And another announced, “Jimmy Carter sworn in as 39th President of the US”.
Peeping over Kitty’s shoulder at the newspaper, Georgie was open-mouthed at the sight of a big-breasted woman advertising bras.
“Bloody hell, gal!” she cried. “Look at them boobs! I wouldn’t want to get caught in the eye with one of them.”
They laughed all the way back, and they laughed as they went up the stairs to get washed and changed. They were still chuckling as they came down to the dining room, and lighthearted when the meal was over. However, when everyone settled down to watch television or play a game of snooker, Kitty drew Georgie to the far end of the room where they sat talking until the bell summoned them for bed.
“Have you heard anything more about the Connor family?” Georgie asked anxiously.
Kitty’s spirits fell. She had tried so hard to put all that out of her mind, but there was no escaping it.
“Miss Picton told me just now,” she revealed, “I’m to report to Miss Davis at ten o’clock in the morning.” She had butterflies in her stomach just talking about it.
Georgie was philosophical as usual.
“Don’t think the worst,” she pleaded.
“Maybe she just wants to tell you the Connors don’t want you after all?”
Kitty didn’t argue the point, but she instinctively felt there was more to it than that.
“What about you?” she asked, deliberately changing the subject.
“Did the foreman say you can stay on permanently when you leave here?”
Georgie made a face.
“No such luck,” she groaned. Sticking her stomach out, she flared her nostrils and mimicked the foreman’s gruff voice.
“It’s no good you asking me for permanent work, ’cause I ain’t got enough to keep me regulars going, never mind tekking on a daft bugger like you.”
Kitty shook with laughter. Last week the foreman had chased her out of the factory grounds, so she knew Georgie had portrayed him to perfection.
“I’m sorry,” she apologised, “you really wanted that job, didn’t you?”
Georgie shrugged.
“So what, gal? I’ll get another. If I don’t they’ll keep me here, and I don’t want that.”
“Would it be so awful?”
“Bloody terrible!”
“It’s funny, don’t you think?” Kitty thought she had come to terms with Georgie’s leaving, but with every passing day it got harder.
“What’s funny?”
“Well…you and me.” Kitty wasn’t sure how to put it, but in the end it came out simply.
“You don’t want to stay and I don’t want to go.”
“You might be glad to leave if you’d been here as long as me.”
“What will you do?” The thought of that big outside world still terrified Kitty.
Georgie, on the other hand, was thrilled.
“I’ll have my own little place…a one-bed council flat, I expect. Through the week I’ll work my fingers to the bone and on a weekend I’ll dance the night away and come home with a good-looking fellow on my arm. After a while I’ll scrimp and save and buy myself a minibus…a bright blue one!”
Kitty was fascinated.
“But you can’t drive.”
“I’ll learn.”
“Then what?”
“Then I’ll run people about…take them on outings and drive them to work. I’ll be my own boss. It’s what I want more than anything.”
Kitty admired her immensely.
“I’ll help you,” she promised.
“When my father’s money comes to me, I’ll buy you the brightest minibus we can find, then you can teach me to drive as well.”
Georgie shook her head.
“Not you. Kitty gal,” she said.
“I was never a scholar, and I’m no good at anything worthwhile…but you’ve got brains. You were meant for better things than driving a minibus.”
Kitty had only one ambition in life.
“I just want to be happy,” she said. It was enough.
Georgie looked into those dark brown eyes and saw something there that was deeply humbling; there was loneliness and pain, of a kind that even their close friendship had not altogether erased. She knew her friend’s background, and understood better than anyone why Kitty wanted nothing but to be happy.
“If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you,” she said, and meant every word.
Feeling herself being dragged back into frightening memories, Kitty put on her brightest voice.
“I had two letters today.”
Georgie made a face.
“It’s all right for some.” Tugging at Kitty’s arm, she asked, “Come on then…who are they from? What do they say?”
Digging into her pocket, Kitty withdrew the letters.
“You can read them if you like,” she said, handing them over.
“I don’t mind.”
Georgie groaned.
“How can you ask me to exert myself, gal? I’ve been working behind that bloody machine all day. My legs ache, my arms feel like lead weights and besides,” she grinned sheepishly, “you know I’m not all that good at reading.”
“Okay, I’ll tell you what they say.” Kitty knew every word off by heart. She proceeded to return the letters to her pocket.
“No.” Georgie tugged at her arm again.
“Don’t tell me, gal.” Leaning back in the chair, she made herself comfortable and closed her eyes.
“Go on then. Read the buggers to me.”
Kitty opened the first one. It was from her Aunt Mildred. In a low voice she read the whole letter out:
Dear Kitty, I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while, but I know you will understand when I tell you how ill I’ve been. All week I was laid up with the most awful flu, and I’m still full of a cough so I’m afraid I won’t be able to visit as promised.
Anyway, I thought I should write and tell you that everything is fine.
As I explained in my last letter, most of the proceeds from the sale of your father’s house and business are safely put away. Of course there have been some expenses, and as trustee I have had to use some of the money to get the best possible financial advice. These things are never cheap. But you mustn ‘t worry, I’m looking after your interests.
Miss Davis has kept me informed of the situation concerning your fostering. I am also told that you seem reluctant to go. I must say I think you’re being ungrateful. The family sound just the right sort of people to help you get back into society. You know I would love to have you with me.
Unfortunately, it isn’t possible and never will be.
I’ll have to end here. I feel quite ill. I have no idea whether I’ll be able to see you before you’re fostered out, and I certainly won’t see you afterwards. But I’ll be thinking of you.
From your Aunt Mildred
“Old cow!” Georgie sat up, her eyes glittering angrily.
“Why don’t you write back and tell her you don’t care if she’s ill? Tell her you don’t bloody well care if she drops dead as long as she leaves your money behind…what’s left of it, that is.”
“Do you really think she’s stealing my father’s money?” Kitty herself had long suspected that might be the case.
“Stealing your money…not your father’s any more, is it? And all that claptrap about wanting to have you with her but it not being possible…she’s lying through her teeth. The bugger never did want you.” Suddenly aware that she was hurting Kitty, she apologised.
“Sorry, gal. My tongue will hang me one of these days.”
Kitty was under no illusions where her aunt was concerned.
“It’s all right,” she murmured.
“Everything you say is true. She’s been promising to see me ever since I’ve been in here, but in almost two years I’ve had only three letters from her. She’s never set foot inside this place…not once. Even when I was brought before the assessment board she sent a message say
ing she was too ill to attend.”
For too long now Kitty had turned a blind eye. Now though, she took a moment to let the truth sink in.
“She could have had me with her from the start. She made excuses then and she’s been making excuses ever since. At first it hurt like mad. Now it doesn’t hurt so much. If she doesn’t want me, there’s no use pining over it, is there?”
Stretching out her arms, Georgie entreated, “Come here, gal.”
Kitty fell into her embrace. She didn’t speak. Mildred’s letter was stark in her mind and she was too full for words.
Georgie spoke, though, and what she said lightened Kitty’s heart.
“Who cares if the old bugger don’t want you, eh?” she declared. “I do, so you stick with me, gal and to hell with everybody else!”
“Georgie?”
“What?”
“Do you think I’m being ungrateful, not wanting to go to the Connor family?” Easing herself out of Georgie’s embrace, she looked her straight in the eye.
“Tell me the truth.”
“Well, if you really want the truth, I’d say you’ll be sent anyway, so you might as well give it a damn good try.”
“What if I don’t like it?”
“Do what I did and kick up holy hell. They’ll have you on your way before your feet touch the ground…with your bags packed and a label stuck to your arse saying: DON’T CALL US, WE’LL CALL YOU.”
Kitty smiled at that, then she giggled, and soon the two of them were roaring with laughter. Someone at the far end of the room yelled, “Shut your gobs! We can’t hear the telly!” That only made them laugh all the more and, under orders from Mrs. Austin, they were marched upstairs.
In the dormitory they fell on Kitty’s bed, laughing so hard the tears spilled down their faces.
“I don’t think I want a label pinned to my arse,” Kitty spluttered. Georgie was so shocked at hearing her friend use bad language she erupted into a fresh bout of giggles.
When the laughter had run its course and they were calmer, Kitty remarked, “I expect you want to know who sent the other letter?”
“Let me guess.” Lying back on the bed, Georgie pretended to be thinking. Presently she said, “Is it to do with money?”
“No.” Kitty was enjoying the game.
“You’ve won a car and you’re going to swap it for a blue minibus?”
“No. But if I had won a car, I would let you have it, and you could swap it for whatever you wanted.” Lying on her tummy she watched Georgie’s changing expressions with twinkling dark eyes. How she loved it when it was just the two of them and they could tell each other their darkest secrets.
“I know! The Connors are bribing you with a trip to Disneyworld in Florida?”
“I wouldn’t go if they did…at least not until I knew them better.”
“All right then…that letter is from a tall good-looking sex-starved bloke, with dark smouldering eyes and shoulders like a bull elephant…and he’s looking for someone like me?”
“You’re wrong…and right.” Now Kitty was teasing.
“Ah! I’m getting warm then?” Georgie sat up.
“Go on then. Which bits are right and which bits are wrong?”
“He’s tall and good-looking.” In her mind’s eye Kitty could see him so clearly her heart was pounding.
“He has broad shoulders…and dark smouldering eyes.”
“But he’s not sex-starved, eh?” Georgie winked. She knew exactly who Kitty’s letter was from.
“And he’s not looking for someone like me?”
“He might be. How would I know?”
“Well, gal, put it like this…why would he be looking for someone like me when he can have a raving beauty like you?”
Kitty blushed to the roots of her hair. The and Harry are friends, that’s all,” she protested. But her face told another tale.
“Listen, gal. I’ve seen the way he looks at you on visiting day, and I can tell you that is not the look of a friend.” Georgie winked cheekily.
“More the look of a lover, I’d say.”
“Oh, Georgie. You know Harry isn’t my lover.” In her dreams he was, but she would never tell.
“Anyway, I’d need to be two years older or he’d be arrested.” She summoned the courage to mention something that had lately been on her mind.
“Does it hurt?” Blushing pink she persisted, “You know…when a man does that…is it very painful?”
Georgie was visibly surprised; she was also wary.
“You’re asking me, Kitty gal, and you know I’m not quite sixteen, so I shouldn’t have done it either.”
“But you have, haven’t you?” Lowering her voice to a whisper. Kitty leaned closer.
“You can tell me. I won’t say anything. It’s just that I’d like to know.”
Glancing up and down the room and seeing that they were still alone, Georgie admitted softly, “All right then, yes, I have done it, but I don’t know if it hurts first time because I was pissed out of my mind it was when I ran away from the first foster home and got mixed up with this bloke. A fairground helper, he was, and ooh! You should have seen him, gal…muscles like Popeye and golden hair down to his waist. He looked like one of them Greek gods.” She took a moment to savour the memory then went on, “Anyway, he took me to some party and we all got drunk. I woke up the next morning with my legs covered in blood and a used French letter lying on the bedroom floor…’course I knew what had happened straightaway.”
“Have you seen him since?”
“Naw. The bugger were gone when I woke up, and I ain’t seen hide nor hair of him since.” She giggled and lowered her voice until it was almost inaudible.
“I was scared stiff the woman of the house would come home and call the police…I was on the run, remember? There were people lying all over the place, some of ’em stark naked. I washed, dressed, and got out of there before anyone saw me.”
“So you didn’t remember anything about it? I mean…with him?” Kitty was disappointed.
“I couldn’t remember that particular time. But I can remember every single time since.”
“Tell me?”
“Well…there was the son of that second couple who fostered me. His name was Jack, and he had a cock like a hammer.” Her eyes rolled as she went on, “He was twenty-two. A nice bloke as I recall. Trouble was, he took too much of a shine to me…began to think I was his own private property. In the end I threatened to tell the authorities.”
“And did you?”
“No. I just ran away.”
“What was it like…with him, I mean?”
“It was all right, I suppose. Same as with the one afterwards…their plonker pushes its way in and you get a kind of tickling feeling. Afterwards, you feel tired and excited all at the same time. It doesn’t hurt, not really. Mind you, I wasn’t a virgin any more, so I expect that helped.”
She lay back on the bed again. “I know a lot about men,” she confessed.
“I know how bad they can be, and I know how good they can be. I know they can hurt you if they want, and I know they can make you feel like a princess too.”
Kitty was swamped with memories of her parents.
“My dad was like that,” she said. “Sometimes he made my mother laugh, but more often he made her cry.”
“That’s what I mean, gal. And if you’ve any sense, you’ll steer clear of men who make you cry…the bullies, I mean…the ones who only know how to use their fists.” She gave Kitty a strange look, “Do you think Harry would ever use his fists?”
“Never!” If Kitty was certain of anything, she was certain of that.
“How do you know?”
“I just know, that’s all.”
“Would you like Harry to make love to you?” Rolling sideways, Georgie looked up into Kitty’s blushing face.
“Tell the truth, shame the devil,” she said mischievously.
“You love him like mad, don’t you?”
It
took Kitty a moment to gather her courage, but when she spoke it was with a conviction that surprised the other girl.
“If loving is wanting to be with him all the time…if it means going to sleep thinking of him and waking up the same way…if loving is a feeling that hurts and makes you feel lonely and happy all at the same time, then yes, Georgie, I do love Harry. So much it frightens me.”
Georgie’s smile was knowing, yet compassionate.
“There’s no doubt about it, gal, you’re in love.” Her expression grew serious.
“But you shouldn’t be frightened of loving someone.” Knowing the roots of Kitty’s fear, she could understand.
“Look, gal…all marriages don’t end up wrong. Some last for a lifetime. If you think Harry’s right for you, and if he feels the same, then you shouldn’t let anything come between you. On the other hand, if you really are frightened and think it might all go wrong, it might be best if you ran a mile.” An old look came over her young face.
’Cause when a man and woman get together, there are no guarantees.”
“This will be the last letter I’ll get from him,” she said sadly.
“He and I might long to be together one day, but I don’t think it can happen. I’m going to live with strangers, and he’s going to university.”
“Does he say it will be the last letter?”
“No.” Kitty was already hardening her heart to the inevitable.
“But don’t you see, we’ll be worlds apart?”
“Read the letter to me, gal. Unless it’s too private?”
Kitty shook her head. “It’s all right.”
While she unfolded the letter, Georgie lay down and closed her eyes. Her sense of mischief returning, she pleaded, “I’m very sensitive, and I’ve been brought up proper, so you’d better miss out the naughty bits…like the one where he wants to rip your clothes off and have his wicked way with you.”
Shaking her head, but loving Georgie all the more for her naughty sense of humour, Kitty began:
“Dearest Kitty…”
Georgie made a loud sighing noise. “See that? Uncontrollable passion right from the start!”
“Do you want me to read it or not?”
“Go on then.”
Kitty cleared her throat and started again. This time Georgie was silenced by the soft tremor in her voice:
Living a Lie Page 6