by Gini Koch
The pen was gigantic, built like the biggest scientific hothouse and elephant pen combination you could imagine. There weren’t really stalls, but the walls were lined with things I recognized—cloning water chambers. These were different from the ones I’d seen when we’d destroyed the cloning lab under Gaultier Research during Operation Infiltration. However, that was because these were much cruder.
Crude didn’t mean ineffective, though. There were a lot of, for want of a better term, snakipede larvae in the vats, and there were a lot of vats as well.
There were also a lot of snakipedes of various sizes slithering and flying about. It was basically the most horrific snake pit in the history of snake pits. And I had to run right damn into it, because 2.0 was in there—and so were my friends.
Rahmi and Rhee had their battle staffs out and activated. How they always had them defied logic, because they had them whether I saw them on their persons or not. It was probably spatial and quantum and deeply mathematical. Decided not to argue when the advanced science that would sound like magic worked in our favor.
The girls were backed up against the far wall, which had gigantic metal barn doors. This was, after all, a barn, albeit an incredibly creepy one. Couldn’t tell if the girls were trying to keep the snakipedes in or just wanted something solid against their backs, but the doors were closed and appeared locked.
The princesses were holding off the snakipedes with some truly impressive staff work. Abigail was holding them off as well with some truly impressive glaring. Hoped this meant that the oxygen-rich atmosphere had helped her get all her powers back, versus her just trying to grimace the snakipedes to death. Didn’t have time to ask, however.
This Ronaldo might not be doing all that well with mind controlling me and the others with me, but he was spot on with the snakipedes. I could tell because they stopped attacking Abigail, Rahmi, and Rhee and turned all their attention toward me.
“Kill her!” he shouted, as if I couldn’t have guessed what he was going for.
When in doubt, go for the classics, that was my motto. Put my hand in my purse. “Self-contained nukes, self-contained nukes, how I’d love to have as many self-contained nukes as there are snakipedes.”
Touched something that felt like a softball, only hard and kind of tingly. Pulled it out. Looked familiar, like Christopher had pitched it to Jeff, who’d batted it into Mephistopheles’ mouth what seemed like so long ago now. Felt a pang of nostalgia for Operation Fugly—there had only been two terrifying snakes I’d had to deal with back then.
Of course, having the nukes was only part of the battle. I had to pitch them all into the snakipedes’ mouths. And I had no bat. And while I was good at throwing, I wasn’t sure that I was up to Nolan Ryan standards.
Tossed the nuke at the nearest snakipede. And, this being my luck, missed. The nuke went sailing toward the girls and I cringed. Blowing up my friends hadn’t been my plan.
The snakipedes turned to follow the path of the nuke. An animal reaction to something flying by them, presumably. Though this shouldn’t have been the case if they were still mind controlled. Meaning maybe they weren’t anymore, or else 2.0’s mind control wasn’t all that strong. But, independent thinkers or not now, that put them facing the girls again. Also not my plan. So far, I wasn’t doing so well on the save.
Decided I was better off next to the girls, if only so I could catch the nuke and toss it again, so I took off. Realized I wasn’t going to reach the girls before the nuke did and I winced. But Rahmi and Rhee had the equivalent of bats, and they’d spent a lot of time on Earth and they worshipped Tito, who, like me and Tim, was a baseball fan.
Rahmi jumped out and swung her staff at the nuke. She hit, and the nuke sailed back just as I reached them and spun around. The trajectory wasn’t destined to hit a snakipede. At first. But then it moved and sailed right into a nearby, gaping snakipede maw.
“Great to see you three. How’s this plan sound? We are all going to run like our lives depend up on it—because they do—and we are going to run for the door I came through.”
Of course, as I said this, the door closed with a bang and a really loud click. Wasn’t sure, but I thought I heard Ronaldo 2.0 laughing.
“Or not,” Abigail said. “Any other ideas?”
Reached into my purse and pulled out a nuke. Tossed it at a snakipede, badly, but Abigail sent it into an open mouth anyway.
“Do you have more of those?” Abigail asked. “Because I don’t think two is going to be enough.”
“I do indeed. And by the way, batter up!”
I tossed nukes up in the air in front of the three of them. The princesses batted the nukes and Abigail aimed them. This was great in that we were all doing this at hyperspeed so every giant snakipede was getting a nuke treat. The problems were plentiful, though—there were plenty of smaller snakipedes to cover for those who had Nuke Treats, Ronaldo 2.0 had disappeared and locked us inside the literal House of Horrors, and when the nukes exploded, we didn’t want to be here. If, you know, the nukes exploded before the snakipedes ate us.
“Girls, after we toss these next few nukes, we need another plan.”
“Sounds good,” Abigail said. “Do you happen to have one?”
The snakipedes were within arm’s reach. And we all had hyperspeed and they didn’t. And Claudia and Lorraine had done similar during Operation Fugly, after all. Besides, it would be the most horrible option for me, so naturally it was the only option we had.
“Yeah. Run fast, grab hold, get on their backs right behind their heads, and ride ’em, cowgirls.”
Ducked and ran under the snakipede in front of me. Kept on running and went for the door, just in case. Naturally it was locked.
Not a problem, I was using hyperspeed and I headed for the nearest one—which was this moment’s definition of “spoilt for choice”—and leaped up. Grabbed a scale and hoisted myself up. Reached a wing and grabbed it.
This wasn’t so wise, as the snakipede felt and didn’t like my doing this. It turned and struck at me, but I’d managed to get up on its back and ran forward as fast as I could, which was pretty fast, since my adrenaline rush was off the charts. Controlling myself from screaming at the top of my lungs indefinitely was really helping fuel my other abilities.
Reached the back of its head as its fangs slammed onto its own tail. Didn’t stop to wait and see what was going to happen, just leaped for the next nearest snakipede.
The other girls were on the snakipedes, doing similar. Riding them was kind of out, but jumping onto them and making them crazy was definitely in. We were causing chaos, which was great, but I didn’t figure we had long before the nukes went off.
The smaller snakipedes were getting into the act and starting to head for us, either because 2.0 was telling them to or they’d realized what was going on. There were a lot of them and only four of us, and all it was going to take was one snakipede biting each one of us to ensure we all died, fast and ugly.
The princesses were using their battle staffs to keep the smaller snakipedes away and it was possible that Abigail had a shield around herself, but I didn’t, and none of us were going to hold out long in any case. It was really time for another new plan. I just didn’t have one.
Looked into my purse. “Help. Is there anything that kills these snakipedes fast that won’t kill me and the other gals at the same time? Or just, you know, any possibility that someone else could perform the miraculous save?”
The snakipedes all thudded to the ground. Was really happy the girls and I were on top of some of them when this happened because if we’d been on the floor we’d have all been crushed.
The monsters weren’t moving. Chose to take this as a really good sign.
“What the hell?” Abigail called.
“No clue. Time to get off them and open a door.”
“We can’t open the big ones,”
Rahmi said, pointing to the barn doors as we all ran for the door I’d come in through. “They’re reinforced with iron bars and more. This entire room is designed to keep those things inside until someone wants to let them out.”
“We haven’t been able to open this door, either,” Rhee said. “Believe me, we’ve tried.”
Heard the first explosion. “We need to get out of here, immediately if not sooner.” Reached the door, grabbed the handle, and pulled with all my might.
CHAPTER 68
LUCKILY FOR ME, Rahmi was behind me, because the door flew open and I flew back. She caught me as we all saw a happy sight—Reader was there. “Get out!”
Didn’t have to tell us twice. We ran and he slammed the door behind us, as more explosions went off.
“How did you get explosives in there?” he asked me, as Wilbur put his paws on my shoulders and licked my face.
“Long story. I can guess how you found us—good boy, Wilbur—but how did you get the snakipedes to stop and drop?”
“That took a different kind of persuasion.” Reader pointed and I looked to see Ronaldo 2.0 on his knees, with Fancy’s very long claws at his throat and face, with particular emphasis on his eyes. Meanwhile, Ginger was growling right at his groin.
The explosions continued. The whole place shook, but nothing came down. “How’d you catch him?”
“Wilbur tracked you, and as Ronaldo there ran out and closed the door he laughed, meaning Ginger could hear him and she attacked. He’s clawed up a lot on his backside. Fancy joined in and we suggested that he call off whatever was attacking you or we’d slice him up slowly and let him watch us feed him to the Poofs.”
“I love it when you’re nasty.” The explosions finally stopped. Heaved a sigh. “Girls, you were awesome. How long were you in there?”
“Days,” Abigail said. “We landed in the throne room. We were outnumbered and they captured us.”
“We took down twenty before they did so,” Rhee said. “I counted.”
“Good job. How did you survive in there for minutes, let alone days?”
“We were in a cage,” Rahmi replied. “The cage dumped us out about a minute or so before you arrived. We used it to hold them off for a while, but then when it got knocked aside, we went back to our normal fighting styles.”
“Good call. I wonder why they captured you, though. Everyone else has treated us all like Gods or at least strangers to help.”
“He knew who we were.” Abigail went over to 2.0. “And I know who you are.” Her voice was low and icy and more dangerous than I’d ever heard. “You’re why my brother and my aunt are dead, and because of that, why my sister is dead.”
Went to her and put my hand on her shoulder. “No, he’s not. He’s not the real Ronaldo Al Dejahl. He’s a clone. The one who caused us all so much trouble during Operation Infiltration was a clone, too. There are a lot of clones around, and not just the snakipedes.” Pulled Abigail gently away from 2.0. Now wasn’t necessarily the time to kill him.
“The what?” Rahmi asked.
“The things we were just fighting.”
“Oh, them. They told us they were called the Horrors. That name seemed apt.”
“It is apt but, um, well, you know . . .”
“Shealla is the Giver of Names,” Fancy said, as she nodded solemnly to the three girls, while never letting her claws waver from 2.0’s face and throat. “You are the Venida. You know the Queen of the Gods will rename as she sees fit.”
The girls stared at me. “Long story. They all, um, know we’re Gods here, okay? So don’t try to fool them.”
“No,” Abigail said dryly, “we surely wouldn’t want to do that.”
“We need to verify that all the snakipedes and the snakipede cloning equipment is destroyed,” I said quickly.
“I’m not willing to die from radiation poisoning,” Reader said. “So I vote that we take it on faith and send in a hazmat team later.”
“We need to find the others,” Fancy added.
“Speaking of whom, Ronnie, where are your other prisoners?”
“I don’t have any.” He sounded strained, not snippy, meaning he was very aware of the claws and fangs hovering nearby. “I’m injured.”
“I care. Deeply. But until I have every single solitary prisoner of yours in my custody, you’re just going to keep on bleeding. And potentially keep on getting clawed up. Hard to say at this precise time.”
“Where are the other warriors under your command?” Rahmi asked him.
“Her creatures ate them,” 2.0 said.
The girls all looked at me. “All of them?” Rhee asked.
“Think so. Not sure. Ah, Poofies? Where are you? Come to Kitty.”
Waited. No Poofs appeared. Oh great—we now had this moment’s new definition of “not good.” Lucky us.
“Who else is missing?” Abigail asked while I tried not to fret. Failed.
“Everyone. We were all together and only missing you three, but there was a trap set around a dead body—one of the Amazonian Ancient Clones—and the others ran into it. We five didn’t.”
Abigail turned back to Ronaldo 2.0. “So where are they?” she snarled. “You took them and put them somewhere. Tell us, and I might let them stop me from doing to you what I wanted to do to your clone brother.”
“I have no idea. You three were the only ones who landed here.”
Wished Jeff was here, for multiple reasons. Right now, though, I wished that I could tell if 2.0 was lying.
“You obviously knew there were others,” Reader said, picking up the slack. “Otherwise you’d have chosen your words differently.”
“You all just told me there were others here,” 2.0 snapped. “I had three aliens land in my throne room, obviously attempting an assassination. They failed. Clearly the rest of you are doing a better job eliminating me.”
“Why would you think we were here to assassinate you?” Rhee asked. “When you pulled us here?”
“Wasn’t me pulling anyone here. We don’t have the technology to do that on this planet.”
This wasn’t true. But none of the natives had known about the power sphere and 2.0 didn’t sound like he was lying.
“So you thought someone beamed some assassins in here?” I asked him.
“Why not? Every other planet has higher tech than we do. They wouldn’t be the first to try.”
Oh really? “Why would someone want to assassinate you?”
“You mean besides them and her?” He waggled his eyebrows toward Fancy.
“I am containing a dangerous prisoner,” Fancy said haughtily. “If I wanted you dead, you would already be dead.”
“She has a good point, Ronnie. I’m still back on how you would think two Free Women would be here to assassinate you, when you had a room full of them at your beck and call.”
“I figured they were with her.” Now the brows waggled toward Abigail.
“So, you did know what your clone brother did to my family?” Abigail asked, voice silky with menace. I’d never seen her like this, but then again, I could understand her mindset.
“No,” 2.0 said with clearly forced patience. “I was warned about all of you before I took the throne. And I was also warned about my enemies in this solar system.”
Realization dawned. “Who are they?” Pointed to Rahmi and Rhee.
“The bloodline of the Royal Family of Beta Twelve, and the sworn enemies of those who protect me. Is this some sort of stupid test?”
“Yes. Why would you think they were coming to assassinate you?”
He rolled his eyes, which was an interesting look considering Fancy’s claws were still in front of them. “Because I know there are a lot of other inhabited planets in this system and they all want my world. Beta Twelve, in particular, wants it.”
They did? “They do? Why
?”
“Because what we have will give them the spaceflight ability they want more than anything else.”
CHAPTER 69
“QUEEN RENATA IS aware of why her people aren’t being allowed spaceflight.”
Ronaldo 2.0 shrugged. He was ballsy, I had to give him that. But then, that was a Ronaldo Trait. As was being an asshat, a jerk, and a murderous psychopath, so I didn’t allow myself to get too impressed. “Maybe when you last saw her she was good with it. Now? Not as much.”
“What changed?” Reader asked, of Rahmi and Rhee as much as Ronaldo.
Rahmi shook her head. “When we were sent to Earth, things were exactly as Kitty has said. My mother was in close agreement with the Planetary Council and the King of Alpha Four about most, if not all, things.” Rhee nodded.
“So how do you know this?” Fancy snarled at 2.0.
“I have spies on the other planets,” he replied, as if this was obvious. “Just like they have spies here. I think your pets ate some of them.”
“Bummer. Maybe.” Thought about this. “You know . . . why would the Snow Globe Beetles have eaten all the snakipede corpses, but not have eaten the Usha clone corpse?” Got a sick feeling in my stomach. “Do you think the Usha and other Amazonian Ancient clones are deadly in some way if ingested?” Because, if so, I’d just killed all my Poofs.
Felt ill. Then felt something soft at my neck.
Reached up and found Poofikins in my hand. The Poof purred at me, mewled a bit, and I snuggled it to my face. “Kitty is so glad you and the others are okay.”
“Poofs are okay?” Reader asked, sounding tense. He had a Poof he loved, too. We all did, and they were all on this planet with us.
“Yeah. Per Poofikins they’ve been searching the castle. Amazingly enough, Ronnie here isn’t lying—none of the rest of our people are in here. In fact, there are no other living souls in here, since we apparently wiped out the snakipedes, go team.”