‘Are you on your way home already?’ Over the phone she has the sort of sweet girly voice that is used in cartoons for romantic heroines and Disney princesses. I have to curb the urge to eyeroll, picturing that bright curly brown hair and elfin like pale face. I can almost see her in her baking apron while decorating cupcakes, as birds clean the kitchen; I slump down in my seat to rest my chin on my hand on the windowsill and stare at passing scenery in complete irritation. Natasha is the grey cloud to my sunshine, even on the brightest day.
‘We just picked up Soph’s things from her apartment, she didn’t have a whole lot there, heading there now. Did you want something before I left the city?’ Arrick is relaxed again, seriousness passed, sitting back as he effortlessly controls his sporty car. I on the other hand am squirming to get comfy and trying to ignore the urge to cancel his call via the middle button, just so I can kill that shrill voice. My stomach aches with the sheer need to swear at something.
‘No, It’s okay. I’ll see you when you get back, I just left something at your place but it can wait. I will miss you, Darling.’ That sweet sickly tone, oozing with emotion, she obviously knows she is on speaker, so I don’t get the over the top ‘lovey doveyness’.
Bitch!
‘You too Tash.’ Arrick frowns as I eyeroll at him, a bad habit I can’t curb even when I try really hard. Arrick lets go of the wheel to roughly shove my shoulder and gives me another warning look. I stick my tongue out at him in response, annoyed that he always takes her side, even though there isn’t actually anything to defend right now. It just annoys me that he can’t see how god awful she really is, and that she always wears the wrong shoes with just about every ugly dress she ever puts on. An occasional belt or nice accessory wouldn’t go amiss, or even a heel that was above an inch.
‘Have a nice trip, and say hi to your family for me. You too Sophie, I hope you have a nice trip too.’ That super sickly sweetness gives me the urge to stick my fingers down my throat. I pull a face of utter disgust and mouth a mock repetition of what the girl has said, Arrick shoves my shoulder a little harder, and this time glares my way hotly. I have the urge to shove him back, as that one actually hurt my arm that time; I give him my frostiest glare instead and stick my finger up in a very classy bird. I narrow my eyes, warring with the silent scolding he is giving me now, before I relent. With gritted teeth and a pasted on ‘oober’ fake smile he has always hated, and doing it for that reason.
‘Thank you, Natasha, I am sure I will have a thrilling time.’ I reply, cattily deadpan. Arrick lifts a palm in question, another narrowed look my way and mutters something at me through his own gritted teeth. I raise my eyebrows at him snootily and go back to staring at the scenery with an irritated surge of anger building inside. I hate that girl more than any of his last girlfriends, not that I met many, and I wouldn’t care if she choked to death right now. On one of her overly pink cupcakes, I am sure she makes with gluten free flour, or wait, without!
‘I’ll see you when I get back to the city, we’ll have dinner at that new place you wanted to try, Tash.’ Arrick smiles and keeps his tone friendly, despite still throwing me daggers. I think his jaw has probably started to spasm with the amount of tensing and teeth gritting it’s doing in my direction and I really want to poke him in the muscle that keeps moving in his cheek.
‘Okay Arrick, I love you.’ Natasha croons, another slice of anger hitting me in the gut and another eye roll and sigh as I mouth the words to the window in disdain. Breathing it out like poisoned nails. I have no idea why she feels the need to drag it out, or even call at all, seeing we left her less than an hour ago.
‘You too Tash. I’ll call you later.’ Arrick ends the call via the dashboard and abruptly shoves me harshly in the shoulder again, this time so my nose bangs the window that I’m looking out, I turn on him angrily.
‘What?’ I feign innocence with a lot of aggressive attitude. Rubbing my face and slapping his arm in retaliation.
‘That fucking hurt!’ I snap at him.
‘You know what!’ Arrick snaps right back. Sighing and returning to watching the road.
‘You need to stop with the hostility, she’s my girlfriend and has been for a year and a half Sophie. This is half the reason we don’t hang out as much! Just because you’re tired, and crabby as fuck, it doesn’t mean you can start this shit again.’ His furrowed brow is almost over taking his face, I just huff at his profile and throw myself back in my seat, lifting my feet to his dash and popping both shoes off so I can nestle barefoot this way. No longer caring if he is pissed.
‘You have shit taste in women!’ I scowl in accusation, huff some more, turning back to glare at the passing scenery and vent some of my frustration on other drivers passing by instead. The startled look of the woman at my side almost makes me feel bad.
‘You have shitter taste in men, but I don’t act like a prized prick when I meet any of them.’ Arrick snaps again, his normally cool demeanour fraying a little today. Last night, sitting up most of the night with me, is obviously taking its toll him. Or maybe eighteen months with the queen of proper has him like this all the time, not that I would know, as he never fucking spends time with me anymore!
‘Excuse me? You were a complete asshole to Colin, and to Dexter. You threatened to break Alex’s face if I remember rightly!’ I retort smartly. The anger inside of me bubbling away now that I have got myself into the swing. I have no idea how we got from fun and messing around, to arguing in less than ten minutes.
Arrick doesn’t answer, knowing I’m right, and instead just shakes his head while focusing on driving again. This is one of the things he at least does right, when he knows he is wrong, he shuts up and lets it go.
Wise move.
‘Just try for once … Try and get along with her, because who knows…. I may end up with her for a long time, and then where will that leave us? If all you can do is be a bitch to her? This works two ways Sophie, if you want me around more, then you need to make it easier for me to be around.’ He glances my way, still that green storm brewing in those hazel eyes, but the brows have lifted a little and he looks less likely to throw me out the car.
‘Fine… Just don’t expect me to braid her hair or have sleepovers. I can do civil, but don’t ask me to be her bestie, because I have one of those and you’re more than enough to deal with at any given moment!’ I stick my chin up defiantly, shrugging, simmering and giving him a narrow look. Arrick just sighs heavily once more and leaves me be.
Chapter 6
Cynthia, my mom, hugs me like we have been parted for years, squeezing the absolute life out of me as tears wash down her pretty face. I hug her back awkwardly, a little stiff in this hold, but deep down somewhere inside of me I feel a tug of genuine joy. We are in the immaculate, beautiful hall of our home in the Hamptons, a place that used to be like a fairy tale castle to me so long ago. The home and family of my dreams, and it had taken an age to accept it had been real.
All my bags are sat by the stair as Arrick lingers behind, giving us the space to reacquaint now that he has delivered my little coming home speech on my behalf to tearful parents. He had been my mature and loyal protector once more, doing the hard things, so I don’t have too.
Aiden, my dad, moves mom aside when she releases me and treats me to the same phenomenal hug wordlessly, that large bear hug that almost crushes my bones and for once the inner repulsion of the male touch fails to ignite. A need to just have them love me again, overpowering anything else. I can’t help but cry too, despite the war going on in my head.
I feel so many emotions right now and none of them are good. The drive home had been long and tense after the initial re-bonding and idle chit chat had subsided. I got more and more nervous with every passing mile and managed to convince myself that this was all wrong. Arrick had turned on the radio and left me to nap, I pretended too, but all the while my head had just been in complete chaos and still was.
Coming back was something I wanted, deep do
wn, but not sure it’s what I actually need. So many doubts and questions swirling around my head that this is going to help in any way. I am just walking back into the pressure of having to be normal, pretending to be okay, when I am clearly not. I feel tense, my chest aching and the walls closing in on me like I can’t breathe as my parents fluff around me, preening and cooing and making me feel a hundred times shittier than I do already. I don’t know if I can handle this now that I am here.
How can I tell my family that nothing here makes me feel happy? How can I tell them that seconds of being back has my feet aching to run straight back out?
I haven’t just been too afraid to come home to face the consequences, I have been avoiding home because I see no way this will change how I felt months ago, and have done ever since. That pain that started my downward spiral; it started here, and seems to have worsened now I am home, like a deep pit of anxiety, telling me something is so very wrong.
‘My beautiful little girl.’ My mother strokes back my hair affectionately, like she always did and rubs my face gently, her wise grey eyes wrinkling at the corners as she smiles wholeheartedly, still tears rolling down her cheeks. It’s obvious that my leaving has hurt her deeply, and the love and joy I see in her face right now almost destroys what is left of my sanity. The fact that she can still love me this way, no matter how awful I was the day I ran out on them and threw it all back in their face. No matter how silent I have been for months, and refused to see or speak to any of them. They are just welcoming me back, like none of it matters, the guilt is now killing me and turning my stomach inside out.
‘We have been so fraught with worry over you darling girl. Don’t ever run away from us again, my heart cannot take a loss like you.’ She kisses me on both cheeks, holding my face in her palms and gazing adoringly. My stomach shredding with conflicting pains.
This woman may not be my birth mother, but in the six years of being adopted in this family, I have cherished and loved her as though she is. Even when I ran; I never stopped loving all of them.
My father is a man of less words, tall and strong with silver grey hair and a kind face, but his repeated hug as he moves his wife over, again, says more than he needs too. They have missed me.
‘Thanks son.’ He moves past me to Arrick and shakes his hand heartily.
‘Thank you for bringing our little girl home.’ Aiden pats Arrick on the shoulder with a deep genuine smile and that macho manly show of appreciation without all the emotional side.
‘Want a beer?’
‘Sure.’ Arrick nods, coming to stand beside me as my mother finally releases me again. I don’t know how to behave, standing like a naughty child and unsure what to do or say. Arrick slides an arm around my back and across my shoulder loosely, we watch my dad walk off to the kitchen door a few feet away.
‘I’ll help her up to her room with her bags, give her time to get changed and let you freshen up.’ He gestures to my mom’s running mascara and smiles sweetly. His family have known mine his whole life and are as much his family as they are mine, he has that easiness around them like I do with his parents. I regard my mother’s rosy cheek and make up blotched face, her dark red, curled hair, nestled around a heart shaped face and nod in agreement. I can’t find any actual words that won’t set me off, so I chew my lip instead, bottling up all the anxiety and panic I am feeling, and I know it’s going to come exploding out if I don’t get out of here soon.
‘Thank you Arry, such a loving boy, always my favourite one you know. That brother of yours was such a little devil child, but you were always the sweetheart who brought me flowers.’ She tweaks his cheek affectionately, then turns on her heel to find her husband in the nearby kitchen, leaving us alone. Arrick lets go of me, completely unaware of the growing rise of anxiety inside of me and heads for my bags at the foot of the stair. Not that he needs to, as my mom’s house staff will not only take them but most likely unpack them too, but this is Arrick. Despite his own wealth, he always likes to do things himself, always did.
He moves to the pile and slides one on his shoulder once more, hooking a handle of the remaining bag in one hand and the case in the other. I stand still, turning to watch my parents in the kitchen for a moment, the unconcealed joy and elation that is practically emanating from them right now, and I just feel strangled. I’m glued to the spot and the throbbing ache that is devouring my chest and throat is spreading like wild fire through me.
‘This was a mistake.’ I blurt out, emotion hitting me full force suddenly, tears bite my eyes and I try not to fall apart.
‘I shouldn’t have come here, I’m only going to disappoint them again and hurt them, over and over.’ I sob out a little whimper and pull it back in time, not wanting to let this torrent of pain loose and knowing it will if I stay. I make a move for the door, feet heading that way fast and brain lagging, but Arrick is swift in counteracting my route, dropping the luggage and catching me face on as I get to the wooden front entrance.
‘Uh, uh! You are coming upstairs and we’re going to talk this out.’ He catches me by the shoulder’s, holding on tight, looking over my head to make sure they haven’t seen my attempt at running once more. Hooking his arm around me tightly, he guides me in the direction of the stair and there is nothing I can do about it without drawing their attention to us. He doesn’t bother with the bags, just hauls ass and drags me as fast as he can out of sight and starts pulling me up the carpeted steps fast. I struggle in his strong embrace, now he has me in the crook of his arm and pulled against his body, but it’s futile. He is just pure muscle and strong build and I am barely hitting the five-foot five mark of scrawny ‘girly’ness’.
‘Arrick let me go, this was dumb.’ I am sobbing once more, a million emotions running through me with a heart breaking in two. I haven’t fixed anything by coming home, I have just brought my problems to new scenery and soon Arrick will head back to the city without me. The one person who keeps me above water will be so much further away, and no longer just a phone call away. I can almost feel the hysteria of a panic attack coming on, from that fact alone.
I dry my eyes with the back of my hands in a bid to regain control of the crazy sudden outburst and desperately try to breathe myself back to calm. Mumbling incoherently as I try to argue with him, but it just comes out as a mass of hysterical gibberish through a running nose and tears.
‘Shut up and listen to me.’ He pulls me the last stretch of stair and into my familiar room I had spent the last years growing up in, all pink and white and soft and frilly. Like I never left, everything still as it was, and my room looks like my parents have preserved it as such from the day I walked out. My tastes in décor have never grown from childish and cute; stuffed animals littering my bed and shelves filled with teen romance books and trinkets. Arrick has seen this room a million times and pulls me to my silver-grey chaise longue in front of the huge window, evicting fluffy pillows and blankets and planking me down harshly.
‘I didn’t get you home so you could up and run again. Stop being selfish Sophie. For once in your adult life, face the shit head on and deal with things. You can’t keep having this knee jerk reaction to stuff being hard, running solves nothing.’ Arrick slides on the seat beside me, still holding my hand, his eyes trained on my face imploringly.
‘Running worked for me once.’ I bite back on my tears, swallowing hard to stop them, lifting my face defiantly and reminding him of the fact that running was how I escaped a life of abuse at the hands of a violent pervert. Arrick sighs, bringing my forehead to his softly, wiping my tears with gentle fingers and calming me almost instantaneously. That ability of his to cut through all my bull and find my feet for me, reigning supreme. I manage to bring that emotional outburst to a calm trickle of sniffs instead, breathing in the smell of him, being grounded by his warm face against mine.
‘That is not the same thing…. They love and miss you, they would never hurt you. All this in here.’ He taps my head gently.
‘It’s not
unfixable Soph’s. We did it before; we got you through some of the worst years of your life. I just need you to have some faith in us, to go back to your counsellor and give your family a chance to help. No one here has done anything wrong, no one wants to see you hurting like this. We just want to help figure out why you’re so lost right now.’ He catches my chin and tugs my face up towards his, so I have no choice but to look at him, eye to eye. Locked onto that calming warm set of hazels imploringly. I feel my face crumble, that inner me that has struggled alone for months in the city, finding her way out again. Like a child clinging on. Pushing away his words and focusing on the real biting issue that is coursing up inside of me.
‘It’s all so overwhelming, now I’m here again.’ I sigh softly, breaking the eye contact and looking down at our laps instead, his hand finds mine and pulls my hand into his own warm and strong one, making mine look dainty and small while captured in its embrace. I watch the two of them, entwined softly, one pale skinned and delicate, and one tanned and strong, he has such man hands and they dwarf mine with their strong fingers.
‘It will take time Mimmo. Getting used to being back, fixing things with your family. You will need to just take it a step at a time and figure this out as you go.’ Arrick brings our foreheads back to touch, resting gently, but the fact he is using the word ‘You’ instead of ‘We’ has my alarm bells going off instantly. Defensively homing in on such an insignificant word that has a hugely meaningful effect.
‘You’re leaving, aren’t you?’ I steady my tear filled eyes on his face, so much sadness in my heart, so suddenly, that it instantly consumes it, and he falters; he sighs and looks down at my hand placed gently within his on his lap, and seems to take a moment of pause.
‘Not right now, no. I’ll stay a couple days Sophie. I’ll make sure you’re settled here and then I need to go back. I have a fight this weekend and I have stuff in the Carrero Corp to oversee with Jake this week, but I’ll call you every night, text, and we can have you come to me every other weekend or I can come here.’ He sounds less confident and comforting, more unsure and guilty, and I snap.
The Carrero Heart - Beginning: Arrick and Sophie. (The Carrero Series Book 4) Page 11