by Robin Stone
“Because he’s a father.”
“That don’t excuse being an asshole.”
A tear spilled over my cheek. “He has a baby to take care of. They had a baby girl last year.”
I choked out a sob, and two sets of hands pulled me back into bed. Alex held me against his chest while I cried. Ben plastered himself to my side, patting me, telling me it was going to be okay. I let them comfort me, rocking me and stroking my hair.
I cried until my throat ached. I cried for the day I discovered a note from her in David’s pocket. I stormed outside where he was painting the shed. I snatched the paintbrush out of his hand and threw it onto the ground. When I held up the note, he looked down. He didn’t even try to deny it.
I cried for me and Emily, and for the emptiness in my house that I both loved and hated. And I cried, wondering how I could ever keep these two men in my life. I finally stopped and let out a small hiccup. Rain drummed the windows, and I listened to our breathing for a few minutes. Alex kissed my forehead.
“Rachel, we’ll stay with you tonight,” he said.
“I’ll take the couch,” Ben offered.
“No,” I said.
“I like sleeping on couches.”
“I have two extra bedrooms. Pick a bed.” I sighed. “I have no idea why I insisted on keeping this house with Emily away at college.”
We talked a little longer, then took turns taking showers. Ben went to the kitchen and brought up some cookies.
“Don’t get any crumbs in this bed,” Alex warned. “Jesus, I know how women are about crumbs. Don’t you ever stop eating?”
I laughed. I’d never felt so drained before. My whole body ached from the sex and the crying. My eyes were swollen and hot. We discussed sleeping arrangements. Alex stayed in bed with me, and Ben took the guest room. We turned out the lights and tried to settle down.
Alex settled behind me and wrapped his arm around me. My eyes drifted shut.
“You shouldn’t like me so much, Rachel.”
“Can’t help it,” I muttered. “It’s your winning personality.”
“I love that kid in there,” he said. “You know that, right?”
“I can tell.”
“Yeah, well. I’m not so great at telling people how I feel. Just so you know.”
I tried to respond, but he put his hand over mine, and I fell asleep.
CHAPTER 14
The next morning, we said our goodbyes in the kitchen. Alex gave me a tight hug and a peck on the cheek, then went outside. Ben pulled me against his chest in a full-body hug that made my head swim. He rocked me a little, then gave me a soft kiss on the mouth.
“Please don’t see anyone else this week,” I whispered.
“You didn’t even need to ask,” he said.
I closed the door behind them and went upstairs to shower so I didn’t have to watch them leave. Later, Julia stopped by for a visit. I invited her in, and she handed me a big plastic container.
“I brought some cookies for you and Cara. And there’s enough to send some to Emily.”
“Thank you,” I said. “Emily loves these.”
I knew she was here to ask about Alex. I braced myself.
“I’m glad to see you’re dating again. Alex is cute.”
I grinned. If I saw a man like Alex with one of my friends, I’d have questions, too.
“Where did you meet him?” she asked.
“He’s…a painter. He painted the shed for me.”
“Oh, I noticed the shed. It looks great.” She smirked. “Does Alex know about the man in the pickup truck?”
My stomach tightened. Of course she’d noticed Ben, too.
“Julia, have you been watching me?”
“A little.” She flushed. “I’m sorry.”
Julia was home with a new baby while her husband worked. She made regular trips around the block with the stroller, and walked the dog when her husband was home. She always stopped to talk to the neighbors. I sensed she was a little lonely.
“Yes. They know about each other.”
That seemed to satisfy her. If she suspected anything else, it didn’t show on her face.
“I never dated two men at the same time. But it sounds like fun.”
“Fun is one way to describe it. I don’t usually date two men at once.”
“You don’t have to explain,” she said. “I know things have been hard the past few years. You look happier than I’ve seen you in a long time. You deserve a little fun.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I do.”
She was right. I’d spent so much time trying to make my family happy, I’d almost lost myself. David was impossible to please. I’d done my best with Emily, and I was glad to see her doing well. When was I going to give up the motherly guilt and enjoy something that was just for me, no matter how unconventional it was?
“I should get back,” she said. “Have fun with Cara.”
She opened the door and went outside.
“Julia, I’m sorry I didn’t come to visit last week. I know how hard it is to be a new mom. Is it okay if I bring Cara to visit?”
A smile lit her pretty face. Julia had gotten to know Cara a little over the years, and they liked each other.
“Sounds great!” she said. “I’ll see you soon.”
I watched her walk away, back to a house with a tiny, squalling baby and a husband to take care of. I had a pretty good life, I decided. No one to take care of. No one to answer to.
Except for Cara. She knew something was up, and she wouldn’t let up until she pried it out of me.
***
I managed to stay busy until Cara arrived. When she pulled into the driveway, I rushed outside to meet her. She got out of the car, and we hugged, laughing and talking at the same time.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” I said.
“I know, finally!”
She was beautiful, with her hair tied up in a ponytail and her brown eyes shining. She was wearing dark jeans and a pretty red shirt.
“I love your shirt,” I said.
She held me at arm’s length and studied me. “Your skin looks great. What have you been doing? You look so happy!”
The infamous Cara radar was already up and running. I helped carry her bags into the house. She looked around, taking in the decor I’d changed since her last visit.
“The house looks great,” she said.
I fixed her a drink, and we headed into the living room. Cara headed straight for the couch. I couldn’t let my sweet Cara sit on that couch.
“No, don’t sit there!” I grabbed her arm.
“Rachel!” Her drink tilted and almost spilled. “What the hell?”
I put my hands over my mouth. I couldn’t go the whole week without talking about Alex and Ben. It was time to confess and get everything out into the open. My nerves were shot.
“Let’s sit in the kitchen,” I said. “I need to tell you something.”
Cara followed me, and we sat at the table. “Rachel, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”
I decided to just blurt it out.
“I’ve been seeing two men.”
“Two?” Her deep brown eyes focused on mine, and her lips quirked. “Okay, what’s the big deal?”
“It’s not just dating. We’re having a threesome. Their names are Alex and Ben.”
Cara blinked, and her mouth opened and shut.
“What? Did you say…threesome?”
I nodded. Cara’s hand covered her mouth.
“Well? Say something!” I said.
Cara’s cheeks turned red, and she started laughing. Relief rushed through me, then anger, followed by embarrassment.
“I’m shocked. Really, I am! But I thought you were going to tell me something terrible had happened. Ohmygod. Rachel Warner! I knew something was going on!”
I crossed my arms.
“Please don’t be mad,” she said. “I’m not laughing at you, I swear. I’m just glad it’s nothing awful. You’ve been so skittish!”<
br />
“Well, it’s not the kind of thing I wanted to tell you on the video chat.”
Cara started laughing again. I laughed, too, relieved and a little embarrassed.
“You have no idea how good it feels to tell you this. I made a list…I wanted to find out how it felt to be with two men.”
“How did this happen? I mean…how did you meet them?”
“They’re painters. They were painting an office at work.”
“Oh my God, at work?” Cara’s eyes went wide. “Rachel!”
“No, no. They flirted with me at work. Then they invited me to meet them at a bar.”
I told her a little about our meeting at Rudy’s, leaving out the part about Ben fingering me under the table. It did sound a bit sordid.
“How long has this been going on?” she asked.
“Not long. Just over a week.”
Cara put her hand on mine. “Rachel, why did you get so worked up over this? I’m a grown-up. Do you think I’m some kind of ogre? Did you think I’d run away screaming when you told me?”
“I had no idea what you’d think.”
“You should know by now I’m not the judgmental type. I might even be a little jealous.”
She put her hand on mine.
“You look happy, so I take it you’re having fun.”
“It’s fun, and it’s…” Exhilarating. Sensual. Mind-blowing. “I can’t even describe how it feels.”
“So what’s it like?” she asked.
I cringed. “Please don’t ask me about details!”
She put her hands on her cheeks. “Not those details! Well, maybe a few. I’m kidding, I’m kidding! But…what’s it like to have attention from two men at once?”
She rested her chin on her hand, eager for my response.
“Oh. Well. It’s exciting. You know the feeling you get when you first meet someone and have an instant connection?”
“It’s been ages, but yes, I remember.”
“You get butterflies in your stomach…times two. When they smile at you. When they touch you and kiss you.” I sighed, remembering the touch of their hands on my skin. “They’re both so eager to please me. Competitive, too. Alex…he rides a motorcycle, and he’s so crude.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Crude?”
“He talks so filthy in bed, and he swears like a pirate. But he doesn’t care. He’s not trying to impress me.”
“What about the other guy?”
“Ben. He’s…younger. Twenty-six.”
Cara blinked, but she let me continue.
“He’s so different from Alex. Sweet and sensitive. He plays the guitar, and he wrote a song for me.”
“Aw,” she said. “That sounds sweet.”
“They’re such opposites. I’d love to know how they ended up together…”
Cara raised an eyebrow. “So they’re a couple?”
I nodded.
“Okayyyy. Go on.”
“When we’re together…all their focus is on me. They ask me what I want, and they really take their time.”
“It sounds…kind of overwhelming.”
“It is.”
“I don’t think I could be with two men. Michael drives me crazy!”
“I don’t have to scold them about picking up their socks. It’s just…fun.”
But it was more than fun. I had feelings for Alex and Ben outside the bedroom, and I didn’t know what to do about it.
“Do you have pictures of them?” Cara asked.
I got my phone and showed her pictures of Ben playing his guitar. Alex on his motorcycle. Close-ups, showing their eyes, their grins, and their rugged sexuality.
“Wow,” she said. “Ben looks so young! Did you card him? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. They’re hot. Good for you, honey!”
I smiled.
“So what happens now?” she asked. “When will you see them again?”
“Next week.”
“Oh, no,” she said. “Don’t tell me I’m putting a crimp in your sex life!”
“Oh, stop. I miss them, but it was getting pretty intense. We’re taking a break this week.”
“You have feelings for them. I can tell.”
“Yes. But they’re all wrong for me. It was supposed to be a fling. But I feel things when I’m with them. I feel happy and relaxed and more like myself.”
I wasn’t going to tell Cara about the other men I’d picked up. She’d lecture me, and I’d never hear the end of it. It was risky. Picking up men gave me the confidence to go after Ben and Alex. To experiment and have sex so hot, I wasn’t sure how I’d go back to having sex with one man.
“You didn’t have to tell me any of this,” Cara said. “But I’m glad you did.”
“I probably won’t share this around the Thanksgiving table,” I said. “It’s just a relief to tell someone.”
“I’m still in shock. My little Rachel! And to think, you look so sweet and innocent. I’m glad you’re having fun. Just promise me you’ll be safe, okay?”
“I will.”
“One more thing. Remind me to stay off the couch while I’m here.”
I let out a deep laugh that shook my body. My muscles were weak from the release of tension.
“And please tell me none of this happened in the guest bed,” she added.
“Don’t worry, your guest bed is sweet and virginal, just like you.”
Cara snorted. We gave each other hugs and wiped away tears. I helped bring Cara’s bags up to the guest room. I’d put on a clean set of sheets after Ben left.
The guest bed may have been innocent, but my bed, my floor, and the shower had all seen action. I smiled.
A girl had to have some secrets.
CHAPTER 15
Cara and I had a fun, laughter-filled week. We went shopping, and she helped me pick out some new clothes for work. We visited Julia and cooed over the baby. On Cara’s last night, we changed into our pajamas and watched movies and ate popcorn, just like when we were kids.
We’d just turned on a romantic comedy when Cara turned to me and smiled.
“I miss this,” she said.
“Me, too.”
“Do you miss your guys?” she asked.
“Yes. I’ve been texting with Ben.”
“Alex doesn’t text you?”
“Not really. He’s not a big fan of cell phones.”
My phone chimed. Ben had sent me pictures of him and Alex. I’d asked for photos of them in uniform. Ben sent a picture of Alex with a paintbrush in his hand, frowning but still sexy. A second photo showed Alex grinning, his dimples on display. A third picture came, taken by Alex. Ben posed with his foot propped up on a crate, a smirk on his handsome face.
I showed it to Cara, and she whistled.
“I’ll never look at painters the same way,” she said. “But seriously. What’s going to happen next?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I can’t picture staying with them long term.”
“Why not? You’re having fun. You like them, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then tell them how you feel.”
“They could get a younger woman in two seconds.”
“I’m sure they could,” Cara said. “But they wanted you. Ben wrote a song for you! Can you imagine David ever doing that?”
I rolled my eyes.
“And Alex let you ride his bike. Ben said that meant something. You’re hot stuff! Don’t let them get away, or I’ll go after them myself.”
“Yeah, right.” I reached over and patted Cara’s hand. “You’re so good for my ego. Don’t leave. I miss you already.”
I lay in bed that night, staring at the ceiling, thinking about Ben and Alex. What were they doing this week? Did they miss me as much as I missed them? Were they in bed together? I had to get that vision out of my head, or I’d need a cold shower. It was hard to go from constant hot sex to nothing…but I went without sex for four months before I met Ben and Alex. I’d make up for it later, if they’d
take me back.
I had a feeling they would.
If not, I had a box full of vibrators to keep me company.
***
Cara left the next day. We gave each other a long, tear-filled hug, and I went back in the house. I put some things away and took a long shower. I’d told Ben that Cara was leaving today, but I didn’t want to look desperate and call them right away.
I launched myself at the phone when it chimed a few hours later.
Want some male company? Ben asked.
Yes, I answered.
I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I took out a brush and started fixing my hair. I dropped the brush in the sink, my hands shaking. I picked it up and finished. My stomach rolled, and my mouth felt dry.
I brought my folder down to the kitchen and took out my bucket list. Several items had been crossed off, but I’d added a few more things and started a second page. I was tapping my foot when they pulled up an agonizing twenty-two minutes later. They climbed out of Ben’s truck, looking sexier than ever in jeans and clingy t-shirts.
I smiled when I saw Ben holding a bouquet of flowers. That was a good sign. They climbed the stairs, but they didn’t knock on the door. They spoke, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying.
Their voices rose, and it sounded like they were arguing. I froze, then heard Alex’s heavy fist bang on the door. I let out a deep breath and opened it. Alex held out the flowers, blushing. Ben stood beside him, biting back a grin. I took the flowers, and our fingers brushed. My knees went weak again. How could I let these two go?
“Thank you, Alex,” I said.
I stood on my toes and gave him a quick kiss on the mouth. They came in, filling my kitchen with waves of sexiness, their eyes eating me up. I let Ben press a kiss to my lips, but pulled away before it got too heated.
“Ain’t you a sight for sore eyes. You miss us, darlin’?”
“Of course.”
I brought the flowers to my nose. It was a mixed bouquet, with lilies, roses, and tulips, and it smelled heavenly. I took out a tall glass and filled it with water.
“You don’t have a vase?” Ben asked.
“No,” I admitted. “I can’t remember the last time a man gave me flowers.”
“Well, that’s a cryin’ shame.”
“I agree,” Ben said.