by Cole
After I talked to my parents, I made a phone call to Savannah’s dad. You can watch the actual call in our engagement video. Even though it appears I called him the day before I proposed, I actually called him before I moved out there. Her parents’ divorce made Savannah’s relationship with her dad complicated, but I still wanted his blessing before I went forward. I said, “Savannah and I have been dating awhile, and we both feel like we’re meant for each other. I love her with my whole heart, and I will always take care of her. I wanted to ask you if it’s okay if I marry Savannah.”
“I would love for you to marry Savannah,” her dad said.
I really didn’t doubt Savannah’s dad would give me his blessing, but I was very happy when he gave it. I also talked to her mom, and she gave me her blessing as well. Now I just had one more thing to do before I moved, and this one did make my mom cry. She went with me to pick out Savannah’s engagement ring.
Engagement rings cost a lot less in Alabama than they do in California, which was one of the reasons why I wanted to buy one before I moved. I also wanted to take my mom with me because I knew this could be a special moment for us. My mom and dad had five boys before my little sister was born. Over the years my mom put up with a lot, living in a testosterone-filled house. There wasn’t much of what you would call girly stuff happening. The house was all about sports and video games and guy stuff. Picking out an engagement ring with me was something I knew my mom would enjoy.
We went to Douglas Brothers Jewelers in Dothan, Alabama. I already had a specific ring in mind. Savannah talked a lot about how much she loved her best friend’s engagement ring. I think that was her way of telling me which ring to get. I texted her best friend’s fiancé and asked him about the ring style and the size of the diamond and things like that. I’d never gone shopping for a diamond ring before. He answered all my questions and also texted me a picture of the ring. That gave me a pretty good idea of what to look for.
My mom and I went into Douglas Brothers prepared to be there awhile. I took one look at the first ring they showed me, and I knew I’d found what I was looking for. My mom loved it too. I texted a photo of it to Savannah’s mom and sister to get their thumbs-up as well. When it comes to picking out an engagement ring for the love of your life, you have to get her mom’s and sister’s advice because no one knows her style better. They both loved the ring. I knew I had a winner.
The ring cost more than I wanted to pay, so the store owner and I started negotiating. Half an hour later I walked out with the perfect ring for the perfect girl at the perfect price. Now I just had to plan the perfect proposal.
I knew I was not going to propose until sometime after I moved to California. I also didn’t just want to blurt out, “Will you marry me?” I wanted to create an incredible and memorable moment, and I wanted to have all our family come and enjoy the moment with us. Good thing I saved money on the ring! But also thanks to the social media income, I was able to fly my family out to California. However, I still had to get one more person’s permission, and I couldn’t ask for it until I moved to California. I also couldn’t do it until right before I asked Savannah to marry me. Because four-year-olds aren’t very good about keeping secrets.
Savannah and I had one more big event planned before I moved. The Atlanta Passion conference took place in the Georgia Dome for three days starting January 1. She agreed to fly out and go to the conference with me. A lot of my friends were going to be there too. I couldn’t think of a better transition into the next part of our lives.
18
Transitions
Savannah
As I stood in the middle of fifty thousand college-age people worshipping God at the Passion conference in the Georgia Dome in Atlanta, I found myself in awe of God. Six months earlier I never dreamed I’d be in a place like this—standing next to a godly guy who loves God even more than he loves me, and he loves me a lot! How I got here looked like a string of impossible coincidences, but really it was the hand of God at work. God is just so amazing. As I closed my eyes and worshipped Him at the Passion conference in January 2017, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is real. I’d seen Him in action. Standing there with all these people, all of us singing to Him, I felt so close to Him, closer than I had ever felt before. He is so good and so amazing and so patient. I grew up in church. I trusted Him as my Savior when I was younger, but I ran away. God used Cole to bring me back.
Before I met Cole, I had a broken notion of what God is. I knew that He’s our Father, and even though I felt my own father loved me, he was imperfect in the way he loved our family. The wounds from that affected how I perceived my heavenly Father. Cole helped me see the truth about how God loves me. Once I started trusting God again, He did all this amazing stuff in my life.
If MOTION marked the beginning of our long-distance relationship, the Passion conference was the beginning of our permanent time together. I can’t think of a better way to start. Right after the cruise I flew back to California where Everleigh and I celebrated Christmas with my family while Cole stayed in Alabama with his family. A few days later Ev and I flew out to Alabama for Passion. Except Ev didn’t come to Atlanta for the conference with us. Rather than have her stay in California with my mom, I brought her to Cole’s parents, and they kept her for three days. Just a few months before, I’d wondered if Cole’s parents would accept Ev. And now, even though Cole and I weren’t yet married, his mom and dad had become family to her. She called Cole’s mom Cici, since she called my mom Gigi. Cole’s dad became Popcorn because he always made popcorn for her. He declared that all future grandchildren were also going to call him Popcorn. That told me how he felt about Everleigh. She wasn’t just my child. In their hearts, she was now Cole’s parents’ granddaughter.
Cole
When I used to think about getting married someday, I had a list in my head of what I wanted in a future wife. All single people do that. Obviously I was looking for a soul mate and a best friend. I wanted to find someone easy to talk with and someone with the same kind of sense of humor as I have. I hoped to find someone who made me lose track of everything else in the world when we spent time together. But most of all, I wanted to find a woman who desired God, someone with a burning passion for Him. Passion for God is so different from claiming to be a Christian. I grew up going to churches where people called themselves Christians, but the worship was dry and mechanical. I wanted more of God. I wanted to lose myself in His presence, enjoy Him, and pursue Him. When I pictured myself married someday, I wanted to be with someone on the same page with me. During the three days of the Passion conference, I knew I’d found that in Savannah. I could tell she loves to worship God with all her heart. I love that in her.
As soon as Passion ended, we drove back to my parents’ house. I looked over at Savannah during the car ride home, and I had such a peace-with-God moment. She had a beauty about her that I can hardly put into words, and it had nothing to do with her appearance. God had done such an amazing work in her life over the past six months that I was just blown away by it. Looking at her, I saw her as pure and perfect, as if nothing had ever happened in her past. All I could see was the new creation God had made her into. It wasn’t just what I saw during the car ride. Throughout Passion she interacted with people with such freedom and joy. I mean, Jesus was just all over this girl. She talked about her past with such freedom to girls who were right where she used to be. I could tell she had no shame because God had forgiven and redeemed everything. Seeing what God had done in Savannah’s life was such a thrill for me. Her fire for God made me want more of Him too. I could see how good and perfect and loving God truly is by seeing the love of my life transformed right before my eyes.
The joy of that moment with Savannah lasted until we got to my parents’ house. Then reality hit me: I was going to be leaving my mom and dad and brothers and sister. Savannah and I had come to the house for me to say goodbye before I moved more than two thousand miles away. While I could not wait to
be close to Savannah, I hated the thought of being so far away from my parents. I was so close to both my mom and dad. My dad and I are more like best friends, not just father and son. And my mom and I are super-close, especially after traveling around the world and finishing second on The Amazing Race together. Racing together, I got to know my mom like I never had before. My mom and dad even joined me in a lot of my craziest Vine videos. I am not exaggerating when I say they were just the best parents a guy could have ever asked for.
The Bible says the first step toward marriage is, “a man leaves his father and mother” (Genesis 2:24). I’d always thought of that as leaving the house, not going to the other end of the country. Yet, even though it made me sad to leave my parents, I knew moving to California was God’s will for my life. Savannah was the one I wanted to marry. I had to go where she was since she couldn’t move close to me.
So I packed my bags and everything I wanted to move with me into the back of my dad’s car. Then came the painful goodbyes to the rest of my family. My dad drove Savannah, Everleigh, and me to the Atlanta airport. He and I tried not to make the drive any sadder than it had to be. We talked about when we’d see each other again. At the airport he helped us unload all the luggage before telling me goodbye. I did my best to hold in the tears. Sav, Ev, and I walked into the terminal. I turned around and looked back at my dad and thought about how much things were about to change and how much they had already changed. Even though I had no doubt this was God’s plan, walking away was very hard. I knew once I got on that plane, I was never going to live close to my family again.
Somehow I managed to hold it together when I said goodbye to my family in Alabama and when I said goodbye to my dad at the airport, but once we got to the gate, the weight of what had just happened hit me. I sat down and thought about all my parents had done for me, all they had sacrificed so that I could be who I am today. I pulled out my phone and started writing a long text thanking them for all they had done. It was basically a love letter to my mom and dad. “You are great parents and even though I am leaving you, I will always be your son,” I wrote. The more I wrote, the more emotion came over me. I couldn’t finish it. Tears started flowing until I broke down completely, sobbing. Savannah wrapped her arms around me and Everleigh wasn’t really sure what was going on. I sat there, crying like a baby. Finally, I pulled it together, put away my phone, and boarded our flight. I decided I’d finish the long text after we landed in California.
The flight was great. All three of us were so excited because we’d never flown together like this. We knew this was it. This was forever. The sad goodbyes at the airports and missing each other for weeks and talking on the phone and texting late into the night and the rides down the magical escalators were all done. This flight to California marked the beginning of our life together. By living in the guest room of Savannah’s mother’s house I’d be with both Savannah and Everleigh every waking hour. At long last we were going to be a family.
19
Together at Last
Savannah
I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Cole. I never doubted that. However, long distance made our dating relationship so different that I knew our love was going to be put to the test after he moved to California. Between missing his family and adjusting to Southern California, and with the never-ending demands that come from being a full-time dad, I hoped it all wouldn’t be too overwhelming for him. The fact that he moved away from his family to be close to me made me love him that much more. No one had ever made that kind of sacrifice for me. Guys had told me they loved me, but I never had anyone show me what true love looks like the way Cole did.
Cole
From the first morning I woke in California, I loved knowing that I was going to be with Savannah all day until I went to bed again that night. As much as I missed my family, my dreams came true when I moved close to her. Dating long distance was the hardest thing I’d ever done. We both hated it, yet I knew part of us would miss it. For weeks at a time, all we had were texts and phone calls. For five months, we talked about everything on long phone calls that went late into the night, and I mean everything. We talked about God and love and dating and marriage and children and our dream days and our worst days and what we liked to eat and what we didn’t like to eat and you name it, we talked about it. The two of us learned to communicate on every level.
Dating long distance also amplified the love we had for each other. I think every couple needs to spend some time apart in the very beginning. It helps you value each other and treasure the time you have together. When we were apart, I missed Savannah so badly that it hurt. I mean, it literally hurt. I could feel it deep in my soul. But as awful as the pain of being apart felt, it made our time together that much more special. Neither one of us ever took a minute of our time together for granted. We treasured every second—we still do. I hope we always will. Some days Savannah and I talk about those days. We cherish the memories, but we don’t want to go back!
As much as I loved finally being with Savannah and Everleigh every day, I had a lot of adjustments to make after moving to California. I’m just a normal kid from a small town in southern Alabama who grew up in a family where what you see is basically what you get. No one I grew up with is really into appearances, like with clothes. Even before I started dating Savannah, I never cared that much about what I wore to class. Most days I threw on a T-shirt and some shorts, put on a ball cap to cover my bed-head hair, and took off for class. I didn’t care what people thought of how I looked. Then I moved to Southern California. Wow! I did not fit in. People really, really care about what they wear and how they look. I’m not saying that’s true of everybody, but that’s the culture out here. It’s all about appearances, which is just not me.
I also had to adjust to being around Everleigh’s dad on a regular basis. I met Tommy for the first time pretty early on in my relationship with Savannah, probably somewhere around September or October. He came by to pick up Everleigh while I was there. When Sav told me he was coming over, I tried to prepare myself. I wanted to look cool and brave for Savannah, but I also wanted to just be myself and be nice. I didn’t want a confrontation, and I certainly didn’t want to come across like the two of us had some sort of battle going on for this girl. Savannah didn’t need that. She’d already made her choice. I also wanted to respect Tommy’s position as Everleigh’s father. I didn’t really know what the dynamic was yet. If you remember, before I got to know Savannah I assumed she was married. Once I discovered they were not, I still assumed Sav and Tommy were kind of close since they were both Ev’s parents. With time I learned they weren’t.
That first meeting with Tommy went about like I should have expected. We met him at a park or somewhere like that. I got out of the car and walked over to him, smiling, because that’s who I am. I’m this friendly, goofy guy who wants to make friends with everyone. Tommy didn’t smile back. The guy is, like, twice my size and, to me, he projected an intimidating presence. Back when he and Savannah were dating, he made sure no guys ever even talked to her. I knew he probably didn’t like the fact that I was dating Savannah, and he probably didn’t like me. I get that. If I’d been in his position, I probably wouldn’t have liked me either.
In that first meeting I walked over to Tommy and put my hand out to introduce myself. He just slapped my hand away and kept walking over toward Sav and Ev. He didn’t say a word, but I got the message: he wanted nothing to do with me. But that wasn’t really going to be an option if I kept dating Savannah. And I didn’t just plan on dating Savannah. Even back then I knew I wanted to marry her.
If Tommy had just been Savannah’s ex, I might have been a little more assertive, but he wasn’t just her ex. He is Everleigh’s father. Whether Tommy and I liked it or not, our lives were always going to intersect because of Ev. For her sake, we had to get along. I don’t have any control over how he acts or what he feels, but I do have control over my attitude and actions. From the start I made up my
mind to do my best to get along with him and never to say anything negative about him for Everleigh’s sake.
Keeping the right attitude and getting along was easy from a distance. Once I moved into Savannah’s mother’s house with Sav and Ev, Tommy and I saw a lot more of each other. At first, I was nervous, but that was really just my fear of not knowing how he’d react to my being out there full-time. When I lived in Alabama, I wasn’t much of a threat. Now things were different.
I prayed a lot for wisdom about how to deal with Tommy. I talked to other godly guys I knew who had stepped into similar situations. Rather than get all macho and try to make a big show about how Savannah was mine, I decided to do what the Bible teaches. Jesus told us to love our enemies. Tommy was not my enemy, but guys in our situation usually aren’t what you’d call friends. Even so, God called me to love him. No guy in Tommy’s position is going to want their ex’s new boyfriend showing him any kind of love, but I knew what I had to do.
Tommy is Everleigh’s dad, and he loves her. The best way I could show him love was to love Everleigh like she was my own, not as his rival, and not treat her like a misfit stepchild, as so many kids are treated by their stepparents, but to take care of her every day. I wanted to show him that he didn’t have to worry. I’d take care of this girl because I love her . . . and her mother.