Chapter 12
Even getting food outside the hotel had become a chore since Abe broke up with Dusk. Two weeks on, they were finally back in California, and it seemed that the number of people actively following the band had grown. Abe knew of groupies, but he didn’t suspect bands as obscure as The Underdogs would have them too. Well, there was Stan, who remained a fixture wherever the band performed, but now others joined in, restlessly waiting in front of hotels to get a photo, an autograph, share a few words with the members, or outright proposition them.
Abe’s confusion dispersed when Sid informed him it wasn’t all that uncommon. Apparently, one of the members of his former band—local and not signed with any label—had been drugged by a group of girls, one of whom was adamant about having a baby with him. Sid didn’t say whether she’d succeeded in getting pregnant that night, but it cast a new light on just how crazy people could get about perfect strangers.
Abe was also followed by groupies sometimes, but not for the usual reasons. He hated it with a passion, so much in fact that he avoided leaving the hotel grounds on his own. He now roomed with Sid, which was okay, since the guy wasn’t all that chatty, but laid back, and often disappeared for rehearsals and practice anyway.
Seeing Dusk everyday on the other hand was weird at best. Dusk treated Abe as if nothing bad had happened. He smiled, talked to him, but not so much that it would seem pushy, and despite them supposedly being friends, Dusk wouldn’t even as much as touch Abe’s shoulder. He too spent a lot of time in rehearsals. Abe would sometimes watch The Underdogs perform, but each day was a whirlwind, as they often moved from hotel to hotel. It was much more awkward when everyone was forced to be on the bus together. Dusk insisted Abe slept in his cot while he took the floor, but after two nights, the situation made Abe feel so bad he bought himself a foldable mattress to sleep. Guilt hadn’t been programmed into his character, but now it was sneaking its way in each day.
Every time Dusk did something nice for him, it was like hearing him say ‘I love you’. Every time Abe heard Dusk sing, every time he caught himself looking Dusk’s way, those three words echoed through his mind, leaving behind an aching void.
He didn’t know what was wrong with him.
“Why are you still even here?” a sharp voice with a Texan accent snatched Abe out of his thoughts so abruptly he almost dropped the takeout box he was carrying.
Heat burned the back of his head, alerting him of danger, but he kept it cool and looked at a group of three teens wearing the newly released Underdogs T-shirts featuring Abe’s drawings. Even though at the back of his head he worried the commission had been charity from the band, he did feel appreciated that Dusk had asked him to design the merch, and seeing the clothes in person was even more fuel for Abe’s pride.
On these people though, the T-shirts made him groan. Even the sweetness of the orange lollipop he was sucking on couldn’t help the bitter aftertaste in his mouth.
“I’m talking to you!” hissed the girl. She couldn’t have been more than eighteen, with a pale, freckled complexion and hair so black it must have been dyed the day before. She would have been a pretty thing if it weren’t for the ugly scowl twisting her features. “He dumped you. Get over it and make room for someone else, because Dusk can’t move on if he’s worried about your feelings.”
Abe exhaled and watched the girl and her two girlfriends follow him as he continued to walk along his way. He knew they were spoiled brats who didn’t have anything better to do than live through the lives of other people, yet it stung to hear about Dusk breaking up with him, regardless of what the truth was. He could protest, but that would have been beside the point and perhaps even reflect badly on Dusk, who was putting so much dedication into normalizing the situation between Abe and the band.
“I’m not in your way. Go on, blow him if he wants you,” he said, making sure that it was obvious he didn’t think Dusk would. Would he, though?
The girl went bright red but stepped closer and shoved at Abe’s shoulder uselessly. One of the girls giggled, but the other pulled on the aggressive one’s arm.
“Come on, Sparrow, he’s not worth it.”
The corners of Abe’s mouth pulled down, and he struggled to keep the neutral half-smile, struck by how true this was. Dusk showed he was the bigger man while Abe still struggled with the choices he’d made.
“Enjoy the show tonight,” he said and quickly walked off toward the hotel.
“So fucking smug…” he heard Sparrow mutter but wouldn’t let that get to him.
The moment he entered the hotel room, Sid got up from the bed, ripping headphones off his ears. “Did you get me fries?”
Abe groaned on the inside. When he was alone, he often got so wrapped up in his thoughts that he forgot half the things he was supposed to do. It was his fault, so he’d suffer in silence and offer Sid his own.
“Yeah. I’m trying to cut carbs, but the meal deal was cheaper, so they’re in my box,” Abe lied and slowly tossed all the fries into a paper plate they still had left from their last takeout meal.
Sid let out a bark of a laugh and greedily leaned over the fries. “You? Cutting carbs? You go through ten lollipops a day.”
Abe groaned, sucking on the sweet treat, which was stuck in his mouth like evidence of a crime he wanted to hide. “That’s the point. Gonna cut them where I’m willing to,” he said and sat cross-legged on his bed to get his fill of meat and salad. He did wish he could have the fries as well.
Sid got back to the bed and put his feet up on a small stool. Even though fries were his fuel of choice, he seemed to have gotten skinnier, not fatter, since Abe had first met him. With the tats and the mohawk, he looked out of place on the flower-patterned bedspread. “Cum’s got no carbs.”
For a moment, Abe wasn’t sure if he hadn’t misheard. “Eh?”
“So you don’t have to cut back on that,” Sid went on, as if this was the most normal thing to mention while dipping his fry in ketchup.
Abe groaned. “Just say what you want to say.”
Sid rolled his eyes. “It’s so tedious with you and Dusk. If you sucked his dick once in a while, I bet he’d be less cranky, and I’m sure you’d be happier too. Win-win.”
Abe wanted to say it wasn’t any of Sid’s business, but with him being in the band it obviously was. So instead, he leaned back, pondering on the words. “Dusk’s cranky?”
Sid spoke only once he’d swallowed another mouthful, and even having to wait those few seconds had Abe on pins and needles. “Isn’t it obvious? He’s moody as hell. I bet he’d be less so if he got laid, but that’s not gonna happen when his face looks so sour.”
Guilt screwed its way up Abe’s stomach. That was not the face Dusk was showing him. “He is?”
Sid frowned and looked up. “I guess you’re just not around him enough to notice.”
Abe tried not to squirm. “Uh... what does he say?”
“He’s like a bear that didn’t get to steal your picnic. Seriously though, I didn’t like the fake relationship thing all that much, but this is even more tedious. Once, he was late for band practice two hours and wouldn’t tell anyone where he went.”
Abe’s throat went tight around the food he was swallowing. “Oh? Is he hooking up with someone?”
“That’s the problem. He’s not. And usually, he’d just pounce on the next best thing that came his way. Blah, I hate this relationship shit.” Sid waved his hand dismissively.
Abe pushed the rest of his meal into his mouth, packing it tightly so that he wouldn’t have to answer. The hot sauce made the insides of his mouth burn, but he closed his eyes and chewed, chewed through all the discomfort this news brought him. Maybe the teens had been right? Maybe he should leave and stop reminding Dusk of the lollipop he couldn’t lick anymore.
“Are you at least getting some? I doubt it, since we live in this room together, but I’m out a lot. I hooked up yesterday, but it was… just okay I guess.”
Sid never
ceased to amaze Abe with the imbalance of silence and oversharing.
“Is Stan ever gonna get some of you?” Abe asked, trying to move the topic away from his own sexless life. He was unattached now, so he could find someone to fool around with, but he still didn’t feel like it. Any and all attempts at flirtation coming his way had been so lame lately, and what was even worse—his mind kept telling him that it would be difficult to find someone sexually in tune with him on the level Dusk had been.
He should leave. And yet he didn’t want to. Not yet.
Sid frowned, and his focus went from lazy to laser-sharp. “Stan is a stalker, and we’d never be compatible. He can’t take a hint. And now he’s somehow woven himself into the band, like he does our marketing or something. Mage’s happy with that, so I’m stuck listening about how great Stan is, and how he’s helped us out. He’s not great. He’s outed you guys, and he follows—Never mind. No. He’s not getting any from me.”
Abe tossed the empty food container into the trash and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “It’s weird how people get attached to guys they don’t even know.”
Sid shrugged, taking his time to answer. “Exactly. You and Dusk make sense. You’re like two bunnies, always looking to hump each other. But all those groupies? I mean… sex is great, so there’s that, but it’s not like you could have a relationship with any of them.”
Abe groaned, not very happy with the comparison. Had Sid returned to the topic of him and Dusk on purpose? “Well, might be easier to get laid.”
A gentle knock on the door stopped the topic ping-pong, and Sid yelled out his invitation.
Dusk opened the door and stepped in with only one foot. “Hey. I got more food by mistake. Have you eaten?” He smiled at Abe widely and waved a brown paper bag. No sign of the crankiness Sid spoke of.
Something inside Abe fluttered, and he glanced at Sid, who ostentatiously looked at his cell phone.
“No,” he lied.
Sid had a smug half-smile on his lips, but at least he didn’t rat out Abe. “I need to go. Talk to you two later,” he said and passed Dusk in the door without any more goodbyes.
Abe swallowed and moved to make more space for Dusk. The sound of Sid locking the door from the outside had shivers running down Abe’s back.
Dusk was quick to sit down on the bed and ripped open the bag to make it an impromptu plate. “So I’ve got a burger, a fish burger, loads of fries, mayo, and all the other good stuff.”
The only good stuff Abe wanted when he looked at the big hands and muscular arms was to lick every inch of Dusk’s skin. He could slide his hands into Dusk’s long hair and ride him like there was no tomorrow.
The fries would have to do.
They didn’t touch but sat so close it almost felt like they did, with electricity blazing somewhere between their shoulders. He licked his lips and smiled at Dusk. “Thanks.”
“What have you been up to?” Dusk unwrapped a burger and dug in as if they weren’t alone, on a bed, in a locked room. Maybe that was Dusk’s plan? To feed Abe, lower his defenses and then fuck his brains out?
Could Abe even resist such temptation?
Conspiracy theories wormed their way through his brain, drilling through all that he knew rationally, and told him that this was in fact Dusk’s agenda, and that Sid had been in on it all along. His breath got heavier, and he quickly pushed a fry into his mouth, almost flinching when Dusk’s knee brushed against his.
“Oh, you know... I was doing some more art. I did one of the whole band riding unicorns, but it needs coloring.”
Dusk laughed and hid his mouth behind his hand. “What the hell? I need to see that.”
Abe swallowed the food and hesitantly reached for his laptop. Dusk was the only figure that had already been completed in the drawing, and he didn’t want to send the wrong message. He was proud of the piece though. It was dynamic and cool, and he’d just found out about a different coloring technique that he wanted to try on it.
Dusk leaned closer over the laptop, but still, he didn’t sneak his arm around Abe’s shoulders, nor cuddle up his thigh to Abe’s. A good sign. Yet on the other hand, a part of Abe wished for Dusk to smother him with kisses and push him into the sheets. Why was his brain fucking with him like that? He reminded himself that Dusk hadn’t even bothered to ask Abe’s name, nor cared much about Abe’s future plans, or his past for that matter.
Dusk’s lips stretched in a smile that melted Abe’s insides regardless of suspicions and angry thoughts. “That is so funny! I love it. When you finish, we can think if we can get T-shirts made with this one as well.”
Abe swallowed, unable to help his longing for Dusk’s approval. “You think? The design is elongated. I don’t know if it would work.”
Dusk gave it some thought. “Actually… I’d have to talk to the other guys, but we’ve had this shitty graffiti on the side of our bus since forever. Would you be up for doing this design on the bus? It would be a lot of work, so I wouldn’t want to pressure you—”
Abe felt a pull inside his chest. “You think it would work? For the bus to be your unicorn?”
Dusk nodded quickly and stretched his arms. For a second Abe thought Dusk would put one around him, but nothing like it happened. “Can I see more of your work?” he asked with his fingers hovering over the touch screen.
“Sure. Yeah... I mean, you’ve seen all the fanart.” Even the erotic ones, which was extremely embarrassing at this point, but the fact that Dusk showed interest in Abe’s art was more flattering than he’d expected.
Dusk’s smile became somewhat stiff, and there was a hint of the cutest blush on his cheeks, but he just pulled the laptop closer and started scrolling through the folder with Abe’s work. “Why did you never tell me you paint?”
Abe shrugged and scratched his knee, urgently needing to do something with his hands when a picture of Dusk sitting in a chair naked lingered on the screen. He hadn’t published this one yet. The drawings hadn’t felt so private and overwhelmingly sweet when he posted them anonymously, but they showed a bond between him and Dusk that he hadn’t really thought of before. When he worked, certain things just poured on the screen, and he didn’t ponder them much.
Like the fact that he’d sketched in the Aladdin charm bracelet into the picture. A part of him wanted to ask for it back, since Dusk wasn’t wearing it anyway. If Dusk still had it, if he’d actually kept it safe, another part of Abe wanted the charm to stay where it was. A little something to remind Dusk of a time when things between them had been simpler.
“I don’t know. I would have if you asked.”
Dusk let out a long sigh and lingered for a longer moment on a pic of him holding a leather jacket over both of them in the rain. “If we’re gonna be friends, I need you to tell me more stuff. Like, is this a hobby, or do you want to do this professionally? What do you even want to do in the future?”
Abe wasn’t used to serious talk, but since he’d accused Dusk of not wanting to get to know him better, he needed to bite the bullet now. The fear of judgment squeezed his stomach, but he spoke, looking at Sid’s empty bed. “I haven’t thought about this much. I don’t think I could do this professionally. With no connections. No cash. I can’t exactly do an unpaid internship somewhere or work for exposure, and I’m not sure whether I’d want to.”
The sincere look in Dusk’s eyes was making Abe want to just lean forward and kiss him, but who would he be if he did that on a whim and then pulled away? Would he again become Dusk’s paid sort-of-boyfriend?
“You never told me much about your family. Why are you on the road? I told you all about my hippy parents, going on tour right after high school so that I wouldn’t have to work on their eco farm. You always changed the topic, so I didn’t want to bug you about it, but I feel I’m missing something here.”
Abe grabbed the fish burger and bit into it ferociously. It gave him a moment’s more peace, but he supposed none of what Dusk was asking was really a secret. “That’s beca
use there’s no family in the picture. Dad had no relatives, mom’s family didn’t want to take me in when they died, and that was that. I don’t remember any of them anyway.”
“And you didn’t bond with any of the foster families?” Dusk’s voice had that soft warm quality to it that could lull Abe into the sweetest dreams. Sometimes, Dusk would talk with Abe before they fell asleep, and for a moment there was nothing Abe wanted more than to get that back.
“Not really. Not all of them were completely horrible, but there kept being issues. I stayed for a long time with this one woman. She dedicated so much attention to me, and I loved it until I realized she just wanted people to think how great of a person she was for fostering. And then I wasn’t a perfect little boy anymore, and problems started. Another had this dad who wanted everything done by the book. I ran away a few times, and they moved me. Then the next foster parents discovered I was gay, and that didn’t go with their beliefs. And I stayed with the ones who obviously took on kids to have an alternative job, because I just wanted to hit eighteen in peace. I—I don’t bond easily,” Abe said softly.
And yet he had bonded with Dusk.
“You’ve got all of us now. We’ve got your back, you know? I’d hate to see your talent go to waste because you’re afraid you have nothing to fall back on.”
Dusk’s understanding and kindness would either suffocate Abe or envelop him completely. Was this Dusk trying to win him over again? If Abe stayed with the band to do more art, he would be conveniently around, with no way to leave without being a really shitty person who didn’t finish their job. The sense of mistrust was firmly entangled with the desire to rest his head in the cozy space under Dusk’s arm.
“I love doing what I do, but there’s plenty of people like me.”
“There’s no one else like you,” Dusk said hastily and quickly looked back to the computer. “I mean, in art. No one can ever do the exact same thing you do. There’s so much Dully fanart out there, but no one can do it the way you do. Sure, there’s other good artists, but you bring your own sensitivity to it. There are better singers out there than me, but it’s not about who could sing the Underdogs’ songs better. It’s about making them my own.”
Manic Pixie Dream Boy (gay rockstar romance) (The Underdogs Book 1) Page 12