by Cole
That lasted for about a day. I started thinking how I had to wait nearly four more weeks before I got to see her again. Four weeks felt like forever. I didn’t think I could do it.
I called Savannah that night, and we started talking about how great it was going to be when she came out for MOTION and how we couldn’t wait to see each other again. Then I said something like, “I really don’t want to wait that long to see you.” She said she didn’t want to wait that long either. Then she mentioned that she was going to go up to San Francisco to visit her sister the next weekend. “Maybe you can come out, and we can hang out there if you are free,” she said. She explained how her sister lived with her fiancé, but they had extra, separate rooms for each of us. Chantelle and her fiancé, Coulter, were also going to be there the entire time, which gave us accountability.
I was like, I get to see this girl twenty days sooner? I’d do whatever it took to make it happen. I immediately started making arrangements to fly out to California on July 10. Rather than fly into San Francisco and have Savannah drive seven hours by herself, I bought a ticket into Los Angeles so we could make the drive up together. For me, that was just that much more time we had to be together. When I told my parents I planned to fly back to California in less than a week, they were a little hesitant. This was such a spur-of-the-moment trip for me, and obviously plane tickets bought on such short notice cost much more than if I’d planned the trip a couple of months in advance. Thankfully, my parents had taught me to be smart with my money, so I’d saved a ton of what I made from doing social media.
My mom and dad were also a little concerned that I was rushing into a relationship with someone I hardly knew. Honestly, that wasn’t a big concern for me. Sav and I talked and texted so much that I felt as though we had already gotten to know each other very well. We talked for hours every day. We asked each other questions about every part of our lives. I didn’t want to have any secrets from her, and she didn’t want to have any from me. Even though, timewise, we were moving fast, given the amount of time we spent talking and getting to know each other on a deeper level, it didn’t really seem that fast. Besides, I couldn’t wait another three weeks to see her again. I’d found this super-fun, smart, funny, beautiful girl who actually liked me, and I liked her. I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could. July 10 could not get here fast enough!
9
San Francisco
Savannah
Cole and I had promised to make it work and, so far, it was working . . . but I was dying to see him again. To be with him in person. I had already arranged for my mom to watch Everleigh for a couple of days while I went to visit Chantelle in San Francisco. When I told her Cole was going to fly out and go to Chantelle’s with me, she was still okay with me going. My mom loved spending time with Ev one-on-one, and she was also all for me spending more time with Cole. I guess she figured the more time I spent with Cole the less likely I was to go back with Tommy. As excited as I was about seeing Cole, I hated the thought of leaving Everleigh for two days. We’d never been apart that long since she was born. My mom reassured me Ev was going to be fine and that she had big plans for the two of them. Reluctantly, I said okay.
I wasn’t just nervous about leaving Everleigh. I was more than a little unsure about how this trip with Cole was going to go. Everything had just happened so fast with him since we’d met two weeks earlier at The Grove. To me, this trip was my chance to validate what I thought I knew about him. I mean, when you drive seven hours in California traffic, what’s really inside you comes out. I also wanted to see how he would be with me now that we’d both put our feelings out there. Was he still going to be as sweet as before, or was I simply a challenge for him? Someone to conquer. Guys had treated me like that before, and I did not want to go through that again. I don’t want you to think that I saw the weekend as a test for Cole, but when you first start a relationship you need to see everything there is in a person no matter how strong your feelings for them may be. I’d overlooked lots of red flags in previous relationships, and even though Cole was nothing like anyone I’d ever dated, I wanted to make sure he was who I thought he was. I felt myself falling hard for him. If there were any issues, I wanted to discover them now before I was so head over heels in love that I couldn’t see anything.
As soon as I picked up Cole at the airport, I knew I had nothing to worry about. I waited for him at the entrance to baggage claim. The moment he saw me he came running over and wrapped his arms around me and told me how much he’d missed me. I’d missed him too. I couldn’t believe how much I’d missed someone I’d known such a short time. I’d never felt this way about anyone, ever.
Those seven hours driving up I-5 with Cole flew by. We talked and laughed and sang at the top of our lungs and just had so much fun. Cole drove, but I navigated. We stopped at some of my favorite food places on the way, which he enjoyed. If we’d had more time, we might have taken the beautiful drive along the Pacific Coast Highway, but we were excited to get to my sister’s fiancé’s place. His house was awesome. He had a rooftop patio where Cole and I hung out at night. Even though it was July, the wind was cold. We didn’t mind. We cuddled up close and kept each other warm. Chantelle and Coulter were there, but they gave us a lot of space. Coulter worked all day long, and Chantelle hung out with us here and there, but Cole and I really just wanted to spend as much time alone and exploring San Francisco together as we could. Cole had never been to San Francisco, so I was his tour guide. We went sightseeing so much that we hardly spent any time at Coulter’s house. When we finally did go back to his house for the night, we said good night and went to our separate rooms. Neither of us slept late any of the time we were there because we were so anxious to get up and see each other. All in all, it was a magical three days.
Since my dad lived just an hour away, I arranged for us to have dinner with him and one of his friends the second night we were in San Francisco. I warned Cole ahead of time that it could be awkward because my relationship with my dad hadn’t been that great since the divorce. Even so, no matter what, you love your parents, and you want them in your life. I know I did with my dad. He wanted a relationship with me as well, but it was hard sometimes to make that happen.
The dinner started off a little awkward, but Cole and my dad got along just fine. We had a really good time with him. I was glad. Like I said, every girl wants to have a good relationship with her dad. I know I do.
Our last night in San Francisco came all too quickly. Cole and I went out to eat by ourselves, no dad, no Chantelle and Coulter. After dinner we went back to my car. Cole’s flight left LAX at ten the next morning, which meant he had to be at the airport by 8:30, and we had to drive at least seven hours to get there depending on the morning rush-hour traffic. If we were going to get any sleep before that, we needed to get back to the place where we were staying. Cole, however, seemed to be in no hurry to leave. We sat in the restaurant parking lot in the car and talked. I was kind of hoping I knew what was coming next. Before Cole flew out to see me, he had said something about wanting to ask me to officially become his girlfriend, but he said it in a way that sounded like maybe he was going to ask me or maybe he wasn’t. I told him that if he did ask, I’d probably say yes.
If Cole was going to ask me, he was sure taking his time. We snuggled up together in my car just talking. All the other cars emptied out of the parking lot. The restaurant closed. Still we stayed. A security guard car drove into the parking lot and circled us slowly. He came back several times. I thought, Oh no. We’re going to get into trouble and have to leave. But the security guard never stopped. Eventually he drove off and left us alone.
Cole and I had talked for a couple of hours in my car in the restaurant parking lot, and I was still waiting for him to ask what I thought he was going to ask me. Finally he looked me in the eyes and said, “Savannah, will you be my girlfriend?”
“Of course I will,” I said with a big smile. Then he kissed me. It was the most amazing k
iss of my life, and I think he felt the same way too. We looked at the clock. It read 12:01. That made our official dating-anniversary date July 14 by one minute. I wished we could have stayed there even longer, but we had to start back to Los Angeles for Cole to make his 10:00 a.m. flight. Driving all night was rough, but it was fun keeping each other awake through the drive. Saying goodbye was not as hard as the first time because I already had my ticket to fly to Alabama to see him in two weeks. I didn’t know how long we could do a long-distance relationship, but right then I wasn’t thinking about that. I went home and tried to go to sleep. But soon Everleigh was awake, and she had other ideas.
10
MOTION
Savannah
I was pretty nervous before I flew out to Alabama for the MOTION conference. I’d never been to a big Christian conference before. Growing up, I attended some small events in my area through my church, but nothing like this. There’d be close to seventeen thousand students filling a basketball arena. I didn’t know how I’d fit in. I didn’t know if I’d know the songs or how comfortable I’d feel around all those people. Even before I got on the plane, just thinking about the conference pushed me out of my comfort zone.
But that’s not what really made me nervous.
A lot of Cole’s friends were going to be there. They all knew my story. Even if Cole didn’t tell them about my situation, they could go to my musical.ly page and watch my videos with Everleigh. I never hid the fact that I was a single mom. Now I wondered if Cole’s friends would look at me singing and worshipping and wonder about me. Honestly, fear of what people might think had kept me from going to church in California. Now I was going to a church service in a basketball arena. I didn’t really care what the other thousands of people thought of me, but I did care about Cole’s friends. I wanted all of them to like me. I thought I might have to put on a super-Christian front, but I didn’t want to do that. I just wanted to be myself.
Cole
The MOTION conference was going to be the first thing Savannah and I did together as a couple. That only seemed right. The fact that we were even together was such a God thing that attending a conference designed to draw us closer to Him seemed perfect. More than anything I wanted our relationship to be God centered, with Him as our top priority. Even though we’d talked about God so much on the phone over the past few weeks, we’d never actually worshipped together. That was a really big thing for me. Worship was and is really important to me. True worship means losing yourself in God’s presence without worrying about anyone else or what they are doing. I love to close my eyes, raise my hands, and just praise God. I didn’t know if Savannah would be comfortable with me doing that, much less worship that way herself. It wasn’t like I was putting her to the test during MOTION; this was simply an easy way for me to see if we were on the same page when it came to how we show our love to God. If a couple can’t express their love for God together, they may not have a long-term future.
Some people might think I’m crazy for thinking about things like this, but it is not crazy at all. We both felt ourselves falling in love with the other—I was already thinking she could be the one. So it was important that we were sure that the other person was genuine. They say love is blind, but it shouldn’t be. No matter how strong your feelings for this other person may be, you have to see them for who they really are.
About two months before I met Savannah, I had posted a video where I answered questions about dating. I know that sounds kind of crazy for someone who had never had a girlfriend, but I think that was the perfect time for me to do it. In the video I talked about my expectations for the girl I wanted to meet and fall in love with someday. My number one requirement, far above anything else, was that she love Jesus and want to live for Him. I also talked about how I wanted to find someone who was fun and funny and everything else that I found in Savannah. Now, if she had been all the other things but did not love Jesus, this was not going to be a good match. We still could have fallen in love and gotten married, but our relationship would never be what it could be, what God wants it to be, what I want it to be. So, yeah, you can’t toss your expectations aside when they reflect what is most important to you. Now, I did have to lay aside other expectations that didn’t leave room for God’s grace and love, but that’s something I will write about later.
Savannah
Cole and I didn’t have much time alone before MOTION began. After the short drive from the Birmingham airport to the convention center, we immediately met up with his friends. He introduced me to all his guy friends and their girlfriends. Everyone seemed really nice, but I felt very uncomfortable as though everyone was judging me. In that moment I felt that they were all so much better than me, like I really needed this conference to get my life right while they already had their acts together. Maybe it was just me, but his friends seemed a little uncomfortable around me. Or maybe they were just unsure of what to say because they didn’t really know me. Either way, I felt very self-conscious.
Things got worse when the conference began. We started off in this huge arena with a Christian band playing worship music. Everyone was so into it, but I didn’t know any of the songs. The words were on the screens, but I felt like I was the only one who needed them. Everyone else had their eyes closed or were looking up to God while I tried to figure out what to sing and when. It’s hard to get into music when you have never heard it before.
The first speaker who came out did a great job, which helped me relax. After the speaker finished, all fifteen or sixteen thousand people there divided into small-group breakout sessions, with guys and girls in separate groups. I found myself in a circle with seven or eight girls I did not know. I really didn’t know what to expect. The leader tried to put us all at ease. She introduced herself and told us what she hoped to accomplish in the breakout session. She asked us to go around the room and tell each other our stories in two minutes. My uneasiness got a lot worse. I didn’t know these girls, and I really didn’t want to tell them my story. Again, I worried I was the only one with an embarrassing past. I was wrong. The first few girls who shared let me know that I wasn’t the only one who’d partied and had sex before marriage. I felt so relieved that everyone was being honest and no one judged them for what they said.
When it was my turn, I talked about how I’d grown up in a Christian home and how I didn’t drink or party through high school, but things started coming apart when my parents split up. I told them about my high school boyfriend and how I ended up sleeping with him. After he cheated on me, we broke up, and I met Tommy and kind of went down a wrong road and ended up getting pregnant. I cried a bit as I told my story. Then I talked about meeting Cole and how God was using him to bring me back to Christ. All the girls were so supportive of me as I shared from my heart. And my biggest concern? No one judged me. Instead, they seemed to be inspired by what God had done in me.
It turns out it’s true: confession is good for the soul. At least when you’re with people who really love Jesus. I felt so much more at ease and comfortable after having shared my story and just being myself. There was an unconditional acceptance and grace in this place. I definitely was feeling better after that.
After that first breakout session, I finally relaxed and enjoyed the conference. One of Cole’s friends, Mike, arrived late with his girlfriend, Alyssa. We met them at the Waffle House after the first night of MOTION ended. Alyssa and I ended up rooming together. The two of us stayed up late, talking. I shared my story with her, and we talked about what God was doing in our lives. By breakfast of the second day, I didn’t feel awkward or judged or anything else. When worship started, I didn’t try to put on a super-Christian front. I was just myself. I still didn’t know all the songs, but the band repeated some from the first day, which meant I kind of knew the words. Then, when we broke back into small groups, Alyssa went to my group with me, which was good for me.
Cole
I knew Savannah didn’t feel very comfortable on the first day of M
OTION. I understood. A conference like this can be overwhelming. It was overwhelming for me the first time I attended. During the opening session, I glanced over at her from time to time. She sang and danced a little to the music, but she never raised her hands or ever got into worship in the way that I loved to do. When she was the same way the second day, I thought that the two of us might be in different places in terms of how we worship and maybe where we were with God. Keep in mind that guys and girls did not go to the same small groups, so I didn’t know what God was doing in those moments. All I knew is what I could see, and what I could see told me that I probably needed to take things slow for a while. This may not seem like that big of a deal to some of you reading this, but it was to me because I believe spiritual compatibility is the most important part of any lasting relationship. I knew going forward it would be hard for me to worship and sing with my eyes closed and just totally lose myself in God with someone who thought all of that was weird. That didn’t mean Savannah wasn’t the one, but it did tell me I should not take things so fast until we were in the same place.
When worship started on the third day, I noticed Savannah was really into it. She closed her eyes, raised her hands, and seemed to just be right in the presence of God. I was on cloud nine. With anyone else, I might have thought they were faking it and doing it because everyone else was, but that’s not Savannah. And if she was going to put on some fake front, she would have done it on the first day instead of waiting until the last. Later I asked her about it, and she told me that raising her hands and truly worshipping was something she’d never done before. She also told me that she didn’t know the songs the first couple of days but by the third day she knew them and could stop thinking about reading the lyrics on the screen and just surrender completely to God. I totally understood what she was talking about. I grew up in Baptist churches where we always sang really old songs out of the hymnal. No one got into worship, which may be why worship is so important to me now. Hands in the air and eyes closed and really snappy songs do not matter as much as expressing my love to God. I love having the freedom to do that.