by S. H. Kolee
Lenore's eyes narrowed and I felt a chill go through me. I could barely make out her features in the dim light, but I could feel her disapproval. "You don't have the privilege of indulging in guilt right now. And that's what you would be doing. Assuaging your guilt for leaving and not telling them where you were going. Is making yourself feel better worth putting their lives at risk? That's what you would be doing. You were right when you said they were safer not being near you."
Lenore's words gutted me. As much as I wanted to protest, she was right. Better for them to mourn my death than meet their own. I lowered my head again to hear their conversation, feeling more hopeless than I ever had.
"Maybe I'm wrong," Sarah said. "I hope to God I'm wrong. But you don't realize how hard it was for her to live through everything that she did."
"I can't believe she's been suffering all this time and she never confided in me. I knew something was wrong but I thought we had time. Time for her to trust me and tell me what was going on."
"It's not your fault, Simon," Sarah said sadly. "Caitlin has kept that part of herself hidden for so long, I don't know if she has the ability to let anyone else in."
I wasn't surprised that it sounded like Sarah had told Simon everything she knew. I didn't blame her. They thought it was a life and death situation. If only they knew how right they were.
"I can't believe her damn father doesn't even give a shit. He said she was probably just being difficult and would reappear when she got over her tantrum." Simon gave a sound of disgust. "What an asshole."
"I won't argue with that. And the police won't do anything since she wrote a letter saying she was leaving. I think the best thing is to go back to school and wait for her there. That's where she feels the safest. Instead of looking for her, I think we should wait for her to find us."
I heard footsteps and tensed, but instead of coming closer they were getting farther away. I heard the front door open and close and I heard the engine of the car start through the open window in the basement.
Lenore straightened when she heard the car pull away. She opened the basement door and I squinted against the light, my eyes having become accustomed to the dark. I followed her into the house, quickly wiping away my tears. Lenore assessed me with a speculative look.
"Are you up for this?"
I nodded, taking a deep breath. I had to remind myself that I was doing this to keep Simon and Sarah safe. To find my aunt. This wasn't about me and my emotions.
Lenore and I split up the rooms, searching every crack and crevice for Aunt Brenda's journal. Three hours later I felt tired and defeated. We hadn't been able to find her journal and I started questioning the accuracy of what I saw under hypnosis.
"Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I just wanted to see my aunt so badly while I was under that I just conjured up her telling me to look for her journal." I rubbed my forehead, the events of the past few days combined with my lack of sleep making me feel exhausted. Hypnosis had just made me feel even weaker. I leaned against the couch in the living room, feeling fatigued.
"Let's check again," Lenore said. "I don't think your mind just made it up. We can try—"
Her eyes rounded in shock and her face drained of color as she stared past me, looking at something behind me. I was turning to see what she was looking at with such horror when she grabbed my wrist, pulling me roughly towards her.
"Run!" she screamed.
Chapter Three
My first reaction was to turn around and see what had Lenore so scared, but she threw me behind her.
"Get out of here!" she yelled. "Now!"
She shoved me, propelling me into the kitchen. I turned around to protest but Lenore had already gone back into the living room. I glanced at the back door in the kitchen, but I knew there was no way I was going anywhere. Regardless of what Lenore had seen, this was my fight as much as it was hers.
I crept back towards the living room and froze in horror when I saw Claudia standing in front of Lenore, a taunting smile stretched across her face.
"I see dear little Caitlin has picked up some protectors." Claudia crossed her arms against her chest, looking amused. "Too bad it won't do any good."
Lenore was clutching her necklace, an iridium medallion that I had seen earlier, and she was boring holes into Claudia, not saying a word. I would have thought she felt no fear if it wasn't for her shaking hand holding the necklace.
Claudia laughed gleefully as she watched Lenore. It would be hard to accept that the pretty blonde before me was no longer a sweet college girl if it wasn't for the evil burning in her eyes.
"Stupid human. Your powers are nothing against me. That cheap piece of metal will do nothing to protect you. It certainly can't hurt me." Claudia reached up, touching a piece of metal on a chain around her neck. Instead of glinting in the sunlight, it gave off shafts of darkness.
Lenore still had her medallion clenched in her hand, not saying a word. Claudia walked closer to Lenore, so fast that it was almost a blur, and her hand shot out, closing around Lenore's throat. I went into action without thinking, rushing into the living room.
"Stop! Let her go!"
Claudia cocked her head, her hand still wrapped around Lenore's throat. Lenore was grabbing futilely at the hand while pressing her medallion against Claudia. Claudia batted it away like it was a pesky fly.
"I was wondering when you were going to step forward."
"Stop it! You're killing her!"
Claudia grinned insanely. "That's the point."
I frantically looked around for a weapon and picked up the first object I saw, a small statue on the side table behind the sofa. With my heart pounding in my ears, I barreled towards Claudia, my arm raised with the statue clutched in my hand. I swung my hand down as hard as I could, wanting to connect with Claudia's head. I wanted to scream in frustration when my hand just sliced through air. Claudia moved so quickly that I lost sight of her. I frantically looked around, trying to find her.
Lenore was crumpled in a heap on the floor. I quickly leaned over her although I kept my gaze raised, frantically looking for Claudia.
"Lenore, are you okay? Get up! We have to go!"
"Pull her into you." Lenore's voice was raspy, as if every word that passed through her throat ravaged her. "Pull Claudia's vardoger out of her body and into yours."
I was about to answer when I felt a presence behind me. I whipped around, struggling not to flinch when I saw Claudia standing above me with a glowering stare.
"This is what I'm up against?" she scoffed. "This is the great powerful seer? You're nothing but a naive little girl." She grinned maniacally. "I'm going to enjoy this."
She reached down and grabbed me by the neck, raising me until I was off the floor, my feet dangling helplessly. I scrambled for the iridium coin in my pocket and Claudia simply raised her eyebrows, not stopping me. My hand grabbed hold of the metal coin and I pulled it out.
"I see you're slow to learn," Claudia said, shaking her head disappointedly. "I thought you were going to make this fun."
I ignored her and tried to remember what my aunt had told me about pulling vardogers into you. I strained with all my might, imagining Claudia's vardoger separating from her body, being sucked into mine. I clenched my teeth, willing it to happen with every last bit of my strength, focusing all my energy on pulling the shadow out.
Claudia bared her teeth, looking like a feral animal. I stared into her grey eyes, imagining every molecule of my being attaching to her vardoger, drawing it out. I could feel sweat pouring down my face, trickling down my back, as it became harder and harder to breathe. But I didn't stop concentrating on focusing every part of my being into swallowing Claudia's vardoger.
I saw the shift in Claudia's eyes, the expression of triumph changing into fear. She dropped me and I fell onto the ground with a loud thud, the connection broken. I panted with fear and adrenaline, my throat burning with each breath.
"How is it possible?" Claudia hissed, backing away. Her hiss
turned into a scream. "How is it possible!?" She whipped her head around, looking possessed. "Hurry," she screamed. "Take her!"
I tried to follow the direction of Claudia's gaze, but her head was lolling around, as if her neck couldn't support the weight of it anymore. I glanced at Lenore who was still lying on the ground, staring at Claudia with terror in her eyes.
I was about to stand and urge Lenore to run with me when I saw shadows emerge from the air. It was as if they materialized out of nothing. Three figures stepped in front of me and I stared in horror as I saw them solidify, as if the molecules of their being were rapidly coming together to form bodies. My mind could barely process what I was seeing, shock and terror freezing me in place.
In seconds, Sarah and Simon were standing in front of me. But the third figure was the most horrifying. I saw a replica of myself standing in front of me with a malevolent smile. Their bodies were almost entirely solid, except I could still make out shapes of furniture behind them. They were translucent, almost human, yet so far from human that I trembled.
Claudia stepped up from behind them, an elated smile on her face. "Do it."
The three vardogers rushed towards me, looking like a pack of wild animals eager to feast on their kill. My mind couldn't process the images of my best friend, the boy I loved and myself attacking me. They crowded around me, but instead of feeling them physically, I felt them inside me, as if they were digging into my body, sinking their fingers into every part of me. It was a feeling beyond pain, as if my very essence was being crushed. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out, my throat closing as I felt like I was drowning, as if thick matter was being pushed down my airways until I choked.
I was vaguely aware of screams in the background as I fought for my life, for my very existence. I felt the hard edge of the iridium coin in my limp hand, and I forced my fingers to wrap around it, summoning every last bit of strength I had remaining. I focused on the feelings inside me, of the invasion of my body. I focused on pushing out the foreign energies, demanding that they loosen their grip, their claws leaving bloody trails on my soul.
Slowly, inch by inch, I felt them receding but I wasn't able to push them out completely. I gathered everything in me, every feeling of love, hate and fear, and pooled them into one ball of energy and shot it at them with all my might. A blast of light exploded in my mind and suddenly I felt nothing inside me except my rapidly beating heart.
I sat up, aware of my physical surroundings once again. I cried out when I saw Lenore unconscious, blood streaming down her face. I saw the statue that I had tried to use earlier on Claudia next to her head, blood staining the base. I quickly crawled over to her, so drained that my body was barely able to make the short distance. Before I could reach out to touch her, Claudia stepped in between us. I forced myself to stand up, my legs trembling to support me.
Claudia was shaking, her eyes filled with an inhuman rage. "How did you do it?!" she screamed. "How did you kill your vardoger?! I'm wearing palladium and I'm connected to them. You shouldn't have been able to kill your vardoger!"
I shook my head, but comprehension was dawning. I had destroyed my vardoger when they had tried to enter my body. Even though I had only destroyed one out of the three, I felt a fierce streak of satisfaction run through me with the knowledge that I had vanquished my first vardoger. But the feeling was fleeting when I glanced down at Lenore's still body.
Claudia's expression of fury turned into gloating, although I could still see the anger in her eyes. "She's dead. You're next."
She stepped towards me, her eyes blazing. She let out a shriek of frustration and I wondered why she didn't attack me. Her gaze shifted to behind me and I quickly turned sideways so I could see what she was looking at without turning my back on her.
I saw Sarah and Simon's vardogers standing there, looking furious but when they glanced at me, there was a hint of fear in their eyes. I desperately wished I had been able to destroy them when I had destroyed my own vardoger, but apparently they had survived my attack.
"Try again," Claudia ordered in a low voice. They shook their heads and Sarah's vardoger glanced at the floor where we had struggled. Where I had destroyed my vardoger.
"Do it!" Claudia screamed, fury vibrating through every word. She screamed again when the vardogers dissipated, leaving us. "Cowards! I know you're still here! You can't go anywhere without me!"
Silence answered her and she whipped her attention back to me. She stalked me as we circled each other, her nostrils flaring as she hunted me. "It's not fair that I'm stuck in the body of a stupid ordinary human. I deserve to possess you! It should be me!" Claudia suddenly smiled at me, giving me chills. "Maybe I can try. The worst that can happen is you die."
She lunged at me and my instinct was to run. I ran through the living room and into the kitchen, throwing open the back door and rushing out. Once I was in the backyard, I ran towards the front of the house, adrenaline making my heart beat frenetically. I saw Lenore's ancient car in the driveway and stopped still. Lenore was still in there. Maybe she was still alive.
I looked behind me, confused that Claudia wasn't pursuing me. Fear squeezed my lungs until I could barely breathe, but I couldn't leave without Lenore.
I crept up to the front door, straining to hear any sound but there was only silence. The front door was ajar and I slowly opened it further, my heart in my mouth. I gasped when I saw the empty living room, pushing the door all the way open and running inside. I looked around the room frantically but Lenore was gone. All that remained was the bloody spot on the carpet where she had laid.
I searched the house with a frenzy, not caring if Claudia or the vardogers appeared. In fact, I wanted them to appear. I needed to know what they had done to Lenore. But the house was empty. It was as if Lenore disappeared, just like my aunt.
I waited at the house, expecting something to happen, but when night started to fall, I realized that this was doing nobody any good. I needed to go back and tell Marie and Cecelia what had happened. They would know what to do.
I grabbed Lenore's car keys on the coffee table where she had dropped them earlier and went outside, sliding into the driver's seat of the car. I tried to remember the directions back, grateful that her house was so close to my aunt's. When I pulled up in front of Lenore's house I frowned. It was pitch black with not a single light on. I parked in front of the house and turned off the engine, a feeling of foreboding coming over me. I took a deep breath and forced myself to exit the car and walk towards the house.
Chapter Four
"Hello?" I called out, wishing my voice didn't sound so tremulous. The front door had been unlocked and I immediately turned on the lights in the foyer and living room. Nothing looked amiss except for the fact that the house was completely empty. Lenore had given Marie and Cecelia strict instruction to wait for us at her house, and I doubted they would stray from her direction.
I checked upstairs, flooding the whole house with light. The last thing I wanted was to be alone in the dark. I was already starting to panic as I realized I really was alone now. Even if Cecelia and Marie had just left, I had no way of contacting them.
I didn't know what to do and I had nowhere to go. I had a fleeting thought of calling Simon, but I knew he was safer back in Rochester.
I rummaged through Lenore's kitchen, feeling like I was violating her privacy but I was starving, not having eaten anything since yesterday. I couldn't believe that it had just been yesterday that I was in Simon's car. I remembered the last kiss we shared when he dropped me off before going to the East End. I thought things had been bad then. Now I wished I could go back to those times, when the threats were vague and I still held onto a shred of hope.
I made a quick sandwich as well as a pot of coffee. I had no plans of going to sleep tonight. I was vulnerable enough in a large house alone. Going to sleep would be suicide.
The sandwich was tasteless going down but I forced myself to eat. I needed to keep my energy up. The coffee
was strong and bitter but I forced myself to down multiple cups. I thought about what Claudia had said about palladium. She had seemed shocked that I was able to destroy my vardoger. She had alluded to the fact that since my vardoger was connected to her and she was wearing palladium, I shouldn't have been able to neutralize my shadow.
I walked upstairs to an office I had seen during my previous search, flicking on the computer. I was relieved when I saw Lenore had internet access and started searching information about palladium. It just seemed like another metal. Rare, like iridium, but nothing out of the ordinary. It said nothing about the metal casting reflections of shadows instead of light, but I was sure I had witnessed the charm around Claudia's neck doing just that.
I spent the next few hours trying to find information about vardogers, but the websites about it were sparse. The most they ever said was that it was a Norwegian folklore about spirit predecessors, but gave no further information.
My eyes started to drift close and I fought sleep as much as I could, but not even the coffee could combat my bone-weary exhaustion. I was starting to feel delirious from lack of sleep, my mind becoming lethargic as my body protested the absence of respite. I promised myself I would just let my eyes rest when I laid my head on my folded arms on the desk.
I could smell something burning, but I couldn't see anything in the pitch black of night. Dry leaves were crunching under my feet, the only sound that I could hear besides my own breathing. I could almost make out the silhouettes of trees as I fumbled around, holding my hands out as I tried to navigate through the woods solely by touch.
Something whizzed by me, narrowly avoiding grazing me, and I jumped back, crying out with pain when I tripped over a tree root, falling down and slamming my right knee against a rock. I immediately silenced my cry. I didn't know why, but I knew I had to keep quiet. Or else they would hear me.
I carefully got back up and continued maneuvering my way in the dark with my hands. I could see a faint light in the distance so I made my way towards it. The smell of burning became stronger as I got closer, the light becoming brighter and illuminating the forest around me in an eerie glow. I walked faster, now being able to navigate by sight.