“Look, I don’t know what your angle is. You don’t have to play mind games with me. I will tell you whatever you want to know. Just be sure you want the truth before you ask the question.”
“Right now, my only angle is to feed you.”
“Thanks, but I’m not hungry. I don’t have much of an appetite.”
Noah kept his gaze leveled on her, but there was definitely a change in his eyes. They weren’t quite as hard or angry anymore. He didn’t trust her, but she didn’t see hatred either. She knew his thoughts were about what question he’d ask next. She saw a shift briefly flicker in his eyes when he made his decision. It was then that he seemed to harden toward her again. She felt butterflies in her stomach from the anxiety of what was to come.
“I talked to Richard. I went by his hotel suite to see him.”
“Oh? What did you two talk about?” She tried to sound nonchalant, but a small, doubt lingered and still nagged her in the back of her mind.
He saw the same signs of terror well up in her again and wondered why Richard’s name caused such a change in her demeanor. So, of course, he pushed on.
“Different things. Mostly about you,” he shrugged.
Her big blue eyes filled with tears, but she fought them back. He knew she tried so hard to hold it together, but he didn’t know why Richard affected her so much. And that really pissed him off.
“What does he want you to do?” Her voice cracked on her last word and she swallowed hard.
“What do you think he wants?” Noah knew how to interrogate people and get the information he wanted. He could almost always turn their questions back on them so that they actually answered their own question. This method gave him more information than any question he could think of alone.
“I’d say that he wants to make a deal with you. A trade.”
Noah narrowed his eyes and clinched his jaw so tightly it made his whole head hurt. The muscles in his jaws twitched and he balled his hands into tight fists. But he remained quiet and knew if he didn’t push the questioning too hard, she would fill in the silence for him.
She didn’t disappoint him. Her voice was soft but resolute. “I’ve actually been thinking about this. Especially since that guy took a shot at you tonight.”
She took a deep breath to calm her racing heart. She obviously didn’t want to continue her current thoughts, but he watched her steel her nerves and continue on anyway. Noah saw the woman he had loved standing before him. He watched her gather the courage he had never given her enough credit for possessing. He marveled at her as she drew her strength to stand tall in front of three large, intimidating men. When she nodded her head after a silent dialogue in her mind, he instantly knew she had made a decision he wasn’t going to like.
Brianna took a couple of steps closer to him, wrung her hands, and still tried to fight back the tears that then rolled down her cheeks. Her watery voice quivered as she asked, “If you agree to the trade, will you be safe?”
Noah nodded, but he wasn’t sure he could speak, even if his life depended on it. He had a really bad feeling in the pit of his stomach about the direction this conversation was headed. She looked down for just a second, contemplated the information, and then looked him square in the eyes.
“Then I want you to agree to it. If you believe him, that he’ll leave you alone and you’ll be safe, you have to agree to it.” Unshed tears glistened in her eyes, and Noah could only watch as they fell down her face.
Bull had watched the exchange. He knew what Noah was doing, but had no idea what Brianna meant. Whatever it was couldn’t be good, though, so he butted into the conversation. Bull made no attempt to hide his contempt for her. His voice and his eyes were hard as he demanded, “Brianna–what the hell are you talking about? What fucking trade?”
She looked at Bull and simply stated. “My life.” Then she looked at Noah. He dreaded the words he knew would follow. “For Noah’s.”
17
Chaper Seventeen
Noah kept his face unreadable, but his heart thumped against his ribcage. He knew going into it that he had a bad feeling about this conversation, but he hadn’t considered this turn of events. His mind raced to put the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle together. There was no doubt that Richard was the key to everything. Her initial questions about him, followed by the terror in her eyes when Noah said he’d take her to Richard, and then this new revelation. It all so obviously pointed at Richard, but Noah didn’t know what ‘it’ was.
Rebel’s deep voice reverberated through the kitchen, “Your life? Reaper, what the hell is going on? What is she talking about?”
Bull chimed in, “There’s no way we would let anyone get to Reaper. What kind of bullshit are you up to, Brianna? What are you trying to do to him?” His voice was rich with hatred and close to yelling.
As he stalked toward her, Brianna absently backed up a couple of steps. She felt the pangs of guilt and pain in her heart from the knowledge she’d lost his trust. The angry look on his face scared her. She had never seen him like this before, especially toward her.
Brianna tried to keep her voice calm and not add to the anger that grew in the kitchen. “I know you don’t believe me, but I’m not up to anything. I really tried to do what was best for everyone, considering.
“I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed all of you. It has killed me to stay away for the last three years. But I had to because it was the only way to protect you. When I saw Richard came out of hiding, I knew he would come after Noah to get to me. I’m trying to help Noah.”
Bull countered, “Bullshit! You’re full of shit!” Turning to Noah, Bull continued, “Reaper, man, don’t fall for this-.” He pointed to Brianna while he considered his next expletive. Brianna’s hands were steepled over her nose and mouth, her eyes closed, and her tears increased.
“Enough, Bull.” Noah didn’t yell, but the curt tone of his voice left no room for argument.
Before a brawl ensued in his kitchen over the bomb Brianna just dropped on them, and Bull’s resulting outburst, Noah told Bull and Rebel to go home and get some rest. They all needed sleep and they would finish the conversation later in the day. Bull and Rebel both gave Noah their secret code look before they left. Brianna didn’t know what it meant, but at this point, she didn’t think it really mattered.
She had made her decision and she was at peace with it. There was just one more thing that she really wanted first. It was something that she needed and only Noah could provide it. She waited at the base of the staircase when Noah reset the alarm system after the guys left.
He turned to her and said, “You found your pajamas. The rest of your clothes are in the guest bedroom closet. You should go on up and get some sleep.”
“You-you kept all my clothes?” Surprise echoed in her voice, but Noah couldn’t respond with anything more than a nod.
He had kept them all those years. They stayed in his closet until he could no longer stand the sight of them and the memories they held. He had his housekeeper move them to the other bedroom. To this day, he still couldn’t bring himself to part with the only thing that he had left of her.
Why would he keep them? She questioned if he kept them because he hoped she’d return one day. Maybe it was purely from sentimental value instead. She desperately wanted to ask him but she was afraid of the answer. She bit her bottom lip and pulled it into her mouth.
He knew that look. She was nervous about something. She only did that when she was nervous.
“What is it, Brianna?”
“I..uh…was just wondering…why you didn’t stay at your,” she swallowed hard, “girlfriend’s house tonight.”
“Girlfriend?” He had a hint of confusion in his voice.
She looked at him with a look that said she knew he was lying. “The girl you were with at the banquet.”
He sighed, but didn’t take his eyes from hers. “She’s not my girlfriend. She wants to be, but she’s not.”
She looked at him and cocked one eyebrow
. “I overheard people at the party talking. They said you would be spending the night at Alexa’s house again tonight.”
He let out a long, loud huff and explained. “I have from time to time, yes. Only at her house. She’s never stayed here. She’s never been in our–uh, my bed.”
Brianna nodded her understanding, but she looked so sad. He still wasn’t sure what to believe, and he didn’t know what to feel about her. So many questions swirled through his mind.
Why would she leave me like that?
Why would she let me believe she was dead for the last three years?
Why did she break in my house?
And if she were the bad guy here, why would she be so willing to give her life for mine?
“Why were you at the gala tonight?” he asked.
She considered lying, but he’d see straight through it and then he wouldn’t believe her at all. Even though she dreaded the backlash, she met his gaze head on and told him the truth.
“I didn’t originally plan to. I didn’t even know about it until I was on my way here, to your house, and I overheard someone talking about it. Then I saw you leave in your tuxedo, and all the other guys were in tuxes, so I knew your company must be in charge of the gala’s security.
“It was stupid of me. I could’ve used the time to get in and out of your house without being caught, without turning your whole world upside down,” she paused. He waited. “The truth is, Noah, I just wanted to see you. I wanted to get as close to you as I possibly could because I’ve missed you so much. As much as it hurt to see you with someone else, it’s been worse not seeing you at all.”
He still stood at the alarm pad, his hand on his hip, and he tried to look anywhere but at her. She looked like his Brianna again. Despite everything that had happened, it killed him to be so close to her but feel so far away. He had mourned her for so long and had dreamed that she would just show up one day, that this was all just a bad dream.
But he’d had to move on and get past her. He’d built up his business and was extremely good at it. The thought of her being in witness protection instead of in his protection was a complete insult to him and his abilities. She’d ultimately put her trust in someone else. Someone she didn’t know and who didn’t love her like he did. Another man who hadn’t been forced to live without her for the last three years, who didn’t have his heart ripped to shreds, and who didn’t want to build a family with her.
His anger had been simmering up to this point, but it suddenly reached a boiling point.
“You know, Brianna, I’m still really angry. Do you have any idea what I’ve been through? The plane you were on, or I thought you were on, exploded! Do you have any idea what that was like to watch the news footage over and over again? To wonder if you felt it, to question if you knew what had happened, to think you suffered and I couldn’t be there to help you.
“It killed me to lose you. I died along with you every single day. The first full year, I barely even existed. We had a memorial service for you. Your friends, and your family, they were so hurt. But you’ve been alive and well, all this time, hiding in Colorado. While we all struggled to live with your death.
“Tell me something. Exactly how am I supposed to be okay with this?”
Her voice was so low, so soft, and so weak, he barely heard her from across the room. “I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t have a choice, Noah. I don’t know what else to say.”
“What if that isn’t good enough? I deserve a better answer than that. Hell, even Bull and Rebel deserve a better answer than that. You left all of us. But, what about me? Me? All I get is ‘I didn’t want to hurt you.’ But you did!”
He knew he was ranting in half-finished thoughts, but there was just too much unfinished business to hold it in. Since he’d opened that old wound, all of his pain and suffering just poured out in the form of rage.
“It would’ve put your life in danger if–“
He was beyond livid and so very close to completely exploding. “What exactly did I do for a living when you met me? What do I do for a living now? Don’t give me that bullshit. You didn’t trust me enough to protect you. But you trusted a stranger to do it.”
She knew better than to meet the hurt and anger in his tone of voice with her own. Keeping her voice as low as possible, she tried to explain. “I know, Noah, and you’re a professional. The difference is you had a good idea of who your enemy was when we first met.”
“And now I don’t. Is that right? Is that what I’m supposed to believe?”
She crossed her arms around her body, as if she was trying to hold herself together in one piece. “Noah, try to remember how it was between us. Before any of this happened. You had no doubt that I loved you then. Did you?”
“I believed you did.” From his choice of words, she knew he meant that at the time he believed it, but he wasn’t so sure anymore.
“Think about it for just a second, Noah. Knowing how I felt about you, why would I give up everything, everyone in my life, unless I had no other choice? You, the guys, my whole family, my whole life, Noah. Everyone who ever meant anything to me. I gave up everything and have been alone all this time. You know me better than anyone. How could I have done that if I’d had any other choice?”
Noah listened to her words and tried to consider every angle. He felt like he’d been fooled once and didn’t like playing the fool. But right at that moment, he couldn’t come up with any other reason than the one she gave. Not completely conceding, he shrugged. “I guess.”
“Let me ask it this way. What would you have done to keep me safe back when…when you still loved me?” She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying again, but failed miserably.
Angry that she would even question his love for her, he bit out his reply, “I would have done whatever it took, and you damn well know it.”
Nodding in agreement, she replied. “Exactly, Noah. Whatever it took. Regardless of the consequences you’d face. Regardless of the pain it would’ve caused you. I know you would have. I’d do whatever it took to protect you, too, because I love you.”
Noah seemed to better accept that explanation. At least he seemed to consider her reasoning. “I still don’t understand why you trusted someone else to protect you, but I get your point about doing whatever it took.”
He raked his hand through his hair and then pulled both hands over his face. When he opened his eyes again, she had moved to stand directly in front of him. She was so close he could smell her shampoo and soap, and it reminded him of the many times they’d made love in the shower. And how he’d thought of that very scene every time he stepped into his shower without her over the past three years.
“There’s something I want to ask you to do for me. A last request, I guess.” She bit her lip again.
She looked so vulnerable and scared and the man in him wanted to comfort her. He was still so confused, hurt, mad, no furious, over the events of the last few hours. He tried to make sense out of anything, but he still just couldn’t believe she’d hurt him like that.
“Go on.” His voice questioned and his wore a guarded expression.
She waited so long to speak again that he didn’t think she would finish her request. “You can say no. I don’t want you to feel…obligated.”
“What is it, Bri?”
His voice almost sounded tender for those few seconds, and she felt a glimmer of hope warm her heart. But she tamped it down because she knew better than to hope for any kind of fairytale ending. He was rightfully mad, hurt, and hadn’t forgiven her. She couldn’t blame him.
“Can you…uh…will you…can I have…” Her voice trailed off again, uncertain of how to ask, and even more uncertain of how he would respond.
“Just say it.”
She searched his eyes for a moment before she stated her request. “For the rest of the night, can you just pretend you still love me?” Her eyes welled up with tears. As she looked down at the floor, her tears spilled over and ran down h
er cheeks. “I just want to spend my last night in your arms.”
Brianna craned her neck up to look at him. She watched the war play out in his eyes. He debated whether he should give in, whether he even wanted to give in. It was at that moment that she knew it had been a mistake to ask.
She watched his eyes harden again and she recognized that look all too well. His mind was set. Too much had happened and he couldn’t go back. She would spend the last night of her life as she had spent the last three years. Alone.
She shook her head, looked down at her feet, and backed away from him. “Forget I said anything. I shouldn’t have asked that of you. It was really selfish of me. I’m sorry for putting you on the spot like that.”
She turned and slowly walked up the curved marble staircase to the second floor landing. She stopped for a second as she looked down the hallway. At the end of it was bedroom she had once shared with the man she loved more than anything. She felt the stab in her heart as she realized that she had lost him forever. All the reunion dreams she’d held onto every minute of the past three years crashed and burned before her.
She took a deep breath, walked into one of the guest bedrooms and closed the door behind her. It was symbolic to Brianna. As she closed the bedroom door, the door to her heart slammed shut. She knew Noah was her soul mate five years ago in the desert. It belonged to him and she didn’t want it back.
Noah couldn’t believe what she had just asked him. Pretend to love her? He didn’t know whether he should feel insulted or complimented at her request. The warring emotions in him tore him apart. On one hand, he wanted to rush upstairs and tell her he didn’t have to pretend to love her–he still loved her more than anything. On the other hand, she had betrayed him in the worst way. She let him believe she was dead. She’d never tried to contact him and still wouldn’t have if he hadn’t caught her.
Noah skulked. Just what the fuck am I supposed to do now?
* * *
“I need to know why you broke in my house.” Shaking her shoulder, he said again, “Brianna–I need to know why.”
Wicked Games: The Extended Edition (Steele Security #1) Page 20