in.
I made my way to my seat. The table I sat on was a long rectangular one, big enough to fit three. Two boys would sit on either side of me. As soon as I sat down between them, I felt them edge away from me, sitting as far as the limited space allowed them to. I took out the materials from my backpack and began to take down notes, for once enjoying the space the boys were giving me.
I took notes for the remainder of class, scribbling furiously on my paper to make up for being late. The two boys remained tense beside me, but I only noticed it as a side thought. The majority of my mind was not even concentrated on the notes. I was writing on autopilot. No, what was going through my mind was something I should have avoided completely. What should be going through my mind is Robert, and the mystery that linked him with Jackie. Only it was not. My mind was on Daston. Where could he be? Was he really gone? Impossible, he could not leave. He was still in high school. He could not make the decision to just get up and go. His legal guardians would have to make that decision. Still, something gnawed at my chest, making me question it.
The class ended, lunch was right after. My class was close enough to the cafeteria that I ended up being one of the first people there. The line was empty, I quickly got a tray and filled it up with the first plate of food I saw. Lasagna, it didn’t look very appetizing. It looked crusty and hard as if it were still frozen, even the cheese was hard, it was not melted.
The cafeteria was the same as always—clustered with tables and chairs—but now it felt different. My same table was in the back. It was away from all the others, my little sanctuary in the pits of hell. But I was not sure if I was allowed to sit there anymore. What if Robert brings Jackie there? Worse yet, what if Robert does not show up. Leaves me for the likes of her.
I walked to the table, clutching my tray for support. I knew if Robert showed up, I would have to confront him. Robert needed to tell me exactly what he was keeping from me. He needed to explain why he lied to me and finally he needed to tell me why he kept the book from me. I would have to fess up my part as well, including the fact that I stole the book from him. It was time that Robert and I told each other our secrets.
I had a feeling that I was not going to like what he told me. Robert always had a good reason for keeping things from me. The only logical reason Robert was keeping secrets from me was because he knew I would not approve.
Robert always kept me informed about everything he did. Never did I see any dishonesty. Until…. of course, until that day outside the school. It felt like it happened a hundred years ago, but it was the day Daston first talked to me. Right before I went to class, I showed Robert the passage I found. And his eyes, they held something. A spark, a longing for the ritual. I remember his look frightened me. That was the first time I ever felt any distrust towards Robert. He lied to me after that, turned secretive when I thought the ritual was barbaric.
Yes, I realized, that was when everything changed. We changed after that. We were not Robert and Brianna after that day. We were two solitaires, no longer whole.
I waited the whole hour of lunch on the table. I watched the cafeteria slowly get crowded by students, rowdy and bunched up. I saw a group of girls in their tight skirts waving over to the football player’s. I saw the baseball players wearing there blue and white uniforms. Apparently, they had a game today; I was so out of touch with this school. Girls with tight skinny jeans were standing beside their table instead of sitting down. I even saw Rebecca talking with all her friends in the highly dubbed “cool” table. She was laughing at a joke one of the guys lingering by had told. The joker inched closer to her, his platinum blond hair falling into his eyes when he leaned over and whispered in Rebecca’s ear. I watched her laugh again, a carefree laugh that echoed throughout the room. Rebecca could fit in anywhere.
I watched everyone socialize with their friends, talk to their group of people while I waited on my empty table, and ate my lousy lasagna. I mostly pushed it around with my fork, it tasted awful. I took out my phone and texted Robert where he was at. My lasagna was cold because I spent most of my time pushing it around and Robert never came. He did not even answer my text.
I couldn’t leave fast enough when lunch ended. I went to my fifth period class. I had this class with Jackie, but she was not there. She never arrived. She was absent but I could not help but wonder, was she with Robert? It was strange that they were both suddenly absent.
I didn’t waste my time on my façade of taking notes. I was too overwhelmed to even go on auto pilot. The feeling of wanting to get out and run crept up again. I closed my fingers tightly against the edge of the table. Hoping it would keep me grounded, keep me from leaving.
When the day finished, I barged into the car using the spare key my mother had given me a year ago. I hardly used it, but I figured today was the exception. I wanted to drive away and leave this horrible place behind, but I could not. Rebecca would worry if she saw the car gone. So, I waited. I threw my backpack, carelessly, in the back seat and settled in the passenger side. My eyes were clenched shut, and
I exhaled harshly through my nostrils. Today was hellish but thank gosh its Friday.
I ran my fingers against the window, tapped them against the radio, counted down who knows how many minutes. It’s funny, when you want time to go faster it goes slower, and when you want it to go slower it goes faster. I never understood why that was; it was as if time itself chose to make you intentionally miserable.
Rebecca finally came into the car. She took immediate notice of my bad mood when she settled into her seat.
“What is it?” Rebecca asked.
I did not know how to tell her that everything was wrong. I just shrugged my shoulders.
Rebecca scowled. “It’s about Robert, isn’t it?” She did not wait for me to answer. She immediately plunged into her next assessment. “Of course, it’s Robert, why else would you be sitting by yourself. I knew him spending time with Jackie was a bad sign.”
“I think Robert chose Jackie over me.” I confessed. I don’t know why I did. My insecurity just came flying out of my mouth.
“He what? That bimbo.” Rebecca scrunched up her face in disgust. “I always knew that boy had bad taste. Ever since I saw him in that fashion crime of a coat. He always did look like someone who trades fine wine for a cheap substitute.” She winked. I was pretty sure she was calling me the fine wine.
“Thanks.” I smiled. “I needed an ego boost.”
“Don’t expect me to be giving you those often. I limit myself to one per month. I think you already filled up my quota for two months.” She joked before her face became serious. “Back to the Robert problem. I know you’re not going to like this.” Rebecca said hesitantly, “but I think you should talk to Robert.”
I looked over at her outraged. There was no way I was could talk to him after he ditched me in lunch without a warning. I always gave him a heads up.
“Look, just listen to me.” Rebecca said quickly. “Sooner or later, you are going to have to talk to him. Better to catch him now and get it over with.”
I was still skeptical but let Rebecca drive me over to Robert’s house.
Robert was sure to be at home by now. His mother picked him up sharply at 2:50 pm.
Robert’s house was a fifteen minute drive away from school. I was feeling nervous. This was going to be the first time I really planned on confronting Robert—not counting the time when we were thirteen and he ate my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. That confrontation consisted of mostly me lecturing him about moral conduct and you shall not steal.
His house looked imposing when we got there. The faded peach color of the house looked unwelcoming. The wooden porch looked cracked, the misuse suddenly more visible in daylight. I did not want to go in. I had to be nudged out by Rebecca, and even then, it took me a good five minutes to move away from the car.
My strides were awkward as I followed the narrow path that led to the porch. I had been to this house a million times, I reminded myself. There was no need to feel nervous.
I stepped onto the porch and held my hand out to knock on the large green door when I heard Robert’s voice from inside. His voice was raised, he appeared to be discussing something, or maybe arguing with someone. The other voice was muffled; I could not make out who he was talking to.
I knew it was bad, but I could not help myself. Instead of knocking on the door I inched to the window beside the door. There was always a parting in the curtain which allowed you to see inside the house. I learned that when I was twelve and too embarrassed to go inside. The first time I came alone I peeked in through the window and found a tiny parting in the curtain. Mrs. Kengsington apparently never touched this curtain because the parting was the same as it was four years ago.
I could barely make out Robert’s figure. He was hunched over, with his head on his knees. His hair was a wilder mess than usual, as if he had been tugging on it forcefully. His shoulders sagged, and there appeared to be tension in his stance.
This time when Robert spoke, the sound of his voice sounded pleading. I did not get much of what he was saying but I got the gist that he was trying to reason with the person.
My mind automatically went to Jackie. It made me mad to think that my Robert could be in there pleading to Jackie, possibly groveling at her feet.
Robert was facing towards the window, but his face was still bowed down so that I could not see it, but I saw something move quickly next to him. It was the person, only I still could not see them. The parting in the curtain only allowed me to see an outline of an arm. I knew at once that it was not Jackie, this arm was too masculine. Jackie’s arm was delicate and slender.
Move closer to the window. Just inch a little more to your left so I can see who you are.
I wonder if Rebecca was watching me. She said she was going to wait for me in the car. She was sure to be giving me weird glances if she saw me crouched by Robert’s window.
Finally, the person took a step closer to Robert—which also happened to put him in my line of view—and my breathing stopped. I became completely frozen.
No, no, no. It can’t, it wasn’t. Only it was. Derik, it was Derik.
Chapter 17
I watched as Derik extended his arm out to Robert, and when Robert looked up, I finally saw his face. It looked resigned. Robert reached up, and I looked on in horror as he shook hands with Derik. It was not merely a handshake, it was like looking at two business men agreeing to a deal. The handshake was their promise to keep their end.
I pushed myself off of the window and ran back to the car. I fought with my rage the whole way there. I pictured myself barging in and demanding to know what the hell their deal was, but I could not. The image of Robert and Derik together was too much.
Robert, damn him. He was screwing me over this whole time. He befriended me and made me trust him to the point that even when everything pointed against him, I still believed him. And now, with the real truth hanging over me, Robert might as well have pissed on my face.
I slammed the door of the car when I went in. Rebecca looked at me startled, but the look on my face kept her quiet. We drove home in silence.
As soon as we got home, I ran up to my room and flung myself on my bed. I had not cried in years, but with my face buried into my pillow, the tears came pouring out. Big droplets of sloppy tears came out of my eyes. Snot assembled in my nose. I sobbed chokingly but managed to keep it low enough for no one in the house to hear.
I must have fallen asleep because next thing I knew my room was in darkness. My face felt swollen. I got up and looked at myself in the full-length mirror in my room. My eyes were bloodshot red, and I could see the trail my now dry tears left behind. I was a mess. I wanted to lie back down on my bed and maybe sleep for a thousand years, but I didn’t let myself. I knew what I had to do.
Instead of laying with misery, I took out the battered copy of The Seer’s Handbook and began to practice my abilities.
I did not miss the fact that last night I did not dream of Michelle. I should be relieved, but those dreams were my only connection to my abilities. Without them I was just some weird kid who did not even have the excuse of being a seer to justify her weirdness. Besides, Michelle needed me. She might be in the mortuary right now, rotting with the rest of the bodies in there, but her spirit was in unrest. I could feel her every time I had a dream about her death. The raw pain I felt made it all so real.
I lighted and incense candle I kept in my room and placed it beside the book so I could see the letters. I decided to keep the lights off. Since my dreams only came at night, I thought the dark would help me get into a vision. I sat cross legged on my carpeted floor and tried to enter a calm stage. It was more of a yoga breathing exercise than anything, but I still did it. I took a deep breath for six seconds and held it in for another three. I exhaled it all through my mouth. I repeated the action over and over again. Eventually closing my eyes and just felt the calm enter my body. The scent of my lilac candle helped me further into the calm stage. It made me feel like I was surrounded by nature.
It felt like I was back in the woods with Daston next to him. Back then I tried so hard to concentrate and empty my mind, only I couldn’t, having Daston next to me was very distracting.
This time I let it all go, I let everything get out of my mind. My sadness, my remorse, my anger. It all flew out of me. It felt like tiny strips of paper had suddenly separated from my body. All that was left of me was an empty void, a sudden tingly sensation overtook me. It started from the tips of my toes, but it slowly rose throughout my body, until I could not feel anything but an extreme sense of peace. I felt wonderful, like I was flying. I could actually see the crystal blue sky, until it started to darken. It turned into a color blacker than coal. I could not see anything anymore. It was a darkness so thick it seemed to be suffocating me. Suddenly a voice rang through my ears. It sounded like Rebecca’s only it was different. I had never heard Rebecca sound like this. There was a fear laced so thick in her voice as she called my name. “Brianna!” No, not just called, begged. She was crying for help. Her voice died down as a new one appeared. This one was of a man laughing. It took me only a second to realize that it was Derik’s voice.
I tore open my eyes and found myself back in my room. The light from the candle was still shinning, but everything else was darker than before. I did not want the room to be so dark. I got up and went to the light switch and flicked it on. My room flooded with light. It was only then that I realized I was shaking. Goosebumps had settled all over my skin.
What the hell was that? A vision? I did not see anything, so what do you call that, a hearing? I tried to joke it was not working. I was still panicking. One second, I was standing erect next to the light switch, and the next my head bowed down towards the floor and I started dry heaving. Nothing came out, but I was steel heaving and gagging. Saliva drooped down my chin before I lifted myself upright again.
“Snap out of it!” I yelled to myself. I was not helping anyone by getting sick. I most definitely was not helping Rebecca by drooling. I needed to save her. Derik’s words suddenly appeared in my head.
A Night of Flame and Blood Page 17