They were in a public shower. But instead of deterring her, knowing they could be caught was exciting, enticing…slightly scandalous. Highly erotic.
They had terrorists after them. But instead of sobering her, the element of danger, the fear she’d already survived heightened her senses, made the moment sharper, clearer, more intense.
Jake was the wrong man for her in so many ways…though at the moment her overwhelmed brain couldn’t conjure one. All Paige knew was the flood of fiery sensation flowing through her.
Need clawed her. Desire sizzled through her blood. Reason was tossed aside as the chaotic frenzy in her body shouted down rational thought.
She tightened the grip her legs had around his hips and, secure in the solid strength of his arms, she leaned back, giving him access to her breasts. Jake’s hungry mouth descended on one tautly budded nipple while the warm shower spray lashed the other. The gentle tug of his lips, light scrape of his teeth and erotic flick of his tongue battered her with tingling heat. The urgency pounding inside her ramped to the edge of control.
“Jake,” she rasped, arching her throat. Feeling the first quiver of climax.
But she didn’t want to shatter yet. She wanted him with her. Inside her. “Please…”
She raked her fingers down his back to grab the wet fabric of his briefs. Awkwardly, she tugged them down, fighting them past the grip of her legs, the bulge of his erection. Finally, with a quick swipe of his hand, Jake shoved the briefs down his thighs.
Admiring the masculine beauty of him, Paige stroked her fingers along the length and heat of him. Jake bucked and tensed, making a strangled sounding moan.
“Oh, Paige…that. Feels. So. Good.” He shuddered as if barely containing himself, and the pure pleasure on his face infused her with a sense of empowerment and joy, a carnal freedom that sweetened what was already shockingly satisfying.
His gaze locked with hers. Hot. Dark. Penetrating.
And dismayed. His jaw tightened.
“We don’t have protection,” he rasped, his voice deep and full of frustration.
She blinked, nodded. “I’m on the pill.”
The relief that washed over his face would have been comical had she not been so tightly wound, so ready to come apart. Impatient for the climax hovering just beyond her grasp, Paige wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself up. And sank onto him.
He filled her, stretched her, stroked her in just the right way. A feeling of completion that had nothing to do with the mind-numbing physical sensations zinging through her body settled in her heart. She felt whole in a way she never had before. The joining of their bodies felt cosmically ordained.
And intensely stimulating.
As Jake thrust deeper, the tidal wave of sensations stole her breath. He pistoned his hips, driving deeper and pushing her closer to the edge. She arched her neck, and he pressed hot, openmouthed kisses along the curve of her throat. A low growl vibrated in his chest, swelling to a roar of satisfaction as his body shuddered and his grip tightened. His lusty groan sent her crashing into her own sweet oblivion. The powerful throb of her body matched the thundering beat in her chest.
She held Jake tightly, resting her face against his shoulder and mentally staggering under the assault of emotions she’d never known before. With her logical mind turned off, her heart screamed what she’d tried to deny before now.
She loved Jake.
She never wanted to be without him. Would do anything to make him happy. Wanted to give herself over to him, not only physically but spiritually, emotionally…completely. That was the wholeness she’d experienced when they’d joined their bodies, the sense that she’d found her soul mate.
This was the fulfilling joy and deep affection that had assured Holly that Matt was her future. The kind of passion and devotion that led Zoey to leave home and follow her boyfriend around the country.
The kind of happiness and ardor she’d never felt for Brent. When stripped of her defenses and the protests of her analytical brain, the depth of her feelings for Jake couldn’t be ignored.
Recognizing her feelings for what they were should have given her a sense of peace. Instead, her gut clenched, and her strategic mind whispered, “So you love him. What are you going to do about it?”
For that question, she had no answer.
Jake wore the beach towel Paige had taken to the shower around his waist as they hurried back through the dark grounds to their camper. Once safely ensconced inside, he ripped the towel off and drew her back into his arms.
“Just so you know, before I left the hospital after the bombing in Iraq, I was tested for just about everything you can imagine. There’s been no one since then. You’re safe with me.” She hadn’t asked, had trusted him at the bathhouse, but he wanted her to know, to be certain.
Paige blinked at him, then let her gaze skim down his naked body, her eyes darkening with desire again. “No one? In…how long ago did you leave the SEALs?”
“Couple years now.” He smoothed a hand along her cheek, dropped a kiss on her forehead. “Let’s just say…I had other priorities in recent months. And the idea of one-night stands left me cold.”
She tipped her head, opened her mouth as if she wanted to comment on his confession, but she snapped her mouth closed again, and her brow furrowed thoughtfully. “Mm. And I’ve only been with Brent. So you’re safe with me, too.”
He stiffened when she mentioned Scofield’s name but tried to hide his guilty reaction. Scofield had hired Jake to protect him, then given him the charge of keeping Paige safe. Jake gritted his teeth. He’d done neither. What he had done was ravish his client’s fiancée mere days after taking over her protection. Ex-fiancée, a voice in his head corrected. Although what difference did it make, really? She was off-limits.
Some bodyguard he made. He couldn’t even protect Paige from himself.
Sobering, he stepped back from her and balled his hands at his sides. “I’m sorry about… I shouldn’t have…” He huffed his frustration. Who was he kidding? He wasn’t a bit sorry. Making love to Paige had been pure nirvana, an experience he’d cherish in the lonely days and months to come.
Paige lifted a delicate eyebrow and stepped closer. “Did I complain?” She trailed a finger down his chest, and his nerve endings fired like live wires. “We both wanted it.”
He drew a deep breath, trying to steel himself to the effect of her skin brushing his as she shed her bathrobe and pressed herself more fully against him. “That doesn’t make it any less of a mistake.”
She frowned and lifted wounded eyes to his. “Why is it a mistake?”
He gripped her arms to push her away but couldn’t bring himself to move her back. She felt too good, fit too perfectly against him. Holding her felt too…right.
He shook his head to clear his thoughts. “Sex muddies the picture. Blurs the lines between us. And I…I can’t give you the commitment you need.”
She tilted her head back, a wrinkle at the bridge of her nose. “Did I ask for a commitment? I’m willing to wait for you, to give you time…”
He sighed. “I don’t want to hurt you, Paige.”
“Then don’t.” She rose on her toes to press a kiss to his lips. A rush of heat swept through him.
Rallying his defenses, he tightened his grip on her arms and met her gaze with a hard stare. “Paige, look at me and tell me that you’re not, even as we speak, forming emotional attachments to me, telling yourself how your feelings for me have deepened because of what just happened. Tell me you’re not thinking that things are different between us now.”
Her eyes glistened with tears. “Things are different now, Jake.”
He shook his head. “No. Nothing’s changed. We’re still the same people we were two hours ago—with different paths, different lives, different needs. Don’t convince yourself you’re falling in love. Believing you have feelings for me will only lead to heartache, Paige.”
She pressed her mouth in a firm line and ste
pped back. “Earlier today, you told me different was good. That it would keep me on my toes and make my life interesting. That I needed someone with passion in order to be happy.”
“I know, but I meant—”
“You make me happy, Jake.” She reached for him again and raked cool fingers through his damp hair. “You can’t deny we have passion together…in spades. We just proved that. And if you give me a chance, I’ll prove to you how much I do love you.”
His gut clenched, and a viselike pressure squeezed his heart. “Paige, don’t…”
Her arms circled his neck, and she trailed butterfly kisses along his jaw, stealing his breath. “Don’t shut me out, Jake. I know you’ve been hurt but, please…let me love you.”
Gritting his teeth, he fought down the swell of pain in his chest. He’d heard similar requests before. From foster mothers asking him to trust. Only to betray him and send him away when he reached out.
By SEAL officers demanding his best, his commitment. Only to cut him loose after he’d sacrificed everything for his country.
How could he justify risking his heart with Paige? If he let himself love her, then lost her—
He didn’t finish the thought. Just the suggestion revived the horror and sickening panic that had seized him when she’d been grabbed this afternoon. When he’d failed to keep her safe. What if—
With shattering clarity, the truth raked through him. What if he took the risk of loving Paige and failed her in some way? If he couldn’t make her happy, if he couldn’t keep her safe, if he couldn’t give her the kind of life she deserved.
If she left him…
He shuddered, and Paige hugged him tighter. “Give me a chance to prove to you how much I care,” she said, her voice cracking.
Jake buried his face in her hair, inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo. He wanted to memorize her scent, the way she felt in his arms, the way her breath caressed his skin.
“Make love to me again, Jake,” she whispered and tugged him toward her bed.
The air caught in his lungs. He wanted her so much it hurt, but how could he make love to her and not lose another piece of himself to her?
“Please, Jake. Trust me….” She nibbled the sensitive spot on his throat, and blood whooshed past his ears, left his head buzzing.
Maybe he couldn’t give her a future, but he had the chance tonight to show her what she meant to him. He could give her one night.
And he’d store up the memories of their passion for the cold and empty days to come.
Chapter 14
The jostling of the camper bed woke Paige early the next morning, and she rubbed bleary eyes to bring the day into focus. A sweet ache in her muscles revived memories of hours spent last night, her body twined with Jake’s. Her heart swelled until she thought it might burst.
She touched a tender spot on her neck where Jake’s un-shaven chin had gently abraded her, and she smiled. Last night, Jake had been tender, and patient, and thorough.
Then demanding, and thrilling, and intense.
They’d probably woken their neighbors with their noise, but she didn’t care. Making love to Jake had been better each time. Beyond her wildest dreams.
She propped on her elbow, letting the sheet slide low on her breasts, and watched Jake move around the tiny camper.
“Good morning, hot stuff.” She gave him a coy grin to match her singsong tone.
He turned from shoving his spare clothes into his backpack and regarded her with a serious expression. Too serious.
“Morning,” he mumbled. And turned away to continue stuffing the backpack.
She shoved down the niggling concern over his behavior and folded back the corner of the sheet. “Wanna come back to bed for a while?”
When he glanced over his shoulder, she waggled her eyebrows suggestively.
Jake’s jaw tensed, and a muscle twitched in his cheek. “Can’t. We gotta go. We’re leaving as soon as we can get packed up.”
More than the finality of his announcement, his brusque tone sent a shiver to her marrow. Where was the man whose deep, lulling voice had whispered sweet nothings as he’d joined their bodies just hours ago? Where was the warmth and affection that had been in every touch, every look, every kiss?
“Why the rush? Has something happened?”
“Nothing new. I just want to get on the road. Atlanta is at least eight hours away, and the sooner we get near a cell tower so we can call Gates, the better,” he said without looking at her.
Paige tugged the sheet back up, clutching it under her chin, feeling self-conscious in the wake of Jake’s cool attitude this morning. She gnawed her bottom lip, reviewing everything that had been said last night. What had caused his withdrawal?
He’d tried to distance himself after they’d made love in the shower, but she’d thought they’d moved beyond his fears and doubts when they’d spent the rest of the night in each other’s arms. Was he having second thoughts? Regrets? A relapse of his commitment fears?
A heavy, cold ball of dread settled in her stomach. Hadn’t last night shown him how much she cared? What else did she need to do to prove her feelings to him?
Paige knew they had more pressing issues facing them today, matters of national security, desperate terrorists on their tail, a deadly virus to keep safe. But how could she face Jake, face her future, if she didn’t find a way to work things out between them?
“Jake, about last night—”
“You better get dressed. It shouldn’t take more than a half hour or so to get the camper folded down and hitched up to the Taurus. We can eat breakfast on the road.”
Paige clenched her teeth when he interrupted. Clearly he thought last night was a closed subject. He was wrong.
Wrapping the sheet around her, she swung her feet over the side of the bed and nailed him with a hard stare. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you being so abrupt and distant this morning?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I just want to trade out the rental car for one the terrorists haven’t seen and get on the road. The sooner we get the ring to Gates, the sooner we put this nightmare behind us.”
“And then what?”
He paused and sent her a confused look. “What do you mean?”
“What happens to us after we give the ring to Gates?”
Jake shrugged. “Well, the Wedding Crashers will have no real reason to come after us. We won’t have the virus anymore.” He paused and frowned, adding, “Except that we can identify them to the authorities…hell. Well, we’ll cross that bridge later.”
A chill slithered down Paige’s back. Even when this was over, it might not be over over. Would the terrorists come after them to silence them? Paige shook her head and shoved that frightening thought aside. One problem at a time.
“No, I mean what about us? What happens to you and me, our relationship? Last night was—”
“Great.” He forced a smile. “Is that what you want to hear? Last night was fantastic. The best. But like I told you, there is no us. Not now, not when this is over.”
Paige squeezed the sheet in her hand until her knuckles were bloodless. Her head reeled dizzily. “But last night—”
“See? This is why I said it was a mistake. You’re reading more into what happened than there was. It’s distracting you from the bigger picture of getting that nanotube to Scofield’s guy at the CDC. That is our one and only job. Got it?”
So that’s how he wanted it, huh? The heat of anger and frustration swirled through her, mixing with the weight of hurt crushing her chest. She yanked the sheet back and stomped to her suitcase to find something clean to wear. With her jaw taut and her motions jerky, Paige dressed silently, occasionally shooting a dark look toward Jake. Though she resented being treated so coldly, especially after the deep intimacy they’d shared last night, she knew better than to push the issue of their future with him. He was preoccupied with delivering the ring to Brent’s CDC contact. Surely, once the virus was safely transferred to the CDC, she�
�d get the chance to prove her love to Jake, and they’d get past his commitment issues. Wouldn’t they?
Last night, she’d been certain they could. She’d tasted the kind of happiness Holly had with Matt, and Paige had seen the life she wanted with Jake.
But in light of Jake’s withdrawal this morning, a tremor of uncertainty and a cold frisson of fear clouded her bright outlook.
As she threw her dirty clothes into her suitcase and zipped it closed, her lungs tightened until she could barely breathe. All her life she’d dealt with trouble by analyzing and problem solving. But her relationship with Jake wasn’t an issue that could be critically dissected and solved through logic and elbow grease. This was a matter of the heart, of her soul, of her emotions. She was out of her league, didn’t know if she could find the resolution and the happy ending she wanted so desperately. This emotional minefield scared her more than the Wedding Crashers or deadly viruses.
Because she could lose Jake.
Jake turned on his prepaid cell phone and checked the reception as soon as they hit the main highway into town. Service was still questionable, and since he didn’t want to risk the call being dropped, he decided to wait a few minutes before trying to call William Gates. He handed the phone to Paige. “Keep an eye on the reception. When we have all the bars, I’ll call Gates.”
“I can call Gates.”
Her tone was churlish, but he couldn’t blame her. His behavior this morning had to have hurt her. But he couldn’t let her see what last night had meant to him. He needed to make a clean break from her, and any mixed messages from him would only make their inevitable separation harder for her.
He rubbed a hot spot on his chest, but the ache, the gnawing pain wasn’t a surface injury. The hurt was deep. Internal. Agonizing.
Because his heart was breaking.
He hadn’t wanted to get involved with Paige, hating the idea of hurting her. But he’d never considered how much an ill-advised tryst with Paige would wound him. He’d let his emotions get in the way of what he knew was right and distract him from his assignment.
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