POPEYE AND ENVIRONMENTAL CAREERS. Popeye the Sailor Man debuted in the 1920s. What did he have to do with the environment or job training? Nothing. But in 1973 he was used in this comic book to convince kids to go into careers like river cleanup and trash disposal. As Popeye says on the cover, “Hey kids, you can help make this country a better place to live, and get paid well for doing it!”
DI ANOTHER DAY. X-Statix is Marvel Comics’ British equivalent of X-Men, both dealing with teams of crime-fighting superheroes. In 2003 head writer Peter Milligan announced that a new superhero would join the X-Statix team: a zombie Princess Diana. In a story called “Di Another Day,” Diana fends off assassination attempts from both the royal family and X-Statix, who gets jealous when the new member gets all the media attention. After complaints from the real royal family, Diana was replaced by “Henrietta Hunter,” a fictional pop star (who looked just like Princess Diana).
Roughly 44% of junk mail is thrown away unopened.
UNCLE JOHN CLEANS YOUR KITCHEN
The BRI library boasts a huge collection of odd cleaning tips. Here are a few tricks that even the cleanest of our clean-freak readers may not have heard about.
IN THE KITCHEN
• Cleaning the Microwave: Fill a spray bottle with water and spritz the inside of the microwave. Then run the microwave for five to seven seconds. (No more than that!) This will heat the water enough to loosen the stains on the walls, floor, and ceiling of the microwave, making cleanup easier.
• Dirty Blenders and Garbage Disposals: You can clean any residual goo off the blades of these appliances with ice—just toss some cubes into the blender or disposal and run it until the ice is crushed. To further clean the garbage disposal, pour a large pot of boiling water down it while it’s running, follow up with some liquid soap mixed with lemon juice, and rinse with a second round of boiling water. This should improve the disposal’s performance… and its smell.
• Coffee or Tea Stains in Your Favorite Cup or Mug: Mix baking soda with a little salt and water to create a paste; then use a sponge to scour the inside of the mug with the mixture. You’ll be surprised (we hope!) how quickly those stubborn stains disappear.
• Burnt Food in a Pot or Frying Pan: A baking soda paste—this time without salt—can work wonders here, too. Rub the paste onto the stain and let sit for at least three hours (overnight is even better). Then try scrubbing the stain out. If you still can’t get it all up, mix two tablespoons of baking soda and a 1/2 cup of vinegar with a cup of water, doubling or tripling the formula, if necessary, to immerse the burnt section of the pan. Bring to a boil and keep it there for 10–15 minutes. If that doesn’t get out the scorched food, nothing will.
• Removing Fish and Other Smells From Cutting Boards: Cut a fresh lemon in half and rub vigorously with the grain. The acid in the lemon will help to break down the offensive odors, leaving nothing behind but the smell of the lemon.
• Smelly Refrigerators: Just about everybody knows that an open box of baking soda helps to remove odors from a smelly fridge, but did you know that it’s not just the baking soda? The cardboard box has odor-absorbing properties, too. If you’re in the habit of pouring the powdery stuff into a prettier container before you put it in the refrigerator, don’t! It probably isn’t worth the trouble.
• Smelly Kitchens in General: If you’ve got 1) company coming and 2) an orange and some cloves handy, poke as many cloves as you can into the unpeeled orange and set it on a plate. The clovey orange will give your kitchen a tantalizing scent that will probably last longer than your guests’ visit.
Benjamin Franklin once advised a general that guns would never be as effective as bows and arrows.
AROUND THE HOUSE
• Wax-Encrusted Candleholders: You’ve got two choices with this one: Start by placing the candleholders under hot running water to melt off the wax. If that doesn’t work, put the candleholder in the freezer and leave it there for at least two hours. The frozen, hardened wax will be much easier to remove.
• Ink Stains in the Carpet: Spray the stain with alcohol-based hair spray. (Sounds risky, but experts swear by it.) While it’s drying, soak a clean cloth in a solution of three parts water to one part white vinegar. (Don’t even think of using red-wine vinegar!) When the hair spray is dry, wring out the cloth and use it to wipe up the ink. (This method also works on fabrics and clothing, too).
• Rocking Chair Marks on Wooden Floors: The next time you’re cleaning or polishing your floors, turn your rocker on its side and apply furniture polish to the parts of the rocker that contact the floor when the chair is in motion.
• Dog-doo on the Carpet: Clean up as much as the mess as you can with paper towels, then spray the area with shaving cream and let sit for 5–10 minutes before wiping up with an old sponge. Next, pour some club soda on the soiled area, let it fizz, then mop it up. Dab the area with a sponge rinsed in cold water; repeat if necessary.
• Cleaning Ashes From the Fireplace: Ashes can be a surprisingly effective fireplace-glass cleaner. If you have glass screens or doors on the fireplace, before you remove the ashes, dip a damp cloth in them and use the cloth to wipe down the glass. Then wipe off the glass with a clean damp cloth. Then use a spritzer bottle filled with clean water to spray down the rest of the ashes before you shovel them out of the fireplace—this will help keep the dust down during this dirty task.
• Algae in Gravity-Fed Water Dishes: Do you have one of those pet water dishes that holds several days’ worth of water in an upright container that flows into a dish? If you use it outside, algae can grow inside it. The next time you change the water, dump a handful of uncooked rice into the vessel and fill it about 1/3 full with water. Using the palm of your hand to seal the vessel, shake it vigorously up and down. The grains of rice will scour the algae off the inside of the container. When you’re finished, empty out the water and rice and refill with clean, fresh water. Your pet will thank you.
• Ornate, Carved Wooden Furniture That Collects a Lot of Dust: Forget ordinary dust cloths—they don’t work fast enough. Take a brand new paintbrush with soft bristles, spray it with dust-collecting spray and brush the dust away. Brushing won’t take nearly as long as dusting.
• Make Wooden Tabletops Shine: Why settle for anything less than a mirror finish? Pick up one of those electric shoe-polish buffers and use it instead of an ordinary rag the next time you’re applying furniture polish to the table.
Only 4.96% of Canada is suitable for growing crops.
HOLY JOKE
An elderly woman had just returned home from church and found a burglar in her home. “Stop! Acts 2:38!” she yelled at him. The burglar stopped in his tracks and sat down, allowing the woman to call the police. When the cops arrived to collect the man, one of the officers asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you.” “Scripture?” replied the burglar. “She said she had an axe and two .38s!”
Count ’em yourself: Your heart beats approximately 4,000 times an hour.
REALITY BITES
We offer these dumb and bizarre quotes from reality TV shows to save you the trouble of having to watch them yourself. You’re welcome.
“I’ve got eyes and ears in the back of my head.”
—Jo, The Apprentice 2 (U.K.)
“The monkfish wasn’t technically raw because only a little part of it was raw.”
—Matt, Hell’s Kitchen
“Simon gave me advice—he always refers to a fortune cookie and says the moth who finds the melon…finds the cornflake always finds the melon, and one of you didn’t pick the right fortune.”
—Paula Abdul, American Idol
“Is there chicken in chick peas?”
—Helen, Celebrity Big Brother 2 (U.K.)
“I’m just trying to take in everything you’ve done, and then pepper it with a little Stevie B.”
—Stephen Baldwin, Celebrity Apprentice
“I’m not willing to al
ienate Giselle, because she’s the only one with a straightening iron.”
—Elyse, America’s Next Top Model
“Shut up! I really mean that, from the bottom of my heart.”
—Chef Ramsay, Hell’s Kitchen
“I think I’m pretty smart. My IQ’s probably about…500!”
—Lauren, Beauty and the Geek
“I’m so angry, I’m fuming! I’m fumigating!”
—Nadia, Celebrity Big Brother
“I backstabbed and lied a lot, but I feel like I’ve accomplished so much, and I’m so proud.”
—Todd, winner of Survivor: China
The word “fruit” is derived from the Latin word for “enjoy.”
GOVERN-MENTAL
Five-time presidential candidate Eugene McCarthy said, “The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty.” (Looks like our liberty is safe.)
SECRET TREASURE
Did you receive a piece of junk mail in the spring of 2008, addressed to “Resident” and labeled “National Household Travel Survey”? Don’t remember? Then you probably threw it away, as did thousands of others who received the mailer from the Department of Transportation requesting that you take part in a survey about your travel habits. If you’d opened the mailer, you would’ve found a crisp $5 bill inside (a “token of appreciation”). Had the DOT sent out checks for $5, they could have tracked how many people cashed them and cancelled all the checks that weren’t cashed. But because they sent out cash, there was no way to trace how many people got the money…or how many $5 bills ended up in the trash.
GATOR AID
According to the book Great Government Goofs, compiled by Leland Gregory, “Members of the Georgia State Game Commission were fiercely debating the pros and cons of regulating ‘alligator rides’ when one alert member noticed a typographical error on the agenda—the commission was actually supposed to be discussing whether or not they should regulate ‘alligator hides.’”
KICKED THE BUCKET
From 1999 to 2005, the USDA awarded more than $1 billion to farmers who were no longer living. Farm families are eligible to receive money for two years after the head of the household dies in an effort to help them get back on their feet. After an investigation, however, the Government Accountability Office discovered that the USDA has no steps in place to stop the payments—families continue receiving payments until an heir of the deceased farmer informs the USDA to stop. According to the GAO’s findings, few of the dead farmers’ families have contacted the USDA…so most continue receiving checks to this day.
Tougher than you are: Bacteria can live in temperatures as extreme as 176°F and –4°F.
GOING POSTAL
As part of the 2008 economic stimulus package, the IRS decided to inform citizens that their checks were coming, so they sent out letters to 130 million taxpayers. Cost of sending the letters: $42 million. A few weeks later the IRS spent that amount again to send the real checks.
ME ME ME!
In 2007 Rep. Charlie Rangel (D-NY) requested funds for three construction projects at City College of New York. They include the “Charles B. Rangel Center for Public Service,” the “Rangel Conference Center,” and the “Charles Rangel Library.” Cost to taxpayers: $2 million. When freshman Congressman John Campbell (R-CA) railed against the politician for naming buildings after himself while still in office, Rangel, who’s been in Congress since 1971, responded, “I would have a problem if you did it, because I don’t think that you’ve been around long enough to inspire a building.” The library, incidentally, will only display memorabilia that pertains to Rangel. According to a CBS news report, “It’s kind of like a presidential library, but without a president.”
NAMING WRONGS
As president, Ronald Reagan preached smaller government and less spending. So why not name one of the biggest and most expensive projects in government history after him? The Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center opened in Washington, D.C., in 1998, and it’s the largest federal building in the District. (The only larger federal building is the Pentagon, located in Virginia). And at the time, the Ronald Reagan Building boasted the heftiest price tag for a single structure in U.S. government history: $768 million. (Another ironic naming fact: In 1981 the nation’s air traffic controllers went on strike—and President Reagan fired them all. In 1998 National Airport in Washington was renamed…Ronald Reagan National Airport.)
Charles Schulz hid the words “Happy Birthday Amy” in his Peanuts comic strip each August 5th. (She’s his daughter.)
LONG-DISTANCE TAXI SERVICE
In 2008 an accused thief named Mark Bailey was being arraigned in Northampton, England. After a brief hearing, the judge ordered that Bailey be sent to the magistrate’s courtroom—located in a building across the street—to plead his case. One problem: The prisoner transport van wasn’t available (it had “gone on to do other things”). So police officers offered to escort Bailey to the courthouse, about 200 yards away, on foot. Court officials said that the public walk would “violate Bailey’s human rights,” so they were forced to call for another van…the closest one being in Cambridge, nearly 60 miles away. Two and a half hours later, the van showed up, and Bailey took the 30-second trip to the courthouse. The van then drove the 60 miles back to Cambridge. “I’ve never heard such nonsense,” said Conservative MP Brian Binley. “Why we should have to suffer such ludicrous incompetence, and pay for it, is beyond me.”
THE TIP OF THE ICE CUBE
In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina in 2005, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) purchased 112,000 tons of ice for $24 million. Unfortunately, they were unable to distribute all of it to those in need, so they stored the unused ice in cold warehouses. Two years later, the ice was still in storage—and the cost to keep it cold all that time totaled more than $11 million, nearly half of what it cost to purchase. Even more embarrassing, it was announced that because FEMA didn’t know the “shelf life” for ice, the stockpile couldn’t be reused and had to be melted. The cost of the melting operation: another $3.4 million. (FEMA subsequently announced that they are no longer in the business of buying and storing ice for disasters.)
HIGHEST-PAID ATHLETES, BY SPORT (2007)
Golf: Tiger Woods, $127.9 million
Basketball: LeBron James, $40.5 million
Boxing: Floyd Mayweather, $40.3 million
Baseball: Alex Rodriguez, $35 million
Football: Peyton Manning, $30.5 million
NASCAR: Dale Earnhardt, Jr., $27.2 million
WHAT A WAY TO GO
You never know when you’re about to breathe your last. Here are some strange tales of folks who died in bizarre ways.
I’VE GOT A LOT OF LIVER TO DO
The pufferfish, or fugu, is a well-known ingredient in Japanese sushi. But trained chefs must be very careful to cut it just right so as not to serve the liver, which is full of deadly neurotoxins. In 1975 Mitsugoro Bando VIII, one of Japan’s most famous kabuki actors and a man officially designated as one of Japan’s “living national treasures,” went to a sushi bar with friends and demanded to be served four whole fugu livers, which he promptly ate, believing himself immune to the poison. He wasn’t (he died), and the sushi chef who knowingly served poison to a living national treasure wasn’t immune to losing his restaurant license, either.
IT HAPPENS EVERY FALL
Garry Hoy was a lawyer who had an office in the Dominion Centre, an upscale, state-of-the-art office complex in Toronto. In 1993 Hoy set out to impress some visiting law students by throwing himself with great force against the “unbreakable” windows of his 24-floor office, a trick he’d performed repeatedly at office parties and after-hours drinking sessions in the past. On this occasion he demonstrated the stunt twice: The first attempt went off without a hitch, and it was during was the second attempt that Hoy learned the hard way that “unbreakable” does not necessarily mean “the pane of gl
ass won’t pop out of its frame if you throw yourself against it with great force.” Hoy, who until that moment was considered to be one of the “best and brightest” members of his firm, was 38.
About 75,600,000 pumpkin pies are baked each winter holiday season in the United States.
GOING BY THE BOOK (CASE)
In 2006 Mariesa Weber of St. Petersburg, Florida, was reported missing by her family, who feared she’d been kidnapped from the house they shared. As it turned out, she’d never even left the house. Two weeks after she disappeared, Weber’s sister spotted a foot sticking out from behind a bookcase in Mariesa’s bedroom, which somehow had gone unnoticed the entire two weeks. (And that funny smell coming from the bedroom? The family attributed it to rats.) Authorities speculate Weber was standing on a dresser next to the bookcase to adjust a TV plug when she fell behind the bookcase and died.
BAAAAAD LUCK
Betty Stobbs operated a sheep farm in Durham, England. She didn’t have a tractor, so to feed her sheep she carried bales of hay on the back of her all-terrain vehicle. One day in 1999, the hungry flock was so excited to see her (or the food) that they charged, shoving Stobbs and her ATV off a 100' cliff.
WATER WAY TO GO
After the 1985 summer season, the New Orleans Recreation Department threw a party for the city’s lifeguards to celebrate the fact that there had been no deaths at any of the city’s public swimming pools all summer. More than 100 lifeguards attended the pool party, and it was only when the party was winding down that someone noticed the body of 31-year-old Jerome Moody at the bottom of the pool. Somehow he’d managed to drown without being noticed either by the scores of lifeguards who were in the pool with him, or by the four lifeguards who were on duty at the time.
GAME OVER
Uncle John’s Unsinkable Bathroom Reader Page 17