by Lydia Rose
Annabelle put her arm around Ellen. “Oh, honey. Don’t be embarrassed about loving my daughter. If she knew you were going to arrive tonight, she would have been waiting on the front porch for you.”
Ellen finished her coffee and got up and rinsed the cup. “Would you mind if I went upstairs and took a nap?”
“Of course not. You go right ahead. I’ll send Allie up when she gets home.”
“Thank you, Annie.”
Again Annabelle put her arm around her. “You’re like another daughter to me. No need to thank me, dear. Allie said she’d be home by nine o’clock.”
Ellen smiled and went upstairs. Thinking she only had less than an hour to wait, she took her shoes off and laid on top of the spread. Ellen was off in a deep sleep before she realized it.
Allie walked in the door close to midnight. Having spent the evening with her two friends kept her longer than she anticipated. The house was dark as she climbed the stairs to her room. Allie went right to the bathroom and jumped in the shower and changed for bed. She got to the bed and pulled the covers back and got in. Allie was just getting comfortable when she felt someone next to her. She jumped out of bed and turned the light on. “What the hell,” she said as the light came on.
Ellen blinked her eyes and looked at Allie standing there looking shocked. “Surprise,” she said softly.
“You scared the crap out of me.” Allie was still holding her hand over her heart. “When did you get here?”
“Around seven.” Ellen got off the bed and walked around to the other side. “I thought you were supposed to be home by nine.”
“I met some friends from high school and we got to talking.”
Ellen inched her way closer to Allie. “Are you happy to see me?” She asked as they still hadn’t touched.
Allie smiled. “More than I can say.”
They moved the distance left between them and kissed. Softly at first and then the kisses deepened. Their tongues met in a dance as they pressed their bodies tightly to each other. Allie began to remove Ellen clothes and then her own.
“Let me show you how much I’ve missed you,” Allie said leading them to the bed.
As they laid in each other’s arm later that night, Ellen asked. “Have you thought more about moving in with me?”
“Ellen, I thought about it a lot. I just think it’s too early in our relationship to think about moving in together,” Allie said into the darkness.
“Then I’ll have to travel here on the weekends and you come visit me for a couple of weeks until you feel better about us living together.”
“Ellen, us spending time at my parent’s home isn’t living together.”
“Yes, but you coming to me will be,” Ellen said touching Allie’s stomach.
“That’s still just visiting each other. It’s not making decisions together or paying bill. All the things that a couple does.”
Ellen rolled away from Allie and turned on the lamp on the end table. “Allie, when I was growing up I had nothing. All I had was school and a few teachers in High School that helped me get a scholarship. I finally have someone that I love and who I thought loved me and you’re running away. Suppose you write a great novel and you suddenly have millions of dollars. I’m not going to run from you because you have more money than me.”
“Ellen, everything you’re saying is true, but please I can’t go to Virginia and live with you right now. I have to start my career and see if I can make a go of it.”
Ellen tuned out the light and they went to sleep, but she was up at five o’clock. She went into the bathroom to get dressed and write a note to Allie. She slipped out of the house before anyone saw her.
Allie woke up and realized that she was alone in bed. “Ellen.” She called out thinking she was in the bathroom. Allie got up and went in search. As she turned around she saw the note on the bed.
Allie, I went back to Virginia. It doesn’t make sense for me to stay feeling the way you do. I wish that you had the courage and strength that your grandparents had. Yes, I know your family secret and I will not divulge it to anyone. I admire your grandmother for doing what she had to for love. If only you felt the same way. I wish you the best in your writing career and thank you for the time we did have together. It felt wonderful to feel love even if it was only for a short time. E
Allie looked at the note again and couldn’t believe that Ellen left her. Not just for now, but she had just been dumped. Why couldn’t Ellen understand that she just couldn’t move in with her having nothing to offer financially? Allie changed her clothes and poured her heart into her writing.
At ten o’clock her mother knocked on the door. “Come in.”
Annabelle walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. “Where did Ellen go?”
“Back to Virginia,” Allie said softly.
“Why?”
Allie shrugged.
“You two fought?”
“Yes, mom. She left me.”
Annabelle didn’t say anything for a few minutes. “You pushed her away, didn’t you?”
Again Allie shrugged. “I guess. She wouldn’t stop about me moving to Virginia.”
Annabelle stood. “I don’t understand you two. You both love each other and yet you aren’t willing to sacrifice to be together. Allie, you let the best thing that has happened to you walk away.”
“Mom, if I moved in with her having nothing.” Allie took a deep breath. “Eventually, she would begin to resent me and she’d ask me to leave. It’s better that it happened now before I lost my heart completely.”
Annabelle rested her hand on Allie’s shoulder. “I think Ellen took your whole heart with her back to Virginia. She’s not Mary, Allie. Can’t you see that?”
“I know, mom, but there was nothing I could do about it.” Allie sighed.
“Come down and have something to eat.” Annabelle left the room.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
ELLEN
Ellen cried the whole trip back to Virginia. She couldn’t believe that Allie’s pride was going to keep them apart. Ellen slept for the next two days when she arrived at her apartment. She wondered how she was going to be able to work with a broken heart.
Monday morning she reported to her supervisor. “Hello, I’m Ellen Green, Mr. Hansen,” she said with her hand extended.
“Ms. Green.” Albert Hansen took her hand. “Welcome to the FBI,” he said with a wide smile.
“Thank you, sir.”
“Let me show where you’ll be working.”
He led her to a large room that had several agents sitting around computers. He introduced her to the group of men and showed her to her desk.
“This is your work area. Arnie will bring you up to speed with your duties.”
“Thank you, sir.”
The work kept Ellen from thinking about Allie most of the day, but as soon as her brain slowed, Allie was there in the forefront. Ellen walked into the cafeteria and took her tray to a table away from her new co-workers. She glanced around the room, but concentrated on her meal.
“Hi,” a voice said causing Ellen to look up.
“Hello,” Ellen said looking up.
“I’m Gina. You’re Ellen Green?” The woman asked.
Ellen nodded. “Yes.”
“Can I sit down a moment?” Gina asked.
“Sure.”
“I wanted to meet the woman who had finally broken the barrier into such a prestigious department here. You must be very smart.”
Ellen looked at the woman. “I wouldn’t say that. I think I just got lucky.”
“And modest too,” Gina said with a chuckle. “I’m Gina, by the way. Where are you from?”
“North Carolina.” Ellen answered.
“Well, I’m in statistics. If you ever want to go catch a movie or go to dinner some night, give me a call.” Gina stood up. “It was nice to meet you, Ellen.”
“You too, Gina,” Ellen said looking away because Gina was staring at her intentl
y.
Of course, Ellen never called Gina. She was slowly going back to that shy little girl that she had been before meeting Allie. Ellen went to work and came home to a lonely empty apartment.
Two months later, Gina stopped at Ellen’s table again in the cafeteria.
“No more hiding. You’re coming to dinner and a movie with my roommate and her friend tonight,” Gina said without question.
Ellen simply nodded in agreement.
“I understand you live in my building. What apartment are you in?” Gina asked still staring down at Ellen.
“2A,” Ellen said softly.
“See you at seven,” Gina said and walked away.
Ellen came home at jumped in the shower. She laid out a pair of jeans and a button down blouse. At seven Gina knocked on the door.
“Hi,” Gina said stepping into the apartment. She looked at Ellen. “You look nice.”
“Thank you,” Ellen said blushing.
“Come on. We’re meeting Sally and Kate downstairs at the car.”
Ellen grabbed a light jacket and followed Gina out the door.
The women stopped at a diner for dinner and went off to the movie. Ellen watched as Sally and Kate talked about the men they were dating and how it was so hard to find a man that had maturity.
Gina leaned over to Ellen. “Those two have men on the brain. They won’t be satisfied until they’re married with a couple of kids running around.” Gina gently touched Ellen’s arm. “What about you?”
“I’m not interested in getting married, Gina.”
Gina moved her arm off the armrest and looked at Ellen in the dim light. “Me either.” She whispered before the lights went out completely.
So for the next month, Gina and Ellen went to dinner and the movies once a week. Ellen was enjoying the friendship that she and Gina had developed. Her heart still ached, but at least she hoped she could move ahead.
One evening they were getting home from dinner and going into the building. Gina held the door open for Ellen and pressed her hand into the small of her back. They were laughing at something Gina had said as they walked inside.
“Come on inside, Gina. I’ll make some coffee,” Ellen said dropping her jacket onto a chair in the living room.
As they sipped their coffee on the sofa, Gina asked. “So who broke your heart, Ellen?”
Ellen turned sharply. “What makes you say that?”
“Because of the look you get in your eyes sometimes.” Gina moved closer. “How long ago did you break up?”
“Three months,” Ellen said softly.
“Why don’t you tell me about him or should I say her?”
Ellen turned away.
“We’re not so different, Ellen.”
Ellen faced Gina again. “You’re a.” she didn’t finish.
“Yes, I’m a lesbian too.” Gina smiled. “Tell me about her?”
“Allie. That’s her name. She’s the most beautiful caring, outgoing person I have ever met in my life. Allie was my first friend when I started at NC and remained my friend throughout the four years. Her family made me feel like I was a member of their family and since I really didn’t have a family.” Ellen sighed deeply. “It felt wonderful.” She released a breath. “We became lovers just before graduation. Everything was going great until I accepted this job with the FBI. It was my dream and Allie wouldn’t come with me to Virginia. You see, she’s a writer and she’s trying to write her first book. Her pride wouldn’t allow her to let me support her until she began to earn money.” A tear fell onto Ellen’s cheek. “So I left her.”
Gina took Ellen’s hand. “At least you’re moving on with your life.”
Ellen looked at Gina as she pulled away her hand. “Am I?” Ellen got up and went into the bedroom. She came back out holding a picture frame. “I stare at this picture for hours before I go to sleep.” She handed the picture to Gina.
“She’s very beautiful and you both look so happy.”
“That was our graduation party. Allie was so happy. I had just found out about the job offer here and when I told her, I knew it was the end of us.” Ellen sat down again. “Allie had this affair with a childhood friend. She went to work in Raleigh after graduation so she and Allie could be together. Before Allie started school, Mary was dating a guy.” Ellen took a deep cleansing breath. “Mary destroyed Allie. Now she thinks every woman is going to do the same thing to her.”
“I’m sorry, Ellen. Maybe you’re better off without Allie. Maybe she will always carry this fear in her heart and never give herself completely to someone?” Gina turned on the sofa resting her leg underneath her. “Do you still love her?”
Ellen sat back and thought before speaking. “I think I will always love her. Allie’s mother sent me that picture.” Ellen pointed to the picture. “She and Allie’s grandmother have sent me letters telling me not to give up on Allie. I think they are hopeful that everything will work out of us, but I’m not sure it will.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ALLIE
Allie watched from her car across from Ellen’s apartment. She saw Ellen walk up to the building with another woman standing next to her. Allie watched as the other woman led Ellen into the building with her hand on the small of Ellen’s back. Allie started the car and drove away. She found a small motel and took a room. Lying on the bed, she picked up the phone and called her grandmother. Alison had been the one to convince Allie to come visit Ellen. Alison had said she wanted to give her money until her book got published.
Earlier in the month Allie got a call from her former roommate Jenny. “Hey, girl. How are you?”
“I’m okay, Jen. How’s New York?”
“Fabulous. Guess where I’m working?” Jenny asked.
“I have no idea,” Allie said trying to find some form of enthusiasm in her voice.
“A big New York Publisher.”
“That’s great, Jen.”
“Did you hear what I said? A publisher.” Jenny sighed. “What’s wrong, Allie?”
“Ellen and I broke up.”
“Wait. You just got together. What happened?”
“She took a job with the FBI in Virginia.”
“And?”
“Isn’t that enough?” Allie asked sighing.
“No. Why didn’t you go with her?” Jenny asked raising her voice.
“Because I didn’t have the money to follow her.”
“So you broke up with her?” Jenny asked growling.
“She broke up with me.”
“I can’t believe this.”
“She broke up with you because you didn’t love her enough to go with her. Right?”
“Yeah.”
“So now you’re sitting there moping around. Did you finish your book?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“First you’re going to mail it to my office to my attention and then you’re going to call Ellen and apologize.”
“I will definitely send the manuscript to you, but I’m not sure if I’ll call Ellen.”
“You’re a fool, Allie, if you let her get away,” Jenny said softly.
“I know I am, Jen.”
“Send me the manuscript.”
“I will. Thank you.”
“Hi, grams,” Allie said when Alison picked up the phone.
“Hi, dear. How did it go with Ellen?”
“It didn’t. When I got to her apartment she wasn’t home so I sat out front waiting for her to return.” Allie took a deep breath as she closed her eyes. “She came home with another woman.”
“Did she tell you she was dating this woman?” Alison asked.
“No. I didn’t ask.”
“So you’re just assuming they’re dating?”
“It was the way the other woman put her hand on Ellen. I believe they are together.”
“Where are you?” Alison asked.
“In a motel.” Allie answered.
“Go see Ellen in the morning before you jump to conclusions. If she’s
moved on, which I doubt, let Ellen tell you that. Do you hear me?”
“Yes, grams. I hear you.”
Saturday morning Allie walked into Ellen’s building and went up the stairs to her apartment. She stood in front of the door for several minutes before she knocked softly.
The door opened. “Allie, what are you doing here?” Ellen asked surprised to see her standing there.
“May I come in?” Allie asked looking at Ellen’s face for any type of sign that she was welcomed.
“Would you like something to drink?” Ellen asked feeling the tightness in her chest.
“No thank you.” Allie answered not knowing what to do next.
“Please sit down,” Ellen said leading Allie over to the sofa. Ellen waited for Allie to speak and when she didn’t she asked. “How’s the writing coming?”
“Good. Very good.” Allie answered finally smiling. “Jenny is working for a publisher in New York and I’ve sent the manuscript on to her.”
“That’s wonderful, Allie. I’m happy for you.”
“How’s your job?” Allie asked cautiously.
“Fantastic. I love what I’m doing and I’ve made some nice friends too. Half the FBI lives in this building.” Ellen looked at Allie who seemed pale. She could see her pulse beating strongly on her neck. “Why don’t I get you something to drink?” Ellen stood up and went to the small kitchen.
Allie watched Ellen walk to the kitchen. She seemed happy and not really excited to see her sitting on her couch. “I like your apartment.”
Ellen came back out with a glass of cold water and handed it to Allie. “This place is comfortable and it’s close to work. So it’s worked out well.” The color had returned to Allie’s face, but she still sat there quietly. “When did you get into town?”
“Yesterday afternoon,” Allie said softly. “You weren’t home so I sat and waited for you.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I was out with a friend.” Ellen replied with a smile.
“I know I saw you both.”
“Why didn’t you come up last night?”
Allie shrugged. “I thought you were on a date and I didn’t want to interrupt.”
Ellen smiled. “Gina and I are just friends.”