I pull my phone out of my bag, regarding it for a second before sliding it into the drawer hesitantly, adamant I won’t turn it on this time. I have to do this on my own before I can let them back in. Whether I am making a huge mistake right now, or not, it is something I have to do on my own and prove to them that I can be trusted. If I am to avoid being locked up in rehab hell, then I have to show them I can survive on my own and get my life on track myself. I have been making plans, on the bus, about what I am going to do, searched google on my phone for information and written down an action plan of sorts already. I just need a little time to put it all into action, before I grovel with tail between my legs for their forgiveness.
‘If I’m going to stay then I’m setting some ground rules here. I’m trying to get my act together Cam, and that means no booze, not for a while anyway. I have stuff that I intend to sort out and I want to start looking for a job or something, to support myself when I get my shit together.’ I shoo the glass away and set about pulling a tank and panties out to wear to bed, even though it’s early, I intend to get in and just stay there. I have so much more reading to do on a fashion school I found located in New York, about entry requirements.
‘Your family are loaded, you don’t need a job.’ Camilla laughs at the ridiculousness of it. Downing her booze and making a mess with spillage as she waves it around.
‘I can’t live off their money forever, especially now, when I literally ran off again. I need something more in my life than this. I need a focus and something to drive me so that I feel like my life is my own.’ My head is a mass of thoughts and feelings about everything, and I realise I must make some changes. I’m not a kid anymore, and if I want them all to see it, then I need to stop acting like one. I maybe did a really stupid and immature thing by running off again, but I don’t intend to stay away forever, just long enough to prove to everyone I’m not some hopeless drunk who needs rehab. At the route of it all, I just want all of them to have a little pride and faith in me.
‘Well I could sort you out something to keep money flowing, I have my ways.’ Camilla takes a serious tone, her normally grinning red lips looking decidedly more calculated, with a raised brow and penetrating gaze.
‘What do you mean? I thought your father kept you in expensive clothes and cars.’ I regard her warily, pulling off my clothes to change into bed wear as Camilla shifts over to the other side, to deposit the extra wine glass.
‘Another time little one, when your less stubborn minded and more open to my gentle persuasions. We’ll talk over dinner and drinks tomorrow night at my favourite little hang out.’ Camilla gets up to move, flashing a look that I don’t understand at all. It gives me an odd feeling, I push it down and shake it away as she saunters to the door.
‘We’ll see.’ My gut is doing its crazy dive bomb thing again, trying to tell me something is most definitely not right when it comes to Camilla. There’s some underlying ‘off’ sense I get whenever she has that look in here eye, I vaguely remember the same look when I told her at that bar that I had started to feel too out of whack for only a couple of drinks. I push it away.
‘Toodles, I am off to find a party, if you’re going to boringly, go to bed. I have a hunger for some rough and ready men tonight, so don’t be alarmed if you hear copious amounts of moaning and screaming later. Oh, and you may get someone popping by tonight with a present for me, just leave it in my room.’ Camilla’s old familiar smile over takes her face, and she sweeps out in a blaze of scent, leaving me finally alone. Glad that she is leaving me to just relax without any hassle and I watch her depart for a second, turning back to scan the room before carrying on once more.
I finish dressing and slide into bed, discarding all my things on the floor next to me. I reach out to open the nightstand and retrieve my phone, torn between switching it on, or not. The last leg of my journey had seen my guilt eating away at me and I know I owe my family some sort of message to say I am at least safe. I’m not completely selfish. I know my parents will be beside themselves right now, and it is gnawing away inside me. My resolve is waning over staying completely silent, and the good child inside of me is gnawing away at my decision.
My fingers hesitate over the screen, so many doubts and fears as nerves get the better of me, but my stubborn mind kicks in and switches it on. It only takes seconds for the beeps of incoming notifications, texts, and missed calls, to start sending my phone crazy, and my heart into erratic pounding. I can’t bear to open any of them, as I see the list of names piling up in my inbox. Everyone from Jake, and Emma, to Leila, and even my brothers.
I sigh heavily, skimming the list of missed calls and stop on Emma, she is the one person who won’t go mad at me on the phone and reassure everyone else that I’m okay; she is the one person who will be able to put everyone’s mind at ease, and maybe talk my parents around the rehab idea, with a little time. Taking a steady deep breath, I press call and slide it to my ear. Sitting propped in bed with bent knees and fiddling with the bed spread.
It’s answered quickly, but by Jake, instead of Emma, and I feel my stomach drop.
‘Sophie? Don’t hang up.’ He sounds worried, that familiar deep voice knocks me off , not sure what to really say, as it’s not who I expected.
‘I thought I would get Em’s, Jake I…..’ I hesitate, losing all courage and hoping Jake isn’t about to go commandeering god dad on me. He is laid back and fun until he is pissed, and then Jake is a scary ass.
‘She’s napping Mimmo, Soph’s honey, just tell us where you are. Your parents are going frantic and we have all been looking for you.’ Jake is being gentle, unusual for the bossy cyclone he normally is, but then Emma has been rubbing off on him for years.
‘I came to the city, I’m with friends and I’m safe. I just need a little head space to sort this out on my own. I didn’t mean to scare anyone, Jake. I’m sorry.’ I let it out fast, voice trembling and hands shaking. My stomach is doing a rhumba. I know by now everyone will know exactly why I have run, my parents would have told them about the plans to lock me up and have me packed off to solitary confinement.
Jake sighs heavily.
‘Are you going to tell me which friends and where exactly?’ He asks pointedly. That edgy tone I know so well, and have always loved him for.
‘Don’t ask me that, I know only too well what you’re like. I just need a little time. Tell my folks that I’m really okay, I’m not partying or being stupid, I just need a little space and time, and then I will come back. I have real plans this time, stuff to make my life better, and none of it involves getting drunk or high.’ I say the latter with sarcasm, chewing my lip now, the little voices of my favourite little people in the background behind Jake make me smile, and then frown, I miss them all already and the ever-present doubts rear up again.
‘I’ll be in the city tomorrow Soph’s, at least come meet me so I can see for myself that you really are okay. I can send a car for you to come to my office, or we can meet for lunch.’
‘Jake, please don’t. I know only too well you would have your driver kidnap me and trundle me home. I know you, remember.’ I giggle through a sudden onslaught of tears. Laughing at the man I know is more than capable. He once rescued me from an existence that was barley a life, and he would do it more forcefully if he thinks it’s what I need. Jake will always have a special place in my heart, alongside Emma, as they are the ones who gave me the Huntsbergers, and the means to escape horrendous abuse both physically and mentally. I owe both of them more than this past year. It doesn’t mean I trust him not to roll me up in a bag and drag me home though.
‘Emma will never forgive me if I don’t see you for myself. At least think about it, I’ll be at Carrero House all day for meetings, just show up on the sixty fifth at any time and I’ll drop everything.’ Jake is back to gentle mode, trying to coax me and not push for once. Even though I know I won’t, I know he will keep asking if I say no.
‘Maybe. We’ll see.’ I smile sadly to mysel
f.
‘Look Jake, I need to go. I’m tired and I am tucking myself into bed for an early night, I promise. I’m staying put, and tomorrow I have places to go to collect some information, I’m thinking of looking into schools or something like that. I’m tired of free falling. Tell Emma I’m doing okay and I will call her soon.’
Jake sighs again, only this time more from defeat.
‘Okay kiddo. Promise me you will at least call me again, so we can talk more about all of this. Keep your phone on this time, there are a lot of people going crazy to get in touch with you, even if it’s only the odd text to Emma, to let them all know you’re breathing. You owe them that at least.’
‘I will. I’ll talk to you in a day or two, I promise. Please, just ask them to give me some time first. I’ll keep it on, but I’m not ready to take a hundred hostile calls right now.’ I slide down in bed, wriggling under the covers as the wash of tiredness hits harder, all this emotional angst lately, and the broken sleep, and hangovers, is killing me.
‘I’ll do my best. Tomorrow Soph’s… Carrero House. All day I will be there.’ He repeats more firmly and I can only sigh.
‘I know, I know. I’ll think about it. Get off the phone. I really am tired and in bed already.’ I smile as I picture the frowny huffy glare he is probably giving me. Picturing that stubborn, green, fixated boyish scowl, with affection.
‘Okay. Sleep then. But I mean it. Goodnight kiddo. We all love you.’
I disconnect before he does. Chucking it aside and sliding down to get comfy in the huge kind sized bed, yawning and stretching out lazily, feeling lighter now that I know they will get the message that I am okay. Feeling better, because I talked to him, and not Emma after all, he still has the same ability as Arrick to make things feel less messy and somehow okay. I guess, because I know the force he can be, that he will appease my parents a little and will always be a phone call away. One Carrero brother who I can still count on anyway.
Tiredness looks to ruin my reading plans and I settle down on my side, the wash of heaviness coming over me immediately.
Chapter 14
I must have fallen asleep quickly, as I awaken to noise, only semi aware of Camilla telling me she is going out and then fall back into oblivion after the door slams shut in the outer living area. I think I drift off again into oblivion, because everything becomes confusing and time seems to drift away.
I jump up with the pounding noise coming from what seems to be all around me, disorientated, and immediately terrified; it takes a moment to realise the ‘thud, thud, thud,’ is coming from the outer lounge and I am in semi darkness.
I get up warily, it’s later in the evening and I realise I must have been out for a while, even though the clock tells me it’s still well before midnight and the gloom hints at maybe around nine pm, or thereabouts, padding into the open plan area slowly and fearfully, I realise it’s someone pounding on the apartment door. I sigh with relief and trudge towards it casually.
‘I’m coming, keep your hair on!’ I yell out as I try to cool the hammering of my heart to a steadier pace, still foggy headed from sleep and realising I never even picked up a robe to cover myself.
Camilla’s delivery no doubt.
Guy sure is keen to deliver a parcel.
Without hesitation, or even checking the peep hole, I pull open the safety lock and draw back the heavy fire door, enough to pop my head round to see who is making all that infernal, impatient noise, with an irritated sigh.
All the blood drains from my soul, my body instantly being met with a cold wave and heart dropping lurch, when faced with one casually dressed, and obviously majorly pissed off, Arrick Carrero.
He doesn’t give me a second to say anything before he shoves the door wider, knocking me back into the apartment and storms in, turning on me with so much fury in that normally calm face, that I am instantly mute.
‘What the fuck is this?’ He snaps at me, okay more like majorly yells in my face. I’m so taken aback, that I just inhale sharply, wounded child making an appearance and unable to really do anything in reaction, except stare back with wide eyes and quivering nerves.
His eyes suddenly drop to the fact I’m wearing a skimpy tank, that is slightly transparent, and lace panties that are meant more for seduction, than walking around the lounge; realising the same thing almost instantaneously, I turn to make a fast move for the bedroom to cover up, but he is hot on my heels and catches my arm, swinging me back to him.
‘Don’t you dare walk away from me. Answer me Sophie.’ He tugs me back harshly, so I’m pulled to within an inch of his bristling body, igniting my inner rage monster.
‘Let me go.’ I try to shrug free, not really sure how to navigate this version of him and being overcome by the instinctive fight or flight impulse I have. He is bubbling hostility, and instead of his normal sexy tailored clothes, he is in sweats, and a hoody, and sneakers, as though he has been running or fight training before coming here. His short-cropped hair is messily cute, but his face is raw rage that I have only ever seen on him mid arena fight, and crazily intimidating. My hearts threaten’s to break out of my chest, but I won’t yield to him like this. I haven’t got it in me to back down when faced with a terrifying male in destructive mode. He hauls me to a standstill, hands grasping both upper arms as I wriggle and I’m jerked into submission momentarily.
‘Not until you tell me what the fuck you were thinking…. You ran off… Again Sophie! What the fuck is wrong with you? Why the hell do you think it’s acceptable to up and run anytime something annoys you? It’s immature as fuck!’ He pulls me up against his large height and strong chest, and I instantly feel feeble and weak, fear flowing through me that in this mode, I literally have no power against him at all. I have never known him like this, and he’s starting to scare me, all the childhood warning bells, even though it’s him, even though I know he wouldn’t hit me. They’re firing hard and fear is coursing through my veins.
‘How did you even find me here?’ Is the only thing I can whisper, averting my eyes to stop the way he is literally eating into my soul with that penetrative death glare. Trying to bring calm, in any way, to my jellied legs and trembling body.
‘That doesn’t matter, what matters is that I’m taking you home. Right now. You have no fucking choice!’ He’s seething, gritting teeth, and a tone he never uses on anyone. I lose all the last dredges of my bravado and instead slowly turn into a puddle of Jell-O, shaking in every limb, and unsure how to deal with this version of Arrick I have never been introduced too.
‘No… I’m not going back. You can’t make me.’ I sound childish and churlish, voice weak and feeble, tears prickling my eyes, but still that stubborn bottom lip jutting out.
‘Watch me Soph’s. You can’t behave like a god damn fucking child and skip out on people who did nothing but love you. I won’t stand back and watch you fuck things up even more than you have done already. You and I are a different matter, right now, this shit here with your family, is priority and you won’t keep hurting them if I have any say in it.’ He turns me harshly, marching me into the room, hands still on my arms tightly. I try to run in before him, but that biting grip yanks me back, so he can move past and start hauling my things from the floor, leaving me standing trembling.
I cross my arms over my chest, in a bid to cover up what he has clearly already gotten more than an eyeful of, but it is futile. Arrick turns, throwing my jeans and sweater my way so, they land on the bed right in front of me, and pushes the rest of my clothes back in my rucksack. He is a man on a mission, blinkered by rage and completely closed off from the guy I actually trust. All I can do is obey, and stand here feeling weak and fragile. I am numb and speechless, arguing won’t work when he is like this, he has that stubborn Jake air about him right now, and that aggression I only ever see when he is in fight mode.
‘Is this all you brought?’ He barks at me, a tear slips down involuntarily and I can only nod. My heart is still pounding violently. I don�
�t want to go back to the Hamptons, but I also don’t want to have to run somewhere else in the city tonight, to try and escape him. If I even could, he doesn’t look like he will give me an inch to get free again. I have no one here that will help me, except Camilla, and booking into a hotel will get me caught just as quick.
‘Get dressed, you’re staying at my apartment tonight, and then tomorrow, Jake is coming. We three will fly back together.’ He commands, my head piecing together the puzzle parts quickly.
‘Jake tracked my cell, didn’t he? That’s why he told me to leave it on right?’ I sniff back more tears, the sudden realisation that Jake has done this before. Emma told me many a time that Jake had once used her cell to find her in a New York bar, and come to her rescue years ago. He wasn’t against using those means on me, if he thought I needed rescuing.
‘Just get dressed. I’m not doing this here.’ He stands watching me, obviously refusing to leave even to let me dress, in case he thinks I am going to climb out the window of a penthouse suite and shimmy down a brick wall.
Biting on my bottom lip, I slowly pull the sweater to me and pull it over my tank, grateful that I’m covering up, and more than aware that Arrick has looked my body over more than once while angrily glaring. It never ever bothered me before, if he saw me in skimpy attire, but something in how he is being right now, makes his glances feel different. Like he’s really noticing for the first time I actually have a female body, and I’m not entirely sure he likes it one little bit; his expression is impossible to read.
I am quick to haul skinny jeans on too and then gently take the sneakers he holds out to me, so that we don’t graze fingers. I pull them on over bare feet, before standing back up with a deflated sigh. Arrick slings my bag on his shoulder, slides my phone into his front pocket at his abdomen of his hoody, making it clear he’s giving me no chance of escape.
The Carrero Heart - Beginning: Arrick and Sophie. (The Carrero Series Book 4) Page 23