by Gini Koch
“And he’s definitely someone who’s secure enough in his manhood to handle it. Wow, that’s your objection?”
Jeff laughed. “No objection at all, really. I’ve known for a while.”
“I’m sure you have. How’d you manage to keep it a secret?”
He grinned. “Easy. No one ever asked.”
While this was going on, The Clarence Clone came over to me, Wilbur and Ginger trailing him. “Shealla, what will I do?” He looked lost and afraid. But he needn’t have worried.
“Clarence, you’re coming home to Earth with us.” Felt and saw jaws drop. “You’re the good version of your original, and I think your family will be overjoyed to have you returned to them.”
The Clone beamed. “Thank you, Shealla! Will Wilbur and Ginger be coming, too?”
The animals both whined. “Do Wilbur and Ginger have mates in their packs?” More whining. No, they did not. “Do Wilbur and Ginger have potential mates in their packs?”
A few chochos and ocellars trotted over, looking rather eager.
“That’s more than ‘a’ mate each,” Jeff said. “That’s a good seven other chochos and ocellars, each.” He groaned. “I know what’s coming.”
“They need to be immunized to ensure they don’t bring in alien diseases, and vice versa,” Chuckie said.
“We can arrange that,” Rohini offered. “It will be ready before you all return to Earth.”
“Then, yeah, let’s bring the menagerie. We need to ensure that whoever just lost their chochos and ocellars gets reimbursed for their loss, however.”
“We will see to it,” Fancy replied.
“Will this create a problem on Earth, though?” Tim asked. “I’m not saying to leave the animals, or Clarence behind, but Poofs and Peregrines are one thing. Chochos and ocellars are another. A very visible other. Same with bringing back someone from the dead.”
Shrugged. “Let’s phone home and ask.”
CHAPTER 101
ALEXANDER HAD set up a feed with Hacker International. We had to go up to his ship to talk to them, but we’d been gone so long that we all wanted to anyway, regardless of the Clarence Clone and Alien Animals Questions.
Pretty much everyone who’d been in the room when we were taken was now packed into the computer lab where Hacker International lived. We also had President Armstrong in attendance, and, to my surprise, Gideon Cleary.
We’d updated everyone days earlier, but we hadn’t been ready to leave the planet. We were ready now, as long as our new residents were approved.
“I don’t have any problem with you bringing the animals back if they won’t make anyone sick or get sick from coming here,” Armstrong said.
“The Shantanu will guarantee both,” Rohini said.
“Mister Valentino is another thing, though.” Armstrong shook his head. “I’m not going to tell you how to deal with your family, Jeff, but are you sure bringing in a copy of your late brother-in-law is the right thing to do for your sister and her family?”
Jeff ran his hand through his hair. “Honestly, Vince, I’m not sure. This Clarence is more like I remember the original one being before my Aunt Terry died. We get nothing evil from him.”
“I think he can help us with our Mastermind problem, in a lot of ways.”
Cleary nodded. “You want to use him to lure Stephanie home, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I do. Richard, Malcolm, and Night Crawler, what do you guys think?”
“I think it’s sound for a lot of reasons,” Buchanan said.
Siler also nodded. “Stephanie’s gone to ground. While you’ve all been off partying in another universe, we’ve,” he indicated himself and Buchanan, “been searching for her and coming up with cover stories for where you are and why the governor isn’t upset that Kyle and his small team went to Florida instead of the Vice President and his wife, as requested.”
“I agree with Malcolm and Benjamin,” White said. He and Rohini were getting along swimmingly, which wasn’t all that much of a surprise. Figured White was going to want to take a trip to the home system soon, just to hang out with his Penguin Counterpart.
“I also believe you all sell Sylvia short,” White went on. “She is more than capable of making the distinction between clone and original, but she may not want to. We mate for life, if you recall, and while one can move on after a spouse’s death, it takes us many years. Sylvia has not yet moved on. Why not do her and this new Clarence both a kindness and allow them to begin a new life together?”
“And hopefully he’ll be able to help us find Stephanie,” Cleary added.
“I agree about Sylvia. However, this Clarence won’t be ready for Stephanie for a while. He’s still . . . simple. Not stupid, his brain works well, but his experiences are limited. It’s going to take some time.”
“We have it,” Armstrong said. “While I’m sure you’d all like to find the young lady sooner than later, we aren’t ready to move against Goodman yet anyway. We’ve all agreed that allowing Goodman to know that we know what he’s up to is counterproductive. I’m going to be moving him to another position—one where he has no day-to-day with American Centaurion or the C.I.A., and little contact with the Vice President, too. He’ll be busy, feel he’s moving up in the hierarchy, but be in a place where he can and will be watched.”
“What about his relationship with Chuck?” Christopher asked. “We can’t expect Chuck to act like Goodman’s his best friend anymore.”
The others nodded, both on Alexander’s ship and in Hacker International. Good to know Chuckie had plenty of support.
“We can use the truth,” Chuckie said. “I was hurt when we were here, and I’m having terrible mood swings I can’t control. That explanation will cover for me being angry with him. I can control myself from killing him or telling him what we know he is and has done. It’ll work for long enough.”
“How long do you figure for the clone to adapt and become useful?” Cleary asked. “And before you all shoot me the death glare, I’m not trying to be insensitive. But we need to know the timeline so we can adapt what we’re doing and saying about Stephanie, among other things.”
“Nine months to a year,” Jeff answered before anyone else could. “Nine months would be the absolute soonest. I’d plan on a year, a little more if we can do it.”
“That makes sense,” Chuckie said, just as quickly. “I’m sure we can fool Goodman for that long, or longer if we need to.”
The rest of the discussion was mundane and I focused on getting time to say goodbye to everyone—it was clear we were heading home soon.
The less said about the many tearful goodbyes we did once we were back on Beta Eight the better. Managed not to cry when we said goodbye to Patrina and Pretty Girl, who had come to visit and bonded with Jamie and Mous-Mous. The girls were clinging to each other and Patrina’s mother and I finally had to pry them apart.
“We’ll come back,” I told Jamie. “I promise.”
“You will,” King Benny said, antlers proudly back in place. “It has been foretold.”
Hugged him so hard his antlers wobbled. And I didn’t even want to laugh.
How we were getting home was the big question. By ship had been suggested and vehemently vetoed by Jeff with massive support from Chuckie, Jareen, and Neeraj, which made no sense to me. But they were so against it I didn’t argue.
Asking ACE was out, and no one felt that Abigail was ready to warp all of us that far, including Abigail.
This left going back the way we’d come. No one was all that much of a fan, but the history of success the Alpha Five transport system had was undeniable.
It was felt that we would have the safest trip if we beamed from the top of the All Seeing Mountain. So, entourage in tow, we zipped up there, some via hyperspeed, some via the Rapacian shuttle, which really was super useful. 2.0 had asked for and been
given permission to keep it.
He hugged me tightly as we got ready to get into beaming positions. “Thank you. For giving me a chance to be a better person than my original was. I won’t let you down.”
Hugged him back. “I know you won’t, Ronnie.” I did, too, for some reason.
“Don’t be a stranger,” he said. “You’ll always have a home here, if any of you ever need it.” The rest of the Beta Eight folks nodded.
Last hugs all around, then we stepped as a group into the middle, Jeff holding Jamie, animals next to people. Serene and Rohini had figured out how to move the telescope, so it was to the side, politely waiting for us to leave so it could go back into its place of honor.
“Everyone be good and, next time, call before you come to visit or bring us out to save the day, okay?”
Everyone laughed and as they were saying okay and waving goodbye, the transfer hit.
This was far more like Star Trek than our first experience. We were all pixelating quickly, animals included. There was a bright flash of light and I saw us, all of those who were called Gods on this world, in a circle, once again talking to Beta Eight natives we didn’t know.
As the déjà vu hit, there was another flash of light, and then we were gone, both versions of us. A third flash and we were in the second floor of the Zoo, which was the area in our complex with the least stuff in it.
“Whoa, did you guys see something . . . weird when we were pulled?” Brian asked.
Not everyone nodded—only those of us considered Gods on Beta Eight.
“What was it?” Kevin asked. “I feel like . . . I remember things I can’t possibly remember.” Again, only the Gods of Beta Eight nodded. Everyone else looked at us like we were crazy.
“It’s just a side effect of the transfer,” Chuckie said. “Nothing dangerous or long-lasting. We’re home, we’re all alive and most of us are reasonably well.” He smiled wryly. “So, let’s go see everyone else and do the same thing we just did on Beta Eight.”
“Hug, kiss, and cry?” Walker asked.
“Sounds about right,” Serene said. “I personally have a child to get my arms around, and I know I’m not the only one.”
Heard the sounds of running feet as Patrick, Ross, Sean, Raymond, and Rachel all came running across the walkway and flung themselves into their respective parents’ arms. Denise Lewis was right behind them, and she joined her children in flinging herself at Kevin.
White and Amy were next, grabbing Christopher, then Gower, Abigail, and Reader. Mom and Dad were right behind them, hugging me, Jeff, and especially Jamie.
Chuckie looked funny, but before he could move off, Dad grabbed him and pulled him into our family hug. Felt him relax and saw Chuckie’s expression go back to what I considered normal.
The rest of the Embassy and related family members came in, including Jeff’s parents, Alfred and Lucinda, and Sylvia. Sylvia saw The Clarence Clone and stopped dead.
“Is it really you?” she asked.
The Clarence Clone looked at her for a few long seconds. “Sylvia?” he asked finally. “Are you . . . are you my wife?”
She burst into tears, ran to him, and threw her arms around him. “Yes. And you’re my husband.”
He hugged her and looked at me. “Thank you . . . Kitty.”
“You’re welcome, Clarence. And welcome home.”
And then it was one gigantic hugfest for a long time.
But it really wasn’t long enough.
CHAPTER 102
JAMIE WAS ASLEEP in her room with the cats, dogs, a large number of Peregrines, Bruno included of course, Mous-Mous and every unattached Poof we had, and all the ocellars and chochos as well.
Amazingly enough, our cats and dogs had accepted the new additions without too much complaint. Jeff having given them even more treats than the new animals probably helped, but the Poofs and Bruno were most likely the real reason for insta-love.
It was almost impossible to walk into her room without stepping on paws or tails, but Jeff and I had done our best. Mercifully, the Alpha Four Poofs had all stayed in their system, at least as far as I knew. Never thought I’d ever feel we could have too many Poofs, but right now, we had so much fur in our home we were maxed out.
Now we were lying in bed together in the happy afterglow of We Made It Home Safely sex. My head was on his shoulder, and my hand was stroking the hair on his chest while he stroked my arm.
“You know, I have a question.”
“Yeah? What about, baby?”
“I’ve been thinking about the timeframe you laid out for when our New Clarence would be ready to help us find Stephanie and bring her in from the cold. He’s pretty smart and very willing. I think he could be ready far earlier.”
“Don’t care. We’re not taking any action against the Mastermind for at least nine months to a year. Longer if we can get away with it, though I doubt we can. Let Clarence have all the time we can give him. Maybe Stephanie will come home on her own when she hears he’s alive. Maybe she won’t. But we’re going to take the time.”
This wasn’t like Jeff. He’d accepted that Stephanie was a traitor but he still wanted to bring her home, get her back on the side of right, save her. Just saying she could deal and que sera sera seemed out of character.
“Chuckie supported that idea . . . almost immediately . . .” And he’d seen everyone in the solar system, possibly the galaxy. I thought he’d seen them as energy signatures like I had, but maybe he’d seen them in a more in-depth way. I hadn’t asked, after all.
“Yeah, so what? Chuck said I was right, why are you arguing?”
“Because that’s also out of character. He gave no real explanation for why . . .” Thought about it. Really thought about it, about why both Jeff and Chuckie would say “we’re taking our time,” especially under the circumstances, and, in particular, the amount of time they were saying we needed. Plus, Jareen and Neeraj had been adamant that I not travel in a warp ship. “Oh. Um, really?”
Jeff chuckled. “Yes, really.”
“You’re sure?”
“Very. I’m assuming the oxygen-rich atmosphere helped. Not that we really had trouble before, but still, it’s been four years since the last time.”
“You mean I got pregnant on Beta Eight?”
Jeff rolled onto his side and kissed me. “You did. In the middle of Haven. But you’re not allowed to name the baby Fancy or King Benny or anything like that.”
“Hey, I’m Shealla, the Name Giver. I get to name the baby whatever I see fit.”
He laughed. “We’ll discuss it. And we’re also not going to do anything to put you into action until the baby is safely here.”
“We may not have any control over that, you know.”
“I know. But I’m the Vice President and the Leader of the Gods. So I say that’s how it’s going to be.”
“And who am I to argue with the Leader of the Gods?”
Jeff rolled on top of me, propped himself up on his forearms, and stroked my hair. “You’re the most amazing woman in two galaxies.”
“I’m just me, Jeff.”
“Exactly what I said.”
Then he kissed me for a good long time, emphasis on fantastic. It was truly the perfect ending to our exotic Civil War Battlefield vacation. And I had a new life inside me to prove it.
Available December 2015,
the twelfth novel in the Alien series
from Gini Koch:
ALIEN IN CHIEF
Read on for a sneak preview
“MOMMY, why is that car floating?”
For some mothers, this question would be answered by the term “special effects” and/or “just watch the movie, honey”. For me, it required a different explanation.
“Ah, Jamie, well . . . I think it’s because your little brother, um, wants it to. Charlie
? Charlie, honey, put the car down, please. Now.”
Thankfully, the car in question was one of the toy cars that my son was far too young to play with. That didn’t stop him from wanting them, however. And, because he wanted them, well . . . Charlie took them. By making them come to him.
In the past years I’ve gone through so many changes that you’d think change would be commonplace, something I didn’t even think twice about.
You’d be wrong.
Becoming an alien superbeing exterminator? Handled like a boss. Becoming the Ambassador for an alien principality? So four years ago. Being the wife of a still-unwilling but going to do his best for his people and country politician? Got it covered. Finding that the Mastermind of the majority of our problems on Earth was a good friend? Still plotting the revenge. Swapping places with another me and visiting another universe? Check. Averting a solar system civil war? Double check.
But none of these changes prepared me for my biggest battle.
Being the mother of two.
Two alien hybrid children with, oh, shall we say, unusual abilities. Don’t get me wrong—I love my children. They’re great and, frankly, I have tons of help, a super supportive husband, totally there parents and in-laws, and a plethora of Secret Service agents following us everywhere. I mean, I have no right to complain at all.
I just have to say that sometimes it felt like averting an alien civil war was a lot easier than parenting. Times like right now, for instance.
My daughter Jamie of course knew why the toy car was floating. She was just asking so that she could point out that her little brother was doing something I didn’t want him to in a way that might mean she wasn’t a tattletale.
Of course, since Charlie’s birth six months ago, we’d actually needed Jamie’s tattling, because Charlie’s very unusual talent had manifested at birth.
Being the family of the current Vice President of the United States meant that we were under microscopic scrutiny. Seeing as my husband, Jeff, was also an alien whose parents and family were originally from Alpha Four of the Alpha Centauri system meant we were under scrutiny far more in-depth than microscopic.